Tag Archives: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Seems I Have OCD

OCD is not about being a ‘neat freak’

that is wrong on so many levels

Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I have fairly mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  There are a few obvious signs; for example I am always clean, neat, and tidy, always doing the very best I can in every situation.  I think that everything is my fault and my problem to solve.  My music is all sorted in alphabetical order, and I know where everything is, all the time.  I also go back and check that I really have locked my door when I’ve left the garret.  I know every detail of my finances, down to the last penny and I check my bank accounts on-line every damn day.

But the real give-away is counting.  When my mind is doing nothing else I count, to no purpose whatsoever, and it’s a completely unconscious thing.

I’ve now read that there are 4 types of OCD; contamination, perfection, doubt/harm, forbidden thoughts.  Or it might be that there are 7 types of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, if you include; staring, relationship, and existential.  I think I can identify perfectionism and a little of forbidden thoughts, (but who doesn’t have weird sexual fantasies).  But none of it is ruining my life.  What almost ruined my life was judgemental angry jealousy, (retroactive angry jealousy too), and some would say that is Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I would say that it was being in a toxic relationship with the wrong woman.

So how to ‘cure’ my OCD?  Actually the only bit I want to cure is the counting thing.

Typically dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder involves drugs and therapy.  I’m NOT having either of those, except the honest, open, down to earth therapy talking with my friends gives me.  And writing this blog, of course.

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.  ~  Sun Tzu

Knowing that I have ‘a problem’ is more than half the battle.

The rest is down to me.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

some say that mental illness is like a black dog

 

Coping With Retroactive Jealousy

the jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves

~

Retroactive Jealousy is being jealous of your partner’s sexual past.  Sufferers of this sickening disorder can be jealous of things their partner did long before you even met them ~ maybe jealous of things their partner did years ago.  It’s completely insane.  It’s a monster which will grow and grow if you feed it, and it will utterly destroy relationships.  Jealousy of any kind is incredibly destructive, retroactive jealousy even more so.

Jealousy ~ that sickening combination of possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation ~ can overtake your mind and threaten your very core.  ~  Helen Fisher.

Generally, sufferers of retroactive jealousy also suffer from some serious underlying mental health problem such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Bipolar Disorder.  Mostly it’s men who suffer from this insane kind of dysfunctional jealousy.

Now it may be that their are things in your partner’s sexual past that you just can’t live with ~ in which case you should just walk away.  However, if you believe that you want to keep seeing your partner, there are some basic tools you can use to cope with your problem;

  • Acknowledge that this is your problem, and not your partner’s.  You need to deal with it on your own.
  • Stop obsessively talking with your partner about their past.  Do not stalk them by looking at their social media.
  • Get clear about your own morals, ethics, and values.  What are you fearful of, and what don’t you understand?
  • Realise that it’s a new world out there, and some of the things which may have been totally unacceptable twenty years ago are commonplace now.
  • Accept that nobody is perfect, and don’t be a hypocrite.
  • Don’t be utterly judgemental and avoid black and white thinking.
  • Realise that you are never, ever, going to be totally happy about your girlfriend’s past, but get yourself into a place where you can live with it.
  • Do not compare yourself with your partner’s past lovers.
  • Don’t go out and get drunk in the mistaken belief that will make you feel better.

The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare.  Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires.  ~  Dorothy Corkille Briggs

Some say that being jealous of your partner’s sexual past is just being hypocritical.  And that if you love someone you should be accepting and understanding of their sexual past.  All I know is that jealousy is a deceptive, tricky, and pernicious emotion ~ it’s all an ego game.

~

 

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

don’t throw away a good relationship

over things that happened in the past

Personality Disorders

You must suffer me to go my own dark way.

50 Shades of Grey is full of people with serious personality disorders

In psychiatry a personality disorder is defined as; a deeply ingrained pattern of behaviour of a specified kind that deviates from the norms of generally accepted behaviour, typically apparent by the time of adolescence, and causing long-term difficulties in personal relationships and / or functioning in society.

Those unfortunate enough to suffer from a personality disorder have a serious mental illness, which often varies in severity over time, and struggle to live anything like a normal life.

There are about 10 different major types of personality disorder;

  1. Paranoid.  People with this have extreme paranoia which is not based in reality.
  2. Schizoid.  This is not schizophrenia. This prevents people from having close relationships with others.
  3. Schizotypal. This is not schizophrenia nor is it schizoid personality disorder.  People with this tend to have strange and eccentric beliefs, such as in UFOs and a Flat Earth.  Normal people have difficulty relating to people with schizotypal personality disorder.
  4. Antisocial.  People with this utterly disregard the rights and feelings of others.  Antisocial Personality Disorder encompasses sociopaths and psychopaths.
  5. Narcissistic.  This is similar to antisocial personality disorder, again these people disregard the feelings and rights of others, but this is also accompanied by total arrogance and a feeling of importance.
  6. Histrionic.  These people excessively seek out attention, are the life and soul of the party, they need to feel validated.
  7. Borderline.  This is similar to paranoid personality disorder, but people with BPD also have extreme and rapid mood swings and a morbid fear of abandonment.  People with BPD engage in risky behaviour.
  8. Avoidant.  These people do not take risks, suffer from agorophobia, extreme social inhibition…..
  9. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  People with this personality disorder have to be control of their environment, are obsessively clean and tidy, and engage in strange and repetitive actions.
  10. Dependent Personality Disorder.  This causes separation anxiety, and an inability to take action on their own, without the advice of others.

Anyone suffering from any of the above personality disorders will have difficulty coping in the real world, struggle to have and maintain healthy relationships with others, and can suffer from the symptoms and traits of serious mental, emotional, and psychological illnesses; depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, promiscuity, gaslighting, compulsive gambling, criminality, suicidal tendencies, extreme anger and violence, detachment from reality…..

Those with a serious personality disorder may also appear charming, successful, and high-functioning.  However, if others feel that they are always walking on eggshells around you, then it’s a sure sign that you have one or more of the above personality disorders.

If you have a personality disorder you need immediate and long-term medical help ~ or you may cause serious harm to yourself and / or others.  In extreme cases those with serious symptoms of their personality disorder may cause death.  But, good luck in getting a proper diagnosis or any suitable treatment.

Some of the personality disorders listed above do not respond to medication, and are only amenable to talking treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I have suffered from borderline personality disorder for a long, long time, and I am only now beginning to have some decent recovery from the destructive symptoms of this illness.

Some say that you’re just plain crazy.  And that you’re one strange dude.  All I know is that if you have a personality disorder, it’s not your fault.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

those with a personality disorder are very much Jekyll and Hyde characters.

BPD & OCD

Borderline Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

For a while I’ve known that I suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder.  I had more than enough of the critical symptoms to convince me of that.  My emotions have always been powerful and quick to change.  I have always had an unnatural fear of abandonment.  I am prone to very risky actions based on the thinnest possible evidence.  I have, from time to time, totally abused alcohol.

The first thing that really convinced me I had BPD was that I took several of the on-line self- tests for male BPD.  Every single time my score was right at the red end of the scale.

The real clincher was that I was assessed by a proper psychiatrist, who agreed that I had BPD, but that I’d mostly cured myself of it.  Thanks for that.

What never entered my mind until today is the very, very, strong link existing between Borderline Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Well, now I’m totally convinced that I have at least a little bit of an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

dscf0008As some do, I was thouroughly cleaning my apartment, (which I call the garret), and that meant moving all the furniture and stuff.  When the time came to put everything back I just couldn’t seem to get things back into their proper places, and before I knew where I was I had the tape measures, ruler, and tri-square out and was measuring and lining up to the eighth of an inch.

Weird.

Who measures the positions of their furniture and rugs?  It seems I do.  Worse than that, I also had to have my coffee table book at exactly 45 degrees ~ to make it look sufficiently randomly placed.

As I said, weird.  No worries.  I’ve taken plenty of photographs, so it should be a lot easier next time.

~

bookjack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

You Are Not A Prisoner Of Time

Time Is An Illusion. ~ Albert Einstein

DSCF0037Time is not a universal constant.

Time passes at different rates and in different ways depending upon who we are, where we are, what we are, why we are counting time, and how we measure time.  There is no such thing as an absolute past.  There are probably an infinite number of futures for us to choose from.  The present isn’t just now, the present also encompasses the past and the future.  My perception of time and my reality is different from yours.  Most importantly, we are not trapped by time, we can choose to use and take advantage of time as we will.

Time is not constant and one minute is not the same length as another.  ~  Jeanette Winterson

Subjectively we know that time passes at different rates depending upon circumstances.  If you’re stuck in an airport departure lounge waiting for your much delayed flight, then time passes painfully slowly ~ the minutes seem like hours and the hours crawl by like a wounded fly.  Conversely, if you’re getting ready for a really hot dinner date, then the hours fly by, and there’s just no way you’re going to be ready on time.

Scientifically, time also passes at different rates depending upon how fast you’re moving, and how much gravity there is where you are.  In the world of quantum mechanics time may, or may not, exist at all.

We choose to examine a phenomenon which is impossible to explain in any classical way, and which has in it the heart of quantum mechanics.  In reality it contains the only mystery.  ~  Richard Feynman.

The present, your ‘now’, isn’t only the present.  This instant of ‘now’ also includes the past and the future, and both the past and the future can and will change in a way that’s dependent upon now.  Once you accept that time is not an immutable constant you have the ability to change your future, your present, and your past.  Changing your own past is called retrocausality.

Everything, and I mean every moment of joy, happiness, sadness, trauma, learning, experiencing, dreaming and imagining, everything that has ever happened to you, and everything that you have ever done is present in the now.  Mostly we just aren’t consciously aware that the past is with us in the here and now.  But, without your past you wouldn’t be able to walk, talk, drive, hold down a job, or maintain a loving relationship.  The downside of this is that all the bad things about us were created in the past.  All the anger, attitudes, insecurities, jealousies, phobias, and mental illnesses are from the past.  But, you do not have to be a prisoner of your past, you have the ability to change the past.

The future is also with us in the present.  Everything you do is dictated by the future.  You most likely will go to work on Monday, and that’s dictated by things that will happen much further in the future than Monday.  If you don’t go to work, then somewhere in the future you may lose your job, and then your home, because you can’t pay the rent / mortgage / local taxes.  If you knew for certain that the Second Coming of Christ was going to happen this Christmas, then most likely you wouldn’t go to work on Monday.  The future changes and creates the present, and the present changes the future.  The more brave choices you make in the present the greater number of possible futures you have to choose from.

We can choose from our possible futures, but most people are very bad at making brave choices.  Almost everyone will do tomorrow what they did yesterday, with exactly the same people in exactly the same places.  Those people have made the choice to make no choices at all, and the more they do that the fewer possible futures they have to choose from.  If nothing changes then nothing changes.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~  Albert Einstein

We can choose to change our past.  After all, the past is only what we remember and how we interpret those memories.  If you had an abusive childhood, then in all likelihood it will have blighted your whole life, right up to the here and now.  Trauma in your childhood could have left you with Alcoholism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or any of a number of other psychological problems.

You can change all that and have a good life now by reinterpreting the past ~ after all the past is only memories.  I can’t tell you how to do that, you may need counselling or psychotherapy.  However, I can tell you that I stopped the past from blighting my present by unconditionally accepting who I am, and acceptance created a whole raft of new futures for me to choose from.  Today I am enjoying enlightenment and empowerment because I changed the past in my present.  Today I have more futures to choose from because I changed the subjective past.

You can change your own past, your present, and your future.  All you need to do is to have the willingness to change.

please listen responsibly

~

WAF Landscape Christmas Cards.qxdthese opinions are mine and mine alone

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

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