Tag Archives: interpersonal relationships

Expectations vs Reality

When you stop expecting people to be perfect,
then you can like them for who they are.

~

Believing our expectations causes pain because the expectations often clash with reality ~ with life as it really is, and the future as it is meant to be.  The expectation could be as simple as; I wish I didn’t have to go to the store today’ or the expectation could be powerful, such as ‘after all this I expect her to have sex with me’.  It could be an utterly impossible desire, such as wanting her to exercise hard to have a better body.

Whatever the disconnect is, any time we believe a thought that says Life should be different from the way it is now, then we will really suffer.  Every single time.

Have an expectation that isn’t completely under your own control, an expectation that says; ‘he / she should be different, Life should be different’, and you will get badly hurt.  Take life as it is, live in the moment, and don’t ever try to change another person, and most likely you won’t be hurt ~ or not so badly.  Even you cannot control the cosmos.

Some of the time we cannot even control our own thoughts, which have a tendency to drift off into fantastical flights of fancy, building castles in the clouds.  Most of the time we can’t control our own bodies; we get sick, we gain weight, we start looking older…..  What will happen will happen whether we like it or not ~ sometimes it’s best to pretend to like what’s happening, even if you secretly hate it.  Remember the adage ‘fake it to make it’.

If you don’t like something change it.  If you can’t change it, change your attitude.  ~  Maya Angelou.

Never focus so hard on what you want that you ignore what you already have.  Never believe that you can change a woman, because you can’t.  And, if you can’t live with what you have, then just walk away.  You certainly can never change her past.

Some say that men are quick to leave a relationship.  And that they almost always return.  All I know is that if you leave her, you should never, ever look back.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

never date an alcoholic woman

it will not end well

 

Songs on Saturday ~ Coldplay

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and try again.

This song says something important to me right now.

You cannot change anyone, unless they want to change.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

some men think that there’s more than one way to fix a woman

Losing a Lover

Where there is true love there is joy in life.

~

once you had sunshine

once you had true love

desire always and ever

and then came the rain

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the ways of love can be cruel

Unlearn Your Life

Before you can learn something new, you have to end what used to be.

I have learned to love the desert.

At least half of what you know is outdated in today’s world.  Most of your past experiences have created insecurities, jealousies, and resentments in your subconscious mind.  It is easy to feel inhibited and illiterate with the constant pressure to learn, unlearn, and relearn ~ to accept, approve and understand.  Our entire life has created us as we are, and yet who we are right now probably isn’t working so well.

Learning new things isn’t difficult for most of us ~ each of us has our own way of learning as we explore new situations, new processes, new challenges, and new relationships.  The real problem begins when we have to unlearn something first.  We can become so fixated on what we already know, on past experiences, that it can be hard to let go of the old to let in the new.  If your old partner cheated on you, then it’s going to be difficult to trust any woman / man you date in the future.

Every day you will be challenged to unlearn what you think you know about women / men, or how you expect them to behave, or whether you can trust or not.

Unlearning is a way of making space for newer, fresher experiences, information, and knowledge.  Unlearing is like deleting files on your laptop, or repainting your apartment, or dumping your partner ~ it’s stripping away the old and unwanted before you can add something better.  The problem is that when something has worked in the past, we have a tendency to assume that it will keep working in the future.  This is not true.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~ Albert Einstein.

The most successful people are ready to question what they know, who they know, and why they do what they do.  The really successful man / woman is open to contradictions and failure ~ always ready to learn something new.

Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  And that a leopard can never change its spots.  All I know is that a successful man realises that the experience will always be different from his expectations.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

some dogs learn new tricks

Desire’s Urgent Breathing

The unbearable pain of loving a woman who does not love you.

~

hot heavy deep urgent

steaming locomotive breath

passions spent and now resting

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

she just gives it away

to whomsoever wants her

casual sex is what she desires

Always Tell The Truth

A liar will never be believed, even when she speaks the truth.

Everybody lies.  Lies are the oil that lubricates the grinding wheels of interpersonal relationships.  Most people don’t always want to be told the unvarnished truth, especially by their partner ~ for example being told that you look terrible hurts, even if it is the truth.  In a 10-minute conversation the average American will tell two or three lies ~ basically people lie a lot.

There are different kinds of lies, some are small and immaterial, and some are huge, outrageous, and evil.  However a lie is still a lie, even if it’s justified as a well-intentioned white lie, or it’s a lie of omission where we just don’t say anything at all about something important.

Some lies are actually criminal fraud.  For example;

  • lies about your qualifications and work experience on your CV
  • Plagiarism, piracy, and passing-off
  • creating false paperwork to obtain a loan, drivers licence, passport, etc.
  • using false information to complete official forms, for example health insurance

It seems that many people are happy to live with lies like this, telling themselves that it’s just a clever way to beat the system.  Do or say whatever you like, but if you go down this road your life will be a fake.  And, at some point you may get into serious trouble.  As an example, a contract of insurance is a contract uberrimae fidei, (of utmost good faith), if you don’t tell the whole truth on an insurance document the whole thing is null and void.  Your insurance company can refuse your claims, and reclaim any past claims you have made.

If you do lie and cheat, just be ready for the consequences because eventually you will be caught out.  Your fantastic house of cards will just fall apart.  The thing about lying is that you can never know with certainty the risk of being discovered or the severity of the consequences.  Lie in a relationship and you’ll probably get dumped.  Lie in a marriage and you will probably get divorced.

Some say that there’s a fool born every minute.  And that women make the best liars.  All I know is that some truths are best left unsaid.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

lovers often lie to each other

and to their husbands and wives

Building Rapport with Women

a close and harmonious relationship based on acceptance and understanding

~

It’s not necessary to build rapport with a woman if all you want to do is have sex with her ~ but it certainly helps.  Just casual sex does not require rapport.  Instead, true rapport is the indefinable process of accepting and understanding one another, and thereby becoming comfortable together.  If you have true rapport with a woman, then she will trust you, follow you, and believe in you.  For this to happen she needs to understand you and be able to rely upon you.  Ergo you have to become consistent, reliable, and dependable.

As it goes, women are more natural at building rapport than are most men ~ they are usually more open, more understanding, and more communicative than the average male.  Women tend to have more empathy and be more interested in relationships, whereas men are usually just interested in sex.

To build rapport with a woman, be someone she actually wants to be around ~ and that doesn’t mean just spending a lot of money on her, (but that often helps).  Avoid being selfish and talking about yourself, instead listen to her and try and learn about her wants, needs, desires, and dreams.  Always remain calm, and speak slowly and softly.  Be warm, accepting, and understanding.  And, never fall into the common male mistake of thinking that you have to educate her about something she has no interest in whatsoever.

In Neuro Linguistic Programming, and other psychological / interpersonal approaches to communication and building rapport, there are a number of techniques that even a geek can learn and use.  These include; mirroring, leading, and pacing.  In all honesty, these are artificial techniques best left to the salesman who wants to up his closure rate.  However, this stuff is powerful, and it does work on women.

The most basic and powerful way to connect with a woman is to listen to her.  Just listen, and don’t interrupt her because she will not like that.  Perhaps the most important thing you can give her is your undivided attention.  And after that; acceptance, respect, and understanding.

Some say that it is impossible to be successful with a woman without building rapport.  And that you need to spend time understanding what she is thinking.  All I know is that sometimes I have to try just that bit harder.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

here’s looking at you kid

Steadfastness

Be steadfast in your love, and honest in your heart.

~

mysteriously

steady acceptability

bravery courtesy gallantry

civility chastity celibacy decency

dependability desirability dignity honesty

humility intimacy fidelity integrity loyalty morality

modesty nobility purity probity reliability sincerity veracity

immoral sexuality sensuality physicality promiscuity dishonesty

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the truth of love is in a rose

 

 

Acceptability and Conformity

A firm sense of right and wrong isn’t fashionable these days.

~

It seems that unless I always agree with what others think, say, and do ~ then I’m wrong, bad, reactionary, and backward.  Worse than that, if I happen to think that what other people have done isn’t necessarily ethical or sensible, then somehow I’m attacking them.  I’m not, I just disagree.

Look at what the majority of people are saying and doing, and do the exact opposite, and you’ll probably never go wrong for as long as you live.  ~  Earl Nightingale.

Thinking and doing the opposite of what the majority is doing or has done isn’t about being different for the sake of being different.  There are lots of times that agreeing with everyone else is the right thing to do.  There are lots of times when the well-trodden path is the right one for me to take.

The challenge for me is to know when to take the road less travelled.

Thinking, saying, and doing the opposite of what others would have me do is quite likely to make me feel uncomfortable.  It’s scary, lonely, and exposes me to the harshest criticisms.  It’s never easy to be seen to be going against the grain, and ignoring the attitudes and advice of my friends, family, and wider society.  But, I’m used to being uncomfortable and the odd one out.

I feel no need to justify my ethics, attitudes, and actions ~ no matter the slings and arrows of discontent thrown against me.

Doing the exact opposite of the norm, or refusing to change who and what I am, does not always achieve the results, goals, and dreams I want.  But, I have discovered that just repeating what others do, or agreeing with what others think, doesn’t always work either.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~  Albert Einstein.

There are some people it would be much easier to always agree with.  It would probably make me much happier just to agree with them and go along with what they like.

It isn’t going to happen.

Some say that it’s good to be liberated and do whatever you like regardless of the consequences.  And, that if you don’t agree with the latest and most fashionable opinion, then you’re wrong and reactionary.  All I know is that I have the strongest possible self-awareness and self-discipline, and I’m happy with that.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sometimes, a real man needs to take the road less travelled

Lies

If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.  ~  Hitler

Allegedly there are 8 types of lie ~ that is an oversimplification.  I don’t believe that you can simply categorise lies.  I believe that there are an infinite number of ways that we lie, and that we are lied to, and that most often we are lied to by omission. People just don’t admit to some things they don’t want us to know.

The slickest way in the world to tell a lie is to tell the right amount of truth at the right time ~ and then shut up.  ~  Robert A. Heinlein.

The worst lies of all are those we tell to ourselves, and again mostly these are lies of omission.  We refuse to remember some of the bad stuff we have done in our past, and we refuse to admit to ourselves the bad things we fully intend to do in the future.  And if anyone asks us about any of that, of course we shall lie and hotly deny our past, present, and probable future sins.

Probably the biggest lie being foisted upon the world at the moment relates to the cause of the fire at the medieval cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris, which allegedly was an accidental electrical fire, or something like that.  I believe that like I believe Parisian women don’t smell of garlic and cigarettes, overlaid with lots of perfume.  But if I was a Frenchman in authority, I wouldn’t want to stir up even more sectarian hatred of moslems.

But that matters not one jot.  What really matters is how much of the truth we admit to ourselves, and how much of the truth are those we care for telling us.

We should stop expecting loyalty from people who won’t even give us honesty.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

if you think you’re being lied to, then you probably are

 

 

 

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