where you are right now is where you were meant to be
Earlier this week I treated myself to the Beatles album Sgt, Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, on vinyl of course. This is a brand new pressing re-mastered to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the original release in May 1967. There is something very atmospheric about recreating the days of one’s youth.
Obviously I would have like to have bought an original ‘first pressing,’ and there are a couple for sale; on Amazon yet! But, even I’m not going to pay something like $750 for 12 inches of black vinyl that I would never have dared to play. Ergo this new pressing is a great buy for me.
There are some fab, groovy tracks on this album ~ but I’ve chosen this one because right now it’s very meaningful for me.
Ringo wasn’t a great singer, but then he wasn’t really a great drummer either.
I wonder where I can buy a pair of loon pants?
Or an original Mini Cooper?
Try not to go all 1960’s on me
a friend in need is a friend indeed
the light at the eye of the storm
When your life turns to dross, when you are there at the eye of the storm and you don’t know which way to turn, that’s when you find out who your true friends are. When you are at your lowest ebb, and you’ve hit rock bottom, a true friend will seek you out and give you whatever help they can, even if it’s the toughest kind of love.
In my life I’ve been lucky enough, or worthy enough, to have found a couple of friends like that. One kept me alive when I had pleurisy, double pneumonia, and five broken ribs ~ and like some very stubborn and stupid men I refused to go into hospital, then this true friend nursed me through my illness. The other has always been there for me through my bad times, when the insanity of Borderline Personality Disorder had me drunk and attacking her verbally and in writing she stuck around for me.
I have also been fortunate to meet some people here, on wordpress, whom I consider true friends.
Anyone can be a friend when times are good, and I had plenty of ‘friends’ when I was the life and soul of the party, making more money than I could spend. But that sort of friend soon disappears when the money tap is turned off, when depression hits, when times are bad ~ and I include an ex in that list of ‘friends’. Maybe I wasn’t always good to my ex, but I did the best I could, and it turned out she couldn’t be a true friend when I was in dire straits.
True friendship, like true love, is perhaps not unconditional, but close to it. I know this much is true; nothing in life is unconditional, if someone treats you bad you are not going to be their friend for long. However, a true friendship is not a bargain nor a contract. A true friend does not put conditions on their friendship. Sadly most relationships are bargains, even if unspoken bargains ~ ‘I’ll do this for you, if you do that for me…..’ I’ll be your friend if you get sober for me….. I’ll be your friend if you shower me with expensive gifts…..
As it goes, marriages are contracts. The whole content of a church wedding is to lay out the terms of the marriage contract. No wonder not many husbands and wives are true friends.
Some say that a friend is someone who will forgive your worst mistakes. And that a friend doesn’t walk out when the going gets tough. All I know is that anything is possible if you have a true friend to support you.
when there is only one set of footsteps in the snow, that’s when your friend carried you
whatever you want from me only love and friendship can give
I learned that I can still cry
sorrow is the other face of joy
to grieve silently is to be human
lost and broken and yet I’m a man
now all this friend can say is goodbye
you were the only love I’ve ever known
dawn in New Mexico
a better time to say farewell
a single rose can be my garden ~ a single friend, my world
Many believe that just because they spend a lot of time with someone, then they are friends. Or if they are lovers, then they must also be friends. Or if they just like being with someone, then they must be friends. Perhaps, and perhaps real and true friendship means much more than that.
Generally, two people are drawn together for some very simple and constantly repeating reasons. And the most common of these is that they are co-workers. It’s difficult to spend 8 hours a day with someone without wanting them to be your friend. There are also some good reasons to be friends with your co-workers; like it gives you someone to go to lunch with. On the other hand, I’ve worked very closely with people I hated ~ just couldn’t stand them, and outside of working together saw and spoke to them as little as possible.
Common interests also bring people together, for example liking the same sport, pastime, or hobby. I became friendly with some people I went to a group with, but whether we were real friends is another matter. I also became friends with some guys I played golf with, but outside of a liking golf we had few other things in common, (except we came from the same socio-economic background).
Common interests include some things that will never create true friendships; ‘drinking buddies’, drugs, gambling, casual sex, stealing….. generally things that people do after dark.
Shared values also bring people together, and here the list is long and strange. We can include; truth and honesty, thrift and generosity, the church, religion, human rights, charitable causes, politics, green issues, animal protection, belief in a flat Earth, belief in UFOs, belief in extra-terrestrial civilisations, belief in past lives….. The thing is, if people share the same values they also tend to create groups to support their values and special interests. But, shared values are not enough to create a true friendship, they just bring people together.
Conversely, if two people have very divergent values they can never become true friends.
Of course, one reason people might say they are friends is if they are having sex. Fucking someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re friends ~ probably people who just have sex are not real friends. Some marriages might have good sex in them without the partners being true friends.
As far as I’m concerned, before yesterday I was never a true and honest friend with anyone, ever. I suffer from a serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, and unless and until you are recovering from that you cannot ever be a real friend to anyone ~ there is just to much boiling shit going on in your mind. Today I know I am recovering from my illness, and today I hope I have 3 friends. Three is a good number.
Some say that honest people never hear the truth. And that very honest people are very impolite. All I know is that real friendship is based on honesty, openness, and trust.
today there is a garden in my life
the kiss of the sun for pardon
the song of the birds for mirth
you are nearer your love in a garden
than anywhere else on earth
I’ve got troubles, and you’ve got them too
but together we can always see it through
there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do, for you
you’ve got a friend in me, my love is true
you’ve got a friend in me
Real friendship asks nothing and gives everything.
Please listen responsibly
can’t wait to see you again
so I can learn to understand
how to be only just a friend
hoping love has not ended
and I can be with you again
words and pictures by jack collier