Tag Archives: interpersonal relationships

Trust Your Instincts

Begin by connecting with what’s really important.

Well, I’ve just started to work through the Dreambook & Planner I was given as a Christmas gift.  The initial task seems to be that I should identify my core values, my skills and my talents, and sort out what my purpose in life is supposed to be.

That’s a tall order, and not something I could do in a few minutes.  Or, maybe it is something I should do in a few minutes ~ just jotting down my first thoughts.  Sometimes it’s better not to think too hard and ponder too much.  Sometimes if I overthink things I just go around in circles.

I seem to have run in a great circle, and met myself again on the starting line.  ~  Jeanette Winterson.

There is a useful saying; ‘Your first guess is your best guess….’  Or, put it another way; ‘Trust your instincts….’  Instinctive behaviour is the way we act, or react, without having to think about it.  Psychologists talk about fixed action patterns, which are hard-wired into our neural network.  The best example I can think of in humans would be in sports, where such things as a golf swing, or baseball swing, become hard-wired into the brain after much practice.

Instincts in humans are sometimes called gut feelings or intuition, and it’s about ‘knowing’ things without consciously reasoning.

Our brains actually store every experience we have ever had, and that huge library of information is one half of what our gut feelings are based on.  The other half of a ‘gut feeling‘ is emotion.  Add our stored memories to emotion and we get instincts, gut feelings, intuition ~ call it what you will….

Don’t you dare underestimate the power of your own instinct.  ~  Barbara Corcoran.

Instinct and intuition are very powerful, and often the right answer to any question will come from instinct, rather than reason.  Ergo, in the case of my identifying my own core values, my gifts, and my life purpose, I intend to go with my gut feeling, intuition, and instincts.  Of course, after I’ve written down my first guesses, I will go back and spend ages rethinking my answers.

Gut feelings are all very well, but something tells me that reasoning is better.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

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Dreambook

Feeling a greater sense of meaning and purpose in Life.

An American friend has sent me a most wonderful and thoughtful Christmas gift ~ which I have already opened!

It’s a book; Rituals for Living, Dreambook and Planner.  When I say it’s a book it’s kind of a journal, and diary, and project planner.  The project in this case being My Life.

Stop playing small and start seeing yourself as the magical creator that you are.  You can create anything you want.  We want to help ensure that what you’re creating reflects your highest potential and most authentic self.  ~  thedragontree

It’s about connecting with what’s really important to me; identifying my core values, gifts, and life purpose.

It’s also about developing habits and rituals to help me to realise my dreams.

At heart I am an engineer, I like planning, I need to make plans before starting any new enterprise or project. Well, this is a new project, it’s the rest of my life.  A big project that deserves some big plans.

We firmly believe that if you set out to achieve your goals while remaining steadfast on the necessity of playing, caring for yourself, connecting to family, friends, a higher power, and the natural world ~ you actually amplify your ability to succeed.  ~  thedragontree

I firmly believe that this book, the gift my American friend has sent to me, will help me achieve my fullest potential and realise my dreams.

In part it’s about self-awareness and self-actualisation, and in part it’s about developing habits and rituals which will lead towards the fullest and most congruent realisation of my desires, dreams, and goals.

You know what?  This is a wonderful gift, and I know it was sent to me with love.

One of the benefits of writing this blog is that I can publicly thank my friend for this wonderful Christmas gift.  Oh, and the kind friend concerned also has a blog.  https://therobynbirdsnest.com

There are a couple of websites which sort of go along with this life planner;

http://www.thedragontree.com   and  dreambook.vision

 

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

 

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Waking Dreams

Listen to the world turning in the stillness of the night.

Night’s end

I’ve been blind

life’s not been kind

living inside my mind

searching, what do I find

a dark soul trapped confined

distressed unkind waking dreams

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

pictures taken with a Lumix

 

 

 

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So, don’t be a fake.

The most poisonous people come disguised as friends.

Some say that I’m an egotistical fake, and that all my problems are caused by my own lies and character defects.  All I know is that I’m working very hard to be a better guy.

I took a walk outside early this morning, down by the sea where I usually find solace and serenity.  The snow and wind were in my face, and the seashore was shrouded by a cold mist.  Today there was no tranquility for me.  My soul feels hurt, hungry, and lacking in love for myself.  All I feel is regret and sorrow.  What I could see of the surf was angry and accusatory.

Some would say that I’m a prisoner of my own ego, and that my personal identity is driven by conceit and self-importance.  All I know is that it’s sometimes difficult to get through the next 24 hours, and then the 24 hours after that.

Sometimes I was a fake just to cope with life.  BPD can do that to you.

What I’m trying to say is that I need to get my life in order ~ start to be honest with myself and everybody else, become reliable and trustworthy, stop being hurtful and aggressive at the drop of a hat…  Perhaps then there can be some trust in friendships and I can begin to have real relationships with sensible people.  I need to consider the feelings, needs, desires, wants, and commitments of others.  I need to give more and take less.  I need to change my ways.

It’s OK for me to want what I want, but becoming a fake to get it is abhorrent.

Some say that if nothing changes, then nothing changes.  And, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  All I know is that this post is the start of something different for me.

All prayers are answered, but sometimes the answer is difficult.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

 

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English Weather

Climate is what we expect; weather is what we get.

The English love to talk about the weather; when an Englishman meets a friend or acquaintance they could spend a good hour or so discussing the weather.

The thing is, there are so many topics polite Englishmen almost never talk about; feelings, money, politics, religion, and sex to name just a few taboo topics.

The other thing is; we get so much weather in England.  American tourists in London can never understand that, no matter how sunny and fine a day it is when they leave their hotel, within a hour it will be pouring with rain.

We English also have many, many interesting words and phrases to describe our weather.  Brass Monkeys, Raining Cats and Dogs, A Bit Parky, Chucking It Down, It’s a Scorcher, It’s Just Drizzling, It’s a Bit Damp, Pea Souper, Sea Fret… to quote a few.

English weather is pretty clement, not usually extreme at all.  For us 40 degrees Fahrenheit is bloody cold, and 80 degrees Fahrenheit is bloody hot.  We don’t often get very strong winds, and even though it rains almost all the time, we don’t often get torrential downpours.

Mostly I like the weather in England, at least from April to September / October I like it here.  From October to April it’s bloody awful and everyone in England will have colds, or flu, or even pleurisy.  (I’m just recovering from a bout of pneumonia.)

So, if ever you’re in England, expect to be bored spitless by everyone always talking about the damn weather.

And, by the way, no sensible Englishman believes in Climate Change.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

cheap sex

Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere with anyone.

night is falling

witch moon rising

she visits bars prowling

drinking, posing, hot flirting

touching, stroking, deep kissing

allowing anything, wanting everything

there is no friendship, affection, romancing

satisfying her promiscuous lust by just fucking

men half her age

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

 

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Crazy People Here

Pouring wine onto yourself means you might be crazy.

There are a lot of crazy and insane people in this world, and I should know because I used to be one of them.  Strictly speaking crazy means you’re wild and possibly aggressive, while insane means you have an abnormal view of the world.  Both mean that you can’t interact normally with other people, and that any relationship you’re in is likely to lurch from one crisis to another.

Symptoms of being crazy and insane include extremes of; being intense and passionate, being unstable, doing stupid and dangerous things on an impulse, self-harm, excessive consumption of booze, taking drugs, smoking marijuana, engaging in cheap and meaningless sex, nudity at inappropriate times, mood swings, explosive bad temper, insomnia, extremes of jealousy, panic, paranoia, schizophrenia, feelings of worthlessness, depression, euphoria, and quite a few more personality disorders and character defects.

Most crazy and insane people have most of the above problems some of the time, and most of us have self-diagnosed and tried to cure ourselves with much more of the same things that drove us crazy in the first place.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~  Albert Einstein

Or we try to cure ourselves by switching from one crazy and insane set of behaviours to another~ say from depression and melancholia to copious quantities of  booze and indulging in unsafe meaningless cheap sex.

I wouldn’t recommend alcohol, sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.  Hunter S. Thompson

How do we know if we’re crazy and insane, or as ‘normal’ as the rest of the crazy people out there?

One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.  ~  Tim Burton

Some say that if you have to ask yourself the question, ‘Am I going crazy‘ then you probably are insane and crazy.  And, that if anyone else says that you’re crazy, then most likely you are.  Of course, you can find Am I Insane?, Personality Disorder Tests, and Just How Insane Am I? tests online.  Or, find your own online insanity / craziness tests.  Your results might surprise you ~ a lot.

The last time I took one of these on-line tests, to see if I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, I came out at the extreme bad end of the scale.

Alternatively you could just look for these attitudes, feelings, and behaviours in yourself;

  • Delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, jealousy, anger
  • Mania, depression, thoughts of suicide
  • Memory loss, personality changes and mood swings, time and place distortions and disorientation
  • Talking to yourself, talking to your pets and plants, giving unwanted and unsolicited advice, believing in angels, demons, extraterrestrial abduction, ghosts, gods and goddesses, past lives, and witches.

If you suffer from / truly believe in any of the above, it may mean that while you are doing the best you can, and are thinking deeply and seriously about yourself and your issues, you’re not thinking clearly, and you may be a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly.  One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.  ~  Nikola Tesla

Another sign of utterly crazy insanity is being addicted to anything; Alcohol, Anger, Coffee, Cough Medicine, Drugs, Food, Gambling, Jealousy, Laziness, Masturbation, Pornography, Prescription Drugs, Sex, Shopping, Smoking, Social Media, Technology, Trivia, or Work.  (Trust me, people can and do get addicted to just about anything.)

Perhaps the easiest things to check to see if you really are an addict is to see if you’re suffering from; alcoholism, drug addiction, or sexual addiction.  Alcoholics Anonymous have a very, very good self test that will let you know if you’ve slipped from being a social drinker to an insane boozer.  There are similar self tests for drug addiction and sexual addiction.

However, the chances are that if you find yourself ever taking one of these tests, then you are already crazy, insane, and slightly weird.  That doesn’t mean you are bad and stupid, it means that you’re unwell.

I’ll take weird and crazy over stupid any day.  ~  Joss Whedon

Of course, another sign of being crazy, deranged, insane, peculiar, strange, unstable, unusual, or weird, is doing things in secret and lying about what you’ve done afterwards.  And, lying includes lying by omission, refusing to say anything at all, and only telling part of the truth.

The problem with slightly crazy people is they do crazy things ~ and you will know this to your cost if you’ve ever dated a bunny-boiler, stalker, self-confessed witch… or any of the other strange people out there.

So if you’ve been a little bit crazy recently, acting like a sack of cats in a thunderstorm, how do you recover?

  1. Fully and honestly accept that you haven’t been doing so well lately.
  2. Figure out / try and remember just what the hell you’ve been doing that’s so bad you’re reluctant to even admit it to yourself.
  3. Go and see your doctor and honestly tell them what’s been going on.
  4. Take whatever medication your doctor advises.
  5. Stop self-medicating with booze, drugs, sex, or whatever.
  6. See a professional counsellor / therapist for whatever flavour of crazy insane you’ve been.
  7. Get plenty of fresh air, exercise, and sleep.
  8. Have a good diet, eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.
  9. Try soothing and calming stuff; meditation, restful music, reading uplifting books, talking long walks in the forest or by the sea, yoga
  10. Apologise to everyone you have harmed, unless doing so will only make things worse.
  11. Make a solemn promise to yourself to be a ‘better’ person.
  12. Just get through each day without being a totally evil crazy insane wazzock, just one day at a time.

In my case I was completely crazy and insane due to a chronic lack of critical vitamins and minerals in my blood, (potassium and thiamine) ~ because I wasn’t eating properly.  The symptoms of a lack of potassium, and a lack of thiamine are quite severe~ literally you go crazy insane, and possibly die.

The upside is that within a couple of days of taking prescribed, very strong, vitamin and mineral supplements I made a miraculous recovery.  Today I feel very well indeed, in body, mind and spirit.

So however bad you may feel;

nil desperandum ~ carpe diem ~ noli illegitimi carborundum

and that’s crazy.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

click on the book to learn more

 

 

 

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Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt

Maybe I’ll live so long I’ll forget her.  Maybe I’ll die trying.

All about me I see

near distant large-scale enigmatic monochromatic

artistic images masking manifest realities falsehoods

endured and survived commonplace denial of truths

tattered and deteriorated like the grey smoke rising

over deceits doubts commitments I see all about me

I see the fiction of she

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

learn monochrome photography

 

 

 

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What do women really want?

Women don’t like mind games.  Most women like romance.

I’m just a guy, you know?  Ergo I don’t actually understand the woman I care for, and sometimes I don’t really know what she wants from me.  However, in an effort to be a ‘better’ guy I’ve been exploring the internet, and I believe these are the behaviours a woman would like me to bring to a relationship.

You know what?  I worked out #1 all by my self.

  1. Do not be a jerk.  (From time to time I have been a 21 carat jerk.)
  2. Give her respect.  Respect her opinions, career, interests, friends, family, needs, dreams, and desires.  Respect her body, her mind, and her soul.  Accept and understand who and what she truly is.
  3. Give her time and space.  She’s an independent lady, so don’t be clingy and dependent.  She is not responsible for your happiness, you are.  Don’t pressure her into doing things she’s not ready for.  But, when she needs you, be generous with your own time; always be there for her.
  4. Be confident and capable ~ take charge when you need to.  She needs to know that you can always be relied on to take the lead when necessary.
  5. Always help her to feel safe.  Don’t ever be threatening, and if she’s worried about someone or something, or scared of something or someone ~ then help her to deal with it!
  6. Respect her privacy.  Don’t ever intrude where she wants to be private, and never, ever, comment on what she posts on social media.
  7. Follow through with your plans and ideas.  Women like to know that if a guy says he is going to do something, he will actually do it.
  8. Be completely honest, unless complete honesty is hurtful.  Women don’t like liars, and once you have lost a woman’s trust it’s hard to get it back again.
  9. When it’s appropriate be romantic.  And, what is truly romantic changes from time to time, and from woman to woman.  To be romantic; You need to get to know her.
  10. Be polite, well-mannered, and well-spoken.  Very good manners take a little effort ~ but I’m lucky here, I’m a true English Gentleman, and good manners come naturally to me.  And never, ever get drunk when she’s around.
  11. Self-deprecating humour.  Don’t make jokes at her expense, but it’s OK to poke fun at yourself.  She will probably like gentle humour, and dislike you trying to be funny by being vicious and nasty about other people.
  12. If she ever feels the need to apologise, accept her apology with grace.  Especially never, ever, mention the things she’s apologised for ever again.
  13. A Man should never be late.  She may have no sense of time, she may always be late for everything, but you should always be there on time~ always.  If you’ve promised to call at eight o’clock, then you should call her at exactly eight.
  14. Be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy.  Women don’t seem to appreciate unreliability, a good guy needs to be the same good guy every minute of every day.
  15. Listen to her.  When she wants to talk, listen patiently with acceptance and understanding.  Don’t give her solutions she hasn’t asked for, just listen to her.
  16. Respond to her texts and emails in a timely manner.  She may take forever to reply to you, but if you get a message from her, then respond as soon as is humanly possible.
  17. Always be clean, tidy, and well-groomed.  You and your place should always be pretty immaculate, especially the bathroom.  And, if you are ever invited to her place, treat it with the utmost respect.  Clean your shoes, get a manicure, get a haircut, have some great pictures in your place….
  18. Be faithful in word and deed.  Don’t screw around, don’t date other women, don’t constantly flirt with other women, don’t check out other women, don’t ‘like’ other women’s pictures on social media, and do not constantly jerk off to porn.
  19. Be complementary.  Tell her she looks pretty, her hair’s nice, tell her you like her. and if it’s appropriate tell her that you love her.
  20. Do things just for her.  Clean her car, make sure she’s always got petrol, (gas), in the tank, fix things for her, send her flowers and perfume, but bear in mind point #9, and be romantic in the right way and when it’s appropriate.
  21. Sex.  Do not try too go to far and too fast.  If anything, follow her lead, and remember point #10 , and always be polite and well-mannered.  And, if and when you sleep with her, remember that her pleasure is important.  You may need sex, but perhaps what she really wants is love.

Writing this stuff, it all makes perfect sense, and I don’t believe I’ve got anything badly wrong in this list.  But, Ladies, if I have, then please feel free to tell me about it.

And, writing this stuff I realise that I do most of these good things most of the time, and some of them all of the time.  Sadly, that isn’t good enough.  Point #14 behoves me to be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy ~ I need to do all of the above all of the time.

That’s a tall order, but if she is worth it, and you really care, then she’s worth all of it all of the time.

In future, I shall make every effort to follow my advice from this list.  I am going to do this stuff.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

pictures by Jack Vettriano

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Witch Moon

Witches are women of the false and beautiful moon.

~

the spider ran, the cobweb’s gone

did you eat it when the moon was new?

I chased your cat, what do you say to that?

I’ve even broken up your broom.

I ain’t superstitious, but strange things I’ve seen

I ain’t a superstitious fellow, but you worry me.

~

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

release your witch, click on the book

 

 

 

 

 

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