I can’t stop loving you, no matter how hard I try
A couple of times in my life I’ve met someone I’ve really liked, and through spending time with her, becoming friends, having a relationship, I’ve found myself being in love. Not on purpose, not because that was what I wanted, not because it was easy, not because she was perfect, and not because she was the girl next door. Perhaps it was just meant to be.
Not all love lasts, but if you have ever truly been in love then you know that you first and most of all you are friends. True friendship lasts forever.
And so, these are the thoughts I have about being in love.
- Some say that you are lucky to find love even once in your life, so always hold her close, don’t ever let her go.
- Let your the light of your love shine, even in the worst of times.
- Even on the darkest of days her love makes every cloud carry a sliver lining.
- You both enjoy the warm sunshine and the cold rain, just so long as you are together.
- Whatever she says, whatever she does, she makes you happy.
- You always tell her the truth, the whole truth, spoken and written from your heart and soul.
- When she needs you, you are there for her, steadfast and true. And she is always there for you.
- If the road gets tougher, if times get hard, if life is difficult, then you love each other more.
- When you are going somewhere together, no matter how late she is, you are happy to wait for her.
- When she’s not there you miss her desperately, and you think about her always. You dream of her.
- You are happy to hold hands in public.
- You listen when she speaks, and never talk over her.
- You will be her steadfast friend, always, no matter what.
- Even if she is a siren on the road to Hell, you desire her anyway.
Not all of the above is always true, not all of the time.
when you are in love
she is your sunrise
love and music can change the world
Recently I’ve been pretty sick with this
fucking terrible COVID-19 thing. My symptoms were fairly mild, and I’ve pulled through fairly quickly. One of the reasons I’ve recovered so fast is the support and love my friends have given me ~ that’s marvelous and it’s also helping now that I’m in lockdown.
This Jackie Wilson song is for them.
The Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers clip goes brilliantly. And who ya gonna call…..? (You have to remember Ghostbusters to get the connection.)
Please listen with my thanks.
and she did it all backwards
in tall heels
she left her footprints in the sand ~ she left her love in my heart
and I dream of her
her touch her eyes her hair
the way she left footprints in the sand
as we walked along that quiet beach together
musical voice speaking of a future, her small soft hand
resting gently in mine
a perfect day lasts for eternity
in our memories
lust is an insidious beast, the more you feed it the more it grows
‘Don’t leave me…..’ she said
He gave her the car keys and walked into the night
He met her in a bar
it was one of those bars where the true nature of vampires slowly becomes apparent
She was the best looking woman he had ever been with
the best part was, she was also a sapphic sorceress
he wanted her
he wanted her to leave him alone
it’s hard to feel good about yourself when your heart is breaking
if you want to see me smile
tell me that you love me
even if you have to lie
tell me that you care
even if it isn’t true
please want me
as I want you
I don’t want a lover anymore
I just need a friend in you
let me go, set me free
I don’t only want to know what I am thinking
If you have been reading this blog for a while you will be aware that I haven’t been very well lately ~ sick, quite poorly, hospitalised. Yesterday I had a health check and also got the results of some earlier tests. Quite frankly I was expecting bad news. That wasn’t what happened at all. For a start the lady medical practitioner was all smiles, which slipped a bit when she took my blood pressure ~ too high.
As it goes I wasn’t worried about that, I’d had a brisk walk to get to the health centre, and when she re-took my blood pressure about 3 minutes later it was as near perfect as it gets for a mature guy; 120 / 70.
There were lots of questions, some more tests and measurements, and then the nice lady said that I wasn’t fit and healthy for a guy of my age, I’m fit and healthy for a guy of any age. My kidneys, heart, and liver have just about perfect numbers ~ how great is that?
Two caveats; my weight is right at the upper end of the green zone BMI~wise, I should lose about 7 pounds. Also, I need to see my doctor as soon as convenient to talk about a 10 years health plan.
All that good news got me thinking that I could and should start a longer-term project ~ so I’m going to write a book, perhaps a trilogy. I have no idea what I’m going to write about, fiction / factual / poetry / photography, and this is where things get interesting.
The thing is I know what I think about everything, whatever I write will have no surprises for me ~ so I need to find a writing partner, a collaborator to write this book / trilogy with me.
Over the years several guys have asked to collaborate with me ~ but that’s no good. Not only do I know what I think about everything, I know what and how other men think too. Ergo, I would like to find someone who can utterly surprise me, someone who can provide a different set of thoughts, opinions, views, and beliefs to mine own. A woman; intelligent, opinionated, articulate, mature in outlook…..
So, if you are female and interested in working with me, writing with me, collaborating on a great work, starting day one, then please get in touch. I would be very pleased if you commented on this post.
It matters not where you are, the internet provides a perfect set of tools for long-distance collaboration across oceans and continents. It matters most who you are, someone who loves to express themselves in writing,
I look forward to hearing from you, either here on email me at email@example.com
I can promise you it will be fun, and maybe even profitable.
Some say that behind every great man there has to be a great woman. And that a man working alone always thinks in straight lines. All I know is that every word a woman writes changes the world.
writing is good for the soul
ignore the pain and swallow your pride just to be her friend
it didn’t take a lot to fool me
you can do it on any given day
you had no need to deceive
must have been another way
your tangled web to weave
to tell me you were straying
that you belonged to someone
that your love was never mine
and now I can never believe
a single word you ever say
but, it’s you I still adore
in my sad and sorry way
I shall love you evermore
always entangled by love
sometimes a guy settles for second-best
sometimes second-best is more than enough
one day someone new will walk into your life
and make you see why it never worked with anyone else
out of the blue
love fresh, new
strong and true
did I know you?
did I adore you?
just once before
and her blue eyes melted my heart
the easiest person to deceive is one’s own self
patience is not always a virtue
Who are you? Wife, partner, girl-friend, mother, daughter, homemaker, servant, doctor, nurse, lover, whore….. None of that is you, they are just descriptions, they are just roles you play, for all your world is a stage and in your life you will play a myriad roles. And none of them are you, all of them are false and but masks you wear.
From the moment we are born we start to lose our identity, we are imprinted with the thoughts, opinions, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours of those around us, particularly those of our parents, teachers, and other care-givers. We are taught the first roles we are expected to play, and none of them are truly who we are.
When was the last time you sat quietly and thought about yourself, were brutally honest with yourself, looked at your own behaviours, traits, style, beliefs, attitudes, where you are in life, and what you sacrifice of yourself to satisfy others? When did you last know who you truly are?
Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is to be himself. ~ Erich Fromm
We need to make a big effort understand ourselves better, and once we understand ourselves we will be able to improve by optimising our strengths and working on our weaknesses. We need to learn to be be ourselves, and not the actor that others want and expect us to be.
Decide who you are and who you want to be. Forget other people’s priorities, ignore their wants, needs, desires, and unrealistic expectations of you, and think about yourself for a change. Unless your world is populated by saints and angels, then everyone you know has expectations of you, and those expectations are not always in your best interest.
Particularly if you are married or in a relationship you will almost never be yourself, mostly you will be who your partner needs, wants, desires, and expects you to be. If you are in a dysfunctional and toxic relationship you will diminish and sacrifice yourself for the sake of peace, to avoid being shouted at, to avoid being mentally abused, to avoid being physically abused.
I might suggest that if you are in a dysfunctional relationship, and you don’t want to lose yourself completely, then you should find a way to get out ~ very soon.
Spend time to discover all the ways in which you play different roles to satisfy the expectations of others, and then decide to chuck all of that stuff in the trash. Decide to be yourself, even if you don’t yet know who that is.
Some say that you can get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. And that if they make a wish then things will be safe in the morning. All I know is that the most liberating decision of my life was to be myself.
meeting the expectations of others leaves our true self tied up in knots
let today be the day I stop being haunted by the ghosts of the past
black lonely desolate
There are some thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and people that I no longer want to be part of my life ~ especially not this different life I am living today, the different and better life I have known since The Full Wolf Moon. I look in the mirror and the eyes that look back at me are far to hard and brittle, too guarded, too untrusting for the man I wish to become. Some of that is the product of my whole life, and some of it comes from what was a dysfunctional relationship, where I felt that I was giving far more than I received in return.
Truth be told, relationships are not supposed to be like that, if it’s going to work well a relationship between a man and a woman should have balance and harmony, what we are pleased to call ‘give and take’. And, truth be told my bitterness and resentments are my own, they don’t belong to anyone else, and nobody else could have created them in me. Like each and every single thing that happens to us, my negative feelings are things that I did to myself. Nothing happens to us unless we allow it, up to and including being the victim of a natural disaster. Nobody forced you to live in an earthquake zone, or where there are wildfires, and nobody forced the passengers to get on the Titanic.
Specifically my bitterness and resentments were created by some relationships I chose to enter into, and then I stayed in those relationships long past the time I should have just walked away without looking back. Some people are toxic, and while people may change, the memory of that toxicity will live on…..
I do not want any of that in my life, so how do I change it? And I have no fucking idea about how to turn that around, to lose the bitterness and resentments, to lose the memories of toxic and dysfunctional relationships, to begin to innocently trust again. I’m trying to find a way, and there’s nothing there.
All I can do is tell my conscious mind that I want a lighter and more innocent set of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. I want to only ever remember the good things about relationships past and present, I want to regain my sense of trust, my feeling of fun, my joy in the people I know. I want to be in a place where I truly accept, understand, nurture, and cherish those I profess to care for. I want my unconscious mind to pay attention and change my own hard-wired feelings and beliefs for something far better.
Some say, once bitten twice shy. And fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. All I know is that I would rather be an innocent fool than a guy with very hard eyes.
a new dawn
a new hope