in life your true friends show themselves, and the others disappear
all things come to an end, even dreams of summer
It’s always sad when a friendship comes to an end, but some friendships last far too long, way past the time that they should been over. I just ended a friendship that had gone on for years beyond it’s natural life. I ended it by email, because she didn’t answer my call, perhaps that was bad of me. But, it needed to be over.
Some things are just not acceptable from a friend, and it is up to us to decide what we will live with, understand, and forgive, and what we won’t. I decided that a long-term friend had just told me something I just wasn’t prepared to tolerate and accept. She’s gone back to her old habits and haunts, and I can’t even begin to cope with that. It was a toxic friendship, ruining my mental health and well-being.
I was getting drunk in an effort to make things OK, and that was never going to be a solution. Booze just makes things worse, although she will never accept that as far as she is concerned. So, it’s the end of that friendship ~ and although I’m a little bit sad, it’s better that she’s never going to make me desperately unhappy again.
I’ll try hard to completely forget her, but I won’t spend the rest of my life trying.
It won’t take that long to move on.
I far have better friends now.
an honest enemy is better than a friend who lies by omission
he trusted her implicitly, right until she threw him to the hungry crocodiles
everybody’s got to trust sombody sometime
of course that’s where it all starts to go wrong
everyone who says; ‘you can trust me…..’ is a liar
all women lie, just ask Adam about the apple and the snake
for some the excitement lies in knowing how far they dare trust
never ask a woman about her past
because lies of omission are still lies
and the truth will torture you
never trust a man who professes to be your friend
real friends don’t need to tell you that
trust doesn’t usually include your partner taking a vacation without you
I never knew a woman who didn’t want to know how much money I was making
up to, and including, my sainted mother
and all of them wanted proof
women who have first date sex are always liars
or sluts, or hookers, or older than their date
or all of the above
you create your own life through your thoughts, words, and deeds
at the dawn your lies will haunt you
There is an axiom; ‘everybody lies’, and perhaps it’s true. Perforce we are forced to lie because of the circumstances we find ourselves in, or perhaps lying has become a habit with us, or it might be that there are some things we just do not want to explain because it will be far too complicated. We may be completely honest in the things we say, and yet still be a liar because we lie by omission. We may be having an affair, a fling, or be in trouble, and we just don’t ever talk about it, and that too is lying.
The thing about lying and liars is that they will always get caught out, the axiom; ‘oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive’ is true.. When we lie, however we lie, we are building a house of cards, and we always need to add another couple of cards at the top. One small lie will, more often than not, grow like topsy into a vast work of fiction that calls for a brilliant memory to keep our true story different from the false back-story we have built. And there is always someone with a better memory than you.
A liar’s worst enemy is someone with a good memory. ~ Dodinsky.
The truly honest, honourable, and brave person isn’t afraid to talk about anything and everything.
‘The time has come,’ the walrus said, ‘to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships ~ and sealing wax ~ of cabbages and kings.’ ~ Lewis Carroll
There are things in an English Gentleman’s life that it’s considered impolite to discuss; politics, religion, money….. and women. Yet in recent times I have had deep discussions about the first three of those topics. I wouldn’t ever talk of women in particular, but I am more than happy to discuss women in general ~ as if I knew anything at all of women. When we lie, and when we refuse to talk deeply, honestly, and openly about anything and everything, we diminish ourselves, we reduce the richness of our lives, and we can never consider anyone a true friend.
However sometimes we lie for what seems like a good reason; we lie because we just don’t want to give some people an opportunity to judge and criticise us, we lie because the truth is just too complicated, we lie to avoid hurting someone we otherwise care for, and we lie for the sake of our own safety.
Truth is dangerous….. But if a truth cannot be spoken, it must at least be known. Even if you dare not speak the truth to others, never lie to yourself. ~ Frances Hardinge.
Some say that they never tell a lie. And some should never tell a lie. All I know is that I could be the very best, the most believable of all liars, but I choose not to be.
the eyes are the windows to the soul
and a lie may deceive from the lips
but the truth is always in the eyes
there is a magic in truth, and honesty, and openness
eclipsing the truth
Everything I write on this blog, at least everything I have written recently is the brutal truth. I don’t hold anything back, to the best of my ability I tell you exactly what is in my heart. The post I wrote yesterday, Why I’m Still Alive, is a case in point. I could have dressed that story up, made myself look a little better, perhaps garnered more sympathy from you. But, why would I do that? If I am going to write anything at all about myself it has to be true, and not just part of the truth, but the entire truth. There are some caveats; I am not an Ernest Hemingway nor a Philip Roth, and the format I’m writing in is a blog, and a blog post needs to be fairly short and pithy. But over and above all that, this is me, and everything I write is coloured and edited by that simple fact.
Also, but only to a certain extent, I choose what to write about. Some of my posts I just know I have to write, and they flow onto the screen without any conscious thought, those posts arise fully formed from my deepest subconscious mind. Ergo, they have to be true, because I’m not even certain that the subconscious knows how to lie.
Why write this painful stuff at all?
Because it’s therapeutic, because I like to know what you think about me and the things I have revealed to you, because if I didn’t write this stuff it would go around and around in my mind like a rat on a wheel. It’s cathartic to write the brutal truth. If I lied, or told less than the truth, then you would know, and most likely you would respect me less. However, how easy it is for people to believe the lie.
How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and how hard it is to undo that work again. ~ Mark Twain
Most liars can’t remember all the lies they’ve told, and if they’re lying by omission what they have said and what they haven’t said. It’s easy to for me to remember the truth, but if I ever lied I’d have to keep referring back to old posts.
A liar should have a good memory. And a liar’s worst enemy is someone else with a good memory. ~ Quintilian
Some say that everybody lies all the time. And that a little white lie never hurt anyone. All I know is that all lies are toxic and destructive, especially lies of omission. Trust me, I will always tell you the absolute truth.
thou shalt not bear false witness
Trying to make sense of crazy will drive you crazy.
working late again
There is a truism that everybody lies all the time. People lie the most to those they are closest to, and often tell the honest and open truth to those that don’t matter at all. The lies might be deliberate untruths, or a lie may be not telling the whole truth. A lie by omission is still a lie. Perhaps the biggest and most hurtful lies are when someone you care for just doesn’t tell you anything at all about something important to your relationship.
The biggest lies, the most lies, are about money and sex. Someone who cheats on a partner is going to need to weave an immense tissue of lies. Someone who steals, spends their partner’s money, dissembles, deceives, tricks, and seduces will undoubtedly always have been a liar, and will always be a liar ~ especially they will lie to themselves.
Because liars do not just lie to others, and since they also and always lie to themselves, they often don’t understand honour, honesty, and truth . Trust me I’ve been there, I have compulsively lied to others, told tall tales, lied by omission, and lied to myself. Maybe that was not my fault. For years I suffered from a serious and undiagnosed personality disorder, an emotional illness that I found more than ordinarily difficult to cope with.
Being honest and open takes courage. Finding an acceptable way to tell an uncomfortable truth takes a lot of emotional energy. Letting someone know the real you by telling the unvarnished truth is not something many are prepared to do.
I appreciate people who tell me the truth in a gentle way, even when it’s tough to say. ~ Karen Salmansohn.
Even harder than always telling the truth when asked is being open ~ allowing another person into your comfort zone, letting down the barriers you’ve built precisely to stop others from knowing the real you. Not many are prepared to let anyone else know who they really, really used to be, are now, and their dreams, desires, and wishes for the future. These are the most personal things imaginable, often difficult and painful to even think about, let alone talk of. But it’s precisely because these things in our past, present, and future may be difficult, painful, embarrassing, shaming, and outside of societies accepted ethics that we should be prepared to share them openly and honestly with those we care for the most.
Some say that they never tell a lie, and that is always a lie. And that they never hide the real truth, and that is always untrue. All I know is a a man is never more honest than when he admits himself a liar.
and some people can’t help themselves
they are compulsive liars and always will be
If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed. ~ Hitler
Allegedly there are 8 types of lie ~ that is an oversimplification. I don’t believe that you can simply categorise lies. I believe that there are an infinite number of ways that we lie, and that we are lied to, and that most often we are lied to by omission. People just don’t admit to some things they don’t want us to know.
The slickest way in the world to tell a lie is to tell the right amount of truth at the right time ~ and then shut up. ~ Robert A. Heinlein.
The worst lies of all are those we tell to ourselves, and again mostly these are lies of omission. We refuse to remember some of the bad stuff we have done in our past, and we refuse to admit to ourselves the bad things we fully intend to do in the future. And if anyone asks us about any of that, of course we shall lie and hotly deny our past, present, and probable future sins.
Probably the biggest lie being foisted upon the world at the moment relates to the cause of the fire at the medieval cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris, which allegedly was an accidental electrical fire, or something like that. I believe that like I believe Parisian women don’t smell of garlic and cigarettes, overlaid with lots of perfume. But if I was a Frenchman in authority, I wouldn’t want to stir up even more sectarian hatred of moslems.
But that matters not one jot. What really matters is how much of the truth we admit to ourselves, and how much of the truth are those we care for telling us.
We should stop expecting loyalty from people who won’t even give us honesty.
if you think you’re being lied to, then you probably are
We live in a world of illusions and fantasies, lies and deceptions.
In my life I have often seen and heard what I wanted to see and hear, not what was really there at all. I was never willing to separate fact from my own fictions, to see what was actually going on around me. And yet, for relationships and connections to endure, reality and truth must be embraced whole-heartedly, one cannot go on looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses.
Consequently I oft-times found myself walking down dead-end streets and staying with totally dysfunctional relationships. I missed the many good opportunities the universe was sending me, any of which could have transformed my life. Being faithful and steadfast is all very well, but not when I was living within a tissue of lies and falsehoods. Being generous and kind is all very well, but not when I was pouring time, money, and love into a bottomless well and receiving little or nothing in return.
Ultimately, my behaviour was negative and destructive of my own self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Through not really facing the truth I would become paranoid, suspicious, jealous, frustrated, and angry.
Today I am ready to accept and understand the mistakes of the past, end the chapter, close the book, and allow progress and positive growth to happen. For that I need complete self-honesty and better self-awareness. Only then will real change lift me emotionally and spiritually out of the darkness that sometimes surrounds me ~ washing over me like a cold wave in the depths of a grey autumn.
Parts of my dark psyche still linger from my past negative behaviour; anger, bad temper, marginal propensity to alcoholism, pain, jealousy, frustration, resentments, selfishness, impulsiveness…..
This October, when my opposite and partner star-sign of Libra is in the ascendant, I can see clearly the person I used to be, the person I am now, and the man I shall become. I am more than just the two-dimensional image that stares back at me from the mirror. Now I am wiser, more open and ready to see change in my life. The lessons that must be learned are how to understand and accept the truth and not surrender to illusions.
Some say that change is bad, and today should be the same as yesterday, while tomorrow should be pretty much the same as today. And that they are perfectly happy living mundane and routine lives. All I know is that I can and will separate truth from fiction.
though it may twist and turn, the warrior’s path goes onwards and upwards
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.
Lies of omission, half-truths, fabrications, exaggerations, deceptions, excuses, white lies, broken promises, black bold-faced lies, or just saying nothing at all.
Lies are easy on social media and by telephone ~ it’s harder to look a person in the eye and tell a black bold-faced lie. Only sociopaths and very practiced deceivers can do that with real conviction. There are plenty of practiced deceivers around.
Hardly anybody trusts anyone anymore. Hardly anyone is committed to truth.
Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters. ~ Albert Einstein.
Mostly I expect people to lie to me, and mostly I don’t care. I have been lied to far too many times to care very much anymore. The cold-hearted people who have lied to me have diminished themselves more than they have hurt me. Now, with few exceptions I do not allow anyone close enough to me for their lies to matter.
Because of all those lies, I do not trust easily anymore. A broken trust is as cold as the sea in winter.
Life is lonely and bitter without trust. Everyone has to trust the one they care for, and when that trust is broken the taste is bitter and hearts grow cold.
Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect. ~ Mona Sutphen
A couple of days ago I told a very close friend, my best friend, that I knew she had lied to me. She did not deny the fact ~ how could she? Everybody lies.
What does it matter that she did not deny that she has lied to me?
More importantly, why did I say that I knew she had lied to me? That achieves nothing good in a relationship.
I’m afraid it’s a hangover from my suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, where I sabotaged and destroyed every relationship and friendship I’ve ever had. Telling someone you care for that you know she has lied to you goes a fair way towards destroying a relationship.
I need to do much, much better than that. My friend deserves much much better than that from me. I deserve much better for myself than that kind of stupid comment. It shows no mindfulness whatsoever.
I’m afraid that, because of the inclement weather, I am spending far too much time alone brooding in the garret. It isn’t good for me, and I know I need to walk near the sea and meditate. I know need to accept people as they are, and not expect them to be the way I wish them to be. I need to accept that sometimes there is a good reason that people have lied to me.
The world is as it is, and not as I would wish it to be. But, perhaps with a lot of effort I can turn this situation around and get past my paranoia.