It’s never to late to be what you might have been.
Most people would like to change some things about themselves. They may want to be fitter, to lose weight, to be more successful at work, to be more successful with the opposite sex, or maybe just to lose the terrible feeling of dissatisfaction they constantly suffer from. Or it might be worse, some people want to lose their Borderline Personality Disorder, or paranoia or schizophrenia…..
One thing is certain, we can never get what we want by trying to change other people, nor by attempting to alter the way the world works. The only thing we can ever change is ourselves. But, look at the upside, when we change ourselves the whole world and everyone in it changes around us.
Reinventing ourselves into a better looking, cooler, fitter, more effective, more successful, less disturbed person is an essential process if we want to grow and flourish.
Here’s the hard thing. To reinvent yourself into the person you really want to be requires some hard choices. You need to be ready to walk away from aspects of your life in which you may have invested much time, effort, and money; the way you look, the personality you project, your existing career, unsuitable friendships, toxic relationships with the opposite sex, a dead-end marriage, the pub where you get drunk and try to get casual sex with anyone you may meet at the bar…..
Worse than that, you may have to forget and hide some of your past; the alcoholism, drug taking, criminal record, gambling, over-eating, casual sex, heavy smoking…..
Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you. ~ Charles Bukowski.
To reinvent yourself and have a truly successful life, ask yourself these questions;
- What should I stop doing and thinking?
- What should I start doing, thinking, and being?
- What could and should I do less of?
- What could and should I do more of?
- What could I do, think, and be differently from who I used to be.
Reinventing yourself can be a difficult and lonely path, and it is not a one-shot deal. Truly reinventing yourself is an on-going process you will have to work at, every single day.
Some say they already have everything their heart desires. And there is nothing really wrong with them that a few days sober and clean wouldn’t put right. All I know is that denial is the greatest block to becoming a better person.
Somebody here is going to get into trouble
or maybe they both will.
Walking is the best possible exercise.
Habituate yourself to walk very far. ~ Thomas Jefferson
Climbing stairs is even better for you than walking.
Regular exercise is good for your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Exercise not only tires you out, which helps you to sleep, it also increases your energy levels during your waking hours. This increased energy helps your body to fight off illness and chronic diseases, such as type 2 diabetes. Getting a good night’s sleep is also vital to the health of your body, mind, and spirit.
Physically, frequent exercise helps to regularise your weight ~ inactivity is a major factor in weight gain and obesity. Your body uses energy in 3 ways; #1 digesting the food you eat; #2 maintaining bodily functions like heartbeat, breathing, and staying upright. #3 Physical activity, like your exercise of choice, or digging ditches, or chopping firewood. Dieting is very bad at helping you to lose weight, a reduced calorie intake lowers your metabolic rate, which delays weight loss. On the other hand, exercise raises your metabolic rate so you use up more calories.
Exercise also helps to build and maintain muscles and bone, because strenuous exercise releases hormones that help your body to absorb amino acids, which will delay muscle wastage in older people. In older women, regular exercise helps prevent the bone wasting disease osteoporosis.
It has been shown to improve your mood and decrease negative feelings of depression, anxiety and stress, as regular exercise increases the productions of the good hormones serotonin and norepinephrine. Exercise also promotes the production of endorphins which help to produce positive feelings and reduce the perception of physical and mental pain.
Exercise also helps to maintain and improve brain function; for a start your hippocampus, the bit of the brain that’s vital to memory, will stop shrinking and begin to grow, which increases mental function in older adults. Regular physical activity also helps to stave off Alzheimer’s and schizophrenia.
Regular exercise means you will look much better, for a start you will begin to lose all that unattractive bloating and belly fat. Your skin will look better because your body will be producing more antioxidants, and you will have better blood flow which delays skin aging. Looking better means that you’re more attractive to the opposite sex. Not only that but being fitter means that your sexual performance will be better, (women will have more and better orgasms if they take a reasonable amount of exercise).
I was in a bureau de change today, talking with the young lady cashier, (teller), about my walking at least 10,000 steps a day. And she said; ‘is all that walking why you look so young?’
yoga is damn good exercise too
and, I can hold the tree position
It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
Stress can kill you, but in an older women stress is far more likely to drive her to comfort eating and hence pile on the pounds. For most women less stress, or better stress management, is the key to sustainable weight loss. Of course, for older women the menopause doesn’t help with controlling your weight at all. There is evidence that there are changes in the brain chemistry of a menopausal woman that triggers a shift in her metabolism, causing her to overeat.
Looking for comfort food; cakes, chocolate, pizza, bread, burritos, donuts, (or drinking too much), is a common occurrence among woman of a certain age ~ of any age when stressed if it comes right down to it. These high calorie foods and booze do pile on the pounds ~ particularly unsightly belly fat. It’s all to do with insulin, and this energy dense stuff spikes your insulin levels, which only makes you want to eat more.
The environment doesn’t help much, there are countless fast food outlets, supermarkets promote more expensive energy dense foods, and there’s a bar on just about every street corner. Rule #1 is stay away from fast food places, and rule #2 is that a woman on her own should never, ever go into a bar.
Associating unhealthy food and booze with good times is something your brain will program into itself, and rule #3 is that you must work hard to break that programming. Eating unhealthy food and drinking too much booze doesn’t mean you are cool, in fact quite the opposite ~ you are perhaps pushing being an unattractive lazy person.
The really important thing for women to learn, accept, and practice is how to manage stress. And usually it comes down to:
- Delegate More. Stop letting your family and friends push you into doing everything for everyone.
- Be Creative. People with a creative interest are much less stressed that those who don’t have that worry-free time. Why do you think art therapy is such a big thing in rehab?
- Take a Walk. Walking is bloody good for you; physically, mentally, and spiritually. Aim for 10,000 steps a day.
- Talk to People. And don’t go into a bar to find someone to talk with.
Some say that the change made them overeat. And, that their happy place is the refrigerator. All I know is that fat people often get very sick.
regularly eat healthy and nutritious food
Before you can learn something new, you have to end what used to be.
I have learned to love the desert.
At least half of what you know is outdated in today’s world. Most of your past experiences have created insecurities, jealousies, and resentments in your subconscious mind. It is easy to feel inhibited and illiterate with the constant pressure to learn, unlearn, and relearn ~ to accept, approve and understand. Our entire life has created us as we are, and yet who we are right now probably isn’t working so well.
Learning new things isn’t difficult for most of us ~ each of us has our own way of learning as we explore new situations, new processes, new challenges, and new relationships. The real problem begins when we have to unlearn something first. We can become so fixated on what we already know, on past experiences, that it can be hard to let go of the old to let in the new. If your old partner cheated on you, then it’s going to be difficult to trust any woman / man you date in the future.
Every day you will be challenged to unlearn what you think you know about women / men, or how you expect them to behave, or whether you can trust or not.
Unlearning is a way of making space for newer, fresher experiences, information, and knowledge. Unlearing is like deleting files on your laptop, or repainting your apartment, or dumping your partner ~ it’s stripping away the old and unwanted before you can add something better. The problem is that when something has worked in the past, we have a tendency to assume that it will keep working in the future. This is not true.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein.
The most successful people are ready to question what they know, who they know, and why they do what they do. The really successful man / woman is open to contradictions and failure ~ always ready to learn something new.
Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And that a leopard can never change its spots. All I know is that a successful man realises that the experience will always be different from his expectations.
some dogs learn new tricks
Remember your dreams and desires, and fight for them, no matter what.
Following on from my post on The Myth of Sin, it is obvious to me that the established religions, especially the Catholic Church, fear strong, independent, liberated, sexual women. The clergy also fear real, mature women ~ else why would they so often get into serious trouble for homosexual relationships, underage sex, and sexually assaulting choirboys.
If the church and a majority of fearful men had their way, women would have remained uneducated, oppressed, repressed, undignified, deprived of their freedom, robbed of their independent thoughts, and be allowed to speak only on sufferance. I firmly believe this is because the church is afraid of the power of women, and a majority of pathetic men are just afraid of women in every way imaginable.
Men know than women are more centered, more serene, more patient, more emotional than they can ever be. They know that women are more resistant to disease, she will live longer, she is more resilient than any man. Because of all this, and because of her beauty, she can fulfill a man’s life immensely. A woman can complete a man’s life like a lock completes a key. And this makes weak men afraid because deep down they know that a woman is more than they are. A strong mature woman will choose the most beautiful but the most dangerous path of emotions, sentiments, moods ~ a man, any man, will tend to choose the straight line path to his wants, needs, and desires. Men tend to choose the shortcuts in Life.
Even the arts have been dominated by men, which is criminal because the strong right brains of women allow them to be far more artistic and creative than the linear Yes / No brain of a man. Had they not been repressed, how many female DaVinci, Michelangelo, or Shakespeare might there have been? Through the ages the artistic establishment, just like the church, the business world….. have all prevented women from achieving their true potential.
The life of women has been corrupted by fearful men telling them things that are not true, making women a slave to men, reducing women to second-class citizens in society. Weak men try to make women absolutely inferior, vulnerable, and dependent ~ and perhaps only begin to treat a woman well when they want sex from her.
Today I am fortunate. I am no longer afraid of women, and I see them as more than my equal, but different from me. Any women can be as intelligent as me, but her intelligence is different from mine, and I welcome that. I no feel no need to manipulate women and change them into something that is not a real, mature, capable, independent woman at all.
the type of women who makes weak men afraid and lustful
Wake up each morning a better person than you were yesterday.
Most people, if they’re both honest and intelligent, have an in-built desire to be ‘better’. For most of my life I was no different from most people ~ until I tried to work out what it really meant to be ‘better’.
I firmly believe that for most men, being better really means being better than the other guy. For most men being better means being superior ~ getting what you want, even if it’s at the expense of the other guy. And, I can look back and see that attitude in myself. I read innumerable books, watched hordes of self-development videos, and attended courses that were all about being superior, about winning at all costs, and not at all about being better.
Today I believe that being better, means being better than I used to be. More honest, honourable, considerate, understanding, and accepting than I used to be. Now I believe that being better doesn’t mean just going all-out to get what I want, even if it’s at the expense of someone else. For me being ‘better’ no longer means being ‘superior’ ~ and that goes completely against all the business training and life experience I’ve ever had. And you know what? All that training and experience was really about surviving in a dog-eat-dog world.
That is such a bad, negative, misogynistic, and uncharitable attitude to have.
The difference between surviving, and really living a great life is all about attitude.
To become the man I wanted to be I’ve had to learn some difficult lessons along the way. It’s a hard road, but it’s possible. It’s a struggle, it’s harder than I wanted it to be, it’s takes longer than I wanted, and it takes more out of me than I could ever have believed at the start.
However, to be better than I have ever dreamed I could be, I had to learn this lesson ~ the only person I am competing with is myself.
To be a better man, to be a really cool guy living a really great life, to achieve my absolute and fullest potential, to reach enlightenment ~ all I have to do is to strive to be a little bit better today than I was yesterday.
Some say that the only way to win in life is to put yourself first, even if it’s at the expense of others. And, that good guys finish last. All I know is that I have learned the real lessons in life ~ Chivalry means something.
be a Paladin
we are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think and believe
Neuroplasticity is the ability your brain has to rewire and restructure itself according to usage and needs. The more we use certain parts of our brain, the stronger they get. Conversely, the less we use certain parts of our brain the weaker they get. So, if your brain spends a lot of its time being depressed, then the part of your brain / body that is depressed, that creates sadness, melancholy, and hopelessness in you, will become stronger and larger. You will get better and better at being depressed.
Whereas, if you fill your life with joy, companionship, and happiness, then the part of your brain / body that deals with those things will become stronger and larger ~ you will become better and better at pleasure, satisfaction, and elation.
Weird, but that’s the way it really works.
If you learn a new and difficult skill, particularly one which involves both the mind and body; golf, tennis, touch typing, knitting, carpentry, learning to drive….. then your brain will change, enlarge, and strengthen to allow you to get good at your chosen pastime or occupation.
Because of the power of neuroplasticity, you can, in fact, reframe your world and rewire your brain so that you are more objective. You have the power to see things as they are so that you can respond thoughtfully, deliberately, and effectively to everything you experience. ~ Elizabeth Thornton.
The really interesting part is that we can use neuroplasticity on purpose to create and reinforce a change in ourselves. With each repetition of thought or feeling we reinforce a particular set of neural pathways. These small changes, frequently enough repeated, lead to changes in how our brains work. Neuroplasticity offers us the opportunity to make real and lasting psychological changes in the way our brain / body works.
There are a number of exercises we can use to enhance the interconnectedness of our neural pathways, and they are both intellectual and physical. For example, regularly only using your ‘wrong’ hand promotes left / right brain connectedness, while reading a good, difficult, and stimulating book promotes the efficiency of the intellectual and memory parts of the brain.
The key is repetition and keeping on practicing until whatever it that you want becomes a habit and your normal way of life. If you want to stop being jealous, then practice being tolerant, accepting, trusting and understanding. As they say in AA; ‘fake it to make it’.
Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And that once a sinner, always a sinner. All I know is that the phenomenon of neuroplasticity allows us to be whoever and whatever we want to be.
you can change and strengthen your brain / body so you could build anything
I was born alone, but I carry the spirit and blood of my ancestors.
I know my name. I know where and when I was born. I firmly believe that I knew who my parents were. I know that in my life I have had money, wealth, property ~ all resulting from working hard in my chosen profession. I don’t know very much about myself at all.
Like many men I have been disappointed and dissatisfied with Life ~ especially in matters of the heart. Like many men I have gone through Life thinking that there should be more, and that I should do better.
Much of these vague feelings of dissatisfaction were a result of my brain and mind not functioning as nature intended as a result of unhealthy stress. Too much bad, unhealthy stress results in reduced Gamma wave activity, reduced mental acuity, pessimism, negativity, fatigue, and ill-health. No wonder many of us have felt disappointed and dissatisfied for much of our lives.
At it’s heart bad, toxic, unhealthy stress is a result of fear. However, now I shall have a fearless engagement with Life that shall be the core condition for satisfaction, high performance, constructive relationships, and greater well-being.
This will take a fundamental change in attitude to rewire my brain and reprogram my subconscious mind until this fearless and confident attitude becomes second nature
This is a very difficult thing to do, requiring a total reexamination of just who the hell and am and just who the hell I want to be. What foundations am I building this new Life upon? What are going to be my building blocks for a strong, solid, and fearless Life?
There are some words; kind, caring, compassionate, polite, gentlemanly, generous, focus, faithfulness, brave, fearless, determined, confident, cool, peaceful….. But perhaps I just need one word which encompasses all of that ~ and ‘good isn’t good enough.
However, I am one small step closer to knowing exactly what needs to be done to unburden myself of the emotional and spiritual obstacles I have been hiding behind. I’m not seeking instant gratification, nor some advantage over others. I am seeking to become a superior man ~ in comparison with what has gone before.
It has taken much hard work to bring me to where I am today, but this is not the moment to rest. There are challenges ahead and I have a strong desire to manifest real and successful change through hard work and dedication to a long-term plan.
Some say that I really don’t know who I am. And that sometimes I just don’t give a fuck. All I know is that I can rebuild myself, better than before. This man can build just about anything.
I made this car
you never change your life until you step outside of your comfort zone
We all of us have safe routines and habits that almost never change. Most small teddy bears are afraid of the sea. Most people are a little afraid of the new, the strange, and the different.
Every day we go to work, we dress in the same clothes in the same style, we eat the same food. Our circle of friends pretty much never changes. We visit our parents at the weekend, and we spend the rest of each weekend doing almost the same things we did last weekend. We have our favourite seat at the bar in our usual pub, and our favourite type of booze to drink at home.
That picture is intensified if we have a partner, because not only do we live within our own comfort zone, we also feel that we have to live within theirs. Actually, some people do have to live well within their partner’s comfort zone, because to do otherwise would invite dire consequences.
Mostly we do not invite new and different experiences into our lives. Often we judge others harshly for sometimes doing things differently, and for stepping outside what we think is their role in our lives. Often we resent that people we know, our family and friends, for seeking to expand their own horizons, find new opportunities, seek out new experiences, and try to find new friends and lovers.
It’s sort of OK for you to resent it if people you know are trying to find something new in their lives ~ something that doesn’t necessarily involve you. All of us suffer from a fear of abandonment to one extent or another, and resenting someone close to you if they try to find new horizons is merely an unconscious expression of that fear of abandonment. But get over it. Just because your friend is looking for new friends doesn’t mean they are going to leave you behind ~ unless you’ve really pissed them off. Who knows? Your friend’s new friends may become your friends too.
You know what? It’s all about you. Welcome new experiences, visit new places, make new friends, try dressing differently, do something crazy once in a while.
Some say that it’s better to build walls around themselves than to risk getting hurt again. And, that the tried and trusted is safer than looking for something different. All I know is that this month I will do at least one new, different, and crazy thing.
getting in the sea with her would be truly outside of my comfort zone.
You will find your true life path when your inner compass is steady.
Each of us has an inner compass deep within our subconscious mind, and this controls and regulates everything we do, each and every hour of every single day. The snag is, sometimes our inner compass doesn’t point to the moral and ethical equivalent of North, and sometimes our inner compass just spins out of control.
We also have maps, models, and frameworks in our subconsciousness. And these maps, models, and frameworks allow us to make sense of the world and our family, our partner, our work, and the all the rest of our environment. These maps, models, and frameworks are what allows us to have any kind of a relationship with others because they help us to make sense of our body, our heart, our mind, and our spirit and intuition. These maps, models, and frameworks are our inner world. But, each of our inner maps are likely to be very inaccurate and incomplete, and have such helpful annotations such as; ‘Here Be Monsters’, and ‘Impassable Swamp’. Our models and frameworks are often completely wrong too.
Our inner compass, and our maps, models and frameworks are most likely to be utterly and totally wrong when we are under intolerable stress, or have suffered from a recent, (or not so very recent), trauma.
Because we are the Captain of our own ship, trying to navigate our way through this complicated, complex, and dangerous sea of life, we need to put our maps, models, and frameworks in order, we need to find a guiding light ~ sometimes we just have to junk our existing picture of the world and life, starting again with clean sheets of paper. We need to take our authority back to ourselves and ignore or reject all the authority that has been imposed upon us. The patterns and authority imposed upon us is always negative and self-destructive.
We need to become the very best version of ourselves that we can, and take back our self-belief, self-confidence, and self-will. We need to rediscover our truth and purpose, and we can never do that if we rely on outdated maps, inaccurate models, and broken frameworks.
In order to restore health and equilibrium to ourselves, to fix our broken compass, and to make new maps, models, and frameworks to help us make sense of the world we need to realise that much of what we are doing and have done falls into the realm of negativity and self-destruction. In order to rebuild something better we need to junk the old negative ways of thinking and allow new and better into our lives.
This is easy. This quest to become the best version of you that you can possibly be, the way to becoming the true Captain of your own ship, will just require you to work at it for every waking hour for the rest of your life. Regaining control of your inner compass, your maps, models, and frameworks will be a never-ending story.
Some say that self-improvement and self-development books, podcasts, videos, conferences, and retreats are a waste of time. And, some say that there is nothing at all wrong with them and the way the react to the world. All I know is that the harder and longer I try, the better I become.
hold true to a better Goddess
hold true to a cleaner and more positive sea