Women don’t like mind games. Most women like romance.
I’m just a guy, you know? Ergo I don’t actually understand the woman I care for, and sometimes I don’t really know what she wants from me. However, in an effort to be a ‘better’ guy I’ve been exploring the internet, and I believe these are the behaviours a woman would like me to bring to a relationship.
You know what? I worked out #1 all by my self.
- Do not be a jerk. (From time to time I have been a 21 carat jerk.)
- Give her respect. Respect her opinions, career, interests, friends, family, needs, dreams, and desires. Respect her body, her mind, and her soul. Accept and understand who and what she truly is.
- Give her time and space. She’s an independent lady, so don’t be clingy and dependent. She is not responsible for your happiness, you are. Don’t pressure her into doing things she’s not ready for. But, when she needs you, be generous with your own time; always be there for her.
- Be confident and capable ~ take charge when you need to. She needs to know that you can always be relied on to take the lead when necessary.
- Always help her to feel safe. Don’t ever be threatening, and if she’s worried about someone or something, or scared of something or someone ~ then help her to deal with it!
- Respect her privacy. Don’t ever intrude where she wants to be private, and never, ever, comment on what she posts on social media.
- Follow through with your plans and ideas. Women like to know that if a guy says he is going to do something, he will actually do it.
- Be completely honest, unless complete honesty is hurtful. Women don’t like liars, and once you have lost a woman’s trust it’s hard to get it back again.
- When it’s appropriate be romantic. And, what is truly romantic changes from time to time, and from woman to woman. To be romantic; You need to get to know her.
- Be polite, well-mannered, and well-spoken. Very good manners take a little effort ~ but I’m lucky here, I’m a true English Gentleman, and good manners come naturally to me. And never, ever get drunk when she’s around.
- Self-deprecating humour. Don’t make jokes at her expense, but it’s OK to poke fun at yourself. She will probably like gentle humour, and dislike you trying to be funny by being vicious and nasty about other people.
- If she ever feels the need to apologise, accept her apology with grace. Especially never, ever, mention the things she’s apologised for ever again.
- A Man should never be late. She may have no sense of time, she may always be late for everything, but you should always be there on time~ always. If you’ve promised to call at eight o’clock, then you should call her at exactly eight.
- Be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy. Women don’t seem to appreciate unreliability, a good guy needs to be the same good guy every minute of every day.
- Listen to her. When she wants to talk, listen patiently with acceptance and understanding. Don’t give her solutions she hasn’t asked for, just listen to her.
- Respond to her texts and emails in a timely manner. She may take forever to reply to you, but if you get a message from her, then respond as soon as is humanly possible.
- Always be clean, tidy, and well-groomed. You and your place should always be pretty immaculate, especially the bathroom. And, if you are ever invited to her place, treat it with the utmost respect. Clean your shoes, get a manicure, get a haircut, have some great pictures in your place….
- Be faithful in word and deed. Don’t screw around, don’t date other women, don’t constantly flirt with other women, don’t check out other women, don’t ‘like’ other women’s pictures on social media, and do not constantly jerk off to porn.
- Be complementary. Tell her she looks pretty, her hair’s nice, tell her you like her. and if it’s appropriate tell her that you love her.
- Do things just for her. Clean her car, make sure she’s always got petrol, (gas), in the tank, fix things for her, send her flowers and perfume, but bear in mind point #9, and be romantic in the right way and when it’s appropriate.
- Sex. Do not try too go to far and too fast. If anything, follow her lead, and remember point #10 , and always be polite and well-mannered. And, if and when you sleep with her, remember that her pleasure is important. You may need sex, but perhaps what she really wants is love.
Writing this stuff, it all makes perfect sense, and I don’t believe I’ve got anything badly wrong in this list. But, Ladies, if I have, then please feel free to tell me about it.
And, writing this stuff I realise that I do most of these good things most of the time, and some of them all of the time. Sadly, that isn’t good enough. Point #14 behoves me to be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy ~ I need to do all of the above all of the time.
That’s a tall order, but if she is worth it, and you really care, then she’s worth all of it all of the time.
In future, I shall make every effort to follow my advice from this list. I am going to do this stuff.
pictures by Jack Vettriano
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The past is over, nothing reminds me of you.
I’m a guy.
I’m a bit older.
I’m very English.
My tastes are solid, maybe staid, and perhaps a bit inflexible. Art, Cars, Clothes, Food, Music… I seem to be one of those guys who thinks he knows what he likes and is reluctant to try something new.
Sometimes the new is surprising and apposite. As luck would have it, it just so happened that a friend sent me a couple of albums by a guy I’d never heard of; Ben Taylor. I liked his dad.
A track has the lyrics;
She always wants what she can’t have
Life is so cruel
She’s always good when she’s so bad
What can’t she do?
the killer line is;
She’s always thinking of someone, that’s how it goes…
Story of my life. All the women I have known always seem to be thinking of someone else.
Sometimes, just once, I’d like to know someone who wasn’t always living in the past. Who wanted to show me their colourful shoes, just because it’s me, and not because they really belong to someone else.
Letting yesterday affect today will only destroy the excitement of tomorrow. ~ Michelle Cruz-Rosado
Sometimes, it’s more than I can take. Life goes on regardless. The best is yet to come.
Life is a series of waves to be embraced and overcome.
Waves are born on the wind, they live in the deep ocean where their power grows, and then, eventually, they die. Waves die of old age. Waves die as they crash upon the rocks. And, waves die softly and quietly as they gently caress the shore. In the end, everything and everyone dies.
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore, so do our minutes hasten to their end. ~ Shakespeare.
Waves are not objects like pebbles, or rocks, or cliffs. Waves are living things, more akin to clouds, more akin to trees, more akin to us. Waves are fascinating to watch, and waves are both science and art combined. Waves are filled with powerfully energetic emotions. Waves almost have personalities.
From time to time, one must release the grime built up inside them to free their emotions like the ocean. ~ Suzy Kassem.
Just as sound is not made of air, waves are not made of water ~ waves are made of energy. Waves do not move, only the energy within the wave moves. And energy is the mysterious force that binds everything in the Universe together. The movement of energy creates everything; the stars, the planets, atoms, life, relationships, love…
An understanding of the power of waves helps us to understand ourselves. Throw yourself against a rock, and you will break.
The energy within a wave is always changing, yet always stays the same. The energy within us and within our relationships is always changing yet always stays the same; relationship energies may move from disinterest, to desire, to love ~ and sometimes back again. In that way, our lives mirror the dark power of the waves.
photographs taken with a Lumix
click on the camera
you reach the end of day
just wishing you could fly away
from people, places and possessions
but as happens with all commitments
you can find yourself caught in such a trap
you get so used to it you can’t find your way back
just assert yourself and hope they won’t all desert you
you know when you are not yourself every day just hurts
The Parable of the Good Samaritan.
These days I seldom dream. Last night I had a vivid dream reminding me of a moment in my past.
There was a roadside casualty, a girl in the gutter. Obviously I stopped my car, got out to give assistance, and while I was putting the girl in the recovery position someone drove off in my car. Then the girl got up and ran off, and a guy does not chase a woman late at night. All of which was a bummer because I was then stranded on the wrong side of London, late at night, no wallet and no cell. (We call them mobile phones, and my wallet was in my jacket in the damn car.) Just getting back to my place took until mid-morning, and then all the phone calls cancelling cards, contacting my insurance company, telling the office I wouldn’t be in…. And that was a great car, which I never saw again.
That wasn’t the first, or the last time, my being a ‘Good Samaritan’ caused me much grief, pain, and suffering.
From trying to help a drunken woman in the street, to giving my bank details to a charity worker, (bogus), to rescuing a woman who was being hassled by a drunk in a bar, to driving an acquaintance home late at night, to helping out a coworker solve a tricky problem, to not having first date sex with an inebriated woman… Well, the list of ‘nice’ things I’ve done which then caused me much grief goes on, and on, and on.
Too often in my life I have tried to do the right thing, to be the good guy, the man in the white suit ~ and what has it ever got me? Trouble.
Even in close relationships I’ve found, to my cost, that being a genuinely kind, caring, and considerate guy, leads to trouble in the end. Women can and will walk all over a nice guy.
It seems that many people see a good guy as a soft touch, someone that can be trampled underfoot, someone of no real account. A geek, a jerk, a loser.
Well, maybe that’s their loss.
I can retain my ethics and morality, but my dream tells me that I also need to exercise harsh judgement in the people I am prepared to be kind to. There is no more universally nice Jack Collier.
What ever became of the Good Samaritan anyway?
conflicted consequences midnight conversations
capture consciousness with suspicious conflictions
half-held convictions considerations and reflections
untrustworthy late night speculation and impressions
bring brooding concentration by darkest moonshadows
words and pictures by jack collier
Jaguar or Bus?
Valentine’s lovemaking in my sports car
Sweetheart, that was not ever going to be us
I’d never take our first conversation quite so far
but, I’d rather make love in a Jaguar than on a bus.
words and pictures by jack collier
long distance love affair
wondering if she does care
some may even say it isn’t fair
and feelings are too hard to bear
she’s just some chick way over there
all I know is my heart’s going nowhere
a new day has come, and life is in the air
words and pictures by jack collier
The First Full Moon Of 2017.
January 12th 2017, and the full moon is close to us today. Luna isn’t quite at perigee, (the closest she comes to the Earth), that was two days ago on January 10th, so it isn’t quite a supermoon. However tonight’s full moon will be big and bright, perfect for skywatchers, witches, and sorcerers.
It’s likely that the moon was Mankind’s first reliable calendar, the full moon perhaps measuring the months of the year, although any strictly lunar calendar will see the seasons drift. Some say that Stonehenge is also a tool to manage the lunar calendar. And, that the first powerful priests and sorcerers were really astronomers. All I know is that Stonehenge is a spooky and magical place.
The English word moon derives from the Greek and Latin for ‘measure’. Other English names for the Moon, are Luna the ancient Roman Goddess of the Moon, (from which we get the word lunatic), and Selene the ancient Greek Goddess of the Moon, (and Selene is both a given name and an adjective).
The moon affects everything on the Earth, from the behaviour of animals and birds, to our moods, the tides, even women’s menstrual cycles. In witchcraft, the full moon is the most important time for casting spells ~ magic has more potency under a full moon. This is the time for enlightenment and psychic awareness, so if you have any sixth sense or psychic abilities they will be at their strongest tonight. All witches and those with magical and psychic abilities will be acutely aware of the phases of the moon.
In relationships and love the full moon enhances a woman’s sex drive, but this is also a time for a fresh start, forgiveness, acceptance, commitment, and love. This is the perfect day for a witch to cast a spell and work her love magic . Spiritually the full moon is strong, although it’s effects are both negative and positive. Today a vulnerable man may well be moonstruck with love and desire, but he should know that somewhere out there someone has his best interests at heart.
The first full moon of the year is known as The Wolf Moon. This derives from Native American Mythology in which wolves hold a very special place. This is the time of the werewolf ~ the legend of the werewolf goes at least as far back as the ancient Greeks. Other names for this full moon are the Cold Moon, and the Hunger Moon ~ cold, bright in the darkness, and unforgiving. This is a time for self-care, reflection, and making real and realistic plans for the rest of the year.
The first full moon of 2017 carries with it mixed messages, good and evil, forgiveness and rejection, life and death, man and woman. Everything about this full moon is contradictory and complimentary, the very essence of yin and yang, of darkness and light, of balance. The Wolf Moon is what we make of it. This Full Wolf Moon a time for decision making, planning, of endings and beginnings, of intense emotional energy. A sweet smile and laughter will bring the full moon’s power of joy and happiness into your life. Approach this full moon with a dark spirit, and the rest of your year will be equally dark and gloomy.
This Full Wolf Moon is the Goddess in her Mother aspect. Create a safe space and clear your mind. Invite the true spirit of love and understanding into your life. And, let’s all be careful out there tonight.
No matter how much you love someone, you cannot make them love you.
If you don’t receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it. ~ Robert Goolrick
It’s worse than that. No matter how much you like someone you cannot make them like you, and no matter how much you desire someone, you cannot make them desire you. No matter what you do, no matter the money, time, effort, hope, prayer, and love you expend, no matter how many sleepless nights you suffer, you cannot change the way someone feels about you.
Often unrequited love is the desperate feeling of being hopelessly, completely, head over heels in love with and infatuated with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach their heart and will never be returned. Unrequited love can exist when the object of your love is hardly even aware of your existence. You may love someone and yet know you will never make love with them or wake up next to them in the morning. You may even know that you will never get to spend time with the object of your love. And yet, you will go on loving them forever, no matter the pain and heartache it causes. You will go on loving even when you know they love another.
A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere. ~ Rose Gordon
Unrequited love also exists within relationships, when one person may love the other deeply and tenderly, but the object of your affections just thinks you’re someone to hang out with when there is nothing better happening. Unrequited love even exists inside marriage, when one partner truly, madly, deeply and unconditionally loves the other, who merely regards them as a convenience.
Sadly, unrequited love can sometimes turn into obsessive love, which is an extreme form of infatuation and does not allow for failure, imperfection, or rejection. Obsessive love is a dangerous mental disorder which can lead to extreme behaviour, up to and including boiling the pet rabbit. If you have ever flirted with a real bunny-boiler, then you will know exactly how bad obsessive love can become.
The difference between a dysfunction love and real, true love is reciprocity. Does the object of your desire return your affections? Or, are you doing all the work and throwing your love away, just like throwing a rock into a bottomless pit? Ask yourself if the one you love is anything more than an empty vessel, are they someone who can and will return your love with their own, or are you just feeding money into a crooked slot machine in the vain hope of a jackpot?
Unrequited and obsessive love can be a masochistic addiction. It hurts and it costs, but if you have it, you will wait around for the big payoff, no matter what.
The really bad news for someone who is going through the misery of unrequited love is that there will never be a big payoff. You will never hit the jackpot, they will never return your love, and they will forget you in a New York second. Whatever you have right now is as good as it’s ever going to get, and the chances are it will get worse ~ addictions always get worse over time, no matter what. Some people are incapable of real love, that’s called Emotional Deprivation Disorder, and if you are unlucky enough to love someone suffering from that, you may as well pack your bags and go home.
It’s no good putting the object of your desire on a pedestal, and it’s no good thinking that you can change him or her. No matter how much time, effort, money, love, and heartache you have invested, you will most likely have just thrown it all away. It’s like feeding a slot machine in Las Vegas, where you will probably never see a penny of that money ever again, and deep down you know you have wasted everything.
Often those who suffer the agony of unrequited love and / or obsessive love have other mental problems ~ Drug addiction, Alcoholism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or just plain Emotional Hunger.
Just like drug addiction or alcoholism, the only way out of the misery of unrequited love, or the sick dangers of an obsessive love, is to quit.
There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it. ~ Shannon L. Alder
It’s much easier to write it than it is to do it, but if what you have is a relationship where you are giving a lot and getting little in return, then you have to walk away. Walk away, don’t look back, and don’t try to keep in touch. It’s going to hurt, but it’s like a bad tooth. It will hurt a lot for a short while when you’re having it extracted, but that’s much better than living with months or years of dull misery.
these opinions are mine and mine alone