a shared memory is worth a thousand words
sometimes, silence is golden
Reality is not what we think it is. People are not who we believe them to be. Memories are not real, and past only exists in memories. The future doesn’t yet exist, despite that almost everything we do is directed by what we want the future to be. And were it not for all that then the present would be very different from the Now we create for ourselves.
Suppose your much loved partner tells you something dark, difficult, and perhaps reprehensible about their past? The usual reaction, particularly the way men usually react, is to take that thing in your partner’s past and bring it right into the present. We can get angry and jealous about something that happened before we even knew our supposedly much loved partner. Retroactive Jealousy is real, powerful, and destructive. People also get angry with people who hurt their partner in the past, and then because they can’t do anything about that they get angry with their partner instead. Dragging the past into the present changes the Now, and then most likely goes on to change the future as well.
Conversely we can take our wants, needs, dreams, and desires, which only exist in an infinite number of possible futures, and drag them right into the present to create expectations. We may have a great relationship with someone, but then we think of the way we want things to be, and create for ourselves a slew of unrealistic expectations. What we have is what we have. What we want and desire only exists in the future. Basing the Now on what might happen in one of an infinite number of possible futures is a recipe for insane unhappiness.
Some ancient cultures believe that the Past, Present, and Future exist and happen all at the same time. Quantum physics pretty much says that too. But if we live in the days of future’s past we are going to get very unhappy very quickly.
To avoid being continually angry, jealous, miserable, resentful, and single it’s important to live in the Now. To do that we have to learn acceptance and understanding. We have to stop being jealous and judgmental. We might want to learn about meditation and mindfulness.
Trust me. I have made every single mistake I’ve talked about above, and then some.
I am very lucky I am not alone and lonely in this Now.
lonely, unloved, alone
let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around us in mindfulness
The dawn of a new life
Now that I am recovering from the illness which I suffered over the Holidays my mind is beginning to work again. That is both a good and a bad thing. It’s good because existing in a depressive semi-vegetative state is not living at all. It’s bad because my demons are coming out of the darkness deep inside my mind to torment me again.
I’m not going to let that happen. This the the dawn of a different life for me, not the beginning of another dark night.
I am not going to dwell on the past, nor regret anything that happened there. I am not going to think much about the future, nor be afraid of anything that might happen in that far-off country. Rather I will be mindful of today. I will use today to begin to discover my own inner nature.
A spiritual journey is to uncover my own inner nature. It’s already there. ~ Billy Corgan.
I have realised that I need to discover who I really am, and what I can do to become the better man. The only person I need to measure myself against is who I am today, and then be a better man tomorrow.
It’s a new dawn. Please be optimistic for me.
A new dawn for me
The past is never what you believed it was.
memories like past passing clouds
drift silently screaming monochrome
colourless in grey and white shadows
destructive shades of love and home
ignored lies, shards of present charades
living in the past bitterness forever alone
the less you give a fuck about the shadows, the happier you will be