Tag Archives: People Pleaser

Complaisant

if you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody

Unless you are a sociopath or a narcissist you will tend to want to make other people happy.  If you are in a romantic relationship you will tend to want to please your partner.  If you are a child you will tend to want to please your parents, teachers, and just about every other adult you interact with.  There are exceptions; we all have bad days when we couldn’t give a fuck, there are some people we don’t care about at all, and there are some other people we dislike so much that we are at the other end of the people-pleasing spectrum.

And then there are those of us to get sucked into the role of a people-pleaser, continually doing what other people want us to do, always saying yes when we should be saying no, and trying to find ways to ingratiate ourselves with people who take us for granted.  We become the epitome of a people-pleasing fool because there is something in our past that made us eager to please someone in authority over us, (and / or someone we loved), for the sake of our own safety, sanity, or just because that was the only way we would ever get any attention or affection.

For a lot of my life I was trapped in the role of a people-pleaser, because my feelings of self-worth were so low as to be almost non-existent, and I was always looking to others to validate myself.  My self-esteem was whatever other people told me it was, and that was doubly so for women I liked and / or was in a relationship with.  I was a prisoner.

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.  ~  Lao Tzu

Once someone consciously or subconsciously realises just how much they are being taken for a fool, then they have some chance of escaping that submissive, subservient, complaisant role.  And, other people will not like that at all.  I stopped being a people-pleasing serf a little while ago, and some said a lot of unpleasant things to and about me.  Yet the people who truly cared for me were happy for me, and encouraged me to go on steadfastly walking the true warriors path of independence, courage, confidence, determination, and kindness.

Some say they exist to please their master / mistress.  And that if they didn’t take care of everyone else in their life, then who else would?  All I know is that you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

just because she enjoys being submissive doesn’t mean she is someone’s doormat

Run With the Herd

there will be people who confuse your individuality with selfishness

Peer-group pressure is a very powerful thing.  Fitting in, being popular, having lots of friends, agreeing with the majority opinion, is taught to us all from a very early age.  In fact it can be hammered into us at school, where standing out from the crowd and being different can get you seriously bullied.

It’s no different as we grow and move on in life.  In psychology there’s a thing called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which describes what the average person strives for.  Only when the most basic needs are met; food, water, shelter….. can one move on towards higher needs, like having friends. As you’d expect it’s more complicated than that, and it’s wrong anyway.

For most people belongingness: to be an accepted and superior member of a group, comes right at the top of the list of the things they want, need, and desire most.  The average adult strives to achieve social approval, to be fashionable, to be superior, to keep up with and surpass their peer group, to accumulate more and better material possessions, and certainly a get a lot of meaningless sex ~ often outside of their principal relationship.  And somewhere there might be the need for love and adulation.

But to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy an adult needs to be themselves.  Sometimes it is important to stand out from the herd, especially if you’re fitting in just to play it safe, to avoid being questioned or challenged, to avoid upsetting your peer group, to keep in with your family and your friends…..  If you are going to be true to yourself, if you want to achieve emotional, mental, and spiritual health, then there will be moments in your life when you have to be yourself, no matter what they say.

We each have a unique set of wants, needs, desires, dreams, ambitions, thoughts, and opinions ~ but we often suppress them and get caught up in the herd’s falsehoods instead.  We become people pleasers and drones.

The hard truth is there are a lot of mentally sick people out there today because they strive not to miss out on other how others think they should live, behave, act, and think.  I point to the compulsive wearing of face coverings as my proof.

Nobody needs to wear a face mask outdoors, or when they are alone in their own car, or when riding a bicycle, or when they are alone at home.  I wonder if some people wear a face covering while they are having sex in the missionary position…..

Some say there is safety in numbers.  And that those who disagree are anti-social, selfish, dangerous, should be shouted down and destroyed.  All I know is that I will be myself, no matter what they say.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I am not a number

I am a free man

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