You can never get away from where you’ve been.
We cannot change the past, we can only change the ways feel think and feel about the past. Most people have brutal, painful, and regrettable memories of their past. Events from the past have created who we are today, and events from the past will affect us today, tomorrow, next week, next year, and maybe until the day we die and beyond…..
Some of us may say that we are OK with the past, that things that happened in our childhood and adolescence do not haunt us at all. But beware, even if you are not aware of it, everything that you have experienced in the past; good, bad, terrible, traumatic, joyful, boring….. is affecting your sub-conscious today.
Nobody, up to and including you and me, is completely at peace with their past. We cannot, and should not, forget the past. Our past creates in us feelings of anxiety, bitterness, disappointment, doubt, guilt, fear, frustration, hurt, regret, rejection, sadness….. and most of us recall and remember the negatives from our past more than we focus on the positives.
Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. ~ Chuck Palahniuk
Some of us try to run away from our past; changing where we live, drifting from one relationship to another, changing jobs, drinking too much, taking drugs, attempting suicide, and metaphorically running away to join the circus. But none of that running away ever works, for wherever we go we take the past with us. (Even if a suicide attempt fails it will most likely do irreparable damage to the body, mind, and spirit.)
For some of us it’s even worse, because we are also affected by the past of someone who is very close to us, and emotions created by someone else’s past are incredibly difficult to deal with. This is doubly so if our ‘friend’ hasn’t themselves fully come to terms with their own past.
To be cool with the past we must first be motivated to deal with the past. We need to understand what really happened in the past, not just some biased half-memories that we use to fuel our negative emotions today. Try to find out what really happened in the past. Be willing to talk about and fully explore issues from the past. Stop pretending that everything from the past is fine, when most likely it isn’t. Acknowledge your true feelings, whether they be loss, hurt, shame, anger…..
You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. ~ Iyanla Vazant.
Depending how deeply the past affects us, we may need help to come to terms with what happened, how it affected us, and who we are today because of the past. Speaking to family and friends may help, you may need to see your doctor or a therapist, you may talk with your priest or spiritual adviser, you may need something like hypnosis, or you may just need to really meditate, read inspirational books, listen to motivational lectures, or just go for a long walk in the sunshine.
With any luck we may find out that the past is better than we feared. But, no matter if the past is better or worse than we think we remember, we cannot move on from something we don’t understand and we refuse to accept.
That’s the past for you. Not only does it come back at the most unexpected and inconvenient times, but it’s set in stone. ~ Jeffery Deaver.
There may well be things from the past that need resolution. This might be very difficult, but the longest journey starts with the first baby-step. Be honest. Be self-aware. Be kind with yourself. Seek to understand yourself. Be kind and understanding towards others. And, give yourself time to heal.
A ship does not sail with yesterday’s wind. ~ Louis L’Amour
Some say that we can become cool with the past by keeping a positive outlook and a strong determination to succeed in finding joy instead of negative emotions. And, that the past only exists in our memories and imagination. All I know is that the past isn’t actually here.
If what you’re doing isn’t working,
then do something else instead.
Only out of suffering emerges the strongest souls.
jealousy and doubt
the demon soul eaters
visit in the blackest night
darkness lonely frightfulness
another run around nightmares
of lying half-truths dishonest deceit
she was a dark witch circling the firelight
she made it so very easy, and my soul was lost
not all women are witches
but all witches are enchanted women
never accept a kiss from a witch at midnight
Live in the moment, live in the breath, live in the sunset.
There is something powerfully moving about the sky at twilight. For me, it’s a time to pray to my personal Goddess.
Hay House World Summit.
Following my recent return from a vacation in California, it was obvious to me and my friends that there was an empty darkness in my soul.
I made a half-hearted attempt to escape from this by drinking ~ and as usual that didn’t work. Trying to escape into booze and / or drugs never works, not for anyone. Booze is usually a bad idea, and taking drugs is always a very bad idea. Both booze and drugs create more problems than they solve, up to and including dying from alcoholism and drug addiction.
What I really need is help to find a new way of living, new values, a new psychology of friendship and love. I need to find a way towards real spiritual growth. I need to accept the pain of confronting and solving my problems, and I know that I cannot do that through my own sheer willpower, self-control, and self-discipline.
My first impulse was to go and see my doctor, confess my problems, and ask for help. But, you know what, most doctors are very bad at dealing with psychological and spiritual problems, together with the booze that has gone along with mine.
A very close friend then pointed me towards the Hay House World Summit, which is a 16-day journey to self-discovery, health, and success. In 2018 this runs from May 5th to May 20th ~ the timing is ideal for me, and it’s free.
I’ve registered for this and I’m very much looking forward to exploring the 100 lessons and 15 videos.
From time to time I will let you know how this is working out for me.
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. ~ Sam Levenson.
Spiritual energy is not limited by geography; we can learn to project positive feelings across the miles. We can also learn to leave all the negative feelings behind, and consider what we admire, like, and respect about those we care for. Think about what they might need today, tomorrow, and always. Send them thoughts and healing energies of comfort, peace, and love.
Be sensitive to their energies and use that sensitivity to enhance our relationships. Is our friend feeling good, harassed, or even depressed? Is someone we care for in need of comfort? Can we send them healing love?
Remember that friendship and love comes unseen ~ we only see it go.
Sometime today, or tonight, we should try to feel the friendship and love we have for others, and the love they have for us. Learn to see the friendship and love that exists all around us. Most of us should be learn to be a friend to ourself, we should learn to take care of ourself, and we should learn to love ourself.
For, without care, friendship, and love for ourselves we cannot truly care for, be a friend to, and love another.
love yourself just as much as you profess to love another
Don’t be ashamed of your story ~ it will inspire others.
When nothing is ventured, nothing is gained, so what’s the sense of running away from your own life. The good things just don’t fall out of the sky, they have to be worked for. But we have to do the right things, at the right time, in the right place, with the right people. Trying to force the best that Life has to offer doesn’t ever work ~ we have to work with the rhythms of the Cosmos, and not against the flow of the tides.
The great rhythms of nature, today so dully disregarded, wounded even, have their spacious and primeval liberty….. Journeying birds alight here and fly away again all unseen, schools of fish move beneath the waves, the surf flings its spray against the sun. ~ Henry Beston.
Little did I realise when I was an overpaid and overworked international banker how little I saw of nature. What I saw were offices, the inside of cars, trains and ‘planes, hotels, airports, other offices, and city streets. I earned a hell of a lot of money, but money is a false God, and money never made me happy. Today I can be happy to walk by the sea, to look at the sky, to enjoy the vast curve of a distant horizon, to listen to the murmur of the surf and the mournful cries of the gulls. Cars, trains, and ‘planes still have their place in my life, but now it’s only a minor element of who I am ~ cities are no longer the be-all and end-all.
Perhaps it is the night of despair where you are, and I am certain that you are not sleeping soundly. If you are dreaming at all, I hope you are having sweet and pleasant dreams, but I’m certain that you are not. I am certain your dreams are weird and disturbing, turning into nightmares. Try and leave those night-terrors behind you for a while. There are enough nightmares in the real world without us having to suffer them during our sleep.
The world turns, it may be day-time here, night-time where you are, and somewhere the dawn is breaking and the birds are awakening. The Cosmos is like a giant time-piece, it has a rhythm of its own ~ the Cosmos keeps its own time. Be aware, just like the rhythms of a friendship and love between two people change and develop, so the Cosmos is a continual state of change. We need to enjoy the moonlight while we wait for the sunrise.
We are a part of the Cosmos, we are where our physical bodies are, but our spirits are everywhere. We exist in this time, but we also exist in a myriad of pasts and possible futures. I want, need, and desire that the future that awaits me is chosen from the best of all possible alternative realities. I can close my eyes and imagine ideal pasts, presents, and futures, and in all of them I hope I can spend some cool times with people I care for, cherish, and love.
We are made of starstuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself. ~ Carl Sagan
What have we dreamed and who have we lost? In my ideal times we are entirely friendly, trusting, honest, open, caring and loving. You know what? I don’t think that it’s too much for me to pray to the Goddess to help me to attain my own earthly versions of nirvana. It may seem strange to you but I pray to the mother goddess, and in her form incarnate; Aphrodite. I dream of he Goddess Aphrodite, still looking for the place where we belong together.
I am excited about where I can go in time and space, in friendship, love, and sensual pleasure. The cool things I could possibly do, and the cool places I could visit. It’s about being able to fly, about having the courage to live life to the fullest, to enjoy every moment of every day. Someday soon I will build a tiny trailer, and someday after that I will build something much more ambitious, like a school-bus RV, or a tiny home in someplace beautiful, with a wonderful view of the dawn and sunset.
Shit happens all the time, but one has to remember that; as there is no growth without suffering, there can be no pleasure without pain. There is a reason we were brought to this life, all we have to do is trust and take one small step in time. Such are my beliefs.
It’s not all sweet and elegant lies. Shit happens, but Magic happens too.
Recovery is possible ~ but first one has to admit that there is a problem.
Chaos is the Cosmos telling you that you are forever lost.
Turmoil. Mind like a lost gypsy cab driving through a chaotic concrete jungle.
Dystopia. Disembarking, it’s so dark and it’s so quiet in the ruins, grey and burned black broken like bad teeth .
Lost. Then I’m walking on wet cobbled stones, just a bum with threadbare dirty clothes, down at the heel shoes, a body that’s all skin and bones.
Doom. The final dark gloom of a Dead Man Walking to nowhere and forever.
Despair. Now all the good has gone from my life ~ what is joy, what is elation?
Dishonour. I want you all to know that once I was proud, once I was a man and once I meant something. But that’s not now. That’s not now.
Terror. I need to wake up. I need to go home. I need to find friendship again.
Loneliness. I have no love, only blackness in my heart, my Goddess has gone.
Nightmare. But, bad memories, just like the seas, live on.
I love the moon too much to be afraid of the night.
now is the time for me to set myself to rights,
it’s time to stop bemoaning my evil plight,
come out of the dark shadows into the light,
moonlight is better than the blackest of nights,
and that’s where I’ve been, cowering in fright.
There is no point in waiting until tomorrow, there is no mileage in procrastination, and mañana isn’t even English. I need to take action this day.
There have been things in my life I have not understood, or have chosen not to understand, or have chosen to ignore ~ and these things are now coming out of the darkness of my deep subconscious into the light of my conscious awareness.
Recently it has all been a bit intense, and at times I’ve struggled through cognitive dissonance, not knowing who I am, or what I want from Life. But I have been shocked from complacency by both my friend and my Goddess. Today, I am blessed with a powerful and strange energy which has allowed me to make a brutally honest assessment of myself.
This intense, powerful, strange energy is allowing me to make changes within myself I have not previously had the power to achieve.
Yet, I know that any change I attempt to make from within my personality, my id, and my ego, should be for the greater good or it will never work. I have had far too much help to be selfish and make changes that will only benefit myself. But, as I improve mine own self, it will reflect in every aspect of my world and my life.
As I give to the world, so I shall receive in return.
As I walk from the darkness into the moonlight, my life and my world will change for the better. I have realised that to cower in fear in the darkness is to stray from the true warrior’s path. I thank my friend and my Goddess for that new awareness.
True Serenity is knowing Peace amid the Storm.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
There are some Great and Noble Truths ~ these are mine.
Life is difficult and painful.
The causes of my problems and pain are my own cravings, desires, wants, needs, lusts, and my blaming of others when Life isn’t how I want it to be.
I cannot change what happens to me, but I can change how I react, and I can change what I do.
The path to freedom from suffering and pain is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit.
The lonely Warrior’s Path has only one ending ~ walk it in honour, and with love.