Tag Archives: self awareness

Stress #3 ~ Living with Distress

if you want to conquer the anxiety of life
live in the moment, live in the breath

~

If you are tormented by stress, if distress is making your life a misery, then what is the best way to live with it?  The short answer is don’t.  If the situation you’re in is so stressful it’s making you ill; for example a dysfunctional relationship, or a really shitty job, then just leave, get out take yourself away from the cause of your stress.  If someone else is causing you great distress; for example your ex is stalking you, then do whatever it takes to make them stop, including invoking the full force of the law.  If what you’re doing to yourself is the biggest cause of your stress; for example you are drinking to much, using drugs, gambling, living a promiscuous life…..  the for fucks sake stop.

You may / will need help to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing that’s making you ill with stress ~ start with your doctor, who will want to give you ‘happy pills’ like Prozac. Medication for stress is worse than useless, except as a short-term life preserver.  Most medication your doctor may want to give you for stress will be addictive in it’s own right, and SSRIs like Prozac might make you want to kill yourself.

To live a fairly normal life if you are suffering from severe stress then try some / all of these;

(there isn’t room to fully explain all these here, this is your chance to use your Google skills)

  • Routine.  Have a very solid daily and weekly routine, do the same essential things at the same time every day.  This will take away some of your worries because a lot of the time you can operate on auto-pilot.  Most importantly go to bed at the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning.
  • Get Enough Good Sleep.  Stress causes sleep problems, and lack of sleep makes you anxious, agitated, impatient, and stressed.  It’s a vicious circle.  You need 6 to 9 hours of good sleep every night.  Don’t use sleep medication, in the long term that’s harmful and addictive.
  • Physical Activity.  Regular physical activity will benefit your physical, mental, and spiritual health.  Fresh air and exercise will alleviate your anxiety, stress, and depression ~ it will also help you to sleep at night.  Try the 10,000 steps a day challenge ~ it helps.
  • Meditation and Mindfulness.  Before you go to bed at night try to meditate for 20 or 30 minutes.  Practicing mindfulness is proven to help relieve stress.
  • Breathing.  There are a lot of controlled breathing / relaxation techniques.  I have something very individual that works for me, kept me alive more than once.
  • Learn Effective Time Management.  If you are constantly running from pillar to post, then no wonder you are stressed.  If you are at everyone else’s beck and call, plagued by interruptions, then no wonder you are stressed.
  • Dietary Supplements.  The chances are you’re not eating well, so the chances are your body is chronically short of vital vitamins and minerals; for example a deficiency of potassium or vitamin K might kill you.

There are innumerable websites that will give you all the information and advice you need on the above topics.

Some say that they’re not really stressed.  And they’re just having a bad day.  All I know is that less stress equals more happiness.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

If you’re in real trouble, sit quietly for a while, empty your mind; and do not do anything stupid.

Balanced Self-Affinity

when I discover who I am, I’ll be free of this misery

The better we know ourselves, the better can be our relationship with the rest of the cosmos.  However, self-awareness, knowing who and what I am, comes to me with only the greatest difficulty.  I suffer from a severe mental malady called Borderline Personality Disorder, and one of the principal symptoms of BPD is a markedly unstable self-image and little sense of self.   Basically, I don’t know who I am ~ I have little Kinship of Spirit with myself.  I empathise far more easily with others than I do with my own ego and subconsciousness.

Each and every moment I need to remember that I am an extremely emotional being and that I can be caught up in the surging chaos of my innermost feelings, whether they be positive or negative.  Deep within me there is a pit of boiling black resentments from the past that hasn’t been reconciled with the dreams I hold today. To have true kinship of spirit with anyone, especially with myself, I need to find a way to clear up all the evil crap and demons that can still haunt me with the slightest provocation.  That or my heart and soul will surely break.

A little while ago I resolved that I would put in the hard work to achieve some better quality of life ~ to do whatever it takes to recover from the personality disorder I suffer from.  And now that hard work is beginning to bear fruit.  Most of the time I enjoy positive feelings in both my head and my heart ~ it’s a delicate balance that helps me to be conscious of myself and also see the bigger picture of my relationships with others and the world as a whole.

When I am functioning with balance in my heart and mind, body and spirit,  am no longer critical nor judgmental.  It’s then that I am free and can observe the world in a clear bright light.  Because I operate in a world of opposites, of psychological splitting, I go to extremes.  When I am not filled with darkly angry negativity, I need to be wary of not going to the other extreme and being overtly idealistic over relationships and my perceptions of other people, especially those I care for.  I can easily put others before my own wants, needs, and desires ~ I can and will put a Lady on a pedestal.

The people in my life, from my past, present, and into the future, all play a part in how I perceive myself, what enjoyment, pleasure, and pain, I gain from my life and also what I attract into my path.  I need to cherish them as much as I care for myself.

Some say that it’s a dog eat dog world, and you should take whatever you can whenever you can.  And that other people only matter insofar as they are useful to you.  All I know is that I have faith in myself and in the future.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

eventually the sun will rise again

Building Self-Confidence

If you believe in yourself and feel confident in yourself, you can do just about anything.

acting utterly self-confident

Self-confidence is all about being comfortable and happy with who you are ~ trusting in one’s own abilities, qualities, and judgement.  It’s about being OK with what you are doing and where you are heading.  It’s not about going into a room full of people and wondering if they will like you, its about going into a room full of people and wondering if you like them.  True self-confidence is about being completely at peace with yourself.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), which is a clinical condition, and this means I do not know who I am, people scare me for no good reason, and my emotions are all over the place, all the damn time.  It’s very difficult to have true and profound self-confidence when you also suffer from a morbid fear of abandonment.  Borderline Personality disorder is considered the most unstable and deadly of all mental health conditions ~ the death rate from suicide alone among sufferers from BPD is around 10%.

My confidence can be destroyed by minor setbacks, when people criticise me or put me down, or when my personality disorder creates anger, paranoia, jealousy, fear, and a complete inability to sustain a relationship.

Beware of those around you who subtly sow the seeds of doubt.  ~  Wayne G. Trotman

Back in the day, when I was in International Banking, I needed to appear to be totally self-confident ~ and I developed a set of coping mechanisms, techniques, and tricks that allowed me to give the appearance of inner certainty, complete belief in myself, and that I was totally at ease. Basically I was faking it.

However, nobody is perfect.  Nobody has all the answers.  The odd thing is that, because I know exactly what my faults are I can deal with my imperfections.  And, I am so fucking damn smart I know almost all the answers to all the questions.  I should be filled with self-confidence, and I’m not.

So what do I do?  I fake self-confidence ~ and when I fake self-confidence well enough, then I come to feel confident and empowered.  Most people have no idea that I’m putting on an act.  By appearing confident other people are happy to know me, to work with me, to rely upon me, to date me, and to be with me.  As they say in 12-step recovery programs; fake it to make it.

Some say that we don’t know who we are because we don’t believe in ourselves.  And that being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength.  All I know is that true confidence comes from inner peace.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

looking good builds self-confidence

and uses up a lot of time in the gym

Eyes Wide Closed

all journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware

It has often struck me that a lot of people go through life blissfully unaware of the mysteries, adventures, and excitement going on all around them.  Most people seem to live the same day, the same week, the same month, over and over again.  They get up at more or less the same time every weekday, spend too long over exactly the same morning routine, travel the same way to work, and arrive late all the time.  They lunch with the same people at the same places, leave work at the same time every evening, and do the same things between work and home that they did on the same day last week.  And, their actual working day is most likely stultifyingly tedious.  They even take vacations  and attend conferences and retreats with the same people they did last year.

That isn’t living, that’s barely existing.  What’s worse is that these bored and boring people will get sick a lot, suffer from mental illnesses like depression, and die before their allotted time.

Some people attempt to break away from the mind-numbing drudgery of their pointless lives through booze, drugs, gambling, petty crime, or casual sex.  Personally, I tried a couple of those self-destructive diversions ~ before I knew better and began to concentrate on becoming a real man, a superior man to that which I was before.

The better person, the superior man, needs to be self-aware, self-controlled, self-disciplined, and self-confident.  In addition, to fulfill our true potential, we need to become aware of just what is going on around us.  We need to open our eyes and take notice of the world.  Especially we need to understand what’s going on with the people we meet.  If you are genuinely interested in someone they are far more likely to be friendly to you, and perhaps become your friend, than if you hardly give them a second glance.

I have no sympathy for guys who bemoan the fact that they can’t seem to meet girls, inevitably it’s for two reasons. #1 they walk around with their eyes wide closed, taking no interest at all in the female of the species, except to ogle them.  #2 they never look at themselves critically in a mirror, taking no interest in themselves.

A real man, the better man, knows exactly what’s going on around him; from how every woman and more interesting guy he knows is feeling today, to what’s important in the news, to the impact and impression he is creating with everyone he meets.  A better man always has his eyes and ears open.

Being self-aware, being aware of the people around you, knowing just what is going on in your world, is an important step on the road to self-confidence.  With self-confidence comes the ability to change your life from the grey drudgery you currently inhabit, to the bright, sunlit uplands of excitement, adventure, and really cool things.

Some say that it’s better to travel hopefully than to arrive.  And that it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.  All I know is that seeing things change for the better is awesome.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

some women have very nice eyes, both wide open and closed wide shut

Reinvent Yourself

It’s never to late to be what you might have been.

~

Most people would like to change some things about themselves.  They may want to be fitter, to lose weight, to be more successful at work, to be more successful with the opposite sex, or maybe just to lose the terrible feeling of dissatisfaction they constantly suffer from.  Or it might be worse, some people want to lose their Borderline Personality Disorder, or paranoia or schizophrenia…..

One thing is certain, we can never get what we want by trying to change other people, nor by attempting to alter the way the world works.  The only thing we can ever change is ourselves.  But, look at the upside, when we change ourselves the whole world and everyone in it changes around us.

Reinventing ourselves into a better looking, cooler, fitter, more effective, more successful, less disturbed person is an essential process if we want to grow and flourish.

Here’s the hard thing.  To reinvent yourself into the person you really want to be requires some hard choices.  You need to be ready to walk away from aspects of your life in which you may have invested much time, effort, and money; the way you look, the personality you project, your existing career, unsuitable friendships, toxic relationships with the opposite sex, a dead-end marriage, the pub where you get drunk and try to get casual sex with anyone you may meet at the bar…..

Worse than that, you may have to forget and hide some of your past; the alcoholism, drug taking, criminal record, gambling, over-eating, casual sex, heavy smoking…..

Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.  ~  Charles Bukowski.

To reinvent yourself and have a truly successful life, ask yourself these questions;

  • What should I stop doing and thinking?
  • What should I start doing, thinking, and being?
  • What could and should I do less of?
  • What could and should I do more of?
  • What could I do, think, and be differently from who I used to be.

Reinventing yourself can be a difficult and lonely path, and it is not a one-shot deal.  Truly reinventing yourself is an on-going process you will have to work at, every single day.

Some say they already have everything their heart desires.  And there is nothing really wrong with them that a few days sober and clean wouldn’t put right.  All I know is that denial is the greatest block to becoming a better person.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Somebody here is going to get into trouble

or maybe they both will.

Acceptability and Conformity

A firm sense of right and wrong isn’t fashionable these days.

~

It seems that unless I always agree with what others think, say, and do ~ then I’m wrong, bad, reactionary, and backward.  Worse than that, if I happen to think that what other people have done isn’t necessarily ethical or sensible, then somehow I’m attacking them.  I’m not, I just disagree.

Look at what the majority of people are saying and doing, and do the exact opposite, and you’ll probably never go wrong for as long as you live.  ~  Earl Nightingale.

Thinking and doing the opposite of what the majority is doing or has done isn’t about being different for the sake of being different.  There are lots of times that agreeing with everyone else is the right thing to do.  There are lots of times when the well-trodden path is the right one for me to take.

The challenge for me is to know when to take the road less travelled.

Thinking, saying, and doing the opposite of what others would have me do is quite likely to make me feel uncomfortable.  It’s scary, lonely, and exposes me to the harshest criticisms.  It’s never easy to be seen to be going against the grain, and ignoring the attitudes and advice of my friends, family, and wider society.  But, I’m used to being uncomfortable and the odd one out.

I feel no need to justify my ethics, attitudes, and actions ~ no matter the slings and arrows of discontent thrown against me.

Doing the exact opposite of the norm, or refusing to change who and what I am, does not always achieve the results, goals, and dreams I want.  But, I have discovered that just repeating what others do, or agreeing with what others think, doesn’t always work either.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~  Albert Einstein.

There are some people it would be much easier to always agree with.  It would probably make me much happier just to agree with them and go along with what they like.

It isn’t going to happen.

Some say that it’s good to be liberated and do whatever you like regardless of the consequences.  And, that if you don’t agree with the latest and most fashionable opinion, then you’re wrong and reactionary.  All I know is that I have the strongest possible self-awareness and self-discipline, and I’m happy with that.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sometimes, a real man needs to take the road less travelled

Being the Better Man

Make your life a journey of being who you want to be.

Better than what?  Being a better man than who?  Just who am I if I am being a better man?

Well, I’ll tell you what Being the Better Man means to me.  It means that today I will be cooler, kinder, more mindful, and more in touch with life than I was yesterday.  And tomorrow I will be just a little bit better than I was today.  Being the Better Man, the guy that makes other people feels good about themselves, is a journey, not a destination.

Being the Better Man means being better than I used to be, and NOT being better than other people.  The only guy I am measuring myself against is myself.

Being a really cool guy, living a really great life, also means losing all those negative defects of character that blighted my life for all of my life.  I have managed to lose jealousy, envy, judgmentalism, paranoia, spite, resentment, self-pity, egotism, impatience, insincerity, lust, anger…..  And hey, I’m not perfect so all that crap still visits me from time to time, but the dark side doesn’t live with me anymore.  Negatively is no longer the driving force of my ego.

All of that horrible and hurtful behaviour came from my childhood, when my innocent subconscious mind soaked up all the bad examples set by the adults around me.  Particularly I learned from all the bad attitudes and behaviours and lovelessness exhibited by my parents.  Not that my parents were particularly bad, but to a small child anger is a far more powerful emotion than love.

It turns out that it’s impossible for anyone to consciously control their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours twenty-four hours a day, (well the hours you are awake anyway).  Ergo, what is needed is to implant newer and better thoughts, feelings, and behaviours into your subconscious mind, because your subconscious mind is actually running the show 95% of the time.  And, you do that any way you can, any way that truly works for you; hypnosis, counselling, group therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous, Heart-Brain Harmony, acupuncture…..  But not drugs, not under any circumstances.  The instant you take any drug or medication you are not you anymore, you are just the drug.

But, if I can change my subconscious mind, then so can you.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

self-talk is a very powerful thing

do not be just another sheep in the flock

To really live, first escape from the prison you made for yourself.

Some change, some significant shift in the way I think and feel has allowed me to better understand the infinite intricacies of life, to see my true inner self, and consequently gain a much greater self-awareness and feeling of self-confidence.

I firmly believe that I can now rise above the obstacles and pit-falls of this crazy chaotic life in a determined and assertive way.  I know that I can follow the warrior’s path to happiness and genuine fulfillment.  Quite suddenly and unexpectedly, there is a forceful and innovative energy bubbling away in the depths of my subconsciousness.  Taken together this means that, since my return from a weird vacation in Turkey, I have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to strike out on my own, to feel confident and liberated, in control of what is happening in my own life.

I have always had a great deal of financial freedom, but emotionally and spiritually I have been utterly repressed, a prisoner of my own inadequacies and the negativity of others.  Now I need to engage my true strengths and inner abilities ~ I guess working out how to do that may take a little longer than I think.

I have always had a strong character and a strong will, but always seemed to be afraid of leaving the well established fortress of my comfort zone.  I believe that I am no longer fearful of releasing my strong will and doing things quite differently from other people.

In my life it’s been much easier to follow the flow of everyone else, but that route will never allow anyone to reach their destiny and discover their own ultimate truth.  It seems now is the time for me to become more of a leader, and less of just another sheep in the flock,

Perhaps it really is time for me to break free of the limitations I have created for myself, and others have created for me, by trying to conform to what I think I ‘should’ be doing.  You can please some of the people most of the time if you do what they want, but no matter what you do, you can’t please all your family and friends all of the time.

To begin with, my new and different attitude felt rebellious and disrespectful, but I now know that if I don’t dare to be different, I will never realise just how much I can enjoy This Life.

Some say that you only get one chance to remake your life into what you have always wanted it to be.  And, that everyone who is close to you will do everything they can to stop you from breaking away.  All I know is that I can and will do just what my destiny calls me to do.

I am no longer a prisoner, I am a free man.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

sometimes all you need is a very cool car

 

Know What You Don’t Want

A wise man doesn’t try to get what he doesn’t want.

Many people don’t know what they want out of life, and many of them struggle to find a way to discover their true needs, want, desires, and dreams.  Even if you know what you most need, want, desire, and dream of having ~ well, whatever it is might be very difficult, or almost impossible to acquire.  This applies especially to friendship, love, sexual desire…..  in fact anything that relies upon another person doing what you want is always going to be an almost impossible dream.  You have no control whatsoever over what another person thinks, feels, likes, dislikes, loves, or hates.

Your most important “want” should be the one you can control.  ~  Shannon L. Alder.

You cannot make her / him love you, desire you, or even like you.

It follows therefore, that in our journey through life, at some point we should work out what we truly, honestly, realistically need, want, desire, or dream of having.

And this is where most of us come unstuck.  We have no idea what it is that we want ~ other than our life goes on pretty much as it has always gone on, without us having to think about it too much, or wandering too far outside of our own comfort zones.

We Just Do Not Know What We Really Want.

However, all of us, or almost all of us, know what we don’t like about our life.  Almost all of us know exactly what we hate about our lives.  Most of us know exactly who and what we want to walk away from, and after that never, ever, keep in touch.

Some of us can tell exactly when there’s an elephant in the room ~ we know when there are important issues that are not being discussed with our significant other, and instead all we ever seem to talk about is meaningless trivia.

Many of us know that our wants, needs, desires, and important dreams are not being fulfilled.  We know that we are frustrated and unfulfilled.

Therefore, as a first step to knowing what you really want, write down what you know you don’t want.  Write down what you don’t like about your life.  Write down what you hate about your life.

Be honest.  Be brutally honest with yourself.

Do not censor yourself ~ just write down what comes into your head.

Don’t over-think things, just write, whatever it is and however bad it seems.

You will have to force yourself to confront the real and damaging issues in your most private life, instead of just focusing on fluffy easy minor annoyances.

Most likely you will not complete your list of dislikes and hates in one short attempt.  Keep your list safe, and add to it whenever you think of something else that disturbs your quest for a fulfilling inner peace.

And, most importantly, DO NOT let anyone else see this list of the things and people you hate and what you hate about them.

For example, your partner / wife / husband may not be happy to know that you think she / he is as sexually responsive as a wooden plank.  You know what, if I had a significant other / partner / wife like that, then I’d hate that too.  (Trust me, I’d hate it, I’ve been there.)

Most likely, if you’re brutally honest with yourself,  sex will feature heavily on your list of things that aren’t going right for you.  After that, probably your job, your home life, your friends, health, fitness, enjoyment…..

My current list of things I don’t like / hate about my life has 34 things on it, and I’m telling nobody what they are.

But now I have a good idea of what I don’t want, I can start to get what I do want, by any means necessary.  (As long as the means I use are legal, honest, and ethical, I will do whatever it takes to get what I truly need, want, desire, and dream about.)

When you know what you want, and you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.  ~  Jim Rohn

Some say that success is getting what you want.  And that happiness is getting what you need.  All I know is that I’m damn certain what I don’t want in my life.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

I would like to go back to California again

 

 

Being Confident

If you confidently believe in yourself, you can do anything.

Sometimes our lives can suck, and having a life filled with problems and pain can leach any self-confidence you ever had right out of you.  But, without self-confidence we are useless in life.  Without self-confidence we become diffident, hesitant, inward-looking, and pretty crappy at everything we might try to do.  Without self-confidence we worry, fret, and fail.

In fact, without self-confidence we may not want to do anything at all, just in case it all goes badly wrong.  Not doing, not turning up for life, sitting alone and lonely in your own space ~ well that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and destroys whatever vestige of confidence you may have had left.

Remember this truth; To be good at what you do, you first have to do.

Self-confidence is a skill, and like any other skill it can be learned, and relearned.  Fear of failure is a skill, stop learning and relearning it.

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.  ~  Theodore Roosevelt

The road towards true self-confidence has only a few steps along the way.

  1. Know who you are.  Self-awareness is something we should all work at, and the more you work at it, the more you will know your true self.  Hey, I know exactly who I am, my name is Jack Collier.
  2. Be comfortable and happy with who you are ~ and if you’re not happy with yourself, then work at changing yourself to be a better version of you.  Lose that weight, exercise and get fitter, spend time on personal grooming, dress well in clothes that flatter you, go back to school…..  The only person we can really change is ourselves.
  3. Be OK with what you do.  So your job sucks, and the people at work treat you like shit, so look for a better and better-paid job.  You owe no loyalty whatsoever to the people you work for, nor the people you work with.  Don’t just quit your job, instead use your time at work and their facilities as assets in your job-search.  Better still, start working for yourself.  The really successful people in life are never wage-slaves.
  4. Be cool with where you are heading.  You may not even know where you’re going, but go somewhere.  The longest journey begins with the first baby steps, and you won’t know if you’re going in the wrong direction if you’re going nowhere.  I know where I’m going ~ for a start I’m going to leverage this JackCollier7 blog into a best-selling self-improvement book.
  5. Do not ever give up after one failure.  In fact, do not accept failure.  Everybody fails from time to time, mostly because other people aren’t smart enough to see just how good you really are.  JK Rowling, the best selling author of the Harry Potter books, was turned down by 12 publishers before Bloomsbury picked up the rights to her first manuscript for just £1,500.  Today JK Rowling is worth around $1 billion.
  6. Remember that nobody will believe in you unless you believe in you.  If you don’t believe in yourself, then act like hell and fake self-belief.
  7. Remember that life is filled with opportunities and choices, never stop looking and learning to find the opportunities that enhance your self-belief, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-empowerment.  The more choices you have, the more self-motivated you will become.

You are the Captain of your own ship, and you are the master of your fate, so step up and impress yourself, impress everyone around you, and if they aren’t utterly impressed by the new self-confident you, then move on because it’s their loss, not yours.

Some say that before embarking on anything new, you must first believe that you can do it.  And, that you must honestly ask yourself if whatever you’re going to do will work.  All I know is that I ask myself if it’s going to be worth it.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

always be open, honest, and self-aware

you can’t get to the moon if you don’t try

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