Tag Archives: Self Development

Wants, Needs, Desires, and Dreams

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

Unless we do something nothing happens, and if nothing changes then nothing changes.  I can sit here and think about what I want out of life, what I need to keep me safe and healthy, and I can dream about the women and adventures I might desire, but unless I take some positive steps I most likely will never get anything on my wish list.

For much of my life I would even come up with well thought out reasons and excuses why I couldn’t have or get what I wanted.  I didn’t have enough money, there just wasn’t the time, she doesn’t like me anyway, I’m too busy working…..

The truth was that I just didn’t have the courage or the realism to even try to get what I really wanted out of life.  Nor did I have the focus or psychological adaptability to change what I wanted, if what I first wanted was clearly impossible.  We can’t all be a  rock star, and the truth is I never wanted to be.  But there are some things that I wanted from a relationship, and I didn’t have the focus to make that work, nor did I have the guts to just walk away when it was clear that my relationships weren’t giving me what I wanted, needed, and desired.

However,  somewhere along the way things changed for me.  I wanted to be materially and financially prosperous enough that I could stop working for a living, and instead live a great life.  That has happened.  I wanted to stop being a miserable, judgemental jerk, and instead be a cool and charismatic guy.  That has happened too.

What I want, need, and desire, right now, is to improve my relationship with a female friend, and I’ll work on that.  If the relationship doesn’t improve in the ways I need, then I now have the emotional strength to just walk away.

Some say that we each have dreams and personal ambitions we want to fulfil.  And, that we will always face great opposition to seeing our dreams come true.  All I know is that if I don’t try to make my dreams come true, than nobody else will make them come true for me.

~

Jack Collier

jackcoĺlier7@talktalk.net

 

drinking and smoking will kill you,

but you already knew that

Lust for Life

Change your life today, act now without delay.

It seems to me that most people spend most of their time just piddlefucking around without having a clear idea of what it is they want to achieve, and without having any real plan to get wherever it is that they want to go in Life.  I’m pretty certain this is not because they don’t have wants, needs, dreams and desires, but perhaps it’s because their wants, needs, dreams, and desires are not well thought out in their own mind.

Consciously we may have an idea of what we want out of Life, but unless our conscious plans are totally backed by subconscious conviction we may as well just be whistling in the wind.

Recently I ‘decided’ that I am a really cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life ~ and so what?

Well, to begin with it means developing and maintaining some habits and rituals that support the conviction that I’m a cool guy living a great life, such as always looking sharp with bright eyes, clear skin, and a good haircut that suits my slightly preppy English style.  Getting to bed at a decent time every night, sleeping well, eating well, taking the right vitamin supplements, getting plenty of fresh air and exercise, and avoiding unnecessary stress.  Every day I make certain that I read something challenging and inspirational, rest and meditate, and just take some time out for myself.

I have a ritual that each day I try to write something interesting, insightful, and perhaps controversial on this blog.  And, every day I take the time to stay in contact with some people that I care for, even if it’s just by email.  (I don’t use Facebook, twitter, or texts.)

And every second of every day, the conviction I have planted in my subconscious that; ‘Hey, I’m a cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life…..’ monitors my conscious thought, feelings, and actions, and every so often will let me know that I’m being a jerk.

Nobody is perfect, but now I fucking damn well know when I’m being a jerk, and I suddenly have a choice ~ go on being a jerk, or instead act like the cool and charismatic guy I know I am.  If I have to, I follow that old mantra;’fake it to make it’, and my natural exuberance spills out all over the place.

Tomorrow I’m taking another sunshine vacation, a week in the Spanish Canary Islands, and that’s because my idea of being a cool guy doesn’t involve hibernating in my garret through the English winter.  Instead I’m up for some fresh air and exercise in sub-tropical sunshine.

Some say that we should avoid strong emotions and deep feelings.  And, that it’s a sin to have our own personal desires and dreams.  All I know is that I have a real lust for life.

~

jack collier

jackcollier@talktalk.net

 

show up on time for life

Have a Dream

If you can dream, and not make dreams your master…..

The day that we stop wanting, needing, wishing, and dreaming is the day we stop walking the warrior’s path, and begin to take that long dark road towards disappointment, despair, and death.  I know some people who seem to have no dreams, and I know a few people who are living in a dark nightmare. People with no dreams often also seem to be hell-bent on self-destruction through drink, drugs, gambling, self-harm, unsafe casual sex, suicide attempts….. I can recognise those people because I used to be one of them.

Some say that being negative, depressed, filled with character defects, is a condition to be pitied and that we should try to understand without condemning or blaming.

You know what?  I don’t agree with that idea at all.  Unless Life has thrown at you some terrible calamity, like having to live in a war zone, then if you’re an addict, an alcoholic, a hopeless gambler, chain smoker, depressed, suicidal, and hell-bent on being unhappy on the road to self-destruction ~ it is mostly your own fault.

There seems to be something in the subconscious mind of most people that says; ‘if I am really suffering I will get attention and love…..’  This is understandable because when we were at our most impressionable, young and vulnerable, then if we were suffering we would most likely get extra attention and love from our parents / principal carers.  Angst and shelf-harming practices such as alcoholism are learned behaviours.

On the other side of the coin, if as a child we were always bright, happy, full of inventive play and dreams, then mostly our parents would leave us alone.  They would leave us alone except for their own horrible negativity when we told them of our dreams, and they said; ‘you can’t possibly do that…..’

Dreaming of doing bigger, better, more exciting and more adventurous things, of meeting the partner of our dreams, or dreaming of having a wonderful life, is often driven from our own subconscious mind by the things we were told as an innocent child.

I know all this because it all happened to me, up to and including until a few weeks ago, when I had one of those revelatory moments we sometimes have in life, and I realised I could dream, and make my dreams come true.

So don’t give up on your dreams.  Don’t think you are a hopeless case.  You can be who you want to be and do whatever you want to do ~ stop believing that you’re trapped, and start wishing and dreaming again.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I’m dreaming of sunshine this Christmas

Being Emotionally Intelligent

Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. ~ Charles R. Swindoll.

I wanted to share with you something I learned on a four-day retreat in the high desert of New Mexico.

When we just react, mostly we react unconsciously, without thinking about things at all.  That isn’t at all surprising because for 90% of the time our subconscious mind is running the show, meaning that our consciousness is only in charge for 10% of the time.

It’s a bit more complicated than that, because our unconscious mind never forgets anything.  Therefore, when we just react, our subconscious is using behaviours that we learned before we were about seven years of age.  All the negative stuff we learned from our parents, older siblings, teachers, and other adults is deep down in there, and it will come out when we least want it too.

When you feel threatened, judgemental, jealous, envious, angry….. you will probably react in ways you learned as a child.  It’s not you that’s having an argument with your husband / lover / boss, it’s the 7-year-old child arguing, using negative behaviours you learned before you knew any better.  It’s worse than that, because it seems that our subconscious mind has very little self-control.

Our subconsciousness / unconscious mind, which runs the show for 90% of the time, is really a pretty stupid, non-selective, totally emotional, feminine autopilot, (that’s not sexist ~ the conscious mind has mostly male characteristics and subconscious mostly female).  The subconscious will accept ideas as truth, no matter how negative or destructive, and never fails to express ideas that have been impressed upon it.  It’s our subconscious that will let us drink too much, use drugs, have casual sex…..

But, and here’s the good thing, our conscious, objective male mind can dominate our subconscious mind, if only we truly know what we need and desire  We also have to learn to talk to our subconscious and knowingly impress feelings onto that part of our brain.

If you can meditate, then you’re half way there.  If you know how to achieve heart ~ brain harmony, then you’re just about all the way there.  Talk to your heart and your words and feelings will reach your subconsciousness.  But, use very simple, positive and unambiguous phrases.  Don’t say; ‘I want to be a really charismatic guy…..’  because your subconscious mind will accept the thought that you want to be, and do nothing about that thought / feeling.  Instead say to your heart; ‘I am a really charismatic guy…..’ and suddenly you are charismatic.

I turned my whole life around by saying and believing; ‘I am a really cool guy, living a really great life…..’

Honestly, our subconscious has a very emotional and unintelligent way of controlling our lives, mostly by reacting without there being any conscious or selective thought in the process.  Therefore, to have an emotionally intelligent subconscious, we must first turn to our consciousness and impress its intelligence upon our inner mind.

There are a hell of a lot of books and stuff on the internet about all this, so the thing to bear in mind is to keep things simple, because 90% of our minds is quite stupid really.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Feel Better, Live Longer

A calm mind and good health are life’s greatest blessings.

As a matter of fact, I have recently been shown that I cannot have good health if I do not have a calm mind, and that stress is the root cause of many, (if not most), illnesses.  But, not all stress is bad – for example the stress we put our bodies under when we exercise is good for us.  It’s bad stress from work, money worries, relationship problems and the like that we need to avoid, because this distresses us in body, mind, and spirit.  Scientists and doctors know that severe distress can cause physical illnesses up to and including cancer.

There are a number of fairly simple tools we can use to help us cope with distress, help us feel better, help keep us fitter in body, mind, and spirit – ultimately live a longer, healthier, and happier life.  For me, these tools include;

  • Good Nutrition.  A balanced diet of organic natural foods, without overeating or crash dieting, or using ‘fashionable’ diet regimes.
  • Taking the right Supplements, especially vitamin B12, vitamin C, vitamin E, Folate, and Zinc.
  • Fresh air and exercise, walking 10,000 plus steps a day and using weights.
  • Rest and good sleep, which for most of us equates to 7 hours of quality sleep per night.
  • Meditation and Relaxation, reading motivational books, listening to empowering speakers.
  • Avoiding too much TV, social media, or computer gaming – especially late at night.

It’s also important to keep mentally active doing calming things which are not related at all to work or anything else which distresses you. Perhaps, try reading the classics out aloud.

In addition, in the past I’ve drank too much booze, and that distresses the body terribly, but then so does smoking and taking any drugs whatsoever.  So, if you are a drinker, smoker, or addict, then you have to lose those bad habits, or die earlier and in poorer health than you should.

If you want a longer, healthier, and better life, then make some common-sense changes to what you do, and avoid creating distress of your body, mind, and spirit.

Some say that having a purpose in life helps to keep you younger and healthier.  And, that having a programme of physical, mental, and spiritual health is an essential part of enjoying a good life.  All I know is that I’d rather live longer and healthier than die younger and in poor health.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

enjoy the dawn and the sunset of the day

The Subconscious Mind

What we think and believe, we become.

Here in New Mexico, yesterday I learned some powerful stuff, part of which was an exploration of how the brain works, specifically how the subconscious mind works.  Starting with the hard science of up-to-the-minute biochemistry and the structure of the brain, and going right down to the way our subconscious mind controls our actions, I was shown some advanced tools to help me in my day to day life.

It seems that the influence of our subconscious mind (95%), far outweighs the control our conscious mind has over our actions  (5%).  Think about it, our subconscious mind runs walking, talking, driving, deciding how we get to where we are going, what we think about people, and all the other daily actions we take for granted.  Our conscious mind does the creative stuff.

The snag is that a lot of what is in our subconscious got there before we were old enough to decide what was good, bad, or terrible – much of our unconsciousness was filled up with feelings, opinions, beliefs….. before we were 7 years old.  A lot of what is in my subconscious are things I would really prefer not to be there – for example fear of abandonment.

I would really like to change some of the things in my subconscious, but that is a very long and difficult task – like learning to drive, truly changing my belief systems will take a lot of time and effort.  If you play a sport, just think how long it took you to get good at it, that’s how long it takes an adult like me to implant something complex into my subconscious mind.

And you can’t just think it, you have to believe in it and do it – practice how you want your subconscious mind to be, don’t just think about it do it and believe in it.

Belief is more powerful than reality, but no matter how much you believe you can fly, you can’t.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

New Mexico Retreat

Chaos breeds life energies – Order brings habit

from my hotel room’s patio

Day one of the From Chaos to Coherence retreat was gratifyingly far more intense and content-rich than even my best expectations.  Admittedly, with two speakers operating consecutively, there wasn’t quite the strongest thread running through the dozens of topics explored – and I wonder how many of the delegates managed to keep up.  I’m not certain that all of the mature women there, (and the attendees were by far mostly women), are totally alongside the counterintuitive concepts of quantum mechanics.  Although I’m damn certain everyone there was fully congruent with spooky connections, and that reality is an illusion.

Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  –  Einstein

For me, the most powerful message imparted can be summed up in the phrase: The interconnectedness of all things.

Ergo, if you change one thing in your life, the ripple effect will mean that everything in your life will change in some way – eventually.  And that if you take a drug, prescription or otherwise, then every organ and cell in your body will be affected, not just the organs the drug is supposedly targeted towards.

Some say that without movement, change, and chaos there is only stagnation and death.  And, that the better we know ourselves the less we fear change.  All I know is that I feel self-empowered,  and self-confident today.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

The Enchanted Land

Dawn in the Enchanted Land.

The Apache called this the Enchanted Land.

Dawn in New Mexico, the mountains silhouetted against a colouring sky, and this dawn perhaps brings a new hope.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

a dawn for quiet contemplation

Destination – New Mexico

The cool thing about smaller aircraft transportation is that it’s never boring

Today I am flying from John Wayne airport in Orange County CA, to Albuquerque in New Mexico.  Then picking up a rental for the drive to the luxurious Hyatt Regency Tamaya Resort and Spa in Santa Ana Pueblo NM.

I think the aircraft is going to be a small ‘puddle jumper’…..  as long as I get an inside seat I don’t mind.

In New Mexico I shall be at a retreat with the interesting headline From Chaos to Coherence – The Power To Thrive In Life Extremes, and by the cringe do I go to EXTREMES!

Hopefully I’m going to experience something deeply spiritual.

The resort hotel looks interesting.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Getting what you want

Life is too short to waste and too long to endure.

Being on vacation gives one time to ponder deep thoughts, and right now I need to focus on the small steps I can take to improve my life.  Because, despite what you might think, not everything in my garden is sunshine and flowers.  Sometimes the flowers wilt, and often the sky is grey.

I’m pretty certain I know who I truly am and what I want, up to and including defining and fulfilling my life purpose, but how do I make it all happen in ways that are congruent with me and acceptable to the important others in my life?

It would seem to be about courage, having faith in myself, and really taking positive actions – however difficult the warrior’s path may seem that’s the way I need to go.  It’s time to get more clarity and investigate the important commitments in this present period in my journey.

I need to stop acting emotionally, because my emotions are seldom under control.  Instead I should act intellectually because I have, and can use, all the accumulated information / knowledge to get exactly what I want, need, and desire.  That’s not always going to be a comfortable process.

But, you know what?  I am much happier, and work better when I am well outside of my comfort zone.  For example I should have gone parasailing in Turkey, instead of just taking pictures of it.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

I will do this next year

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