we are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think and believe
Neuroplasticity is the ability your brain has to rewire and restructure itself according to usage and needs. The more we use certain parts of our brain, the stronger they get. Conversely, the less we use certain parts of our brain the weaker they get. So, if your brain spends a lot of its time being depressed, then the part of your brain / body that is depressed, that creates sadness, melancholy, and hopelessness in you, will become stronger and larger. You will get better and better at being depressed.
Whereas, if you fill your life with joy, companionship, and happiness, then the part of your brain / body that deals with those things will become stronger and larger ~ you will become better and better at pleasure, satisfaction, and elation.
Weird, but that’s the way it really works.
If you learn a new and difficult skill, particularly one which involves both the mind and body; golf, tennis, touch typing, knitting, carpentry, learning to drive….. then your brain will change, enlarge, and strengthen to allow you to get good at your chosen pastime or occupation.
Because of the power of neuroplasticity, you can, in fact, reframe your world and rewire your brain so that you are more objective. You have the power to see things as they are so that you can respond thoughtfully, deliberately, and effectively to everything you experience. ~ Elizabeth Thornton.
The really interesting part is that we can use neuroplasticity on purpose to create and reinforce a change in ourselves. With each repetition of thought or feeling we reinforce a particular set of neural pathways. These small changes, frequently enough repeated, lead to changes in how our brains work. Neuroplasticity offers us the opportunity to make real and lasting psychological changes in the way our brain / body works.
There are a number of exercises we can use to enhance the interconnectedness of our neural pathways, and they are both intellectual and physical. For example, regularly only using your ‘wrong’ hand promotes left / right brain connectedness, while reading a good, difficult, and stimulating book promotes the efficiency of the intellectual and memory parts of the brain.
The key is repetition and keeping on practicing until whatever it that you want becomes a habit and your normal way of life. If you want to stop being jealous, then practice being tolerant, accepting, trusting and understanding. As they say in AA; ‘fake it to make it’.
Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And that once a sinner, always a sinner. All I know is that the phenomenon of neuroplasticity allows us to be whoever and whatever we want to be.
you can change and strengthen your brain / body so you could build anything
I was born alone, but I carry the spirit and blood of my ancestors.
I know my name. I know where and when I was born. I firmly believe that I knew who my parents were. I know that in my life I have had money, wealth, property ~ all resulting from working hard in my chosen profession. I don’t know very much about myself at all.
Like many men I have been disappointed and dissatisfied with Life ~ especially in matters of the heart. Like many men I have gone through Life thinking that there should be more, and that I should do better.
Much of these vague feelings of dissatisfaction were a result of my brain and mind not functioning as nature intended as a result of unhealthy stress. Too much bad, unhealthy stress results in reduced Gamma wave activity, reduced mental acuity, pessimism, negativity, fatigue, and ill-health. No wonder many of us have felt disappointed and dissatisfied for much of our lives.
At it’s heart bad, toxic, unhealthy stress is a result of fear. However, now I shall have a fearless engagement with Life that shall be the core condition for satisfaction, high performance, constructive relationships, and greater well-being.
This will take a fundamental change in attitude to rewire my brain and reprogram my subconscious mind until this fearless and confident attitude becomes second nature
This is a very difficult thing to do, requiring a total reexamination of just who the hell and am and just who the hell I want to be. What foundations am I building this new Life upon? What are going to be my building blocks for a strong, solid, and fearless Life?
There are some words; kind, caring, compassionate, polite, gentlemanly, generous, focus, faithfulness, brave, fearless, determined, confident, cool, peaceful….. But perhaps I just need one word which encompasses all of that ~ and ‘good isn’t good enough.
However, I am one small step closer to knowing exactly what needs to be done to unburden myself of the emotional and spiritual obstacles I have been hiding behind. I’m not seeking instant gratification, nor some advantage over others. I am seeking to become a superior man ~ in comparison with what has gone before.
It has taken much hard work to bring me to where I am today, but this is not the moment to rest. There are challenges ahead and I have a strong desire to manifest real and successful change through hard work and dedication to a long-term plan.
Some say that I really don’t know who I am. And that sometimes I just don’t give a fuck. All I know is that I can rebuild myself, better than before. This man can build just about anything.
I made this car
you never change your life until you step outside of your comfort zone
We all of us have safe routines and habits that almost never change. Most small teddy bears are afraid of the sea. Most people are a little afraid of the new, the strange, and the different.
Every day we go to work, we dress in the same clothes in the same style, we eat the same food. Our circle of friends pretty much never changes. We visit our parents at the weekend, and we spend the rest of each weekend doing almost the same things we did last weekend. We have our favourite seat at the bar in our usual pub, and our favourite type of booze to drink at home.
That picture is intensified if we have a partner, because not only do we live within our own comfort zone, we also feel that we have to live within theirs. Actually, some people do have to live well within their partner’s comfort zone, because to do otherwise would invite dire consequences.
Mostly we do not invite new and different experiences into our lives. Often we judge others harshly for sometimes doing things differently, and for stepping outside what we think is their role in our lives. Often we resent that people we know, our family and friends, for seeking to expand their own horizons, find new opportunities, seek out new experiences, and try to find new friends and lovers.
It’s sort of OK for you to resent it if people you know are trying to find something new in their lives ~ something that doesn’t necessarily involve you. All of us suffer from a fear of abandonment to one extent or another, and resenting someone close to you if they try to find new horizons is merely an unconscious expression of that fear of abandonment. But get over it. Just because your friend is looking for new friends doesn’t mean they are going to leave you behind ~ unless you’ve really pissed them off. Who knows? Your friend’s new friends may become your friends too.
You know what? It’s all about you. Welcome new experiences, visit new places, make new friends, try dressing differently, do something crazy once in a while.
Some say that it’s better to build walls around themselves than to risk getting hurt again. And, that the tried and trusted is safer than looking for something different. All I know is that this month I will do at least one new, different, and crazy thing.
getting in the sea with her would be truly outside of my comfort zone.
You will find your true life path when your inner compass is steady.
Each of us has an inner compass deep within our subconscious mind, and this controls and regulates everything we do, each and every hour of every single day. The snag is, sometimes our inner compass doesn’t point to the moral and ethical equivalent of North, and sometimes our inner compass just spins out of control.
We also have maps, models, and frameworks in our subconsciousness. And these maps, models, and frameworks allow us to make sense of the world and our family, our partner, our work, and the all the rest of our environment. These maps, models, and frameworks are what allows us to have any kind of a relationship with others because they help us to make sense of our body, our heart, our mind, and our spirit and intuition. These maps, models, and frameworks are our inner world. But, each of our inner maps are likely to be very inaccurate and incomplete, and have such helpful annotations such as; ‘Here Be Monsters’, and ‘Impassable Swamp’. Our models and frameworks are often completely wrong too.
Our inner compass, and our maps, models and frameworks are most likely to be utterly and totally wrong when we are under intolerable stress, or have suffered from a recent, (or not so very recent), trauma.
Because we are the Captain of our own ship, trying to navigate our way through this complicated, complex, and dangerous sea of life, we need to put our maps, models, and frameworks in order, we need to find a guiding light ~ sometimes we just have to junk our existing picture of the world and life, starting again with clean sheets of paper. We need to take our authority back to ourselves and ignore or reject all the authority that has been imposed upon us. The patterns and authority imposed upon us is always negative and self-destructive.
We need to become the very best version of ourselves that we can, and take back our self-belief, self-confidence, and self-will. We need to rediscover our truth and purpose, and we can never do that if we rely on outdated maps, inaccurate models, and broken frameworks.
In order to restore health and equilibrium to ourselves, to fix our broken compass, and to make new maps, models, and frameworks to help us make sense of the world we need to realise that much of what we are doing and have done falls into the realm of negativity and self-destruction. In order to rebuild something better we need to junk the old negative ways of thinking and allow new and better into our lives.
This is easy. This quest to become the best version of you that you can possibly be, the way to becoming the true Captain of your own ship, will just require you to work at it for every waking hour for the rest of your life. Regaining control of your inner compass, your maps, models, and frameworks will be a never-ending story.
Some say that self-improvement and self-development books, podcasts, videos, conferences, and retreats are a waste of time. And, some say that there is nothing at all wrong with them and the way the react to the world. All I know is that the harder and longer I try, the better I become.
hold true to a better Goddess
hold true to a cleaner and more positive sea
Dreams do not have deadlines nor commitments…..
Hardly anyone is really in control of their own life. This is doubly true if you happen to be an ‘average person’, who has a job, mortgage, and normal financial commitments ~ face it you have to turn up for work every day, whether you like it or not. Add in a family, who undoubtedly will have expectations of you, and your time is not hardly ever your own. (And, I wasn’t even thinking about the ‘average person’ who is married with children.)
The ‘average person’ can’t really have dreams and desires, unless their dreams and desires happen to fit in with what others expect of you.
Just supposing you want to take a year off, buy an old school bus, turn into a camper van, and see as much of backroads America / Europe, as you possibly can in that year. What do you think your partner / family / friends / employer / neighbours are going to say about that?
I’ll tell you that the likelihood is that their views and words will range from incredulity to negativity, to downright hostility. That is if you are an ‘average person’ living a ‘normal life’. Ergo, to protect yourself you would probably not ever have that kind of empowering dream and desire.
Instead your mind will be filled with things such as; ‘what can I do about my partner / sister / brother…..?’ or ‘how can I afford to pay my bills’, or ‘how can I get a better job?’ or ‘what can I have for lunch / dinner / supper?’
None of us can do anything about our past, except reframe the way we think about it.
Most ‘normal’ and ‘average’ people can do very little about what’s happening to them in the present. The chances are that, for them, today will be pretty much like yesterday. If they have to work for a living the chances are that any working day will be exactly like the working day before. Even their thoughts and conversations will have a mind-numbing repetitious banality.
However, and this is
fucking damned important, we can all do something about our futures.
NOBODY has to settle for the status quo. If there is something or someone in your life that’s sucking the life out of you, then get rid of it / them. If your marriage is crap / abusive / boring, then get out of it. If your job is horrible and badly paid, then leave and get another job ~ there’s nothing like being out of work to put a real edge on job hunting.
There is only one problem ~ most people will never leave their ‘comfort zone’. If that’s you, then it’s time you grew up and grasped your own future with both hands ~ carpe diem.
As for me? I’m a really cool guy, living a great life. I can do just about whatever I want, just about whenever I want ~ within my own pretty rigid code of ethics, and the fact that I don’t ever want to get arrested again.
That van was in Palm Springs
Being alone should hold no terrors for a man.
It’s pretty unlikely that I’m ever going to be stranded on a desert island, get lost in the jungle, or dumped in the middle of the outback. But, I’ve been lost and alone in an urban jungle many, many times. Today, as I write this I’m alone in my apartment with some cool music playing on my hi-fi ~ I’m alone in a modern jungle and I know that every single day I will need all of my hard-learned skills to survive and prosper.
The very, very first hard lesson I learned about being alone and lonely is that staying locked up in one’s own home, bolting the door, and nailing it shut, does not help at all. Doing your shopping at two in the morning at the all-night supermarket, only interacting with other people via the internet, never opening one’s post ~ well that’s just pathetic. However tempting it may be to utterly cut oneself off from the world, it’s not a good plan.
What I learned was;
- Stop drinking. Booze just makes everything much worse.
- Don’t spend money you don’t have, and never borrow a penny.
- Don’t gamble. Gambling is for suckers and sluts. The house always wins in the end.
- Get out of bed, get showered, shaved, shampoo your hair, get dressed in clean clothes.
- Junk all the rags you’ve been wearing for years, go shopping and buy some stylish new stuff. Don’t shop in thrift / goodwill stores because you will look like a used tramp.
- Get some fresh air and exercise, every single day. Start by forcing yourself to walk for an hour a day. Then force yourself to do the 10,000 steps a day thing, and maybe go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week.
- Go travelling into the sunshine.
- Talk to people. Especially a guy should talk to women ~ and not in a creepy way.
- Do something creative. I write this blog.
Life can be good, no matter what has gone before. But the thing is, you have to show up. Mostly Life will not come to you, mostly you have to at least meet Life half way.
Today I am a very cool guy, living a great life. And you know why that is? Because I say it is.
fly me away
to sleep ~ to sleep ~ perchance to dream
Some of us may believe that we suffer from insomnia and resort to taking powerful prescription sleeping pills before bedtime. Others may believe that they just can’t sleep unless they’ve had a few alcoholic drinks at bedtime. Some of us may suffer from restlessness, nightmares, night sweats, or night terrors. And then, some of us just know that we never get a good night’s sleep.
Let me tell you that if you really don’t sleep at all then bad things will happen to you; confusion, hallucinations, lack of concentration, memory loss, mood swings, physical illness, and then you will die. About 10 or 11 days without any sleep at all will kill you.
Rest and sleep are a vital part of a life that is filled with health, vitality, and well-being ~ and here are some things that will help you to have enough restful sleep;
- Get some fresh air and exercise during the day. Try walking 10,000 steps a day, mostly outside.
- Don’t use social media, for about an hour before bedtime. Try to leave the day behind you well before you retire for the evening.
- Don’t eat very much for about an hour before bedtime.
- Don’t drink too much booze, especially just before you go to bed. If you are buzzed, then you can forget having a good night’s sleep.
- Have your bedroom dark, quiet, and fairly cool ~ if you’re sweating at night, either you’ve been drinking or your bedroom is too warm.
- Don’t let your pet into the bedroom, especially don’t let your pet on your bed.
- Go to bed at about the same time every night, and get out of bed at about the same time every morning. And, never, ever hit the snooze button on your alarm.
Mostly if you can’t sleep it’s one of 2 things; not enough fresh air and exercise during the day, too much booze.
Or, you could think you’re in love, or you’re worried about something. If that’s the case, leave those disturbing thoughts and feelings until tomorrow.
Whatever you do, avoid taking sleeping tablets because they will ruin your whole life.
to relax myself to sleep
I listen to my breathing and imagine gentle waves on a pleasant beach
It is better to give than to receive ~ the hell it is…..
so, I went on some cool trips…..
Something is telling me that there is no mileage in being a caring guy. What good does it do me to care about other people’s feelings, to worry if they are upset, and to give a damn if they are happy, or not?
I know that some people go through life not giving a thought about the feelings, or wellbeing of others, and all in all it doesn’t seem to do those uncaring folks any harm whatsoever. As a matter of fact uncaring people tend to be richer and get more of what they want than do guys who actually give a fuck ~ such as me.
Uncaring people don’t devote their energies making sure that others are OK, instead they spend their time and energy getting what they want, and the devil take the consequences. Uncaring guys don’t buy their female friends cool and expensive gifts, or pay to take them on vacation, or always pick up the tab in bars and restaurants. Instead uncaring guys just fuck lots of women like animals.
So, somewhere, somehow, I’m doing something wrong. I care about other people a lot, and what does that get me, not a lot.
Some say that a leopard can’t change their spots. And, that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. All I know is that I’m going to stop giving if I get bugger all in return.
Cool hotels? A waste of money.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.
Unless we do something nothing happens, and if nothing changes then nothing changes. I can sit here and think about what I want out of life, what I need to keep me safe and healthy, and I can dream about the women and adventures I might desire, but unless I take some positive steps I most likely will never get anything on my wish list.
For much of my life I would even come up with well thought out reasons and excuses why I couldn’t have or get what I wanted. I didn’t have enough money, there just wasn’t the time, she doesn’t like me anyway, I’m too busy working…..
The truth was that I just didn’t have the courage or the realism to even try to get what I really wanted out of life. Nor did I have the focus or psychological adaptability to change what I wanted, if what I first wanted was clearly impossible. We can’t all be a rock star, and the truth is I never wanted to be. But there are some things that I wanted from a relationship, and I didn’t have the focus to make that work, nor did I have the guts to just walk away when it was clear that my relationships weren’t giving me what I wanted, needed, and desired.
However, somewhere along the way things changed for me. I wanted to be materially and financially prosperous enough that I could stop working for a living, and instead live a great life. That has happened. I wanted to stop being a miserable, judgemental jerk, and instead be a cool and charismatic guy. That has happened too.
What I want, need, and desire, right now, is to improve my relationship with a female friend, and I’ll work on that. If the relationship doesn’t improve in the ways I need, then I now have the emotional strength to just walk away.
Some say that we each have dreams and personal ambitions we want to fulfil. And, that we will always face great opposition to seeing our dreams come true. All I know is that if I don’t try to make my dreams come true, than nobody else will make them come true for me.
drinking and smoking will kill you,
but you already knew that
Change your life today, act now without delay.
It seems to me that most people spend most of their time just piddlefucking around without having a clear idea of what it is they want to achieve, and without having any real plan to get wherever it is that they want to go in Life. I’m pretty certain this is not because they don’t have wants, needs, dreams and desires, but perhaps it’s because their wants, needs, dreams, and desires are not well thought out in their own mind.
Consciously we may have an idea of what we want out of Life, but unless our conscious plans are totally backed by subconscious conviction we may as well just be whistling in the wind.
Recently I ‘decided’ that I am a really cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life ~ and so what?
Well, to begin with it means developing and maintaining some habits and rituals that support the conviction that I’m a cool guy living a great life, such as always looking sharp with bright eyes, clear skin, and a good haircut that suits my slightly preppy English style. Getting to bed at a decent time every night, sleeping well, eating well, taking the right vitamin supplements, getting plenty of fresh air and exercise, and avoiding unnecessary stress. Every day I make certain that I read something challenging and inspirational, rest and meditate, and just take some time out for myself.
I have a ritual that each day I try to write something interesting, insightful, and perhaps controversial on this blog. And, every day I take the time to stay in contact with some people that I care for, even if it’s just by email. (I don’t use Facebook, twitter, or texts.)
And every second of every day, the conviction I have planted in my subconscious that; ‘Hey, I’m a cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life…..’ monitors my conscious thought, feelings, and actions, and every so often will let me know that I’m being a jerk.
Nobody is perfect, but now I
fucking damn well know when I’m being a jerk, and I suddenly have a choice ~ go on being a jerk, or instead act like the cool and charismatic guy I know I am. If I have to, I follow that old mantra;’fake it to make it’, and my natural exuberance spills out all over the place.
Tomorrow I’m taking another sunshine vacation, a week in the Spanish Canary Islands, and that’s because my idea of being a cool guy doesn’t involve hibernating in my garret through the English winter. Instead I’m up for some fresh air and exercise in sub-tropical sunshine.
Some say that we should avoid strong emotions and deep feelings. And, that it’s a sin to have our own personal desires and dreams. All I know is that I have a real lust for life.
show up on time for life