start each day badly, and you wave success goodbye
to be fulfilled, turn work into play
Expert: a complete drip under pressure
never trust an expert who has never done a proper hard day’s work
emotional intelligence is an essential ingredient of a balanced successful life
to be successful, to stand out from the crowd, do the exact opposite of what most people are doing
getting drunk only turns you into an overnight success in your own eyes
the devil finds work for idle hands
If you are unlucky enough to find yourself in lockdown / quarantine / self-isolation, then you will know just how boring, enervating, and soul-destroying the long, long days can be. Unless you are so ill that all you want to do is sleep, you will probably be tempted to do three things; drink too much, eat too much junk food, watch too much mindless TV. If you are so inclined you may also be tempted to smoke too many cigarettes, and over-indulge in your other drugs of choice.
None of the above activities are such a good idea. May I make some alternative suggestions;
- Make a plan. With your partner, friend, long-distance friend(s) make a plan for how you are going to survive and thrive during this present coronavirus crisis. Make a plan for what you are going to do after lockdown is over. Make a plan for what you are going to do with the rest of this year / next year / next 3 years. Me, as soon as air travel is allowed I’m flying to the USA to visit a friend, and we are going to take a long road trip.
- If you are well enough take yourself for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine. Just stay at least 6 feet away from any other people you may meet. Take your dog if you have one.
- Exercise at home. There are hundreds of exercise sites on the internet. If you’re not feeling so good then try learning yoga, which is an excellent form of exercise. If you’re not well enough for that then look for exercises you can do sitting down.
- If you are lucky enough to have a garden, get out there and get your hands dirty.
- If you aren’t well enough for that, then sit on your balcony, in your garden, outside your apartment. Take no notice of any officious neighbours, and assume that the police are too busy to be jerks on your behalf.
- If your mind is working well enough, then read something challenging, preferably while you are sitting out of doors.
- Even if you don’t feel much like eating, then just make yourself cook something you will eat. Use whatever ingredients you have in the larder, refrigerator, freezer. Or find a recipe and go to the store, and that will also get you out of your place. (or order on-line, or get a friend to go to the store for you)
- If you’ve been very unwell then you probably look like hell. Get yourself clean and tidy, put on some cool clothes, and launder all the dirty stuff. Change your bedding and launder that too.
- If you’re anything like me, not doing anything much for 10 days or so, then your place is most likely a hell of a mess. Clean it all, including your kitchen and bathroom ~ and I mean really clean it. Me, I did the garret in half-hour stints, because after a half hour I had to sit down and rest a while.
- Work on your relationships. If you live with a partner, then give them some TLC. If you live with your kids then find some fun things for them to do with you. Repair any damage you may have done when you were depressed, angry, and insane.
- If, like me, you have long-distance relationships, then use the internet and telephone. Or even write your to your friend(s) in an old-fashioned pen and ink letter or card.
- Learn something new. There are innumerable on-line courses. A friend of mine is studying Late Medieval Devotional Art through a free Harvard course. Me? I’ve reading all about how to survive the end of the world….
The thing is you can be utterly depressed and miserable during this period of enforced self-isolation. Or, you can make the most of this time so that you emerge from lockdown a better, fitter, healthier, more grounded person than you were in March this year. I know which one I’ve chosen. I’ve tried the insane misery route, trust me, it doesn’t work.
all of the above applies if you’re working from home
a calm sea never made a skilful sailor
if you survive a toxic relationship you will be stronger for it
Most relationships are deals, they arise out necessity, they arise out of wants, needs, and desires. In these relationships, be they business related, friendships, sexual, or romantic, each person has needs, demands, requests, and expectations. They want what they want and they want to give just enough in return to keep the relationship alive ~ if not always healthy. These relationships are usually one-sided with one person giving much more than they receive in return. They are about what you can get, and not at all about what you can give. Some call these transactional relationships ~ and that’s buying and selling.
Most self-help and self-development books, podcasts, and seminars are all about how to win in a one-sided transactional relationship.
In a relationship, no amount of extra effort on your part can make up for the lack of effort on theirs. ~ John Mark Green.
No wonder so many ‘romantic’ relationships and marriages end on the rocks.
In the average transactional relationship there are conditions around everything ~ it’s all an ‘I’ll do this if you do that…..’ And the weight of each thing that each party brings to the relationship is carefully weighed and measured.
The very sad thing is that many people don’t know any better, because they themselves are the result of this kind of dysfunctional deal making relationship. The chances are that their parents did exactly the same kind of things that they are doing now.
Each of us has a set of hard-wired programs in our subconscious mind, and these programs dictate how we think, feel, react, and act in any given situation. Mostly these programs are created within us before we are seven years of age, and guess who inculcates most of this stuff into our innocent subconsciousness ~ our parents.
People who come from dysfunctional families are destined for a dysfunctional life. ~ Bo Bennet.
The tendency towards living in a dysfunctional / transactional / toxic relationship is a family illness, in the same way that a tendency towards alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, promiscuity, and violence are family illnesses. And you know what? All of the above go together and can be often be found in one or both parties in most toxic relationships.
The other side of the coin to a dysfunctional / transactional / toxic relationship can only come about through both parties giving unconditional affection, acceptance, friendship, support, respect, understanding and love to themselves and each other. And, my friends, that is very rare indeed. Some call this a transformational relationship, and if you are lucky enough to be in that kind of situation then you have indeed found your soul-mate.
Some say that they wouldn’t trust their lying partner out of their sight for an instant. And that their husband / wife is a controlling asshole. All I know is that a healthy relationship is based on unconditional trust.
happiness comes in waves
it’s hard to feel good about yourself when your heart is breaking
if you want to see me smile
tell me that you love me
even if you have to lie
tell me that you care
even if it isn’t true
please want me
as I want you
I don’t want a lover anymore
I just need a friend in you
let me go, set me free
the company you keep dictates the choices that you make
perhaps this man is not a true friend to her
Most of us have all sorts of friends, and in our past we have had all other sorts of friends, depending on how you define a friend. There are twitter and facebook ‘friends,’ those who regularly follow our blog, and some of them may become long distance friends we email, chat with, phone….. Then there are members of our church, neighbours, coworkers, golf / tennis / walking / sports buddies, other members of whatever groups we have joined, drinking buddies, fuck-buddies, and lovers. There are also people we, (more or less), have to closely relate with; parents, other family members, husbands / wives, partners, and children ~ we may or not count any of these as our friend.
And then there are false friends, fake friends, enemies disguised as friends. Just because someone hangs out with you, drinks with you, laughs with you, and has sex with you doesn’t mean they are your friend. People pretend well, everybody lies by omission, people use you for their own ends, and some people will be nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back. Some people are very good at being fake.
Real friends will bring out the best in you, fake friends will take your very best and use it for their own ends. An evil fake friend will take everything you have and use it to satisfy their own perverted desires.
I firmly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason, but some of these reasons are to teach us a hard lesson, and if we don’t learn and live by those lessons, then we will go on becoming ‘friends’ with toxic people who will teach us those hard lessons over and over again. When you fail a test, life will make you retake it, as many times as you need to learn, accept, and understand those hard lessons.
Be ready and willing to lose, reject, and walk away from toxic friends and dysfunctional relationships. Watch out for people who are;
- mean, unkind, and abusive to you
- belittle you, are jealous of you, will not accept the real you
- are selfish, narcissistic, uncaring of your needs
- have values, opinions, habits and behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable.
- get drunk, use drugs, abuse prescription medication, gamble, cheat, steal, engage in promiscuity with people they pick up in bars
Walk away from those people and all of their friends. Don’t ever try to explain or justify anything, just run far, run fast, and never once look back.
Most of all, remain true to yourself.
Some say that your friends can make or break you. And that some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family. All I know is that when you have a true and genuine friend, you don’t deal with the fakes anymore.
nobody you meet in a bar will ever be a true friend to you
success is born out of discomfort, uncertainty, and risk
When I look back at the times when I have succeeded in life, and believe it or not there have been a few, one thing strikes me as germane ~ I wasn’t sitting in a comfy chair pondering the sharp changes in the price of booze since 1970. Whenever I achieved something important and worthwhile I was uncomfortable, I wasn’t living in the humdrum of my everyday existence, I was operating well outside of my comfort zone.
When we take risks we feel nervous and uncertain, afraid and uncomfortable. If it’s taking risks with our career, leaving a shitty and dysfunctional relationship, going all-in on a game of cards, or trying to run our first half-marathon, our biggest wins are always born out of discomfort, uncertainty, and risks.
Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, and difficulty. ~ Theodore Roosevelt
Usually the more uncomfortable I felt, the greater the risks I took, the harder something was to do, when it was almost impossible, then the bigger the success I achieved, the more self-confident I became, and the greater sense of achievement I felt at the end.
And that’s why true success is so rare, why so few people accomplish anything important, and why so few people ever do anything different ~ most people don’t like effort, pain, and difficulty. Most people don’t even like hard work.
Anytime you try to do something important you will be swimming against the tide. The people around you; family, friends, co-workers, your partner, will all tell you that what you want to do is stupid, impossible, and wrong. The more challenging, unique, and off the wall your project is, the stronger the criticism and negative judgementalism will be. All the people who think they know you will not like you doing something different. You are not only challenging yourself, you are also challenging their cosy little worlds too.
Ignore the critics, the Job’s comforters, the gainsayers, and the judgemental; you get on and do what you want to do to achieve your dreams, have your hearts desires, or just escape the shit life you are living right now.
There will be setbacks, things will go wrong, you will think you have bitten off more than you can chew, you will wonder WTF made to think you could dream the impossible dream, and then make it happen. Ignore all that and just keep on keeping on. It might be hell, but keep on going.
Learn how to be determined, learn how to adapt your plans and schemes to meet changing circumstances, learn how to ignore the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, learn how to be fucking relentless.
Some say that it’s better to stay safe than to take any risks at all. And that it’s all just too difficult, and I want to watch my soaps instead. All I know is that faint heart never won fair lady ~ and you can trust me on that one.
there was a time when Churchill stood alone against the might of Nazi Germany
my wish is to wake up a better person than when I went to bed
We always want what we think we can’t have ~ that’s just human nature. It’s striving to get what we think we can’t have, to dream the impossible dream, to find new experiences and new loves that makes men and women do things like climb Mt. Everest, invent the wheel, put a man on the moon, and besiege Troy for the love of Helen. And every time ordinary people said they were crazy.
If we become a better person we are not only able to take better care of ourselves, we can also take better care of others, especially the people we have feelings for, especially the one we love the most of all.
When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better. ~ Solange Knowles.
Ergo, the first thing you should want to become is a superior version of yourself. Look after yourself, get healthier, fitter, stronger in body, mind, and spirit ~ get control of your emotions, get out in the fresh air and sunshine, get some exercise, read some good books, listen to some uplifting talks on YouTube….. Not only that, take a good hard look at yourself and be brutally honest; are you looking as good as you could? Hair, manicure, clothes, shoes, is your skin as healthy and glowing as it could be, do you smell nice?
What about your finances? Have you got spare cash at the end of the month, or are you continually broke? Are you in a dead-end job that pays peanuts? Do you actually manage your money, balance your cheque book?
And how are your relationships? Are you still madly in love with your partner, or are you in a dysfunctional relationship? Do you like to see your family regularly, or, like me are you totally estranged? Have your friends all turned to strangers?
You know you need to make some changes and rearrange your whole life, and deep down you really know what it is you need to do ~ so do it. You have had enough lessons from life ~ so use them and unfuck your life. You’d think you’d have made some changes by now, so dump the apathy, and be who who really want to be.
And if you don’t know who you want to be, then find yourself your ideal role model, and become them. It does not even have to be a real person; you may want to be India Jones, James Bond, Achilles, Holly Golightly, Ellen Ripley, or Aphrodite ~ don’t just sit there, do something about it ~ act as if you were that person. You will never become your role model, but along the way you will become a superior version of yourself.
Some say that there are going to be some changes around here ~ tomorrow. And that they are just running around in crazy circles like a rat on a wheel. All I know is I hope we find our way someday soon.
don’t all men just love that kind of discourse with a woman they care about?
follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness
Most people, women especially, spend most of their lives being someone else. They play multiple roles, mostly to please other people. Deep down they know that they should be who they are and say what they feel, because those who will object don’t matter, and those who really matter will not object. All the world is a stage and we are but players, and we play the role that seems to fit the situation we are in and pleases the people we are with.
Doing that is incredibly debilitating, causes destructive anxieties, and creates enervating stress deep within your psyche. To begin with there is always the nagging but unheeded thought; why isn’t the real me good enough for him? And, you will get so good at playing the wife, partner, girlfriend, mistress, lover….. that you will lose your true self, that you will forget who you are.
To escape from the self-imposed prison of always being someone and something that, when it comes right down to it you aren’t and never were or wanted to be, you must first of all win back your self-confidence and self awareness. Develop a fuck him, fuck them, fuck the whole world attitude of mind. Be yourself.
It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not. ~ André Gide
Some people are not going to like that. If you’ve been going to football games / baseball / ice hockey / casinos / to see horse racing and betting on it with your guy just because he likes that, and suddenly you tell him that you hate all that shit, well, he might not be happy. He will be shocked that his perfect woman suddenly has a mind of her own.
Some women have it much worse than that; their partner may encourage them to drink and use drugs, take them to very shady bars, get them into BDSM, subject them to mental and physical abuse, share them with other men….. You know something, if that’s you, then stop it now, before he kills you.
Be yourself, don’t take anything from anyone, and never let them take you alive. ~ Gerard way
It’s good to be you, and it’s hip to be square.
If you have to then get out, escape, leave, find a new home and a new life, and if you must with a much better guy. However, I would caution you most sincerely, it might be a bad idea to leave one relationship and walk right into another. What could be worse is to start a new romance while you are still in your dysfunctional relationship. That’s unless the new man you have found is a very special individual indeed, and encourages you to be you.
About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them. and some won’t like you at all. ~ Rita Mae Brown.
Some say they will do anything for a quiet life. And that you cannot change who you have become. All I know is that you should always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.
don’t find yourself drinking at a bar
alone and hoping for a date
be it good or bad
never give up hope, if you do you will be dead already
Alzheimer’s Disease is a progressive loss of cognitive abilities, speech and language, problem solving skills, and memory. It also makes it very difficult for sufferers to care for themselves, relate to others, and know what’s real and what isn’t. Those with Alzheimer’s can become aggressive, paranoid, suspicious, demanding, depressed, anxious, and confused. As yet nobody understands the exact biochemistry of Alzheimer’s.
Alzheimer’s is the cleverest thief, because she not only steals from you, but she steals the very thing you need to remember what’s been stolen. ~ Jarod Kintz
About 5.8 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s, about 1 in 3 seniors will die from this disease, (or some other form of dementia), which is more than die from breast and prostate cancers combined. And, doctors will tell you that there is no effective treatment for this devastating disease.
However, clinical studies have shown that long term dosages of Melatonin, 5 to 15 mg per night over two years, significantly improve the quality of sleep for those who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease, and ameliorate the effects of this horrible affliction.
Tamara Horner MHNE, ROHP / RNCP of Purple Almond Wellness discusses the effects and benefits of melatonin on Alzheimer’s disease in a couple of very detailed blog posts.
Melatonin is a naturally produced neurotransmitter that mostly comes from our Pineal Gland, it’s principal function is to regulate the circadian cycles, (day / night rhythm), within our brain and bodies, and as you would expect it’s closely linked to serotonin.
It seems that melatonin is a bit of a wonder hormone ~ some of it’s benefits are;
- It’s an anti-inflammatory agent, and it inhibits the secretion of amayloid plaque.
- Melatonin decreases excessive insulin secretion. Too much insulin will mess with your body and brain, and then kill you.
- Melatonin improves your overall hormone balance, it’s the regulator of every other hormone you produce and ingest.
- Toxins and oxidation are reduced in your body because melatonin scavenges the deadly free-radicals and protects your liver.
Melatonin deficiency causes; sleep disturbance, heart disease, cancers, type 2 diabetes, strokes, schizophrenia, Parkinskon’s Disease, and Alzheimer’s Disease.
You can buy synthetic melatonin over the counter at pharmacies, but it is also to be found naturally in;
- Fruits and vegetables. (avocado, cherries, asparagus, tomatoes, pomegranate, olives, grapes, broccoli, cucumber, and especially banana.)
- Grains. (rice, barley, rolled oats ~ but stay firmly away from anything containing wheat.)
- Nuts and Seeds. (walnuts, sunflower seeds, mustard seeds, almonds, pistachio, peanuts ~ but peanuts are not good for most people for other reasons.)
- Poultry, (turkey, chicken, duck.) Seafood, (cod, haddock, shrimp, salmon, tuna, sardines.)
Some say that exercise is the best sleep aid. And that a racing mind makes a bad pillow. All I know is that I’m going to go on taking my daily melatonin and following a Paleo diet.
the brains of Alzheimer’s sufferers are pretty well