Sexual Jealousy, that dangerous dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive.
Sexual jealousy is being upset, angry, bitter, resentful, and depressed because someone who you profess to love has been unfaithful, or seems interested in another person, or was involved with others in the past, or you imagine that they are, or were. It isn’t real ~ sexual jealousy is actually caused by insecurity, fear, low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and low self-worth.
My friends, and especially my women friends, used to suffer terribly from my irrational jealousies. My jealousy wasn’t so much fun for me either, it did nothing for me except to make me unhappy and encourage me to get drunk. My jealousy may have been unpleasant for others, but it was an absolute torment for me. Being a miserable, resentful, angry, jealous drunk isn’t marked anywhere on the road to happiness and serenity, but it’s a major waypoint on the road to coming face to face with your own personal, terrifying dragon.
Yet, I was only tormenting myself in fear of being hurt and tormented by someone I thought I cared for ~ if you truly care for someone then jealousy has no place in your heart. Ergo, I did not really care for, far less love, any women I became jealous over. In fact, the best I could say is that I was infatuated. Any man who becomes infatuated over a woman does not value himself, and I was even worse than that, back then I didn’t even like myself.
Men and women are jealous in different ways, and for different reasons ~ typically men will become jealous because of a perceived threat to their ego, masculinity, sexual dominance, and existing relationship. However, women generally become jealous because of the threat to their existing relationship, and not because of their potentially bruised ego.
Any action taken as a result of sexual jealousy is likely to be extremely destructive ~ it will do nothing towards repairing your relationship, nor will it foster a greater understanding between you and your partner. On the contrary, in my case any woman I was involved with would always feel that she was walking on eggshells, and be afraid to be herself in case my jealousy spilled over in to judgementalism, leading to my attacking her verbally and in writing.
Some say that there is never any benefit in being jealous. And, don’t get jealous, just get even. All I know is that if your partner has really done something bad enough to make you insanely jealous, then it’s time you just walked away from that failed relationship.
Angry, Abusive, Controlling, Confrontational, Distrustful, Hate, Insecurities, Intolerant, Possessive, Resentful, Sarcastic, Selfish,
and Fucking Dangerous.
jealousy is just love and hate at the same time
John Lennon could easily have written this song for every real man who has ever lived, up to and including me. Luckily I’m much, much better now.
Please listen responsibly.
jealousy is not cool
that day everything was all right
I needed a reason to kill the light
of joy and happiness in your eyes
and bring darkness into paradise
vicious talk of your earlier guys
your half-truths and your lies
enough reason for another fight
love’s gone, get out of my sight
words and pictures by jack collier
It doesn’t matter if you believe in magic, or not.
What matters is that the magic believes in magic.
There is a magic of the tides, and power in the moon, the stars, and the sea. If you want to rid yourself of something, write its name in the sand on a falling tide, say your prayer and invocation, and the sea will carry whatever you have named away from you.
I no longer suffer from insane jealousies.
Today I had a rising tide in my favour. The rising tide will bring your wish, your prayer, your invocation to you.
Given one prayer, one wish to the Goddess, what should I ask to be brought to me? What would you write in the sand?
I know how this magic works, at least I think I do. What I am certain of is that this magic works for me. And, now I wait.
building upon honesty
carefully growing insanity
painfully embroidering lunacy
impulsively discovering savagery
in solitary misery embracing futility
gallery of lonely angry maddening dismay
strangely hauntingly trusting in past sexuality
in a meadow of dreams we loved, once, with ecstasy
how strange it is, after all that, when she refuses to kiss me
words and pictures by jack collier
I have had a problem with drink for many years. I can stay away from booze for long periods, but eventually I will go back to self-medicating with alcohol.
How to stop this binge drinking has puzzled me, and long seemed an insoluble problem. However, after my last relapse a couple of things have become somewhat clearer. It is now plain to me that my going back to boozing has always followed some crisis of negative emotions.
These negative emotions include irrational feelings of;
Anger, anxiety, bitterness, conceit, depression, disgust, envy, fear, frustration, grief, hatred, jealousy, perfectionism, possessiveness, resentment, righteousness, ruthlessness, sadness, self-hatred, self-pity, shame, unhappiness, and being untrusting.
Usually what I feel is an amalgam of several, or all of these emotions, at one in the same time. Basically I feel angry, anxious and miserable. From some research I have come to believe that the onset of these negative emotions may be the result of attention seeking and drama addiction on my part. For goodness sake, attention seeking is something that one is supposed to grow out of! Maybe when I was younger I discovered that displaying powerful negative emotions were a certain way to get attention?
Brains wired to equate lack if attention as dangerous, naturally respond to it as a threat…. Psychology Today
However, there is one piece of good news. Excessive attention seeking is not considered a character defect, it is usually the result of childhood neglect, (in relative terms).
I suspect the reason compulsive over-eaters, alcoholics and substance abusers are more prone to excess attention seeing and drama addiction is because those populations are more likely to have endured developmental trauma. ~ Billi Gordon Ph.D Psychology Today
There are undoubtedly better strategies for dealing with negative emotions than getting drunk. There are also probably strategies for dealing with an excessive need for attention and drama
Spirituality, meditation, self-control are not strangers to me, so why do I sometimes lose these good things and wallow in anger, depression, jealousy and drink?
What I need to do is find these new coping strategies because drinking is doing me no good at all. My last two, (or was it three), day binge caused a complete memory loss ~ I cannot remember several important events that took place during my latest ‘slip’ as Alcoholics Anonymous call going back to drinking again. As these important life events mostly involved my losing my temper, they are something to be avoided. In the past three months I have also badly hurt myself, twice, while intoxicated.
Psychologists say that there is no actual cure for what may be wrong in my brain. The doctors say the rewiring is permanent, short of invasive surgery, but they also say I can manage my condition. In order to do that am resolved to accept what I am, and love what I have more than what I don’t have. I shall look for the good things in my life and try to accept these negative emotions for what they really are, a dangerous chimera which I can fight with the right strategies.
Life presents itself in constantly changing ways, but you’re able to accept the challenges, rather than recoil, throw up your hands, and go on a binge. Carnie Wilson.
I have realised that I am not my pain. I know I may never beat my problems, but I can ameliorate their dangerous effects. Perhaps instead of binge drinking, I need to do something spiritual, like watching the sunrise over the sea. Perhaps instead of losing my temper I should focus on the good friends I have, and how supportive they have been. All I know is that I will give these new strategies my very best shot, and hope to do better in future.