senza una donna, e quanto è lontana, e sono senza unna donna
A very cool, tough, strong, grounded, together, harder, tougher, sensitive, wiser, self-confident, and self-aware guy doesn’t need a woman to make him happy. Not much.
Not so long ago a woman almost broke me, physically, mentally, emotionally spiritually. Luckily I’m over her now. But not much
Please listen responsibly.
she hurt him with her lovely eyes
medicine is a pseudoscience of uncertainty and probability
Today I will be out.
I’m going to Newcastle upon Tyne for a series of medical-type tests;
- A long, long Q & A session.
- Lots of measurements including body fat, BP, and pulse rate.
- Electrocardiogram (ECG)
- Full-body MRI scan.
- Brain MRI scan, (wish me good luck with that one).
- Heart and body MRI scan.
- Neck artery ultrasound scan.
- Dual-Energy x-ray Absorptiometry scan.
- Full blood work up.
- Urine tests.
- Treadmill heart monitoring
All in all I’m told it should take about 5 hours.
All followed up by 14 days of heart monitoring using a patch.
Ergo, if I’m not around later you know where I am.
most men like most nurses,
most of the time
you don’t lie to the person that you love
she was carnal
and I truly adored her
I never knew the real woman
she walked on eggshells around me
why do I adore a false chimera, an avatar?
and she never tells the truth
Jack Spratt could eat no fat
his wife could eat no lean
Some confuse the Keto diet with the Paleo diet, and while there are some similarities, in reality they are radically different, and you will be on one or the other for completely different reasons. The Paleo diet is all about a healthy way of eating that should normalise your weight. Other benefits of the Paleo diet are improved heart and circulatory health, less inflammation, and it also helps people with type 2 diabetes, and / or staves off diabetes.
The Ketogenic Diet is something else all together. It’s also a low / zero carb way of eating, (less than 50 grams of carbs per day), but the key thing is that it’s a very, very high fat diet. Among the principal benefits claimed for the Keto Diet are that it helps with diabetes, polycystic ovaries, and it also staves of cancers, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, drug-resistant epilepsy and acne. But mainly, the Keto diet is about weight loss.
I have read that one should not begin a proper Ketogenic Diet unless you have proper medical supervision, because the whole point of the keto diet is to completely change the metabolism of your body, especially the way the liver works. Instead of turning carbohydrates into glucose, your liver must turn fat into ketones. Thereby your body will become incredibly efficient at burning fat. You will see a massive reduction in blood sugar and insulin levels. Once you start this diet it will take your body 3 to 5 days to reach the point where it switches from using sugar to using ketones.
One danger of the keto diet is ketoacidocis, where excessive ketone bodies accumulate and you will get a dangerously toxic level of acid in your blood.
On the keto diet you don’t eat carbohydrates, (less than 50g a day, say a bagel), and only 10% to 20% of your daily food intake should be protein. The rest of what you consume is fat.
Eat; high fat meat like bacon and a good steak, cocoa butter, lard, goose fat, olive oil, palm oil, coconut oil, almond oil, avocado, coconut meat, fat-rich nuts and seeds, green low-carb vegetables, butter, hard cheeses, wild caught oily fish, liver, eggs, dark chocolate, hard liquor without a sweetened mixer…..
Do not eat; any grains or anything made from flour, like bread, refined sugars, mayonnaise and the like, starchy root vegetables like potatoes and sweet potatoes, corn, squash, fruits, fruit juices, peas, beans, peanuts, anything marked ‘low fat’, beer, wine, flavoured and sweet booze….
The keto diet can be dangerous causing; low blood pressure, kidney stones, constipation, nutrient deficiencies, Beri Beri, heart and circulatory disease, dizziness, low energy, mood swings, upset stomach. The keto diet is very antisocial. The keto diet is utterly unsafe for anyone who has problems with their pancreas, liver, thyroid, or gallbladder.
Some say the keto diet is a great way to lose weight fast. And that it helped with their diabetes. All I know is I wouldn’t try this without consulting my doctor and a dietitian.
you can drink this with a little spring water
let today be the day I stop being haunted by the ghosts of the past
black lonely desolate
There are some thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and people that I no longer want to be part of my life ~ especially not this different life I am living today, the different and better life I have known since The Full Wolf Moon. I look in the mirror and the eyes that look back at me are far to hard and brittle, too guarded, too untrusting for the man I wish to become. Some of that is the product of my whole life, and some of it comes from what was a dysfunctional relationship, where I felt that I was giving far more than I received in return.
Truth be told, relationships are not supposed to be like that, if it’s going to work well a relationship between a man and a woman should have balance and harmony, what we are pleased to call ‘give and take’. And, truth be told my bitterness and resentments are my own, they don’t belong to anyone else, and nobody else could have created them in me. Like each and every single thing that happens to us, my negative feelings are things that I did to myself. Nothing happens to us unless we allow it, up to and including being the victim of a natural disaster. Nobody forced you to live in an earthquake zone, or where there are wildfires, and nobody forced the passengers to get on the Titanic.
Specifically my bitterness and resentments were created by some relationships I chose to enter into, and then I stayed in those relationships long past the time I should have just walked away without looking back. Some people are toxic, and while people may change, the memory of that toxicity will live on…..
I do not want any of that in my life, so how do I change it? And I have no fucking idea about how to turn that around, to lose the bitterness and resentments, to lose the memories of toxic and dysfunctional relationships, to begin to innocently trust again. I’m trying to find a way, and there’s nothing there.
All I can do is tell my conscious mind that I want a lighter and more innocent set of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. I want to only ever remember the good things about relationships past and present, I want to regain my sense of trust, my feeling of fun, my joy in the people I know. I want to be in a place where I truly accept, understand, nurture, and cherish those I profess to care for. I want my unconscious mind to pay attention and change my own hard-wired feelings and beliefs for something far better.
Some say, once bitten twice shy. And fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. All I know is that I would rather be an innocent fool than a guy with very hard eyes.
a new dawn
a new hope
agriculture is all about profit, it’s never been about health
The first thing to know about the Paleo Diet is that it has bugger-all to do with the Paleolithic era of man, which actually lasted from about 3.3 million years BC until about 14,000 years ago when the Paleolithic era morphed into the Neolithic Era. During most of the Paleolithic era people weren’t even what can be called human. During all of that time ‘man’ used stone tools, ‘lithic’ means ‘of stone’, and the for all of that time ‘man’s’ diet was whatever he could kill or gather from the environment around him, wherever he happened to live. Acorns don’t feature heavily in any popular diet I know of.
Since The Wolf Moon on January 10th this year my life keeps getting better and better ~ different and better. I have made a conscious decision to turn back the clock on my lifestyle and live more like our Neolithic ancestors did ~ in terms of diet and exercise that is….. And so help me, a proper Paleo Diet is a good starting point ~ there is a difference between some popular versions of the Paleo Diet and what is good for you.
First, what isn’t included in a Paleo Diet; refined sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, grains like wheat, barley, and rice….. all of those will make you ill, maybe cause cancers, and eventually kill you. Also avoid; Legumes like beans and peas, dairy like milk and cheese, (make your own mind up about eggs), most vegetable oils like corn oil and sunflower oil, trans fats like you find in margarine, look for the words ‘hydrogenated’ and avoid that like the plague. Don’t consume anything with artificial sweeteners like aspartame and saccharin, these are nasty and will hurt your body, cut down on salt. Don’t eat processed foods, nothing from cans, no pre-prepared meals in an aluminium or plastic tray, nothing labeled ‘diet’ or ‘low-fat’. If it looks like it was made in a factory don’t eat it.
Don’t buy take-out ~ you don’t know what’s in it, and have you ever seen around back of a take-out place? Dirt, rats, cockroaches, dangerous filth….. Don’t eat at restaurants too often.
What should we eat, what am I going to eat?
- fruits and vegetables, but not legumes like beans and peas.
- nuts and seeds, good luck on buying acorns.
- lean meats, grass fed if possible.
- Fish, especially those fish rich in omega-3, like salmon, mackerel, herring, albacore tuna. Cod and haddock are good too because you know they must be wild-caught.
- Use good oil from fruits and nuts, extra virgin olive oil is my staple.
- Potatoes. Strictly speaking I shouldn’t eat high starch food, but I’m not giving up on a jacket potato with my steak.
Also I do not ever take medication, the side-effects aren’t trivial, they are effects, not innocent side-effects. Most medication will make you very sick sooner or later, and all medication is addictive sooner or later. Avoid alcohol and drugs, do not use pot, it will give you schizophrenia, do not ever ever even experiment with something like cocaine. The effects on your brain never, ever go away.
Along with a good diet I will also exercise like our neolithic ancestors, and they walked. Imagine walking down a herd of bison. How far do you think you need to walk to exhaust a bison?
Some say that modern processed foods are a boon. And that take-out pizza and beer makes for a healthy diet. All I know is I want to be fit, healthy, and looking forward to a long life.
if you want to drink,
stick to a little red wine,
or a good British beer.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you’re not in this world to live up to mine
I didn’t expect her to do that at the dinner table
One of the reasons my life was such a mess was that I had some expectations from a relationship that were no longer being met. I was and am far too attached to a woman, and being in love with a woman always leads to expectations, and in my experience expectations always leads to bitter disappointments. Those disappointments were making me very confused, is it infatuation, lust, desire, love, an emotional need, or a dysfunctional friendship? And how does a normal guy find a way through that Dionysian maze?
Expectation is the root of all heartache. ~ Shakespeare
No matter how hard I tried I could not free myself of the expectation that I deserved an emotional, sensual and sexual friendship where the love I thought I felt was returned freely and fully. That is the big danger of having expectations, often they are unrealistic, often they lead us to believe that we deserve something or someone, and quite often our expectations are a million miles from the reality of any given situation.
Also expectations are passive, we don’t need to actually do anything to have huge expectations. Expectations are the result of feelings, and I should know that feelings are often false and the result of twisted programming hard wired into our subconscious mind before we were seven years of age. Feelings are not real, and our feelings often have fuck all to do with what’s going on in the real world.
We should never blame people for disappointing us, we should blame ourselves for expecting too much from them, or expecting things from them that they can’t give to us, or don’t want to give us. We should never blame others for our own negative feelings of anger, jealousy, misery, resentment, sadness….. Our feelings belong only to ourselves, we should own them, and if our feelings are distressing us don’t try to change the world, that’s too difficult, we should change ourselves instead.
Expectations can be as trivial as expecting a nice day, as important as expecting a pay rise at work, or as destructive as thinking you love someone who doesn’t love you. Unrequited love is incredibly painful, trust me, I know.
We always want what we can’t have, life is so cruel that way.
Some say that if we don’t expect the good things from life then all we will ever get is dross. And that we have a right to expect to get what we want the most. All I know is that I’m still trying to find a way to stop loving someone. You’d think a man would know.
and I expected a great beach-front hotel
it takes strength and courage to admit the whole truth
You may be aware that in the last few days I have undergone something of a transformation, and it seems the man I have become has a dedication to truth, honesty, and openness. That is not necessarily a completely good thing. Already I have found that there are innumerable situations where complete honesty wouldn’t be appropriate. If someone is promulgating a web of lies about who and what they really are, it seems to me that it’s better if I ignore all that, keep quiet, and allow them to live their life of sad, dishonest, illusions, and delusions.
Hell, for all of my life I lived as versions of me that were only mostly true. That was not my fault, maternal neglect can have a negative effect on your whole life.
If someone wants to hide what they did in their past, and never mention the reprehensible things they have done to give the impression that they are someone and something that they are not and never have been, then maybe it’s better that I ignore that too. After all, if someone is mostly hiding their past, then it means they don’t want others to know about it, including me.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped and packaged boxes full of fucking shit.
In general, if someone is hiding their past it either means they are ashamed of it, or scared of your reaction if they tell you about it. Hiding or denying your past doesn’t work, because sometime, somewhere, someday, somehow you will come up against someone who knows all about you. And the chances are they will tell your new and innocent friend just exactly who and what you used to be ~ either by accident or on purpose.
There are lots of reasons people hide or deny their past, or even who they really are right now; alcoholism, criminality, unpaid debts, drug taking, promiscuity, prostitution, sexual deviance, marriage, children….. But, all of these things are matters of public record, and you can hide none of the above for very long.
I will throw out one piece of advice, don’t lie to me unless you’re absolutely certain I will never find the truth. And even in the days of my crazy alter-egos of myself, I always found the truth.
Mean and toxic people don’t bother me. Mean and toxic people who disguise themselves as nice and honest people bother me a lot. ~ Cindy Cummings Johnson
Some say that everybody lies. And that if someone is hiding their past, then they must have a damn good reason. All I know is that liars need a very good memory, and most people have very poor memories.
every time you tell another lie you handcuff yourself just a little tighter
change your thoughts and beliefs, change your whole life
After The Wolf Moon I took all the negativity, shame, and inferiority my parents had given me and let it all go into the mists of the past. I took all the hurt of my life, the bullying, the failures, the lost loves, the toxic love affairs and let all that go into the mists of the past. And then I took all of those false versions of myself, all of the chimera I had created to cope with life, all of the players I used to deal with different people in different situations and let all of those vanish into the mists of the past too. And what was left was just myself ~ the person I had never been allowed to be, the man I’d never dared to be.
Unless you are an insane sociopath, then each and everyone of us has a subconscious filled with negative, poisonous, unhelpful memories, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. We did not create these demons all on our own, we had a lot of help. Before we were seven years of age our parents, older siblings, aunts, uncles and older cousins, teachers, and every other fucking person in authority we came across planted all of these poisons in our innocent minds. Since then, every negative situation we endured, especially when it comes to love and sex, fed and strengthened those demons. And then the demons ruled our lives.
I can look back now, dispassionately, honestly, openly, and fully recognise what my demons did to my life, how they destroyed everything that could have been good and fine, and led me down a darker road. I did my best to walk the warrior’s path with honour and chivalry, but I was doomed to failure as long as the demons of my past ruled my every thought, belief, behaviours, words, and deeds.
And so I tried to escape the pain through some very impulsive and stupid things, especially I retreated into booze. If life got too hard for me to bear I would get drunk, and I don’t mean just a little bit tipsy, I mean lost weekend drunk. You know what? If you drink a lot then your body, brain, mind, heart, and soul come to expect and need alcohol in your bloodstream ~ which is why alcoholics can almost never, ever get sober. I was in severe danger of drinking myself to death, and I didn’t fucking care.
And then there was The Wolf Moon, a time of renewal, redemption and rebirth, when the very fortunate may just receive some kind of message, and the message I got from my Goddess was Be Yourself.
And that leaves me with a question, just who am I?
my demons are locked away
the life you have led doesn’t need to be the only life you have
sometimes, only a convertible Mustang will do, with a very cute girl riding shotgun