Tag Archives: interpersonal relationships

Being Confident

If you confidently believe in yourself, you can do anything.

Sometimes our lives can suck, and having a life filled with problems and pain can leach any self-confidence you ever had right out of you.  But, without self-confidence we are useless in life.  Without self-confidence we become diffident, hesitant, inward-looking, and pretty crappy at everything we might try to do.  Without self-confidence we worry, fret, and fail.

In fact, without self-confidence we may not want to do anything at all, just in case it all goes badly wrong.  Not doing, not turning up for life, sitting alone and lonely in your own space ~ well that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and destroys whatever vestige of confidence you may have had left.

Remember this truth; To be good at what you do, you first have to do.

Self-confidence is a skill, and like any other skill it can be learned, and relearned.  Fear of failure is a skill, stop learning and relearning it.

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.  ~  Theodore Roosevelt

The road towards true self-confidence has only a few steps along the way.

  1. Know who you are.  Self-awareness is something we should all work at, and the more you work at it, the more you will know your true self.  Hey, I know exactly who I am, my name is Jack Collier.
  2. Be comfortable and happy with who you are ~ and if you’re not happy with yourself, then work at changing yourself to be a better version of you.  Lose that weight, exercise and get fitter, spend time on personal grooming, dress well in clothes that flatter you, go back to school…..  The only person we can really change is ourselves.
  3. Be OK with what you do.  So your job sucks, and the people at work treat you like shit, so look for a better and better-paid job.  You owe no loyalty whatsoever to the people you work for, nor the people you work with.  Don’t just quit your job, instead use your time at work and their facilities as assets in your job-search.  Better still, start working for yourself.  The really successful people in life are never wage-slaves.
  4. Be cool with where you are heading.  You may not even know where you’re going, but go somewhere.  The longest journey begins with the first baby steps, and you won’t know if you’re going in the wrong direction if you’re going nowhere.  I know where I’m going ~ for a start I’m going to leverage this JackCollier7 blog into a best-selling self-improvement book.
  5. Do not ever give up after one failure.  In fact, do not accept failure.  Everybody fails from time to time, mostly because other people aren’t smart enough to see just how good you really are.  JK Rowling, the best selling author of the Harry Potter books, was turned down by 12 publishers before Bloomsbury picked up the rights to her first manuscript for just £1,500.  Today JK Rowling is worth around $1 billion.
  6. Remember that nobody will believe in you unless you believe in you.  If you don’t believe in yourself, then act like hell and fake self-belief.
  7. Remember that life is filled with opportunities and choices, never stop looking and learning to find the opportunities that enhance your self-belief, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-empowerment.  The more choices you have, the more self-motivated you will become.

You are the Captain of your own ship, and you are the master of your fate, so step up and impress yourself, impress everyone around you, and if they aren’t utterly impressed by the new self-confident you, then move on because it’s their loss, not yours.

Some say that before embarking on anything new, you must first believe that you can do it.  And, that you must honestly ask yourself if whatever you’re going to do will work.  All I know is that I ask myself if it’s going to be worth it.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

always be open, honest, and self-aware

you can’t get to the moon if you don’t try

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Never Give In, Never Give Up

To be good at what you do, you first have to do.

For a few years I’ve been feeling unwanted by the life I live, unloved by the world I live in, and disliked by all the Goddesses that there ever were.  And then I realised that there were more choices open to me than being a miserable, celibate, unwashed recluse, drinking myself to death in a dirty garret.  All I had to do was turn up for Life.

Life is filled with opportunities, we need to make the most of them.  ~  Scott Geller

The more choices we have, the richer our life can become.

I have some good choices, and one of those is to be happy.

This song makes me think of doing cool things with someone I feel very happy about today.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Social Media Vampires

Social media is a double-edged sword ~ you can cut yourself.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve spent 45 hours or so listening to and watching a whole bunch of lessons given through the Hay House World Summit.  Some of the speakers were excellent, and as you’d expect, a few talked utter crap.

One of the most useful things I heard was from a guy called Brendan Birchard, who said that for the first hour of every day, don’t even look at your social media.  All you are doing by looking at something like Twitter first thing in the morning is checking on everyone else’s agenda, and letting them take control of your life.

Social media is an advertisement for the superficial extroverted self.  ~  Hozier

A lady called Carrie Green also said that if you’re going to use social media, then use it well, have a purpose behind your use of Facebook, Twitter, whatever, and stay focused.  Don’t just throw away the hours by blindly following some jerk you’ve come across on the internet.

It takes discipline not to let social media steal your time.  ~  Alexis Ohanian

Do not blindly believe everything you are told on social media.  One only has to read what the current President of the United States writes on Twitter to know that false truths abound on social media.  Most of the supposed ‘facts’ I’ve read on Facebook are utter dross ~ for example ‘Flat Earthers‘ expound their idiotic views on Facebook sites, as do the deluded proponents of ‘Alien Visitation and Abduction‘.  Social media is the easiest place to go to find something utterly untrue.

The dark side of social media is that, within seconds, anything can be blown out of proportion and taken out of context.  And it’s very difficult not to get swept up in it all.  ~  Nicola Formichetti

Very negative views proliferate on social media, and personal attacks abound.  One only has to write something a little ‘controversial’ to find yourself subject to vitriolic personal attacks.  And, whatever you write, you are certain to find some wazzock who disagrees with you ~ vehemently.  Do not put your own self-worth in the hands of another by reading their crap.  The only stuff I read are posts on this WordPress blog site, and I have a rule that I immediately ‘unfollow’ anyone who attacks me or uses inappropriate bad language.  If you have to use a word like ‘cunt’ in your posts then you obviously have the IQ of a retarded gnat.

Anyhow, if you swear or post anything inappropriate on social media it could cost you your job and land you in trouble with the law.

One in five employers says they have rejected a candidate after looking at what they’ve been getting up to online.  ~  Joe Myers, Huffington Post

And, as we all now know, the social media sites will steal and misuse your personal information in a myriad of utterly heinous ways.  Nothing you have ever posted on social media is private.

Some say that too much of what you see on social media will create negative attitudes, negative feelings, and negative thoughts within you.  And, that negative thoughts are like vampires because they can take over your mind.  All I know is that you will find nothing of real value by looking for it on Facebook.

Your ‘friends’ on social media are not real friends.

Social media is not real life.

But then, sitting at the end of the bar sucking down beers isn’t real life either.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

every form of addiction is bad, whether it be alcohol, cocaine, dope, idealism, or the internet

 

Be Cool With The Past

You can never get away from where you’ve been.

We cannot change the past, we can only change the ways feel think and feel about the past.  Most people have brutal, painful, and regrettable memories of their past.  Events from the past have created who we are today, and events from the past will affect us today, tomorrow, next week, next year, and maybe until the day we die and beyond…..

Some of us may say that we are OK with the past, that things that happened in our childhood and adolescence do not haunt us at all.  But beware, even if you are not aware of it, everything that you have experienced in the past; good, bad, terrible, traumatic, joyful, boring….. is affecting your sub-conscious today.

Nobody, up to and including you and me, is completely at peace with their past.  We cannot, and should not, forget the past.  Our past creates in us feelings of anxiety, bitterness, disappointment, doubt, guilt, fear, frustration, hurt, regret, rejection, sadness…..  and most of us recall and remember the negatives from our past more than we focus on the positives.

Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.  ~  Chuck Palahniuk

Some of us try to run away from our past; changing where we live, drifting from one relationship to another, changing jobs, drinking too much, taking drugs, attempting suicide, and metaphorically running away to join the circus. But none of that running away ever works, for wherever we go we take the past with us.  (Even if a suicide attempt fails it will most likely do irreparable damage to the body, mind, and spirit.)

For some of us it’s even worse, because we are also affected by the past of someone who is very close to us, and emotions created by someone else’s past are incredibly difficult to deal with.  This is doubly so if our ‘friend’ hasn’t themselves fully come to terms with their own past.

To be cool with the past we must first be motivated to deal with the past.  We need to understand what really happened in the past, not just some biased half-memories that we use to fuel our negative emotions today.  Try to find out what really happened in the past.  Be willing to talk about and fully explore issues from the past.  Stop pretending that everything from the past is fine, when most likely it isn’t.  Acknowledge your true feelings, whether they be loss, hurt, shame, anger…..

You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.  ~  Iyanla Vazant.

Depending how deeply the past affects us, we may need help to come to terms with what happened, how it affected us, and who we are today because of the past.  Speaking to family and friends may help, you may need to see your doctor or a therapist, you may talk with your priest or spiritual adviser, you may need something like hypnosis, or you may just need to really meditate, read inspirational books, listen to motivational lectures, or just go for a long walk in the sunshine.

With any luck we may find out that the past is better than we feared.  But, no matter if the past is better or worse than we think we remember, we cannot move on from something we don’t understand and we refuse to accept.

That’s the past for you.  Not only does it come back at the most unexpected and inconvenient times, but it’s set in stone.  ~  Jeffery Deaver.

There may well be things from the past that need resolution.  This might be very difficult, but the longest journey starts with the first baby-step.  Be honest.  Be self-aware.  Be kind with yourself.  Seek to understand yourself.  Be kind and understanding towards others.  And, give yourself time to heal.

A ship does not sail with yesterday’s wind.  ~  Louis L’Amour

Some say that we can become cool with the past by keeping a positive outlook and a strong determination to succeed in finding joy instead of negative emotions.  And, that the past only exists in our memories and imagination.  All I know is that the past isn’t actually here.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

If what you’re doing isn’t working,

then do something else instead.

Naming My Fears

Paranoia; an extreme feeling that people are lying to me.

There is no such thing as paranoia.  Your worst fears can come true at any moment.  ~ Hunter S. Thompson.

We are all conditioned by our past.  We have all been conditioned by society.  We have all learned to be afraid.  Our parents, our carers, our siblings, and all of society taught us to be afraid.

We learned negative thought, and we learned character defects like; anxiety, cowardice, denial, distrust, evasiveness, frustration, guilt, hatred, immorality, insecurity, pessimism, possessiveness, promiscuity, self-pity, and worry.  All of these character defects are manifestations of fear.

It has been a massive shock to me to realise and accept just how afraid I have been for most of my life.

My greatest fear ~ fear of abandonment.  I was a small, premature baby, placed in an incubator immediately after birth.  Before I was five years old my maternal grandmother, my principal carer, left me.  She had passed away.

My second greatest fear ~ that people are lying to me.  My parents didn’t tell me that my nan had died, I thought she had abandoned me.  My parents’ lying by omission, and telling me half-truths, destroyed my capacity to trust anyone.

Half a truth is often a great lie.  ~  Benjamin Franklin

My third greatest fear ~ that I am not good enough, that I do everything wrong, that I am useless.  I thought my nan had left me because I had been a bad boy, that I just wasn’t good enough for her anymore.  Since then I have always felt second-best.

Because of that trauma in my formative years I have always been afraid of getting things wrong, and of being mocked for making mistakes.  I have been morbidly afraid of rejection, which has resulted in all of my relationships with women becoming utterly dysfunctional.  I am deeply afraid of developing a close relationship with an attractive and sexual woman.

Good girls go to heaven,  Bad girls go everywhere.  ~  Mae West

Because of my childhood trauma, I believe that every women I have had a close relationship with has lied to me, and I am afraid that negative belief also means that I cannot even know truth from falsehoods.  In my own life I attempt to be dedicated to the truth, but to be a truthful man in a world of liars is to live in a very scary place.  And, as we all know, everybody lies all the time.

Keeping secrets from someone is no different from lying to them.  It’s still dishonest.   And I am deeply afraid of dishonesty.

Perhaps due to the traumas I experienced before I was 5 years old, for most of my life I have suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a serious mental illness that brings with it it’s very own set of fears.  Happily, I am mostly in recovery from BPD.

Some say that we are all afraid of change because we fear the unknown.  And that our fears are there to protect us from really bad things happening to us.  All I know is that if I keep on doing what I’ve always done, then I’ll get what I always got.

I don’t believe in fate or destiny.  I believe in various degrees of fear, paranoia, and abandonment.  ~  Henry Rollins.

To recover from paranoia and fear I am working on healing the causes of my problems, rather than the symptoms.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

no matter how much you deceive yourself,

you have to know that she has always lied to you.

The Dark Night of the Soul

Only out of suffering emerges the strongest souls.

inner torment

jealousy and doubt

the demon soul eaters

visit in the blackest night

darkness lonely frightfulness

another run around nightmares

of lying half-truths dishonest deceit

she was a dark witch circling the firelight

she made it so very easy, and my soul was lost

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

not all women are witches

but all witches are enchanted women

never accept a kiss from a witch at midnight

The Noble Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Achieve your dream life by rejecting pressure entirely.

Fear is mostly learned.

Low self-esteem is learned.

The experience of sin is learned.

Fear, expectations, obligations, shame, negativity, the notion of sin, anxiety, nervousness, shyness, cynicism…, plague most of us, and none of these are real, these are just emotions, these are things that we have allowed others to teach us.

A lot of our negative character traits are things we have learned through life; arrogance, addictions, alcoholism, brutality, complacency, criminality, dependency, envy, greed, intolerance, jealousy, lying, paranoia, promiscuity, timidity, vindictiveness…..  We are not born with these character defects, we had to learn them, and they are not real, even though they feel very real.

Life is too short to spend in negativity.  So I have made a conscious effort not to be where I don’t want to be.  ~  Hugh Dillon.

Our thoughts, feelings, emotions, feel incredibly real.  My own thoughts, feelings, and emotions were very real to me, and they ruled my life.

I could become very paranoid, jealous, and angry about my partner’s past ~ and that is insane.  The past cannot hurt me, and there’s nothing I can do about it anyway.

We should not be a product of our negative thinking.  We are not our thoughts, feelings, emotions, preconceptions, and assumptions.  If we wish it we have free will.

Other things bothered me a lot; cyclists, bad drivers, charities, environmentalists, the medical profession, people in uniform, politicians, the stupid and the lazy people in this world…..  I spent a lot of my time being annoyed, frustrated, and bad-tempered.

What I needed was a new way of looking at the world, a new way of dealing with all the bad stuff that was ruling and ruining my life.

What I decided was that, deep down, I didn’t actually care about any of this stuff, in exactly the same way that I don’t care one jot for the idea of Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Change, (man-made global warming).  What I decided was all this stuff that had been bothering me, all the people and organisations that had been bothering me, could just Fuck Off.

I no longer give all this pernicious negativity permission to affect my life.

Now I can tell the World to; ‘Fuck Off and Have a Nice Day.  Don’t Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out, and Please Don’t Keep In Touch.’

It’s a very empowering attitude.  Obviously I don’t often actually say that out aloud, but just thinking it generates a very liberating feeling.

Try it.  If something or someone upsets you, mentally tell yourself that you don’t give a fuck.  If negative thoughts, feelings, emotions are plaguing you, then mentally tell yourself that you don’t give a fuck.

If some insane attitude or weird preconceptions of your own are ruining your life, just tell yourself that you don’t give a fuck, that you don’t even want to know.

Some say that we should be caring and compassionate, that we should give until it hurts.  And, that we should accept the pain of the world and everyone in it.  All I know is that I don’t give a fuck.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

don’t let other people control your life

Practical Realism

True realism is a willingness to reveal and accept the truth.

Scientific studies, and my own bitter experiences, have shown me that one of the character traits necessary for a man / person to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong, stable, and resilient is Realism.

Being too pessimistic is depressing, being too optimistic means that you are easily disappointed and crushed, and being too idealistic is to search for unrealistic perfection.  Being realistic means that you accept the reality of the world as it is, rather than as you imagine it to be.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects the wind to change; the realist adjusts the sails.  ~  William Arthur Ward.

It seems that being realistic tends to mean that you’re also deep, grounded, mindful, compassionate, able to deal with adversity, are not easily disappointed, and recover quickly from whatever shit the world throws your way.

To be realistic is to be self-aware and be fully cognisant of your own wants, needs, desires, and dreams.  Being fully self-aware means that you do not easily fall prey to self-deceit ~ you don’t much lie to yourself, nor to others.

Realistic people also have good situational awareness, they are grounded in the truth of any given situation, seeing things for what they actually are, rather than they would wish them to be.  They have a solid sense of time and place.  They read people easily, and they are not reliant on a specific other person for their happiness.  Most people don’t have your happiness at the top of their agenda.

It is a healthy approach not to expect persons to turn out precisely how you would have wished.  ~  Criss Jami

There are 3.2 billion women in the world, so why should a realistic guy tie their happiness to just one particular uncaring and unavailable woman ~ no matter what.

One key feature of a realistic person is that they will always have some sort of written plan / plans in place to achieve their wants, needs, desires, and dreams.  Realists know that unless they do something then nothing happens.  To live life you first have to show up.  Realists make the very most of any opportunity that comes their way.  Realists take action to make things happen, they do not wait for things to happen to them.  Realists tend to devote enough time and effort to whatever task lies in front of them.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.  ~  Abraham Lincoln.

A realist will also have more free will than any other type of person.  This is because they are prepared to say ‘No’.  Every time you blindly agree with other people means that you have taken away your own free will.

Realists have a particular type of personality ~ they are physical, sceptical, jealous of their own time and space, independent, practical, clear-headed, good in an emergency, objective, non-judgmental, taciturn, and easy going.

But you don’t have to possess all of those character traits to be a realist ~ perhaps they are attributes we should aspire to.

Some say that a realist believes that some things are worth fighting for.  And, that a realist will have a flexible plan for winning their battles.  All I know is that to be a realist means showing up for the fight ~ it means showing up for Life.

Practical Realism 1.01 ~ First Know Yourself.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

remember you’re supposed to be draining the swamp, not fighting with the alligators

Scenes on Sunday ~ Nevada

Nevada, famous for Vegas, Area 51 ~ and a lot of desert.

 

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

after all, Absinthe is a potent female aphrodisiac

Feeling Weird

the angst of solitude, where you’re alone with the cosmos.

I have just been through the Dark Night of the Soul.

Last evening I felt very strange ~ for no readily apparent reason.

Mentally I was quite depressed and melancholy, with a feeling of deep angst thrown in.

My thoughts were wandering into dark places I didn’t want to go ~ places that in the past would certainly have driven me towards strong drink as a way of escape from my own tortured mind.

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.  ~  George Bernard Shaw.

Physically I felt weak, my arms and legs were as heavy as lead, and I had severe peripheral neuropathy in my hands and forearms.

It is said that our feelings are kept in our body, and that if we don’t deal with those feelings they will surface as physical symptoms ~ particularly if those feelings are causing undue stress.

Overall, this was extremely painful and mentally uncomfortable ~ I had to reach out to a close friend for support.

I believe that what is going on with me, both mentally and physically, is due to all the introspection I’ve experienced through diligently working through the Hay House World Summit programme.  And let me tell you, twenty hours of this in a week is a lot of work.

This is all to the good.  It means that I’m not wasting my time with all these audio lessons and films.  It means that deep down in my subconscious I’m turning over the dead earth of my past traumas, character defects, and negativity.  It means that I am creating a new and better view of myself, my relationships, the world, and the cosmos.

It may be that I am truly walking the warrior’s path.

At least I sincerely hope and believe that’s what is happening to me.

Spiritually, mentally, and physically I still feel like crap today.  However, sometimes there has to be a little pain along the way before we get to those sunlit meadows of inner peace.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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