it isn’t stalking if you don’t follow her home
This great track from British Band The Police is actually entitled Every Breath You Take, but the massage of the song is I’ll Be Watching You. It kind of fits my mood today. It isn’t the best love song ever written
Stalking? Nope, not me, not ever.
Once I walk away, I walk away forever.
not exactly my kind of woman
in true love infinite dreams come alive
Many have said; ‘I love you…’ when what they mean is; ‘I want you, I desire you, I need you…..’ and yet, perhaps is that not also a manifestation of love. Perhaps wanting, desiring, needing, sexual lust….. are all but facets of love. Or perhaps not, because one can love a fellow human being without it being sexual or physical. Sex is not love.
The Ancient Greek philosophers recognised six types of love, and being philosophers they may have been correct.
- Eros ~ sexual passion
- Philia ~ deep friendship
- Ludus ~ playful love
- Agape ~ love for everyone
- Pragma ~ long lasting love
- Philautia ~ love of self
Nothing being perfect, there was later #7 Storge ~ love of the child.
The author Mary McMahon outlined a round dozen different types of love; New Love, Routine Love, Disgusting Love, Infatuation Love, Friend Love, Fake Love, They’re ‘It’ Love, In It To Win It Love, Tragic Love, Parental Love, Unhealthy Love, Old People Love. As it goes; I will firmly state that none of those is a decent description or explanation of real love.
In high chivalric romance, the most perfect form of love was Courtly Love; which describes the relationship between a Knight Errant and a married noblewoman ~ his unattainable Lady Fair. This unconsummated passion was thought to be ennobling and righteous. Like most of chivalry there are numerous impossible rules surrounding Courtly Love.
Courtly Love differs immensely from the commonest form of love of them all Unrequited Love. Which, is just one step away from infatuation and stalking.
At the other end of the scale, and on the other side of the coin is Unconditional Love, which is just as dangerous and one-sided as unrequited love.
According to modern neuroscience there are 10 signs or symptoms of being in love; addiction, obsession, recklessness, lust, focus, heightened memory, eye contact, euphoria, touching, lack of judgement. Possibly, and who am I to argue with the women in white coats.
For men, I could add another sign when it comes to being in love; loss of interest in other women. I have no idea if the converse is true for women ~ I suspect not.
All of the above would seem to have elements of truth in them, which would lead one to suspect that love is a very complicated emotion, set of feelings, group of actions, slew of hormones….
I think not. I firmly believe that true love means one thing, and if you ain’t got it you’re not in love.
True love means wanting your beloved to be safe and happy, no matter what.
not courtly love at all
more Lancelot and Guinevere
stalking is a serious crime with serious consequences
Stalking is cruel and incessant torture that can have terrifying results. The victim of a stalker can be tormented for years, left too scared to go anywhere, to leave their home, scared of the telephone ringing, unnerved by the slightest unexpected sound. Stalking is a crime that can paralyze an otherwise normal woman with fear, paranoia, and dread.
Your stalker is probably also an alcoholic, they have a sixth sense and know when you change your routine. Sometimes when you plan to be far away from anywhere they would expect you to be they will come home early, or call you, or when you stop to get petrol, (gas), they will be at the same gas station.
Stalkers have an obsessive over-identification with their unwilling target but also a latent envy of their talents and beauty. If they can’t possess the object of their obsession totally, they will destroy the victim’s qualities that they can never have. ~ Stewart Stafford.
Stalkers are cunning. Stalking can happen to you with or without a fear of physical violence, but it will involve verbal and mental abuse. This is not acceptable but is very difficult to prove and the authorities will be reluctant to take strong action. Stalking can even involve you constantly receiving flowers and other gifts, and there is fuck-all chance that the authorities will take any action over that.
Stalking also leads to threatening behaviour, physical attacks, serious sexual assault, serious physical harm, and murder.
The sad thing is that reality says that you will be your stalker’s active object of obsession for anywhere from one month to forty-some years ~ probably the rest of your sad and tortured life. So how to win?
Trust your instincts. Your family, friends, children will pressure you to downplay your stalker’s behaviour. Don’t, your own safety is your #1 priority, not keeping other people happy.
Call the police if you feel in immediate, clear, and present danger.
Keep a record, a stalking diary, tape all his phone calls and any verbal contact he has with you. Save all emails, texts, letters, photos, cards, and postings on social networking sites. In any event, if you are being stalked get off all social networking sites.
Get a restraining order from the courts ~ your stalker will undoubtedly ignore this.
Find a victims’ group, but beware, stalkers also try to attend these groups.
Murder, or having your stalker beaten up is not a good plan for you.
There is only one effective way to defeat your stalker, and that is to bug out, do the big geographical, just plan on getting out ~ but unless you really leave your old life behind your stalker will find you.
Some say that stalking is just a serious of coincidences. And that there is a very fine line between serendipity and stalking. All I know is that some ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, and estranged daughters need and deserve all the protection they can get.
eventually your stalker will grab you by the throat, you don’t have to let him choke you