in true love infinite dreams come alive
Many have said; ‘I love you…’ when what they mean is; ‘I want you, I desire you, I need you…..’ and yet, perhaps is that not also a manifestation of love. Perhaps wanting, desiring, needing, sexual lust….. are all but facets of love. Or perhaps not, because one can love a fellow human being without it being sexual or physical. Sex is not love.
The Ancient Greek philosophers recognised six types of love, and being philosophers they may have been correct.
- Eros ~ sexual passion
- Philia ~ deep friendship
- Ludus ~ playful love
- Agape ~ love for everyone
- Pragma ~ long lasting love
- Philautia ~ love of self
Nothing being perfect, there was later #7 Storge ~ love of the child.
The author Mary McMahon outlined a round dozen different types of love; New Love, Routine Love, Disgusting Love, Infatuation Love, Friend Love, Fake Love, They’re ‘It’ Love, In It To Win It Love, Tragic Love, Parental Love, Unhealthy Love, Old People Love. As it goes; I will firmly state that none of those is a decent description or explanation of real love.
In high chivalric romance, the most perfect form of love was Courtly Love; which describes the relationship between a Knight Errant and a married noblewoman ~ his unattainable Lady Fair. This unconsummated passion was thought to be ennobling and righteous. Like most of chivalry there are numerous impossible rules surrounding Courtly Love.
Courtly Love differs immensely from the commonest form of love of them all Unrequited Love. Which, is just one step away from infatuation and stalking.
At the other end of the scale, and on the other side of the coin is Unconditional Love, which is just as dangerous and one-sided as unrequited love.
According to modern neuroscience there are 10 signs or symptoms of being in love; addiction, obsession, recklessness, lust, focus, heightened memory, eye contact, euphoria, touching, lack of judgement. Possibly, and who am I to argue with the women in white coats.
For men, I could add another sign when it comes to being in love; loss of interest in other women. I have no idea if the converse is true for women ~ I suspect not.
All of the above would seem to have elements of truth in them, which would lead one to suspect that love is a very complicated emotion, set of feelings, group of actions, slew of hormones….
I think not. I firmly believe that true love means one thing, and if you ain’t got it you’re not in love.
True love means wanting your beloved to be safe and happy, no matter what.
not courtly love at all
more Lancelot and Guinevere
cursed are they who get the love they think they deserve
‘I love you…..’ he said
‘why…..’ she asked’
because I’m bloody stupid…..’
she loved him and he didn’t deserve her
so, eventually he walked away
she didn’t know how lucky she was
she was attractive
she was available
she was loving
she was going to be a complete waste of time and money
car sex is the opposite of true love
love is a drug
but so is sex, alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, opium, viagra…..
Fuck Me! No way, I’m a man and you’re a surprised shade of blue alien
she will never love you
not if you try to force it
trust is feeling safe with him ~ love is striving to keep that trust
feel the sun on your skin
let the warm future begin
enjoy a cool glass of wine
dream your dreams of him
gentle when he touches me
for my heart bruises easily
feeling the sun on my skin
trust begins and ends with the truth
if a witch loves you ~ be very, very afraid
at dawn’s first window
I’m just a stones throw
from the cold blue sea
last night in her scream
told me she loved me
that it wasn’t a dream
it’s not what it seems
witch passions ecstasy
so lucky so lucky me
please set me free
a man in mortal fear
in fear of your love
please set me free
in the midnight moonlight
a witch’s ecstasy will kill you
I wish I’d been born with no feelings at all.
wine was the least of what I was drinking
Last year I discovered some unpleasant things about myself, and the way my interpersonal relationships worked ~ or rather didn’t work. All my relationships were dysfunctional, painful, and ruinous. Mostly this was my fault because I could have just walked away from anyone at any time.
I didn’t, instead I let myself go downhill into depression, paranoia, and booze.
Over the last year, and over the Christmas Holidays I faded out.
Well, it’s time I faded back in again.
I don’t know what kind of life I’m going to have, and I’m afraid to find out.
I’ll keep you posted.
I need to work on fading back in
black and white thinking is a bar to recovery from any addictive behaviour
black and white thinking causes me extreme problems
I have a serious mental and emotional problem called Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), which comes with all kinds of nasty symptoms, including a much higher risk of suicide than the general population. (Statistically I have about 1000 times greater risk of attempting suicide than the majority of the population.)
Another nasty symptom of BPD is called Splitting, or more colloquially Black and White thinking. For me things are either very good, or totally bad. This is much worse to live with than you might think ~ for example I tend to think as women as either a Goddess, or a Slut with nothing in-between.
Intellectually I know this both stupid, nasty, and unfair, but emotionally I’m trapped in that loop. Similarly I either think of myself as a really good guy, or a worthless jerk ~ depending on how my chaotic emotions are running at the time.
It goes much deeper than that. Life is either really worth living, or I may as well end it all
Splitting, or black and white thinking means my emotions also go to extremes; love and hate, desire and disgust, stone cold sober or blind drunk. My memory is either perfect or false with paranoid delusions.
This weird all or nothing mind-set also means I suffer from something called dialectics,, which is all about metaphysical contradictions. My life is all about contradictions and extremes, which is
fucking terribly difficult to live with.
Some say that black and white thinking is the brain’s attempt to achieve perfection. And that if things were truly black and white we would not be using all of our mind’s capabilities. All I ask is why do I go to such extremes?
either a goddess or a slut,
or bot at one in the same time?
Most women love an intelligent man with a great sense of humour.
Real English Men treat all women like Ladies,
even when they’re quite obviously not
I had my share of nightmares
didn’t think there could be much more
then in walked Rodrick Usher with the Lady Elanor
only the moon and stars know,
where you got those pretty blue eyes,
that smile while you tell such elegant lies,
you must have fallen down from out of the sky,
you must be some sort of witch to torment a guy,
who’s unwise as to fall hard for your delicate disguise,
your every word of tenderness a tormenting sweet caress,
but I know just who you are, and I know your long goodbyes.
she sang me a starlight sexual lullaby,
a thousand times, or maybe more,
and in the end, she didn’t care
I want the moon to be there, even when I’m not looking at it.
Nobody really understands quantum mechanics, or quantum physics, or quantum biology, or quantum psychology, or quantum theory.
If quantum mechanics hasn’t profoundly shocked you, you haven’t understood it yet. ~ Niels Bohr
I have long been fascinated by the spooky world of quantum physics and quantum mechanics, where nothing makes sense, everything is possible, the totally weird is commonplace, and things seem to happen by random chance. Many respectable scientists will have nothing whatsoever to do with anything called Quantum ~ even Albert Einstein was unhappy about quantum physics.
God does not play dice with the universe. ~ Albert Einstein
Recently I discovered that there is a thing called quantum biology, where quantum effects are applied to biological objects, events, and problems.
It occurred to me that the spooky stuff in quantum mechanics could also be applied to physical, mental, sexual, and spiritual events and effects in humans. That there should be something called quantum psychology. It turns out that some other people believe that quantum psychology does exist, and they believe it is strange, spooky, and probably doesn’t make sense. In fact, anything to do with the quantum world is counterintuitive and goes against ‘common sense’.
If the word ‘fuck’ is obscene or dirty, why isn’t the word ‘duck’ 75% dirty. ~ Robert Anton Wilson.
The reason I started to believe in quantum psychology is that, from time to time, I have been instantly affected, (in real time), by thoughts and feelings my friend has, even though she is 5,256 miles away in Orange County, Southern California. There is a phenomena in quantum physics called quantum entanglement, where actions performed on one entangled particle affect the other, even when the entangled particles are separated by a great distance. Albert Einstein called this spooky connections and spooky action at a distance. I believe this spooky connection exists in quantum psychology, which is why things my friend does, thinks, or feels in California can affect me here in England.
This is weird, but if quantum psychology really does exist, then it is guaranteed to be weird. Quantum physics reveals the basic interconnectedness and oneness of all things in the universe, which reveals that all people are connected at some level, therefore I am connected to my friend, even when I’m in England and she is in Southern California.
…so many people have been hypnotized by Aristotelian yes / no logic to the extent that any step beyond that Bronze Age mythos seems to them a whirling, dizzying plunge into a pit of Chaos and the Dark Night of Nihilism. ~ Robert Anton Wilson.
This means that in the quantum world boolean algebra, which is basically yes / no and 0 or 1 logic, does not exist, or does not always apply. In the quantum world, in the world of quantum psychology, true and false do not actually exist. This absolutely mirrors the real world of medical psychology and practical psychology, where everybody lies, nothing is completely true, and understanding people is more of a black art than a science.
One of the sayings I found most useful form my study of Neuro Linguistic Programming is that information does not have to be true to be useful. The theories of Quantum Psychology may not be completely true, but they are a very useful way of understanding intimate interpersonal relationships. The theories of quantum psychology may even help men understand women.
Some women anyhow.
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painted, soignée in ethereal moonlight
sweet as ripened fig, breast soft dove
gladly welcoming me in quiet night
willing open giving sensual love
exploring passion and delight
moaning soft as she comes
quiet rest holding tight
as stars shine above