the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
a dateless bargain to engrossing death
A winter midnight and the light was strange. A glow that cascades, softly falling from darkness, carefully arranging long shadows cast in deep silver blackness.
A castle dark, a fortress strong, and set in the tallest lonely tower a locked room holds and coldly embraces the lovers’ fatal final tryst.
we will never be set free from these chains upon our love until we embrace the moonlight
life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all
look towards the far horizons
Might I suggest that you take some time out to be with yourself, find a time and space where you can be alone with your thoughts, an hour and a place where you will be certain of just a little privacy, and ask yourself some simple questions.
- What do I need?
- What makes me happy?
- What is it in my life that’s making me unhappy?
- What and who am I afraid of, and why is that?
- Where and when do I feel safe and comfortable?
- What is happening to my health, why am I tired all the time?
- When and how can I make some time for myself?
- Who are my friends, and who can I really trust?
- How can I spend more time with my real friends?
- How can I express myself, how do I show the real me to the world?
- How can I connect with the people I love and care about?
- How can I pay all the bills this month, what about the mortgage?
- How do I find the time to do the shopping, and how do I pay for it?
- If I leave, who is going to do everything that needs doing around here?
- How can I ever show my face in that bar, ever again?
Some of these are big important questions, and some may seem more trivial, but if you ask yourself any of these questions, then the answers are very important to you. If you try to look at the big and very important questions first, then you may become discouraged because they are just too difficult to answer. So maybe don’t look for any answers at all just now. Just for now concentrate on the questions, write them down in your journal, or notebook, but for Gods sakes don’t leave your jottings anywhere where anyone else has the slightest chance in Hades of finding them.
If all that seems to difficult, then make the questions simpler, like;
- How do I feel today?
- What excites me?
- Who has captured my heart?
- What I want is…..
- My heart longs for…..
Or perhaps write all this stuff down, and then burn it, and flush the ashes down the toilet to join your failed marriage / relationship / friendship / love / partnership / shitty job.
Only by knowing what it is that we really want, need, and desire ~ and what we don’t want in our life under any circumstances can we move on in any constructive and positive way.
Some say that we have to understand what our needs are, first and foremost. And that if you don’t know what your needs are how can you ever satisfy them. All I know is that the more you are forced to give to others, the more you need to give to yourself.
give yourself a wonderful sunrise,
enjoy the peace of the natural world
the better the host the more virulent the parasite
Humans are known to be prey to more than 350 parasitic organisms, some of which hurt us, and some of which can kill us. Around 850,000 people die every year from malaria, which is caused by a mosquito borne parasite invisible to the human eye. Whereas the tapeworm, which can grow up to 30 feet in length inside the human gut, will rarely kill its host.
These are not the kind of parasites I want to write about today, instead I want to discuss Humans who are parasites, a person who exploits others and earns their trust through flattery, trickery, false promises, emotional blackmail, sex….. and the Gods only know what else. A parasite will use every trick in the book, and some that aren’t, to gain your acceptance, liking, and trust. They will con their way into your home, live there while contributing nothing, steal your possessions and your money, promise you the earth and give you a pile of shit, and then break your heart.
Along the way the host may do all kinds of unwise or terrible things just to keep their parasite happy, marrying the parasite and having children by the perhaps being the most unwise and terrible in the long run.
He will say he’s your Father Christmas, he’ll say he’s your dream come true, and then he’ll break you, and take everything you love and hold dear.
Losing possessions and cash because of a parasite is bad enough, losing your freedom and self-respect are much worse. For a woman especially, there is nothing worse than becoming the prisoner of a parasite.
In one very specific way, I have been a parasite ~ but then I fucked up in a very bad way.
love knows no time, love knows no distance
Until very recently, in historical terms in the blink of an eye, you were likely to love and marry someone from your own village / town / county / state, after all these were the only people you were ever likely to meet. Then came reliable mail, and I’m talking paper and the mailman here, together with the widespread use of the telephone, and people started to have pen-pals, and fall in love with them.
Fast forward to the late 20th century and we have instant emails, and now video chat, and it becomes perfectly possible to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with someone you have never actually met, who lives a couple of thousand miles away, or on the other side of the world. Add in blogs, Facebook, Instagram, tumblr, and sundry chat / dating / sex sites and the potential for a long-distance love affair is as good as meeting the boy / girl next door.
But, all you have is electronic, and you can’t actually have sex with an electronic person….. and I’m not going into the esoteric and erotic world of remotely controlled sex toys.
How can you actually be friends with someone you have never met, and know only through their blog, and some emails, and online chats? It turns out that it’s very easy, maybe easier than meeting someone from the office, or in a bar, or a friend of a friend. To begin with if you meet someone online you are both starting with a clean slate, and there are no interfering family members or other friends to get in the way. Also, and in my experience, it’s much much easier to be completely honest and open with someone you meet online than it is with someone you meet in any other way. Perhaps most importantly, for women thinking of being online friends with a guy, he isn’t going to be a stranger expecting first date sex.
The bottom line is, your long-distance friend might just be the best friend you’ve ever had.
However, leaving aside the whole sex thing for now, there are a few downsides in an online long-distance relationship.
- Time zones. If you’re in California and he’s in England he is 8 hours ahead of you.
- Identity. Are you talking with who you think you are? Who you think is a cute 30 years old woman in California might be a fat trucker from Detroit.
- Marital status. She may say she’s single, or he may say he’s divorced, but both of them could be married with kids.
- Honesty. It’s easy to lie if you are 5,000 miles apart, how do you check the truth?
- Meeting. That first meeting could be fraught, you will be nervous, it might never happen. But that is no different from having a blind date.
It’s an on line relationship, so use the internet to your advantage. Google the object of your affections is a good start. You know the rest.
Some might say that it’s difficult to have a relationship if you’re a couple of thousand miles apart. And, how can you have a love affair if you hardly ever see one-another? All I know is that it happens all the time.
at least she’s a woman
and not a trucker from Detroit
the most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or touched
Back in the day, when I was an insanely overpaid guy in international finance, I guess I had one friend. This was his favourite song.
Neither of us had ever known a Lisa, nor ever hoped to meet a woman by that name.
this was our imaginary Lisa
A man’s self-worth is defined by the results he can achieve.
Real Men Slay Dragons
Today, practical men are great at solving problems involving faulty electrics, leaking faucets, broken-down cars, busted appliances….. Real men are crap at listening when all a woman wants is to talk about her feelings, or how her day was. Masculine men are basically problem-solving machines.
To understand why a man always gives advice and solutions, when all a woman wants is for him to listen, you need to know how the male brain works. And for a start, unlike women, men have dick-all connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.
A woman’s brain is organised for communication and empathy. A woman’s brain is structured to talk, and the main purpose of her talking is to talk and share feelings. For the most part she is not looking for solutions, advice, or answers, which is what the male brain is organised to provide.
Men evolved as mostly solitary hunters, and their main contribution to the survival of the human race was the ability to hit a moving target so that everyone could eat meat. Prehistoric Man needed the ability to accurately throw a rock, club, or spear, either at edible targets or enemies who wanted to steal their food or who threatened their tribe.
As a result, men evolved a target-hitting and spacial awareness area in the brain, which uses up the part of the brain that forms the speech and communications centre in women. Talking, listening, empathy, and emotions uses up odd bits of the male brain that aren’t used for much else ~ men don’t have a speech centre. Women don’t have a spacial awareness, target-hitting, and throwing centre in their brain, which is why most women have a useless sense of direction and can’t read maps.
Early man turned into result-oriented creatures who measure their own success strictly by outcomes, accomplishments, and their ability to come up with solutions to problems. A real man feels that he is the one person most capable of solving his own problems, and does not see any need to discuss them with anyone else. Men will only ask another persons opinion about a problem if he is looking for expert advice; say from a doctor. Unsolicited advice from a woman is not welcomed by any masculine guy.
Some women say that men have countless annoying traits. And that a woman wants to be listened to, not fixed. All I know is that real men don’t want to worry about toilet seats.
put a real man on an idyllic desert island, and the first thing he’ll think about is how to get off it.
When you stop expecting people to be perfect,
then you can like them for who they are.
Believing our expectations causes pain because the expectations often clash with reality ~ with life as it really is, and the future as it is meant to be. The expectation could be as simple as; I wish I didn’t have to go to the store today’ or the expectation could be powerful, such as ‘after all this I expect her to have sex with me’. It could be an utterly impossible desire, such as wanting her to exercise hard to have a better body.
Whatever the disconnect is, any time we believe a thought that says Life should be different from the way it is now, then we will really suffer. Every single time.
Have an expectation that isn’t completely under your own control, an expectation that says; ‘he / she should be different, Life should be different’, and you will get badly hurt. Take life as it is, live in the moment, and don’t ever try to change another person, and most likely you won’t be hurt ~ or not so badly. Even you cannot control the cosmos.
Some of the time we cannot even control our own thoughts, which have a tendency to drift off into fantastical flights of fancy, building castles in the clouds. Most of the time we can’t control our own bodies; we get sick, we gain weight, we start looking older….. What will happen will happen whether we like it or not ~ sometimes it’s best to pretend to like what’s happening, even if you secretly hate it. Remember the adage ‘fake it to make it’.
If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou.
Never focus so hard on what you want that you ignore what you already have. Never believe that you can change a woman, because you can’t. And, if you can’t live with what you have, then just walk away. You certainly can never change her past.
Some say that men are quick to leave a relationship. And that they almost always return. All I know is that if you leave her, you should never, ever look back.
never date an alcoholic woman
it will not end well
Where there is true love there is joy in life.
once you had sunshine
once you had true love
desire always and ever
and then came the rain
the ways of love can be cruel
It is not the length of life that matters, but the depth of life.
What would you do if you knew that you only had one month to live? Or just one day ~ until noon?
Some say that they would finally say goodbye to all of their friends and family, put their affairs in order, and quietly sit down and wait for the grim reaper to call.
Others say they would tick off as many things on their bucket list as they could. They forget that wherever they go they take their whole life along with them.
And then there are those facing certain death who retreat into denial with religion and a bottle of booze.
Not that I believe that I am anywhere near the end of days, but I’ve had to seriously accept that my time on this planet is numbered, and the count-down started the day I was conceived.
I get the feeling that I don’t belong here, that everything good is so hard to hear, they’re just not listening. I’ve walked so far along the warrior’s path that sometimes I aim too high. I get the feeling that I am among the lucky few who has been able to accept that winter comes eventually.
So, with the assumption that I have 28 Days to Live, how does that change what’s left of my life?
- Money is worthless.
- Possessions are useless.
- Unhappiness is pointless.
- Stale relationships don’t matter at all.
- Negativity and judgementalism are a waste of time.
Only people, places, and things I do that bring me immediate happiness, contentment, and serenity deserve any place in what’s left of my life. Making other people happy may give me vicarious satisfaction, but that matters not one jot. Nothing lasts forever, people change their minds, and today is just another day. Living life to the fullest, seizing the day, means that I will only be around those who can fill my life with a kaleidoscope of colour.
My castle is in the clouds, and if others don’t want to go there then they can fuck off and have a nice day without me.
Some men say that she holds their heart in their hands. And, that if they can’t have her their life can never be complete. All I know is that it will be all right without her, I will be as strong as I can be.
a man with 28 days to live should perhaps find a woman who has fabulous legs
Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future,
but from wanting to control it. ~ Khalil Gibran
To a greater or lesser degree we all suffer from what the medical profession call endogenous anxiety / depression ~ which is a complicated way of saying that your therapist / psychiatrist / doctor has no idea why you sometimes feel bad and sometimes go off the rails.
I firmly believe that the underlying cause of all the anxiety, distress, depressions, compulsions, and weaknesses we sometimes suffer from is the direct result of the programming we received before our conscious minds were developed enough to filter out all the bad crap we were subjected to. Even before you were born, your subconscious mind, body, and spirit was receiving the shitty, negative programs you still live by today. Remember, your subconscious mind is running things for about 90% of the time.
After conception, right up to the age of around 7, your mind, body, and spirit were being programmed by everything in your environment ~ especially your parents, siblings, other members of your extended family, teachers, TV, & etc. & etc. And you know what? It’s all the bad, negative, and defective stuff that really sticks.
The likelihood is that your subconscious mind is full of stuff like; ‘the world is a dangerous place’ ‘people are not to be trusted’ ‘you have to struggle to survive’ and ‘you have to fight to get what you need, want, and desire’.
I also firmly believe that our inner distress is why we may struggle with addictions and compulsions like; booze, casual sex, a bad diet, drugs, health, lack of exercise, money problems, smoking, impulsive behaviours, and all those defects of character we might have, or that others say we have.
How can we fix this? Not through willpower, self-discipline, nor self-control. The only way I know to escape the inner distress, anxiety, depression, compulsions, and addictions we honestly accept and admit we suffer from is through a long time, (maybe years), of acting as if these problems and bad feelings did not exist. Or as they say in 12 Step Groups fake it to make it.
Some say that only the weak do things that they really shouldn’t. And that anyone can cure their own addictions and defects of character if they just use a little willpower and self-control. All I know is that every worthwhile person I have ever met has suffered from profound inner distress
your subconscious mind can become your own prison