people believe their own myths
many women would like this as a daily drive
This is not about where to go to find a real man, this post is all about sorting the good guys from the poseurs, fakes, chancers, and abusers. If you disagree with any of this, then feel free to comment, or even email me.
What do women want? Somebody to provide for them, protect them, take care of them, shower them with gifts, take them to expensive places, buy them expensive clothes, get them a fabulous home and a cool car. A good looking and powerful man to be seen with and to watch over them ~ perhaps even a sugar-daddy type. Maybe not somebody to talk with. If women want a deep and meaningful conversation they will talk with their women friends.
The deep-down basic wants, needs, and desires in a relationship are different between men and women. Men want sex, whereas women crave affection and intimacy. Men want power and domination, women want equality and respect. Women are about nurturing and soft skills, men are by nature unfeeling. Women want a loving and caring relationship, most men don’t even know what that means.
Men are usually not being their true selves when they first meet a woman they are attracted to, especially if it’s a casual meeting in a bar, or a first meeting after chatting on some dating site. Most men will talk too much, exaggerate their good points, minimise the downsides, and outright lie. Most men will gloss over things like; they are already married, divorced with kids, or have been let go from their work. If you get that far they may say things like their good car is in the shop, their place is being redecorated, they forgot to call at the ATM….. There’s a price for that because when the mask slips, a woman may find she is talking with mr boring or the beast.
Signs that a guy is actually worth the time of day is that he wants to know about you ~ without being creepy or an obvious stalker. He will not talk over you. A cool guy will tend to be self-deprecating because he has the self-confidence to be honest and open ~ without puffing himself up like a slimy toad. A man worth talking to will be clean and well dressed, (appropriate to wherever you are). No real man will ever be drunk or high and talk to a woman. And no gentleman will fuck you on a first date, because good guys don’t often date sluts.
a cool guy will always politely and appropriately compliment your appearance
she willed her perfect man into existence
that was the only way she was going to get him
‘perfect man’ is an oxymoron
men don’t have relationships
they have places to put their junk
men don’t want to know what’s on TV
they want to know what else is on TV
most men think Fidelity is only the name of a bank
men don’t multitask
so don’t ask him to talk dirty when you’re having sex
men who pick up older women in bars
have no respect for the older women they pick up in bars
men who have an adonis belt
probably don’t know who Adonis was
some cars are cool and some women are cool
but a cool woman in a cool car is hot
Lightweight Land Rover
Jaguar V12 E-type
Austin-Healey Sprite MkII
Reliant Scimitar GTE
Lotus Elan Plus 2
the moon watched over all her lustful infidelities
it was over
moon shining silver
and she was going home
trying to smile, nothing there
she was beautiful, a mature slut
she would regret her lascivious lust
just a thong, under a see thru dress
and what’s wrong with that?
she has had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it
her sea-green eyes will look right into your soul
it was supposed to be a date
in the bar she sits, waiting
she’s pensive looking, sweet
as she expected he was late
he berated her, nasty, irate
angry words spoken in haste
are such a fucking waste
then all that’s left is hate
she always splashes on musky perfume
and smokes before any blind date
because dogs can smell fear
she has begged ‘please’ far too often to use the word lightly
for some sad women
a hard kiss with a fist
is better than none
they are alone and lost
the once love has gone
they are brutally abased
they are nothing, no one
used and roughly abused
he doesn’t want her love
he wants a fuck, she’s raped
she could adore someone
a real man, kind and just
he could be almost anyone
for some abused women
the bottle is their only escape
a healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice yourself
everyone in this picture is part of a toxic relationship
Extreme stress will kill you, but before that it will make you ill, take away your dignity and self-respect, take away your friends, maybe your career, maybe your children, and everything else you care for. One of the principal causes of stress, especially among women, is to be in a dysfunctional relationship. I say especially among women because thick-skinned, insensitive men have an uncanny ability to be utterly oblivious to things that are going badly wrong in a relationship, ignore how stressed and distressed their partner is, and if they were aware something isn’t right couldn’t care less about trying to make things better. Add to that, in many cases it is the guy, and the way he acts, that makes any relationship utterly dysfunctional in the first place.
Dysfunctional and toxic relationships range in severity from; two people just not being in love anymore, and not really getting along, maybe mostly ignoring one another, leading separate lives….. through mental abuse, verbal abuse….. and finally severe physical abuse, beatings, rape, and in the end murder. All of that is incredibly stressful and distressing.
Dysfunctional Relationships do not perform their appropriate function; that is, they do not emotionally support the participants, foster communication between them, appropriately challenge them, or prepare to fortify them for life in the larger world. ~ Tina B. Tessina Ph.D.
There are 7 key signs of a toxic and dysfunctional relationship;
- Tedium. The partners are bored sick with each other, do nothing together, have the same argument over and over again, never have sex…..
- Blaming. Everything is his / her / your fault, no matter what.
- Guilt. You’re constantly apologising for everything, even things that aren’t your fault at all. You do it mostly to keep the peace.
- Tension. You are always waiting for the explosion, dreading what he’s going to scream at you about next.
- Uncertainty. Where is he / she, what are they doing, when are they going to get home? One minute your partner is sweet and kind, the next you can do no right.
- Frustration. Doing even the simplest of things is hugely complicated and time-consuming. If you try to lead and take charge yo will be attacked, if you are passive you will be attacked for that instead.
- Hopelessness. The dark cloud hanging over your life will never go away, there’s nothing you can do, you are doomed and trapped forever.
I would add to that, a relationship is completely toxic if either or both of the partners indulges in; alcoholism, casual sex, drug abuse, gambling, promiscuity, extreme pornography, on-line dating, prostitutes / prostitution….. Just how stressful do you want me to get? If you’re in that kind of a relationship you are slowly dying.
The very sad thing is that toxic and dysfunctional relationships are a multi-generational sickness ~ if your parents were in a toxic relationship, then in all likelihood so are you.
Some say that their relationship is their sanctuary, no matter how toxic it is. And that he may be an alcoholic but we love each other, really, honestly….. All I know is that if you are suffering from severe distress all you can do is walk away, and never once look back.
Mental abuse is incredibly stressful
Mental abuse is torture
It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
Stress can kill you, but in an older women stress is far more likely to drive her to comfort eating and hence pile on the pounds. For most women less stress, or better stress management, is the key to sustainable weight loss. Of course, for older women the menopause doesn’t help with controlling your weight at all. There is evidence that there are changes in the brain chemistry of a menopausal woman that triggers a shift in her metabolism, causing her to overeat.
Looking for comfort food; cakes, chocolate, pizza, bread, burritos, donuts, (or drinking too much), is a common occurrence among woman of a certain age ~ of any age when stressed if it comes right down to it. These high calorie foods and booze do pile on the pounds ~ particularly unsightly belly fat. It’s all to do with insulin, and this energy dense stuff spikes your insulin levels, which only makes you want to eat more.
The environment doesn’t help much, there are countless fast food outlets, supermarkets promote more expensive energy dense foods, and there’s a bar on just about every street corner. Rule #1 is stay away from fast food places, and rule #2 is that a woman on her own should never, ever go into a bar.
Associating unhealthy food and booze with good times is something your brain will program into itself, and rule #3 is that you must work hard to break that programming. Eating unhealthy food and drinking too much booze doesn’t mean you are cool, in fact quite the opposite ~ you are perhaps pushing being an unattractive lazy person.
The really important thing for women to learn, accept, and practice is how to manage stress. And usually it comes down to:
- Delegate More. Stop letting your family and friends push you into doing everything for everyone.
- Be Creative. People with a creative interest are much less stressed that those who don’t have that worry-free time. Why do you think art therapy is such a big thing in rehab?
- Take a Walk. Walking is bloody good for you; physically, mentally, and spiritually. Aim for 10,000 steps a day.
- Talk to People. And don’t go into a bar to find someone to talk with.
Some say that the change made them overeat. And, that their happy place is the refrigerator. All I know is that fat people often get very sick.
regularly eat healthy and nutritious food
The more you eat, the less flavour. The less you eat, the more flavour.
There are literally thousands of diets out there, from the 5:2 diet, the Mediterranean diet, the Paleo diet, the Sushi diet, and even the simple calorie controlled diet. These diets can get quite complicated and the professional aficionados would love us to buy their books explaining the benefits of these diets and giving us lots of recipes that we’re probably never going to cook. As it happens I try to follow the tenants of a Mediterranean diet, simply because I like Mediterranean food. Conversely I would never follow a Sushi diet because I hate sushi and I firmly believe that raw fish is inherently unhealthy, to the point of being dangerous.
There is one basic truth about losing weight ~ eat less. The average female office worker only needs about 2,000 calories a day, and the average male about 2,500. A weight loss diet probably means a woman eating 1,500 calories a day, and a man about 2,000. There are a myriad of calorie calculators on the internet.
However, after some study of diets, nutrition, and health, I can give you some basic guidelines about what you should include and avoid in all those calories.
- Drink 3 pints of fresh clean water every day.
- Eating a little every couple of hours avoids and cures adrenal fatigue.
- Wild foods are good ~ especially healthy grains such as wild rice. Eat organic food whenever you can.
- Try not to eat processed and canned foods.
- Eating fresh fruits and vegetables is vital to our health. Apples, Banana, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots, Celery, Grapes, Leeks, Pears, Potato (especially potato skins), Spinach, & etc.. Avoid too much citrus fruit, it messes with the acid balance of our gut.
- Adding herbs and spices adds important phytochemicals to our food. Fresh parsley, basil, and rosemary are especially good.
- Eat grass-fed beef, free-range chicken, lamb, wild salmon, net caught ocean fish, shrimp, crab, and lobster. Avoid too much pork, (and if you eat pork make damn certain it’s properly cooked). Avoid farmed fish, (especially tilapia which is cheap whitefish), cheap chicken, bacon, and turkey. Eat shellfish at your peril.
- Don’t drink a lot of fresh milk, don’t put cream or half-and-half in your coffee, and don’t eat a lot of yogurt or cheese.
- Take vitamin and mineral supplements; B4, B12, Folate, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Zinc, (and if you are a menstruating woman take Iron supplements).
- Do not ever eat anything made with modern wheat; bread, cake, cookies, pasta, tortillas…..
- Avoid too much; complex carbohydrates, caffeine, sugar, and salt.
- Don’t drink too much coffee or ordinary tea, try green tea instead.
- Don’t drink diet sodas, or use artificial sweeteners. In fact really cut down on drinking any soda at all.
- Really, really avoid too much alcohol. One bottle of red wine a week is a good limit, (or if you can’t live with that, two bottles a week). Do not regularly get buzzed, and regularly would be once a month.
You may think that’s all too damn difficult, and probably expensive. Well, it takes effort to follow any guidelines, and good organic food carries a price premium, but really, how much is a healthier and longer life worth to you?
So set ’em up Joe, there’s no one in the place, ‘cept you and me.