Tag Archives: Unrequited Love

Scenes on Sunday ~ Where was Love?

love is not something you feel, it’s something you do









jack collier



it seems that she wanted a lover

and a regular guy wouldn’t do

nothing but you



lust passion desire ardour whimsy fantasy

love adoration truth verity intimacy vagary

eccentricity unpredictability Emerald City

yearning romance cherish sympathy reality

hard pain heartache heartbreak actuality

unrequited love’s misery, if I can’t have you


P1030624words and pictures by jack collier


unrequited love

No matter how much you love someone, you cannot make them love you.

If you don’t receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.  ~  Robert Goolrick

It-s-A-Wonderful-Life-its-a-wonderful-lifeIt’s worse than that.  No matter how much you like someone you cannot make them like you, and no matter how much you desire someone, you cannot make them desire you.  No matter what you do, no matter the money, time, effort, hope, prayer, and love you expend, no matter how many sleepless nights you suffer, you cannot change the way someone feels about you.

Often unrequited love is the desperate feeling of being hopelessly, completely, head over heels in love with and infatuated with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach their heart and will never be returned.  Unrequited love can exist when the object of your love is hardly even aware of your existence.  You may love someone and yet know you will never make love with them or wake up next to them in the morning.  You may even know that you will never get to spend time with the object of your love.  And yet, you will go on loving them forever, no matter the pain and heartache it causes.  You will go on loving even when you know they love another.

A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.  ~  Rose Gordon

Unrequited love also exists within relationships, when one person may love the other deeply and tenderly, but the object of your affections just thinks you’re someone to hang out with when there is nothing better happening.  Unrequited love even exists inside marriage, when one partner truly, madly, deeply and unconditionally loves the other, who merely regards them as a convenience.

Sadly, unrequited love can sometimes turn into obsessive love, which is an extreme form of infatuation and does not allow for failure, imperfection, or rejection.  Obsessive love is a dangerous mental disorder which can lead to extreme behaviour, up to and including boiling the pet rabbit.  If you have ever flirted with a real bunny-boiler, then you will know exactly how bad obsessive love can become.

The difference between a dysfunction love and real, true love is reciprocity.  Does the object of your desire return your affections?  Or, are you doing all the work and throwing your love away, just like throwing a rock into a bottomless pit?  Ask yourself if the one you love is anything more than an empty vessel, are they someone who can and will return your love with their own, or are you just feeding money into a crooked slot machine in the vain hope of a jackpot?

Unrequited and obsessive love can be a masochistic addiction.  It hurts and it costs, but if you have it, you will wait around for the big payoff, no matter what.

The really bad news for someone who is going through the misery of unrequited love is that there will never be a big payoff.  You will never hit the jackpot, they will never return your love, and they will forget you in a New York second.  Whatever you have right now is as good as it’s ever going to get, and the chances are it will get worse ~ addictions always get worse over time, no matter what.  Some people are incapable of real love, that’s called Emotional Deprivation Disorder, and if you are unlucky enough to love someone suffering from that, you may as well pack your bags and go home.

It’s no good putting the object of your desire on a pedestal, and it’s no good thinking that you can change him or her.  No matter how much time, effort, money, love, and heartache you have invested, you will most likely have just thrown it all away.  It’s like feeding a slot machine in Las Vegas, where you will probably never see a penny of that money ever again, and deep down you know you have wasted everything.

Often those who suffer the agony of unrequited love and / or obsessive love have other mental problems ~  Drug addiction, Alcoholism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or just plain Emotional Hunger.

Just like drug addiction or alcoholism, the only way out of the misery of unrequited love, or the sick dangers of an obsessive love, is to quit.

There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.  ~  Shannon L. Alder

It’s much easier to write it than it is to do it, but if what you have is a relationship where you are giving a lot and getting little in return, then you have to walk away.  Walk away, don’t look back, and don’t try to keep in touch.  It’s going to hurt, but it’s like a bad tooth.  It will hurt a lot for a short while when you’re having it extracted, but that’s much better than living with months or years of dull misery.


P1040484these opinions are mine and mine alone

Jack Collier





her lips like wine

and her eyes so blue

how can I convey


if she were mine

I would love her true

in so many ways


my girl would find

that I loved her more

each and every day


comes the dawn

and my dreams are gone

unrequited love is simply

swept away


P1010336words and pictures by jack collier




lycanthropic love



I love the danger of the night


stalking under bright moonlight

shining silver orb in obsidian graphite


casting shadows black as anthracite

waiting for calm release of dawn twilight

I suffer unrequited love’s self-destructive bite


P1010649words and pictures by jack collier



the agonies of adoration



when a man thinks he loves a woman


he will be disappointed, denigrated, manipulated

betrayed, ignored, exploited, demeaned, destroyed, invalidated


in vain he keeps on trying

in stygian depression he feels like crying

in obsidian darkness at midnight he feels like dying


P1030624words and pictures by jack collier


 (this poetry form of;

one, two, and three line stanzas

is called a cherita.

it’s more narratvive than

the impressionistic haiku.)

The Myth of Courtly Love

Men may say; ‘I love you…’ to a woman when what they mean is; ‘I want you…’

If you say that, and mean that, then you are as doomed to fail as was Canute.


Can there be unblemished love, noble-minded pursuit, artful courtship…, without the man concerned wanting and needing sex from his beloved?  The torment of passionate, unfulfilled affection and devotion toward an unattainable woman may seem to be attractive for a Gentleman troubadour.  This is a man who writes elegant and passionate love letters without hope of reply, who will undertake ennobling and heroic tasks at the whim of his Lady, who has no hope of consummating their one-sided relationship and yet loves her with all his heart and soul.

Can there be Courtly Love?

No.  And, in the modern era the actions of courtly love could get a man arrested for stalking and harassment.

No healthy man can truly be in love a woman without wanting to have sex with her, and no healthy man will stay in love if there is no possibility of consummating the relationship.  Frequent and good quality sex is a prerequisite for a healthy love between a man and a woman ~ at least as far as the man is concerned.  Some women can live without having sex with their beloved, but a man will soon look for another woman if he is expected to behave like a monk toward his current paramour.

unrequitedloveCourtly love is a myth.  Unrequited love is real.  One can love another who wishes you were permanently in another country, and dead.  Just because you think you love someone doesn’t mean they want to be in love with you.

Neither is there any such thing as platonic love.  Platonic love is chaste and non-sexual, yet presupposes an emotional and spiritual bond between a couple.  That may work for some women, any man would have to have been neutered to be satisfied with platonic love.

I have tried courtly love, worked at platonic love, and suffered unrequited love.  I have loved and been betrayed, and I have walked away from a woman and never once looked back.  All of these are difficult, in none of these is the game worth the candle.  Sometimes you hope you will forget her, sometimes you know you will die trying.

Friendship with a woman is different.  A man can be friends with a woman he does not find sexually attractive.  That works and he will treat her like a guy.  Conversely, a man will have sex with a female friend he desires, but then she isn’t a friend anymore, she is a lover.

The shining example of courtly love is the love of Lancelot for Queen Guinevere ~ and that didn’t end so very well.  If you are a man, and you really want to suffer, try real and true courtly love for a few years.  Don’t blame me if it destroys you.


paladin-knight-cavalary-orderjack collier


English Gentleman, moine guerrier

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