you cannot fix something if you don’t know it’s broken
Each and every one of us is programmed ~ what we think, what we believe, how we behave, what we like and what we dislike are automatic responses, programmed reactions and actions buried deep in our subconscious. Our conscious minds only govern what we do about 10% of the time, and most of the time what our conscious minds do, think, and feel is based on all that stuff way down in our unconsciousness. So, if you are scared of snakes, it isn’t a conscious thing, it’s actually a primeval race-memory so far down in your subconscious you don’t even know it’s there until the first time you come across a serpent.
If you have problems in your life, if you can’t handle certain situations, if you keep lurching from one disastrous relationship to another, then you are not consciously doing that on purpose. A string of dysfunctional relationships in your past, and the likelihood that you will repeat the same mistakes over and over again in the future, means that there is something dysfunctional with the tapes in your unconscious mind.
The scary thing is that all that programming, all of your beliefs, behaviors, and opinions were put there before you were seven years old. The adults in your life; your parents, your wider family, older siblings, teachers impressed their thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, habits, and prejudices upon your unformed mind while you were still a child. And there was nothing whatsoever you could do about it. Ergo, if you are a borderline alcoholic, drug addict, a heavy smoker, or obese ~ it’s not all your own fault. If you’re promiscuous, dishonest, and continually finding yourself in toxic relationships, then that’s not completely your fault either. It’s because you were taught all those things when you didn’t know any better.
Before I was five years old I was taught that women are lying bitches, and that men who have anything to do with women are bad. I was taught that sex is nasty, dirty, and wrong. I was taught that love is meaningless, that interpersonal relationships are always toxic, and that sex outside of marriage is a sin that will send me to hell. I know who did that to me.
It took me right up until a few days ago to realise this, to truly know what was broken in me. Right up until a few days ago my life was dysfunctional, I was unable to have a stable relationship, I couldn’t ever be truly open, honest, trusting, or loving. My life was toxic. I drank to much to escape the way I always acted and reacted.
If that is anything like you, then look deep within to find out what is broken in you. Then, when you know what’s broken you might have some chance of fixing it. Be like me and kill the snake in your mind.
it wasn’t all her own fault that Red Riding Hood liked wolves just a little too much
the more violent the storm, the quicker it passes
Last night I dreamed of this song from the days of my youth. I’ve chosen it for today because meeting someone on the corner, just as it’s getting dark, is just about the only way on can get to be with a close friend. Lockdown has a lot to answer for.
The acoustic guitar player has just about the coolest facial hair ever, if you like that kind of thing. Reminds me of a certain muppet.
Please listen with a smile.
Lindisfarne is a magical place
one day I will take you there
love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies
Well, perhaps, but even in the truest of loves between the most compatible of people each of them has their own separate road to walk. They may walk it together, supporting each other always, and the one may carry the other for a time, but each one wants / should / must have their own choices to make. It is a truism that you cannot / should not / must not try to live another person’s life for them.
More than that, almost every adult craves their independence, needs their time alone, and wants to be able to make their own mistakes. The thing about romantic partnerships and love is that the partners should be good friends, perhaps each another’s very best friend. And the thing about very good friends is that you don’t always want to see them, but you always want to know that they’re there.
No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main….. ~ John Donne
Sharing everything with your partner might sound ideal, and I guess many young lovers strive for that perfect ideal, but there is nothing worse in life than perfection. Living in your partner’s pocket is claustrophobic, actually living with anyone every minute of every single day, month in and month out, would constitute a cruel and unusual punishment in most legal systems. But solitary confinement is even worse.
How much you share with your partner, and how much of your partner you share with others is, like all of life, a balancing act. But I would strongly suggest that sharing absolutely everything isn’t going to work for most people.
Here I can best speak for myself; a real, honest, honourable, steadfast, and true man. And I need time alone, not fully engaged with anyone or anything other than myself, my innermost thoughts, and the Goddess of my understanding. Men such as I tend to seek out solitary pastimes ~ I take long meditative walks by the sea. But from time to time some company is nice.
Most men have very poor conversational skills in comparison to their female partner, so telling her about ‘everything that happened in my day’ is difficult for men. Similarly, listening to her narrate her day’s events is hard for men. And trust me on this; some of the things she may have done he will not ever want to know. Men have very poor empathy in comparison to women.
And then; a man’s feelings, drives, and needs are very different from a woman’s. He will not ever want to know about your past and the other men in it, and if he does a woman should worry. The same goes for men in your present life, (coworkers and such).
People who want to know everything about you and live with you 24 / 7 are but one step from spying, stalking, and gaslighting. Maybe ~ so give each other some space.
(there is a whole other set of meanings about ‘sharing’ in relationships ~ but I’m not going to go there)
most women would not want to be chained
not all the time anyway
love is the sunshine of the soul
you were the sunshine of my life
so why did you rain on my parade?
my lover was the moon and stars to me
shame they were someone else’s sunshine
bright flowers die without sunshine
and a real man cannot live without a woman’s love
she burst into my life like a thousand blazing suns
and then I got burned
the real truth of true love is that the sun always shines
trust that the sun will shine
if I agreed with you, then we would both be wrong
you may be right, but I don’t agree
rather than face a pack of wolves in the depths of winter than contradict a woman
the temperature was up to 95 outside, but there was an icy look in her eyes
love is a journey of adventures, so sit back and enjoy the ride
she would always do the right thing after trying everything else first
please don’t leave me
I can’t unless you give me the key
the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
a dateless bargain to engrossing death
A winter midnight and the light was strange. A glow that cascades, softly falling from darkness, carefully arranging long shadows cast in deep silver blackness.
A castle dark, a fortress strong, and set in the tallest lonely tower a locked room holds and coldly embraces the lovers’ fatal final tryst.
we will never be set free from these chains upon our love until we embrace the moonlight
life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all
look towards the far horizons
Might I suggest that you take some time out to be with yourself, find a time and space where you can be alone with your thoughts, an hour and a place where you will be certain of just a little privacy, and ask yourself some simple questions.
- What do I need?
- What makes me happy?
- What is it in my life that’s making me unhappy?
- What and who am I afraid of, and why is that?
- Where and when do I feel safe and comfortable?
- What is happening to my health, why am I tired all the time?
- When and how can I make some time for myself?
- Who are my friends, and who can I really trust?
- How can I spend more time with my real friends?
- How can I express myself, how do I show the real me to the world?
- How can I connect with the people I love and care about?
- How can I pay all the bills this month, what about the mortgage?
- How do I find the time to do the shopping, and how do I pay for it?
- If I leave, who is going to do everything that needs doing around here?
- How can I ever show my face in that bar, ever again?
Some of these are big important questions, and some may seem more trivial, but if you ask yourself any of these questions, then the answers are very important to you. If you try to look at the big and very important questions first, then you may become discouraged because they are just too difficult to answer. So maybe don’t look for any answers at all just now. Just for now concentrate on the questions, write them down in your journal, or notebook, but for Gods sakes don’t leave your jottings anywhere where anyone else has the slightest chance in Hades of finding them.
If all that seems to difficult, then make the questions simpler, like;
- How do I feel today?
- What excites me?
- Who has captured my heart?
- What I want is…..
- My heart longs for…..
Or perhaps write all this stuff down, and then burn it, and flush the ashes down the toilet to join your failed marriage / relationship / friendship / love / partnership / shitty job.
Only by knowing what it is that we really want, need, and desire ~ and what we don’t want in our life under any circumstances can we move on in any constructive and positive way.
Some say that we have to understand what our needs are, first and foremost. And that if you don’t know what your needs are how can you ever satisfy them. All I know is that the more you are forced to give to others, the more you need to give to yourself.
give yourself a wonderful sunrise,
enjoy the peace of the natural world
the better the host the more virulent the parasite
Humans are known to be prey to more than 350 parasitic organisms, some of which hurt us, and some of which can kill us. Around 850,000 people die every year from malaria, which is caused by a mosquito borne parasite invisible to the human eye. Whereas the tapeworm, which can grow up to 30 feet in length inside the human gut, will rarely kill its host.
These are not the kind of parasites I want to write about today, instead I want to discuss Humans who are parasites, a person who exploits others and earns their trust through flattery, trickery, false promises, emotional blackmail, sex….. and the Gods only know what else. A parasite will use every trick in the book, and some that aren’t, to gain your acceptance, liking, and trust. They will con their way into your home, live there while contributing nothing, steal your possessions and your money, promise you the earth and give you a pile of shit, and then break your heart.
Along the way the host may do all kinds of unwise or terrible things just to keep their parasite happy, marrying the parasite and having children by the perhaps being the most unwise and terrible in the long run.
He will say he’s your Father Christmas, he’ll say he’s your dream come true, and then he’ll break you, and take everything you love and hold dear.
Losing possessions and cash because of a parasite is bad enough, losing your freedom and self-respect are much worse. For a woman especially, there is nothing worse than becoming the prisoner of a parasite.
In one very specific way, I have been a parasite ~ but then I fucked up in a very bad way.
love knows no time, love knows no distance
Until very recently, in historical terms in the blink of an eye, you were likely to love and marry someone from your own village / town / county / state, after all these were the only people you were ever likely to meet. Then came reliable mail, and I’m talking paper and the mailman here, together with the widespread use of the telephone, and people started to have pen-pals, and fall in love with them.
Fast forward to the late 20th century and we have instant emails, and now video chat, and it becomes perfectly possible to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with someone you have never actually met, who lives a couple of thousand miles away, or on the other side of the world. Add in blogs, Facebook, Instagram, tumblr, and sundry chat / dating / sex sites and the potential for a long-distance love affair is as good as meeting the boy / girl next door.
But, all you have is electronic, and you can’t actually have sex with an electronic person….. and I’m not going into the esoteric and erotic world of remotely controlled sex toys.
How can you actually be friends with someone you have never met, and know only through their blog, and some emails, and online chats? It turns out that it’s very easy, maybe easier than meeting someone from the office, or in a bar, or a friend of a friend. To begin with if you meet someone online you are both starting with a clean slate, and there are no interfering family members or other friends to get in the way. Also, and in my experience, it’s much much easier to be completely honest and open with someone you meet online than it is with someone you meet in any other way. Perhaps most importantly, for women thinking of being online friends with a guy, he isn’t going to be a stranger expecting first date sex.
The bottom line is, your long-distance friend might just be the best friend you’ve ever had.
However, leaving aside the whole sex thing for now, there are a few downsides in an online long-distance relationship.
- Time zones. If you’re in California and he’s in England he is 8 hours ahead of you.
- Identity. Are you talking with who you think you are? Who you think is a cute 30 years old woman in California might be a fat trucker from Detroit.
- Marital status. She may say she’s single, or he may say he’s divorced, but both of them could be married with kids.
- Honesty. It’s easy to lie if you are 5,000 miles apart, how do you check the truth?
- Meeting. That first meeting could be fraught, you will be nervous, it might never happen. But that is no different from having a blind date.
It’s an on line relationship, so use the internet to your advantage. Google the object of your affections is a good start. You know the rest.
Some might say that it’s difficult to have a relationship if you’re a couple of thousand miles apart. And, how can you have a love affair if you hardly ever see one-another? All I know is that it happens all the time.
at least she’s a woman
and not a trucker from Detroit
the most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or touched
Back in the day, when I was an insanely overpaid guy in international finance, I guess I had one friend. This was his favourite song.
Neither of us had ever known a Lisa, nor ever hoped to meet a woman by that name.
this was our imaginary Lisa