My muse as always, is Aphrodite. ~ Shakespeare in Love
my goddess of love, sorceress, divine spirit,
you were there when I needed you most,
when I was lonely, miserable and lost,
drifting aimlessly from pillar to post,
you visited in dreams as a ghost,
and as a goddess lifted me up,
for that I shall you worship,
forever, no matter what,
you live in my heart.
Aphrodite, Goddess of Grace and lascivious love of Ares ~ eternally unrequited
Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this son of York;
These days ancient English City of York is full of bicycles, churches, tourists, and pubs ~ mostly pubs. And mostly not a lot of Shakespeare.
unless you are a very attractive American woman, don’t ask to taste a load of different beers before you buy a pint.
Only out of suffering emerges the strongest souls.
jealousy and doubt
the demon soul eaters
visit in the blackest night
darkness lonely frightfulness
another run around nightmares
of lying half-truths dishonest deceit
she was a dark witch circling the firelight
she made it so very easy, and my soul was lost
not all women are witches
but all witches are enchanted women
never accept a kiss from a witch at midnight
Nevada, famous for Vegas, Area 51 ~ and a lot of desert.
after all, Absinthe is a potent female aphrodisiac
From time to time the darkness would overwhelm me.
It turns out that I am an emotional being, which is an unwanted paradigm shift for a taciturn and repressed English guy like me. And yet, for much of my recent life I have been completely defined and driven by powerful emotions.
From time to time my psyche would spiral down a dark hole into a place where I became angry, jealous, manipulative, paranoid, resentful, unreasonable… filled with negative thoughts and feelings.
These emotions would hit me out of nowhere, coming from deep within my subconscious mind, usually when my conscious guard was down ~ because I was tired, stressed, had been drinking, or someone close had lied to me, or perhaps just because something had gone slightly wrong in my life.
And these intense, darkly negative emotions could often drive a complete change in my personality, turning me from a rational and sociable man into an irrational and dangerous Mr. Hyde.
One thing you can’t hide ~ is when you’re crippled inside. ~ John Lennon.
The reality is that intensely negative and darkly dangerous emotions are driven by fear, and in my case probably a paranoid fear of abandonment created by the Borderline Personality Disorder I have suffered from for most of my life.
Fear is powerful, deep, affecting the most primeval part of our psyche, what Freud calls the id. And fear generates the equally powerful fight or flight reflex. At my darkest I would fight by attacking people verbally and in writing, and run away into a bottle of booze. Neither of these reflex actions was in the least useful to me.
What I needed was a strategy which allowed me to accept my negative emotions without allowing their destructive power to ruin my relationships and my life ~ wanting to find a suitable way to check out of life is not good.
What I needed was to be more emotionally stable and resilient.
It turns out that emotionally resilient people have some important things in common. Emotionally stable and resilient people;
- Are Realists. Grounded. Optimists are soon disappointed and easily lose hope. Realists make the best they can of the ‘Now’.
- Have Faith. Believe in something greater than themselves, something greater than whatever bad situation they may find themselves in.
- Are extremely and radically creative.
- Have a support network of close friends, doctors, counsellors, 12-step groups…
- Have a great, but usually weird and warped, sense of humour.
These are all things that I could invent for myself. I can grow and develop these character traits that actually exist in all of us. Each day I have been able to further manifest these character traits within myself. Every hour I have become more emotionally stable and resilient.
One ought to hold onto one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
Life goes on, and I do not have to allow my emotions to control me.
Although my emotions are an important part of me, I AM NOT MY EMOTIONS.
Some say that negative emotions have an important role to play in a happy life. And that negative emotions are telling you that you need to change and transform yourself. All I know is that you can turn things around and control how your emotions affect you.
Life does not have to be perfect to be good.
Life is out there waiting for you, so show up.
better, smarter, stronger
collaborate, persevere, longer
wanting, needing, dreaming, deeper
close friend, partner, motivator, supporter
purpose, planning, decisions, actions, deliver
balance, harmony, confidence, calm, peace, living
so lonely and alone no longer
just a solitary traveller, meditating
Luck is great, but most of Life is hard work.
The hard truth is that we make our own luck. If you want to be lucky enough to witness a brilliant sunrise, then you have to get yourself out of bed before dawn. If you want to be lucky enough live your life’s dreams you must first know what you want and then do something to get it. If you want to really live Life, then show up.
I want a better life, I need to be a better man, I want to live my dreams. A few short weeks ago I was in the depths of Hell. Walking the hard road up from yet another rock bottom, these are a Magnificent Seven Truths I have been shown. These things have helped me find my luck, perhaps they may help you too.
- Self-Awareness. Know yourself. Be congruent and grounded in your own truth. Know that you are unique and that you have unique skills and abilities. Understand your own power.
- Know where you want to go. Chart your course. Dream your dreams. Discover what you really need, want, and desire. Create a vision board, or mind map, or just make a list. If you don’t know what you want, then Be Brave. Stop asking others what you should do, and don’t do anything that others may want you to do if it doesn’t match your own truth. Change I should to I want.
- Do Something. Take some action. Get off your ass and do something to realise your wants, needs, desires, and dreams, even if it’s just making a plan, or writing a daily journal. ~ just don’t do things that you don’t need to do. Change should to could. If you can get others to do things for you then use their unique skills and talents. Let the Cosmos work for you too.
- Leverage the Magic. Use your dreams, thoughts, words, and deeds. Have the best attitude you possibly can. Nobody likes an impatient, driven, aggressive, competitive, egotistical, unforgiving and manipulative jerk.
- Believe in yourself. Be more congruent. Make certain that your inner beliefs match your needs, wants, desires, and dreams. If you don’t believe then you can’t achieve. If you don’t believe then you certainly will have no luck at all.
- Engage the Magic. Make a start on living your dreams. Do something positive, even if it’s just a very small thing. The greatest journey starts with that first baby step.
- Be adaptable. After you have taken some action, look at what happened. If what you did didn’t get you what you want, then do something else instead. If you do what you always did, then you will get what you always got. A definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Scientifically, and mathematically there is no such thing as luck. So, if you want to be lucky in life, if you want to take advantage of random chances, if you want the good things to come to you, then work at living your dreams.
The harder I practice, the luckier I get. ~ Gary Player
Here’s the thing, should I want to, I can win money playing cards. That isn’t because I’m lucky, it’s because I’ve studied Hoyle, probability theory, and statistics, I can work out odds in my head, and I’m a natural card-counter. Some say that’s cheating, it certainly isn’t luck.
Try to stay focused. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get drawn into fighting the alligators when you really want to be draining the swamp.
Some say that life’s hard and nothing ever goes right for them. And, that they never have any luck, their whole life is a train wreck. All I know is that the harder and smarter I try, the luckier I get.
The road goes anywhere and everywhere you want, but you have to get out there and be prepared to enjoy the journey.
Create your own luck, and then ride it hard.
To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.
In this modern world most of us are driven by results, we do things in order to achieve a desired outcome. In this modern world hardly anyone enjoys the journey, what most people want is to get to their destination as quickly as possible. And yet, psychologists know that what our mind and spirit seek most are experiences, and not results.
In my working life I was extremely results oriented, I always had innumerable written plans to ensure that each of my projects produced a specific outcome, with specific deliverables, on specific future dates.
Consequently I was always in a hurry, impatient, driven, aggressive, competitive, egotistical, and unforgiving. To a certain extent these character traits are useful in business, but I also carried these characteristics into my personal life. That may be natural, unavoidable, but it certainly isn’t useful, and it certainly wasn’t the true me.
Aggression only moves in one direction ~ it creates more aggression. ~ Margaret J. Wheatley
Nobody sane wants a good friend or partner who is always in a hurry, impatient, driven, aggressive, competitive, egotistical, and unforgiving. Oh, and I was also very manipulative…..
Because of my conflicted and driven life I was continually unhappy, and continually ill. I was also continually afraid of failure. My life was mostly joyless.
I no longer believe that it’s the outcome that matters most to our mind and spirit. What I believe is that it’s experiences that matter most to us, and not the eventual deliverables. In other words it’s the journey, and not the destination which teaches us the most. Like all things in Life this is probably not a yes / no, black / white, male / female thing.
The yin and the yang are opposite forces. Yet, they exist together in the harmony of a perfect orb. ~ R. A. Wise
I have come to believe that somewhere in between the yes and the no lies a place where either, none, and both exist simultaneously. I have come to believe that the past, present, and future exist simultaneously. And, I have come to believe that it is the journeys that really matter to our body, mind, and spirit ~ not the destinations.
In other words it’s how we live each moment that matters most, not what we eventually achieve.
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things. ~ Robert Breault
Some say that life is somewhere between an experiment and an adventure. And, that if you follow all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun. All I know is that nothing is more important than this day, this hour, this minute…
The sun may not always shine, so enjoy it while you can.
Live in the moment, live in the breath, live in the sunset.
There is something powerfully moving about the sky at twilight. For me, it’s a time to pray to my personal Goddess.
To be wronged is nothing unless you remember it.
in the darkness of the soul’s resentments
the healing light of dawn still shines
as a thousand spiritual friendships
allow harmony’s true happiness
to heal all our inner distress
the girl riding shotgun