Tag Archives: Trust

Random Jottings ~ Trust

he trusted her implicitly,  right until she threw him to the hungry crocodiles

~

everybody’s got to trust sombody sometime

of course that’s where it all starts to go wrong

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everyone who says; ‘you can trust me…..’ is a liar

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all women lie, just ask Adam about the apple and the snake

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for some the excitement lies in knowing how far they dare trust

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never ask a woman about her past

because lies of omission are still lies

and the truth will torture you

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never trust a man who professes to be your friend

real friends don’t need to tell you that

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trust doesn’t usually include your partner taking a vacation without you

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I never knew a woman who didn’t want to know how much money I was making

up to, and including, my sainted mother

and all of them wanted proof

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

women who have first date sex are always liars

or sluts, or hookers, or older than their date

or all of the above

safe in my embrace

 trust is feeling safe with him ~ love is striving to keep that trust
~

feel the sun on your skin

let the warm future begin

enjoy a cool glass of wine

dream your dreams of him

gentle when he touches me

for my heart bruises easily

feeling the sun on my skin

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

trust begins and ends with the truth

Personality Disorders and Trust

trusting her is my decision, proving me right is her choice

~

Everybody lies ~ that’s one of life’s great truths.  So, why would I ever want or need to place my trust in another person?  I can put things more bluntly; I suffer from a serious mental health problem called Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), which makes it extremely difficult for me to ever trust anyone, particularly someone that I care for.  It’s common for someone with BPD to find it very difficult to trust, even though I may have a deep need for validation from other people.  That means I will lash out when I think someone has betrayed me, is betraying me, or might desert me.

Anyone with any personality disorder, especially with BPD, will have a history of very rocky relationships, especially romantic relationships.  Borderline Personality Disorder causes constant and extreme mood swings and changes in emotional states, from doting and affectionate one minute, to abusive and pushing your partner away within just a few hours.  If you either suffer from that horrible personality disorder, or if you are close to someone who does, you will find that trust comes very hard.

And, why should we trust at all?  Why should we ever give another the chance to betray and hurt us?  Why should we risk being lied to and deceived?

Things come apart so easily when they have only been held together with lies.  ~  Dorothy Allison.

All those with a personality disorder are compulsive liars and deceivers, and most of their relationships end in chaotic and traumatic breakups.  This is true until they begin to recover.  In recovering from a personality disorder the ‘former sufferer’ will become desperate to create and build trust in all of their relationships ~ and this takes a lot of time.

There are some things that I know I can do;

  • Keep to my word and follow through with my actions.
  • Learn how to communicate truthfully, openly, and effectively.
  • Stop speaking and acting impulsively.
  • If I’m wrong, or I’ve made a mistake, then admit it.
  • Stop lying and deceiving ~ always be honest with myself and everyone else.
  • Do what I believe is right ~ not what is easy or might get me what I want.
  • Stop taking people for granted.

Those things kind of look and sound easy ~ they’re not.  Earning trust and learning how to trust is one of the most difficult things someone recovering from a personality disorder or an addiction can ever do.  But, if life is going to be worth living it’s something I know I have to give of my very best.

Some say deceive me once then shame on you.  And, deceive me twice then shame on me.  All I know is that you can’t build a good life based on a tissue of lies.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

never trust a woman in a mask

cold broken trust

It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.

Everybody lies.

Lies of omission, half-truths, fabrications, exaggerations, deceptions, excuses, white lies, broken promises, black bold-faced lies, or just saying nothing at all.

Lies are easy on social media and by telephone ~ it’s harder to look a person in the eye and tell a black bold-faced lie.  Only sociopaths and very practiced deceivers can do that with real conviction.  There are plenty of practiced deceivers around.

Hardly anybody trusts anyone anymore.  Hardly anyone is committed to truth.

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.  ~  Albert Einstein.

Mostly I expect people to lie to me, and mostly I don’t care.  I have been lied to far too many times to care very much anymore.  The cold-hearted people who have lied to me have diminished themselves more than they have hurt me.  Now, with few exceptions I do not allow anyone close enough to me for their lies to matter.

Because of all those lies, I do not trust easily anymore.  A broken trust is as cold as the sea in winter.

Life is lonely and bitter without trust.  Everyone has to trust the one they care for, and when that trust is broken the taste is bitter and hearts grow cold.

Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.  ~  Mona Sutphen

A couple of days ago I told a very close friend, my best friend, that I knew she had lied to me.  She did not deny the fact ~ how could she?  Everybody lies.

What does it matter that she did not deny that she has lied to me?

More importantly, why did I say that I knew she had lied to me?  That achieves nothing good in a relationship.

I’m afraid it’s a hangover from my suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, where I sabotaged and destroyed every relationship and friendship I’ve ever had.  Telling someone you care for that you know she has lied to you goes a fair way towards destroying a relationship.

I need to do much, much better than that.  My friend deserves much much better than that from me.  I deserve much better for myself than that kind of stupid comment.  It shows no mindfulness whatsoever.

I’m afraid that, because of the inclement weather, I am spending far too much time alone brooding in the garret.  It isn’t good for me, and I know I need to walk near the sea and meditate.  I know need to accept people as they are, and not expect them to be the way I wish them to be.  I need to accept that sometimes there is a good reason that people have lied to me.

The world is as it is, and not as I would wish it to be.  But, perhaps with a lot of effort I can turn this situation around and get past my paranoia.

Magic happens.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

love, trust, doubt

P1040978

~

when a man cannot trust himself

then he can never truly trust another

when a man does not appreciate beauty

he will never trust the honesty of true love

once that selfish man was me, but nevermore

~

P1010716words and pictures by jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

liebster-12

 

Speaking the Truth in Love

P1040328

Mores and Precepts I Must Live By

what is love?

love is life

without love

there is no life

After my return from the outer darkness, and partial recovery from misery and suffering in body, mind, and spirit, I have taken to meditation.  In a deep meditative state I realised that I have never been true to my own self, nor to my own standards.

Never in my whole life have I been truly honest, moral, principled…  Never in my entire life have I been the courageous, honourable, unswerving man I professed to be.

Hence, these are the mores and precepts I must now live by in truth

Time is valuable, it is all I have to give.

Friendship is not a bargain.

Do not confuse Desire with Love.

Trust knows no limits.

Love is unconditional, (including my love for myself).

My first reaction to my own decision to write and publish this list was that these self-evident truths were too difficult, that there must be an easier, softer, way.  However, for this man, there are no other choices.

On reflection, this is the clearer pathway, because these are all yes / no conditions.  I am either your friend, or not.  I either trust you completely, or I don’t trust you at all.  I either love someone, or I don’t.

My path to being the man I should always have been is clear.  I’ve written it above in five lines, in simple words even I can understand.

P1010853jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

Complete Honesty

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.  Oscar Wilde, The Importance of being Earnest

liarShould one always tell the truth?  Do you always tell the truth to your partner?  The whole truth, without hesitation, deviation or prevarication?  Or, like most of the people on this planet are you sometimes guilty of little white lies, lies of omission, and outright bare-faced lies?

It isn’t the truth unless it’s the whole truth, and a secret is the next thing to an outright lie.

Some say that it’s easier to tell the truth to a complete stranger than it is to your partner.  And, that what they don’t know can’t hurt them.  All I know is that all lies are discovered eventually, and every discovered lie takes away trust.  Doing things in the dark doesn’t hide them forever.

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Telling the truth isn’t easy.  Telling the entire, and completely honest truth needs trust and commitment.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. ~ Mark Twain

Telling the ‘Honest to God’ truth is akin to opening a Pandora’s box.  One never knows what we are going to discover once the box is open.  There may be things in your past that you would rather not admit to.  There may be things in your past you think your partner would never understand.  Whatever is in your past will come to light eventually, so why not be truthful?   Yeah right, never in a million years.

PANDORA

My girl wants to know about me.  She has asked to know my secrets and innermost thoughts.  She wants to know what drives me, makes me tick, makes me who I am…

I can’t tell her any of that without telling her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  This requires a huge leap of faith on both our parts.  But, because this is something she really needs and wants from me I have to take that leap of faith without asking anything in return.  Her trust and happiness will be reward enough.

regretOr, the things I may tell her could drive us apart.  Yet I will tell her the truth, without hesitation, deviation or prevarication.  They say confession is good for the soul.  She will have my complete honesty.  So, help me God.

~

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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