Tag Archives: Splitting

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished~  Lao Tzu

the evening always happens in its own good time

What if all behaviour has a probability of both success and failure?  How would we increase the chances of our being successful, and decrease the probability of our failing?  Well the first thing we have to do is stop seeing everything in terms of Yes / No, Black / White, Angels / Demons, and instead begin to accept that the world and the people we meet exist in shades of grey.  Instead of our totally failing at something, we need to accept the premise that it is possible to be moderately successful.

This goes against everything I believe and live by.  I have a personality disorder, and one of the traits of this illness is called Splitting ~ seeing everything in black and white, being completely successful, or a total failure ~ with nothing in between.  Everything in me says there should be no shades of grey.

Real life is not like that.  You may have a pretty good marriage without it being perfect.  Or, you might have a decent job without it being your ideal career.  And, you might be reasonably healthy without looking like a Greek God with a hell of an adonis belt.  To be more successful we need to accept that life is what it is, and then work fucking very hard to get more of what we like, want, need, and desire, and less of the things that annoy us, make us angry, depress us, and make us feel like crap.

One way to do the hard work to achieve greater success is to get away from our black and white thinking need to make immediate changes, our need for instant gratification, our need to make things happen Now!  Instead we should learn to use patience and time in our favour.

I do things fast.  I think fast, I read fast, I solve problems quickly, I jump to conclusions, I am impulsive, I have vicious mood swings, and they happen Fast!  This is all part of the borderline personality disorder I suffer from, and I know I need to control this.  The wiser man takes his time to think before he acts.

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.  ~  George Savile

Charging off at the far horizon is all very well ~ it’s exhilarating and exciting.  But what if it’s the wrong horizon, what if you’re going in the wrong direction?  The wiser man takes time to prepare, to make certain he is ready, to ensure that he’s going in the right direction.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.  ~  Abraham Lincoln

When there is time, the wise man uses that time to his best advantage.  Only when there is something truly urgent and immediate does a wise man act fast.  And, in an emergency all the good stuff he has done in the past, because he was patient enough to always do the very best he could, all that good stuff will come to his aid and strengthen his arm to help him to do the right thing, even when he has to do it fast.

In the long run we shall do more by sometimes doing less.  ~  Charles Spurgeon

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

you just know who is going to win this one

 

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

even when I feel nothing, I feel it totally and intensely

Beautiful Nothingness

Personality disorders are a type of mental health problem where attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours cause longstanding difficulties in your life.  Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), is a serious mental illness characterised by extreme emotional instability, rapid and violent mood swings, and a terrible fear of abandonment.

There is no shortage of deception, abandonment, and betrayal out there.  The world is full of lying, uncaring, unstable people.  We may give our hearts, time, and spend our money to and for those who do not care for us as much as we would like them to, our expectations are not met, and this causes us much pain.  For those who have Borderline Personality Disorder any failure to meet their expectations creates immense suffering because it magnifies their extreme behavioral traits.

Sufferers of Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), can exhibit 9 extreme behavioral traits or symptoms;

  1. Chronic and morbid fear of abandonment.  You would do anything to stop people from leaving you, yet you will make it happen.
  2. Intense, chaotic, and unstable interpersonal relationships; from intimate, to family members, to coworkers….. People around suffers of BPD often feel as though they are on an extreme rollercoaster.
  3. Unstable or no self-image, or sense of self.  Who am I?  Why am I here?
  4. Damaging impulsivity, self-destructive behaviour, behaving without thinking, taking risks; such as reckless driving, drink driving, problem drinking, casual sex, gambling, impulsive spending.
  5. Melancholia and depression leading towards self harm, thoughts of suicide, threats of suicide, attempted suicide. Sometimes the attempted suicide works and people die.
  6. Inappropriate, rapid, intense, and extreme mood swings; anxiety and depression, anger, euphoria…..
  7. A feeling of emptiness, pointlessness, ennui.
  8. Intense, immediate, inappropriate explosive anger that is difficult to control, followed by almost immediate remorse.  People walk on eggshells around someone with BPD.
  9. Severe paranoia, suspicion, disassociation, feeling spaced-out, out of body experiences.

to be diagnosed with BPD you suffer from 5 or more of the nasty things listed above.

People who have BPD do not handle stress or unexpected events well ~ the extreme behavioural traits listed above will get worse if the sufferer is under external or internal stress, or if something unexpected happens, or if they are told something they don’t expect.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, and from time to time I have exhibited all 9 of the traits listed above.  Like most people with BPD I cope very badly with stress and the unexpected.  I am also very prone to what is called Splitting, which is black and white thinking, complete focus; which means that people, places, and things are either all good, or all bad ~ but this judgement can change very rapidly.

Some say that I am too sensitive, that I feel too much.  And, that I always seem to destroy everything.  All I know is that I’m so happy that I can’t stop crying.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sometimes pain is good

the thorns are as beautiful as the rose

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