Finding Myself
They’ve all come to look for America…..
Four intensive days attending a self-awareness retreat. Because that’s what it was, self-awareness from the internal structure of human cells to the unconscious vibrations we put out into The Field that surrounds us all. Most of all it was about getting in touch with my inner voice, the subconscious programs that run 95% of my life.
Turns out that most of my life was being run by all the crap I soaked up like a sponge before I was seven years old, and that left me prey to the greatest terror of all young children ~ the fear of abandonment. Even the youngest child instinctively knows that if his or her primary care givers abandon them, then they will surely die. That fear has been ruling my life for all of my life.
And, WTF, I am a uniquely capable and able grown man, who is more than equipped to look after himself in just about any set of circumstances, up to and including being shipwrecked on a desert island ~ and I won’t need a basketball to talk to.
The one thing that always unconsciously terrified me was the ending of a relationship with a woman ~ due to this whole fear of abandonment thing that was ruling my subconscious mind.
But, I know that now, and I also know how to change the programs that were ruling, and will continue to rule most of my life. (You can Never get away from the fact that about 95% of what you do, think, and say comes from your subconscious.)
I have found the real me , I know the real me, and I have changed 2 big things about me. I am no longer a bad carbon copy of my parents, (especially my dad), and I now longer fear abandonment.
The real me, the true me, is now a very cool and very capable guy 100% of the time.
Some say we can Never get away from our upbringing. And, that we can never really change our innermost thoughts, feelings, attitudes, hopes, and fears. All I know is that if you are prepared to work hard enough to find the fulcrum, then you can move your whole world.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
don’t just go through the motions
Live a Cool Life instead
Get rid of the toxic people from your life
reblogged psychology and lifestyle post
I saw this blog post and it was so interesting and appropriate that I thought I would share it with you.
via Get rid of the toxic people from your life
In the past I have been a toxic person, from time to time. That was not my conscious choice, it was the result of all the shit my principal carers put into my head when I was a young child. I have now left those toxic behaviours behind me.
I know some toxic people, and I now know that their toxic behaviours are not their fault – their being toxic is the direct result of all the shit their principal carers put into their heads while they were young and vulnerable children.
However, if those toxic people do not consciously choose to change their toxicity for the better, then I will just leave them behind me.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7 @talktalk.net
I find women who go into bars alone quite toxic
Feel Better, Live Longer
A calm mind and good health are life’s greatest blessings.
As a matter of fact, I have recently been shown that I cannot have good health if I do not have a calm mind, and that stress is the root cause of many, (if not most), illnesses. But, not all stress is bad – for example the stress we put our bodies under when we exercise is good for us. It’s bad stress from work, money worries, relationship problems and the like that we need to avoid, because this distresses us in body, mind, and spirit. Scientists and doctors know that severe distress can cause physical illnesses up to and including cancer.
There are a number of fairly simple tools we can use to help us cope with distress, help us feel better, help keep us fitter in body, mind, and spirit – ultimately live a longer, healthier, and happier life. For me, these tools include;
- Good Nutrition. A balanced diet of organic natural foods, without overeating or crash dieting, or using ‘fashionable’ diet regimes.
- Taking the right Supplements, especially vitamin B12, vitamin C, vitamin E, Folate, and Zinc.
- Fresh air and exercise, walking 10,000 plus steps a day and using weights.
- Rest and good sleep, which for most of us equates to 7 hours of quality sleep per night.
- Meditation and Relaxation, reading motivational books, listening to empowering speakers.
- Avoiding too much TV, social media, or computer gaming – especially late at night.
It’s also important to keep mentally active doing calming things which are not related at all to work or anything else which distresses you. Perhaps, try reading the classics out aloud.
In addition, in the past I’ve drank too much booze, and that distresses the body terribly, but then so does smoking and taking any drugs whatsoever. So, if you are a drinker, smoker, or addict, then you have to lose those bad habits, or die earlier and in poorer health than you should.
If you want a longer, healthier, and better life, then make some common-sense changes to what you do, and avoid creating distress of your body, mind, and spirit.
Some say that having a purpose in life helps to keep you younger and healthier. And, that having a programme of physical, mental, and spiritual health is an essential part of enjoying a good life. All I know is that I’d rather live longer and healthier than die younger and in poor health.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
enjoy the dawn and the sunset of the day
The Subconscious Mind
What we think and believe, we become.
Here in New Mexico, yesterday I learned some powerful stuff, part of which was an exploration of how the brain works, specifically how the subconscious mind works. Starting with the hard science of up-to-the-minute biochemistry and the structure of the brain, and going right down to the way our subconscious mind controls our actions, I was shown some advanced tools to help me in my day to day life.
It seems that the influence of our subconscious mind (95%), far outweighs the control our conscious mind has over our actions (5%). Think about it, our subconscious mind runs walking, talking, driving, deciding how we get to where we are going, what we think about people, and all the other daily actions we take for granted. Our conscious mind does the creative stuff.
The snag is that a lot of what is in our subconscious got there before we were old enough to decide what was good, bad, or terrible – much of our unconsciousness was filled up with feelings, opinions, beliefs….. before we were 7 years old. A lot of what is in my subconscious are things I would really prefer not to be there – for example fear of abandonment.
I would really like to change some of the things in my subconscious, but that is a very long and difficult task – like learning to drive, truly changing my belief systems will take a lot of time and effort. If you play a sport, just think how long it took you to get good at it, that’s how long it takes an adult like me to implant something complex into my subconscious mind.
And you can’t just think it, you have to believe in it and do it – practice how you want your subconscious mind to be, don’t just think about it do it and believe in it.
Belief is more powerful than reality, but no matter how much you believe you can fly, you can’t.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
New Mexico Retreat
Chaos breeds life energies – Order brings habit
from my hotel room’s patio
Day one of the From Chaos to Coherence retreat was gratifyingly far more intense and content-rich than even my best expectations. Admittedly, with two speakers operating consecutively, there wasn’t quite the strongest thread running through the dozens of topics explored – and I wonder how many of the delegates managed to keep up. I’m not certain that all of the mature women there, (and the attendees were by far mostly women), are totally alongside the counterintuitive concepts of quantum mechanics. Although I’m damn certain everyone there was fully congruent with spooky connections, and that reality is an illusion.
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. – Einstein
For me, the most powerful message imparted can be summed up in the phrase: The interconnectedness of all things.
Ergo, if you change one thing in your life, the ripple effect will mean that everything in your life will change in some way – eventually. And that if you take a drug, prescription or otherwise, then every organ and cell in your body will be affected, not just the organs the drug is supposedly targeted towards.
Some say that without movement, change, and chaos there is only stagnation and death. And, that the better we know ourselves the less we fear change. All I know is that I feel self-empowered, and self-confident today.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
The Enchanted Land
Destination – New Mexico
The cool thing about smaller aircraft transportation is that it’s never boring
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Today I am flying from John Wayne airport in Orange County CA, to Albuquerque in New Mexico. Then picking up a rental for the drive to the luxurious Hyatt Regency Tamaya Resort and Spa in Santa Ana Pueblo NM.
I think the aircraft is going to be a small ‘puddle jumper’….. as long as I get an inside seat I don’t mind.
In New Mexico I shall be at a retreat with the interesting headline From Chaos to Coherence – The Power To Thrive In Life Extremes, and by the cringe do I go to EXTREMES!
Hopefully I’m going to experience something deeply spiritual.
The resort hotel looks interesting.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Goddess’ Betrayal
in the curves of her form a hero found his wanton goddess
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Aphrodite symbolises
a lover’s eternal choices
of feminine enchantments
exploiting sexual differences
intellectual harmony balances
emotions desired disharmonies
wants needs desires dreams lusts
pleasures’ ecstasies turned into dust
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Haunted Abandonment
enchanted lust is as a candle under a dark moon
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night soon
hard as stone
dry as a bone
far as the moon
she left me alone
the enchantress crone
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
dangerous women attract me
and yet
I suffer an abnormal fear of abandonment
Remember, Remember
Remember the 5th of November, Treason and Gunpowder Plot
Today England, London, remembers the 1605 Catholic Plot by Guy Fawkes and his cronies to blow up the Houses of Parliament while King James the First, the Lord’s, and Members of Parliament were all in there. The plot failed and Guy Fawkes was sentenced to death by being hung, drawn, and quartered. Luckily for Fawkes he either fell, or was pushed, from the scaffold before his sentence could be carried out.
England still celebrates Guy Fawkes death to this very day. The English are obsessive when it comes to remembering things.
I Remember….. I am blessed / cursed with a near ‘eidetic memory’ – I hardly ever forget anything, except names which I seem to forget on purpose This says a lot about my psyche and the Borderline Personality Disorder that goes along with it.
On the upside, this makes me very effective, efficient, organised….. The penalties are that I remember every hurt, betrayal, and negative emotion as though these bad things were happening right now. I become angry, jealous, paranoid, and almost suicidal over things that happened days, weeks, years ago. This leads me into doing really stupidly bad things just to assuage the hurt.
Nobody can be happy living the way I was living. It’s hard enough just to go on existing if you are living the way I was.
I tried to teach myself to forget. That did not work.
Instead I taught myself how to accept and understand. Accept that shit happens, and understand that past trauma cannot actually hurt me in the here and now.
How did I teach myself to let go of the past? Through a lot of hard work, patience, and self-love. I took care of my health and fitness in body, mind, and spirit. And finally I learned to be open, honest, and forgiving of myself and others.
I will write more of my journey from the hellish rock-bottom I managed to reach, to the sunlit meadow by the sea that I live in today.
Some say that we should never forgive and never forget. And that revenge is a dish best served cold. All I know is that nobody likes an obnoxious, misanthropic, angry jerk.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Mr. Hyde is a dangerous place to be
Scenes on Sunday – California
I’m just a staid English guy being cool in Orange County
Today I am in sunny Orange County, where it’s still a balmy 80 degrees. I like California, it might just be the nicest crazy place I know.
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Jack Collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
Wednesday I fly out to New Mexico
at least I’ll be staying at a cool hotel
