Tag Archives: Interpersonal Skills

The Art of Attracting Women

Faint Heart could never win Fair Lady

This is all an artificial construct, because a very sensual, intelligent, emotionally mature, and very grounded woman can never be attracted by techniques, or schemes, or cunning artifice.  The only person who could ever deceive that woman, or make her date an unsuitable man, or get into a less than ideal relationship is herself.  And, women can be very good at fooling themselves, not that they would ever admit that, (hardly ever anyway).

There are innumerable works out there which will purport to tell a guy how to pick up a woman, how to regularly get casual sex, how to manipulate women, how to fuck them and leave them, and how to use them.  Perhaps the deepest and most thorough treatise on the art of using women is The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida.  I can only stomach this book for a couple of pages at a time.

So, to the truth, and assuming you are not James Bond.  To attract a sensual, intelligent, emotionally mature, and very grounded woman;

Be the very best version of yourself you can possibly be.

  • Get healthier and fitter.  Exercise, eat right, get some sun.
  • Look as good as you can.  Haircut, manicure, teeth, and manage any facial or other extraneous hair.
  • Dress as well as you can ~ appropriately for the place and occasion, but find your own style.  Always dress up, rather than dress down.  Pay attention to your shoes and tie.
  • Control your addictions.  Stop smoking, don’t drink much at all, don’t gamble, don’t overeat or eat junk food, and FFS do not use drugs.
  • Learn some English good manners.  Almost all American men have appalling manners, but not as bad as Germans, Japanese, and most other Asians or Hispanics.
  • Learn how to hold a conversation, and for most men that means learning how to listen to her.
  • Read some interesting books, learn some interesting things to talk about ~ most women are very uninterested in sports.  Find out what she is interested in and learn about that.  Have a wide and deep knowledge base, but never ever bore her with what you know.
  • Accessorise well. Apartment, car, watch, pen…..
  • Learn about money, manage your money well so you can always pick up the tab if you need to, but never ever flash your cash around.

But, most of all, care about her.  If you do not genuinely like her and care about her then you are wasting both of your time.  I’m not talking about love, that should usually only come deep into a relationship.  Caring about someone is different.  She is a person, not a sex object.  If you want a sex object find a hooker or a slut.

Some say there is no such thing as ‘the art of attracting woman’.  And that any woman you can get that’s willing and breathing is the one you want.  All I know is that there is nothing so precious to a man as real and honest friendship with a woman.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Bond makes up his own rules

Random Jottings #14

in the beginning there was an infinity of choices

~

don’t worry it could get infinitely worse

~

there are a million reasons to be depressed by an infinity in lockdown 

~

little do they know,

but you’re never alone with paranoia 

~

infinity welcomes careful physicists

~

Jack Collier 

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

you might think it’s a long way down the street to the chemist, but that’s just peanuts to infinity 

Assertiveness

to be passive is to let others decide for you

Some of you may know that I have been emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sick for quite a while, but that over the last few days I have been recovering from the personality disorder that ails me.  I had another sign of that recovery today when I had a couple of very unpleasant situations to deal with, and I dealt with them effectively and assertively.

What I’m going to tell you isn’t something I’ve picked up off the web, or read in a book ~ I guess it harks back to when I operated at the highest levels in the fields of international banking and finance.  Today I used that accumulated knowledge, with a little something extra added from my recent life experiences.  In short I was extremely assertive and sorted things out without being aggressive.

To be assertive you must first of all make damn certain there is something wrong.  To be assertive when there’s nothing actually wrong, or about to go wrong, is just to make yourself look like a jerk.

Then figure out exactly what is is that went wrong, is wrong, is about to go wrong, or just isn’t happening at all.

Find the most senior appropriate person you have access to who might just be able to do something about your issue.

Tell that person succinctly, but with enough detail for them to fully understand, exactly what the problem is.

Tell them exactly what you want them to do about it; just saying ‘I want you to do something about it…..’ is being passive aggressive and not assertive.

Tell them when you expect the appropriate action to have been taken and the results you want to see.  Give them a time limit.

Tell them what will happen if they don’t do what you want them to do ~ but don’t threaten violence, that’s just being aggressive.

Tell them again what you’ve just told them, but this time summarise the whole thing in as few words as possible.

To be assertive requires intelligence, energy, determination, and a willingness to go out on a limb.  Being assertive does not require aggression, machismo, raised voices, or female seductiveness.  Maybe a little charm helps in the right situations.

Assertiveness works to help you get what you want, need, and desire in every single situation you can think of.

I also know how to utterly and completely deflect assertiveness when it’s used on me, but maybe I’ll tell you that another day.

Some say that assertiveness means carrying a big stick.  And that assertive people say no to almost everything.  All I know is that if I want it enough, true assertiveness will get me everything I desire.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

this is not assertiveness

just violence and aggression

Always Tell The Truth

A liar will never be believed, even when she speaks the truth.

Everybody lies.  Lies are the oil that lubricates the grinding wheels of interpersonal relationships.  Most people don’t always want to be told the unvarnished truth, especially by their partner ~ for example being told that you look terrible hurts, even if it is the truth.  In a 10-minute conversation the average American will tell two or three lies ~ basically people lie a lot.

There are different kinds of lies, some are small and immaterial, and some are huge, outrageous, and evil.  However a lie is still a lie, even if it’s justified as a well-intentioned white lie, or it’s a lie of omission where we just don’t say anything at all about something important.

Some lies are actually criminal fraud.  For example;

  • lies about your qualifications and work experience on your CV
  • Plagiarism, piracy, and passing-off
  • creating false paperwork to obtain a loan, drivers licence, passport, etc.
  • using false information to complete official forms, for example health insurance

It seems that many people are happy to live with lies like this, telling themselves that it’s just a clever way to beat the system.  Do or say whatever you like, but if you go down this road your life will be a fake.  And, at some point you may get into serious trouble.  As an example, a contract of insurance is a contract uberrimae fidei, (of utmost good faith), if you don’t tell the whole truth on an insurance document the whole thing is null and void.  Your insurance company can refuse your claims, and reclaim any past claims you have made.

If you do lie and cheat, just be ready for the consequences because eventually you will be caught out.  Your fantastic house of cards will just fall apart.  The thing about lying is that you can never know with certainty the risk of being discovered or the severity of the consequences.  Lie in a relationship and you’ll probably get dumped.  Lie in a marriage and you will probably get divorced.

Some say that there’s a fool born every minute.  And that women make the best liars.  All I know is that some truths are best left unsaid.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

lovers often lie to each other

and to their husbands and wives

failure to communicate

Women are often very difficult to impress.

~

my words are banal, she’s heard it all before

yet my words are very true, I really do care for her

I’m pouring my whole heart away, wish I could find more

memorable originality, honesty, sincere Shakespearian prose

to convince her that I’m not just some other lustful jerk in a bar

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

http://amzn.to/2r3SWWj

Never being sorry

Sorry is not enough ~ sometimes you have to change.

What is a real and genuine apology?  It’s an acknowledgement and acceptance that one has done something wrong.  An apology is also an acceptance and acknowledgement of responsibility for the hurt one has caused, and a pledge to change one’s ways in the future.  A real and genuine apology is an expression of guilt, regret, remorse, and a pledge to try harder to do better in the future.  A real and genuine apology is not merely a platitude in order to placate the aggrieved party.

Feeling guilty is not a substitute for loving somebody; it is only an indicator that you have failed to love somebody.  ~  Clifford Cohen.

Sometimes just saying that you’re sorry will not do.  Ofttimes an apology is only an empty gesture made to ‘keep the peace’.  Sometimes the things that we do and say, the books we read, the movies we like, the people we listen to, sometimes these things reveal a deeper truth and our glib apologies are shown for the fatuous banalities they so often are.  An oft quoted line from John Wayne movies is; ‘Never apologise, mister, it’s a sign of weakness…’  A greater truth would have been if his character had said; ‘Never apologise, mister, it’s meaningless…’

If we are truly dedicated to the truth, and if we have good inside us, then we should never need to apologise, because we will never do anything so bad that we need to say ‘sorry…’  However, we Englishmen are prone to apologise, to say sorry all the time.  If you tread on my toe, I will naturally say sorry.  If you barge into me because you’re not looking where you’re going, I will naturally say sorry.  Any English Gentleman of my generation has been brought up to be polite, to always show exemplary manners, to show women and girls the utmost respect.  To mind one’s language, never swear in front of women and children, to be careful of the topics we discuss for fear of giving offence.  And, an Englishman should never, ever, talk about; God, women we have ‘known’, how much money we make, and politics ~ not even with our closest friends.  Englishmen regard politicians with utter contempt, and we extend that contempt to anyone who dares to lecture us on religion, or political matters, or how to make money, or how to be successful with women, or what the English do ‘wrong’.

A side effect of the English ideal of ‘Good Manners’ is that we look askance at most American men, and would rather not include any boorish American men in our circle of friends.  The average Englishman doesn’t think the average American guy is a ‘good person’.  Sometimes this means that even a cool, calm, patiently understanding Englishman will get angry with Americans.  Recently we Englishmen have been quite annoyed / furious at Clinton, (both of them), Obama, Trump, Meryl Streep, and anyone who dares to lecture us about terrorism on English soil. Conversely, of English politicians we like Boris Johnson, (whom most Americans dislike intensely).

 In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix must first burn.  ~  Octavia E. Butler.

If an Englishman does get angry, then usually, after a while, his innate ‘good common-sense’ returns like a phoenix rising from the ashes, and he will attempt to rebuild burned bridges, to forgive and forget, to understand and accept.  Disagreeing with the things people say, and then getting angry about it, is not the mark of a good man.  There is a saying; ‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the Death your right to say it…’  Voltaire I think.  I prefer the pithier and more honest; ‘You’re right, but I don’t agree…’  We may have to dig deep, but a real English Gentleman will eventually find the fountain of good within himself.

Look within.  Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up if thou wilt ever dig.  ~  Marcus Aurelius

I may like, care about, and respect some people in spite of their opinions, the things they do, the things they have done, and the things they are planning to do ~ even if I am hurt or profoundly disagree with their opinions and actions.  After all, I cannot change what happens to me, I can only change how I respond and react.  It matters not one iota whether another person ever feels the need to apologise when they have clearly been wrong and hurtful ~ after all, one should never apologise, it’s meaningless.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

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