Tag Archives: Stress

Boxing Day ~ British

A day between the insantity of Christmas and the drudgery of normality.

Boxing Day isn’t an old tradition here, only going back a couple of hundred years or so.  What’s supposed to happen today is that we give servants, postmen, errand-boys, chimney-sweeps, and milkmen their ‘Christmas Box’ of maybe a sixpence.

What actually happens is a lot of sport and a hell of a lot of shopping.  The Sales start today and about twice as much money gets spent here as on the recently imported ‘Black Friday’.

I will admit that I plan to visit some of the better local stores today because I’m working on being the best version of me that I can possibly be.

So WTF has that got to do with shopping?

I want to change my look, my health, my place ~ and that means out with some of the old and in with some better new stuff.  I’m trying a different, maybe more fashionable, but certainly more ‘English’ and preppier look in clothes ~ even to wear when I’m a visiting tourist in other countries.  Why would I want to look like a Californian when I’m in California, or a Frenchman when I’m in France?  (OK I have no objection to looking like a cool Italian guy anytime, sans the man-bag.)  And, as Shakespeare said; the clothes maketh the man.

As for buying stuff to help improve my health and fitness…..  I hate to admit this, and don’t tell a soul, but I want a blender because I have accepted the health benefits of the whole ‘smoothie’ thing.  I know, neither manly, nor English.  But sometimes a cool guy needs to bend a little.  It seems that if you want to get the full benefits from spinach you need to have it in a smoothie.

My place needs some new art, lighting, and bed linen.  Probably I will need to look further afield than this one-donkey town to find that stuff, but I’m used to doing that.  For example, I always bought my silk ties in either Florence or Sienna, (which is also where I usually bought an annual boot-load, (trunk-load), of olive oil and wine).

So, sometimes even a cool guy should spend a little time shopping.  The trick I find is to know what I want before I venture out, and never, ever get stressed.

Stress will kill you.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

let others get stressed if they wish

Feel Better, Live Longer

A calm mind and good health are life’s greatest blessings.

As a matter of fact, I have recently been shown that I cannot have good health if I do not have a calm mind, and that stress is the root cause of many, (if not most), illnesses.  But, not all stress is bad – for example the stress we put our bodies under when we exercise is good for us.  It’s bad stress from work, money worries, relationship problems and the like that we need to avoid, because this distresses us in body, mind, and spirit.  Scientists and doctors know that severe distress can cause physical illnesses up to and including cancer.

There are a number of fairly simple tools we can use to help us cope with distress, help us feel better, help keep us fitter in body, mind, and spirit – ultimately live a longer, healthier, and happier life.  For me, these tools include;

  • Good Nutrition.  A balanced diet of organic natural foods, without overeating or crash dieting, or using ‘fashionable’ diet regimes.
  • Taking the right Supplements, especially vitamin B12, vitamin C, vitamin E, Folate, and Zinc.
  • Fresh air and exercise, walking 10,000 plus steps a day and using weights.
  • Rest and good sleep, which for most of us equates to 7 hours of quality sleep per night.
  • Meditation and Relaxation, reading motivational books, listening to empowering speakers.
  • Avoiding too much TV, social media, or computer gaming – especially late at night.

It’s also important to keep mentally active doing calming things which are not related at all to work or anything else which distresses you. Perhaps, try reading the classics out aloud.

In addition, in the past I’ve drank too much booze, and that distresses the body terribly, but then so does smoking and taking any drugs whatsoever.  So, if you are a drinker, smoker, or addict, then you have to lose those bad habits, or die earlier and in poorer health than you should.

If you want a longer, healthier, and better life, then make some common-sense changes to what you do, and avoid creating distress of your body, mind, and spirit.

Some say that having a purpose in life helps to keep you younger and healthier.  And, that having a programme of physical, mental, and spiritual health is an essential part of enjoying a good life.  All I know is that I’d rather live longer and healthier than die younger and in poor health.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

enjoy the dawn and the sunset of the day

Anxiety, Stress, and Worry

How To Achieve Inner Peace.

bank-of-englandBack when I was an overpaid banker in the City of London I used to suffer terribly from anxiety, stress, and worrying too much about everything and nothing.  I was even hospitalised for 8 weeks due to stress, (and because of the effects of my chosen anti-anxiety medication ~ drinking too much booze).

We are all different, we all feel our emotions in different ways, and we all react differently to stress.  However, there are some stress and worry prone personalities ~ these are the people who are always in a hurry, who have to be the best at everything, who can’t ever say no, who spread themselves thin, who push themselves beyond all rational limits.  I used to be that man, and I used to be the best there ever was in my chosen profession, with all the trappings of success, including crushing unhappiness.  A recipe for illness and an early death.

I am no longer that man, partly because I now firmly believe that;

  • Everyone should put their own needs first, only when I feel comfortable, settled, and secure with my own life can I begin to give of myself and share with others in a healthy way.
  • Feeling bad about the past, and punishing myself for all my past mistakes, is utterly pointless.  I have no control over the past and no amount of regret, remorse, or bad feelings can change history.
  • My feelings and emotions are not some mysterious and uncontrollable force that has me at their mercy.  I do not have to go on feeling bad forever.
  • To be a good, conscientious and worthy man I don’t have to continually worry and fret about what the future has in store, and what I’m going to do about it all.
  • My worth as a man is not determined by the opinions of others.  If people don’t like me and don’t like what I do, then they can just fuck off.
  • I am not responsible for the feelings of others, especially I am not ultimately responsible for the feelings of those I care for.
  • Life is difficult and painful, shit happens, and not every day is going to be better than the one before.  Deal with it and do not take it personally ~ the Cosmos does not care.
  • All of my feelings and problems are my own, they are not always caused by other people, there is no point in blaming others when I feel bad, or I don’t get what I want, or when shit happens.
  • I cannot change what happens to me, but I can change how I react and what I do about it all.

I defy anyone to fundamentally disagree with any or all of those statements.  They are are true, and believing in them, and living by them, is something you can learn.

Your feelings and thoughts are yours and yours alone.  To make your life better you must take responsibility for your own emotions, feelings, and what you do about them.  To make your life better beyond your wildest dreams you must learn self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit.  There is no one else to blame, at the end of the day there is only you and what you choose to do.

My will shall shape my future.  Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own.  I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze.  My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.  ~  Elaine Maxwell.

Anxiety, stress, and worry, are merely imaginings of all the bad things that have happened, are happening, and could happen in the future.  The truth is that bemoaning your fate is just an abrogation of responsibility.  Be an urban warrior, be cool, calm, and collected.  Take full responsibility for your own life, and live the good life with serenity and inner peace.

~

winthese thoughts are mine,

and mine alone

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

When You’re Alone

LIFE IS FULL OF LONELINESS, MISERY AND SUFFERING

Some men give up on relationships and decide they would be better off on their own.

old-man-fishing

is it better for a man to be alone?

Man is a social animal.  Human beings generally prefer to live in a community.  Our lives depend on other humans.  Our connections to others is the key to our survival, success, and happiness.  Any man who is unsocial is either beneath our notice or more than human.  Hard experience teaches us that women are by nature far more social than men.  The same hard experience teaches us that women have a more complex and deeper set of emotions than do men, but that men find difficulty in coping with any emotions whatsoever.  The things others do can change the way we feel, think and act.  Most people don’t like to be alone, and the presence of specific others can give us great pleasure.  Love and sex is mostly better when there is a man and a woman involved.

CASUAL-SEX

love and sex is usually better if there is a man and a woman involved

What all this means is that our happiness may appear to depend on other human beings.

Putting one’s happiness in the hands of another is a guaranteed road to unhappiness.  Yet this is a mistake most of us make, most of the time.  Even the English language conspires to make certain most of us rely on others to validate our feelings; ‘You made me unhappy…’  how often have you heard something like that?  How unfair is that?  Making someone else responsible for your feelings puts everyone in an impossible situation.  Half of the time I don’t even know what I feel, let alone the proximate cause of those feelings.  Most psychologists will tell you that we are each responsible for our own feelings, and practical experience tells me that as soon as I rely on the actions or assumed feelings of someone else to create my feelings, then it’s one short step to deep unhappiness.

Why then is this unstable dichotomy such a universal model, particularly in romantic relationships?

Partly it’s learned behaviour, and by learned I mean it begins in infancy.  Just about the worst thing that can happen to an infant is being abandoned by its mother.  Generally that results in the death of the infant, unless a surrogate mother is immediately available and willing to take on the baby.  Probably from the moment of birth, (perhaps before that even), an infant has a healthy fear of being alone.  For an infant; Being Alone = Being Dead

A morbid fear of being alone is either called Autophobia or Monophobia, depending upon the exact flavour of the fear.  This kind of distress can be characterised as a fear of being lonely, and then by a fear of being without a specific person.  Sounds as though all romantic relationships have a little of that going on.

As adults, we are each in control of our own lives.  Many find that a scary situation.  Almost all of us have been raised in a group, with all the complexities of group dynamics imprinted onto our psyche from an early age.  If we have been lucky we will have been raised in a stable, two-parent, family, with siblings.  The snag is that this teaches us all about worry and guilt.  Guilt in this case meaning that universal currency in interpersonal relationships; ‘You did something I don’t like, therefore I will not love you, unless you do something extra for me to make up for your mistake…’

Supposedly guilt is different from remorse, but most dictionaries include the one word in their definition of the other.  Both guilt and remorse are about the past.  The Past is Past and Gone, there is nothing anyone can do about it.  so, unless you have genuinely done something wrong, are honestly sorry about that, and intend to change your behaviour in the future, guilt is mostly pointless.

Worry is generally about being afraid of doing something / not doing something, the net result of which is that people we consider important to our happiness will not love us as much as we want them to.  Going further than that, worry is about the fear that people in whom we have placed responsibility for our happiness will ultimately abandon us.  Nothing is forever.  Change is the natural order of things.  Worrying is very pointless.

Some say that worrying is what stops bad things from happening ~ that if bankers had worried a bit more about sub-prime mortgages we wouldn’t have had a financial crash.  Or, that if Lana Del Rey worried a bit more about her reputation she wouldn’t have recorded a song called Fucked My Way Up To The Top.

As it goes this is all rubbish.  Worrying achieves nothing.  If we want the present and future to be different to the way they are likely to be, then we need to make a plan and solve the problem.  Wishing does not make it so.  Dread does nothing to stop bad things from happening.  Fear of change is usually worse than change itself.  Unrequited love is a problem to be solved, not something you need to live with.

tom-hanks-and-cast-away

just because you love her doesn’t mean she is in love with you

In most societies the stable interpersonal relationship is between one man and one woman.  Sometimes this relationship is formalised as marriage, and it is to be assumed that no two people get married with the intention of making the both of them miserable.  Yet this is what happens, often people get so unhappy with one-another that the marriage ends in divorce.  With divorce goes blame, which mostly consists of accusing the other person of not doing enough to make you happy.  Putting the responsibility for your happiness in the hand of another is like trusting politicians ~ eventually you will be disappointed.

Stress is necessary for survival.  Without some stress the mind and body will die.  Sensory Deprivation is a form of torture.  Too much of the wrong sort of stress will make you very ill.  Having responsibility without power is extremely stressful.  You have to feel your feelings, you are responsible for feeling your own feelings.  If you put your happiness into the hand of another then you have given up your power to change your feelings.  You will be unhappy, stressed, get drunk, feel ill, attempt suicide…,  All the crap that goes along with bad romantic relationships.

Woman-taking-off-wedding

women can do hurtful things to men

Assume responsibility for your own feelings.  Your worth as a human being is not measured by what others think about you.  You are not responsible for the happiness of others, and they are not responsible for your happiness.  Men should not rely on a woman / women for their happiness.  Women are unreliable by their very nature, they can’t help it.  Women do things to make men deeply unhappy without even realising they are doing it.  Wives and girlfriends are not just readily available sex, they are complex and unpredictable creatures almost designed to create feelings in men, and men have difficulty dealing with feelings.  Do not make her responsible for your happiness, unless you want to be unhappy for the majority of the time.

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