Tag Archives: Suicide

Remember, Remember

Remember the 5th of November, Treason and Gunpowder Plot

Today England, London, remembers the 1605 Catholic Plot by Guy Fawkes and his cronies to blow up the Houses of Parliament while King James the First, the Lord’s, and Members of Parliament were all in there.  The plot failed and Guy Fawkes was sentenced to death by being hung, drawn, and quartered.  Luckily for Fawkes he either fell, or was pushed, from the scaffold before his sentence could be carried out.

England still celebrates Guy Fawkes death to this very day.  The English are obsessive when it comes to remembering things.

I Remember…..  I am blessed / cursed with a near ‘eidetic memory’ – I hardly ever forget anything, except names which I seem to forget on purpose  This says a lot about my psyche and the Borderline Personality Disorder that goes along with it.

On the upside, this makes me very effective, efficient, organised…..  The penalties are that I remember every hurt, betrayal, and negative emotion as though these bad things were happening right now.  I become angry, jealous, paranoid, and almost suicidal over things that happened days, weeks, years ago.  This leads me into doing really stupidly bad things just to assuage the hurt.

Nobody can be happy living the way I was living.  It’s hard enough just to go on existing if you are living the way I was.

I tried to teach myself to forget.  That did not work.

Instead I taught myself how to accept and understand.  Accept that shit happens, and understand that past trauma cannot actually hurt me in the here and now.

How did I teach myself to let go of the past?  Through a lot of hard work, patience, and self-love.  I took care of my health and fitness in body, mind, and spirit.  And finally I learned to be open, honest, and forgiving of myself and others.

I will write more of my journey from the hellish rock-bottom I managed to reach, to the sunlit  meadow by the sea that I live in today.

Some say that we should never forgive and never forget.  And that revenge is a dish best served cold.  All I know is that nobody likes an obnoxious, misanthropic, angry jerk.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Mr. Hyde is a dangerous place to be

Solitude’s Brooding Despondency

Black_beach

have you ever known love

then cast the first stone

dead leaves wind-blown?

have you ever been alone

felt the need to atone

that cuts to the bone

while your sorrow has grown?

have you ever just flown

abandoned the safety zone

your life’s work overthrown?

cannot live with depression

deadly dreams harsh distress

desiring the empty death

have you never known love?

~

?????????????????????words and seascape by jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

%d bloggers like this: