Tag Archives: interpersonal relationships

Cool Put Downs

Lifting the blinders is always dangerous.

There is a history among men and women of the short put-down, to be said when the bad guy bites the metaphorical dust ~ or when the good guy dumps the bitch.

There is a long, long collection of these, from; beware the ides of march to; look into the eyes of the dragon and despair.  I like;

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~  and

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

and if you’re dumping a particular kind of an older woman,

there’s always; cooo cooo ca choo

The Reality of Belief

The great task in life is to find reality.

We make most mistakes, we suffer the most, and we do the most harm when our thoughts and beliefs differ from reality.  It’s when we create stories and assumptions in our own mind which are untrue that we begin on a journey of falsehoods.  And, those falsehoods lead to; alcohol abuse, drugs, eating disorders, gambling, heavy smoking, self-harm, casual sex ~ just to find temporary comfort and the illusion that our falsehoods are true.  When our beliefs are untrue we can suffer from anxiety and depression, together with a host of other serious mental illnesses such as;  Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.  The stress of having beliefs which differ from reality causes a raft of physical illnesses, including cardiovascular problems, cancers, diabetes, dementia, and early death.

Yet, there is no such thing as reality.

Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  ~  Albert Einstein

It seems that in quantum physics and interpersonal relationships there is no such thing as cause and effect ~ no straight line between the past, through the present, and into the future.  Even in very close relationships there are often merely shared perceptions of the world ~ and two people may both share perceptions, thoughts, and beliefs which are untrue.  If alcohol, drugs, or mental illness is added into the mix then we get dangerous situations such as physical, verbal, mental abuse and co-dependency.

If your life is going down the shitter, if you are prey to addictions, if you suffer from a mental illness ~ then the chances are that your thoughts and beliefs have seriously differed from reality.

Einstein and other serious thinkers may tell us that reality is merely an illusion, BUT on a day to day basis we have to live in whatever reality surrounds us.  That means seeing and accepting reality as it is, and not as we wish it to be.  Reality is neutral and impersonal.  Reality has no expectations and no beliefs.  Reality is the true state of things.  There is only one past, present, and future reality ~ it is our own perceptions and beliefs which create an infinity of different versions of the past, the present, and the possible futures.

To find true reality is both very easy and very difficult;

  • be totally honest with yourself and others ~ reality is truth
  • never take things personally ~ reality is impersonal
  • do not make assumptions nor create expectations

Some say that reality is an illusion.  And that we are all just simulations living in a matrix.  All I know is that when my beliefs differed from reality I got myself into some serious trouble.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

to discover your ultimate reality requires a lot of deep thought

 

Tunes on Tuesday ~ The Question

I’m not looking for an answer, I’m looking for a miracle.

Since I wrote a post; Questions and Answers this morning, this tune has been running through my head.

It’s the Moody Blues.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

this picture is about as Moody and Blue as I could find in my library

Questions and Answers

If you don’t want the answer, then don’t ask the question.

you will never find the answer at the bottom of a glass

There are always more questions than answers, and each new answer raises more, and more difficult questions.  Sometimes we don’t want to hear the answer that we get.  Sometimes we shouldn’t have asked the question in the first place.  And, sometimes the answer we get isn’t the truth.

Life is as simple as these three questions:  What do I want?  Why do I want it?  And, how will I achieve it. ~  Shannon L. Adler

All of those simple questions are very difficult to answer, because either we don’t really know what we want, or if we actually get what we think we wanted, then we realise that we didn’t truly want it at all.  More often than not this is the great truth of Love.

The two great questions of love are in the simple phrase; ‘She loves me ~ She loves me not…..’  As if plucking petals from a daisy could possibly answer the question of if she loves you or not.  One may as well resolve one’s doubts by tossing a coin and saying; ‘heads I dump her, tails I stay with her.’  Actually, tossing a coin and asking that question does work ~ because while the coin is in the air we will decide which way we truly want the coin to fall.

Being something of a mechanic when it comes to games of chance, that tossing of a coin to get an answer doesn’t truly work for me.  I can make a coin fall whichever way I like.  I cheat, which isn’t truly getting an answer.  My doubts about interpersonal relationships, sex, desire, and love can never be resolved by random chance.

All people have doubts, mostly everyone has the same doubts, and more often than not these doubts are troubling.  Often these doubts are created in our own minds because we make assumptions based on incomplete evidence, and we take these assumptions very personally.  If we stubbornly wish to be unhappy we look for evidence to prove our worst assumptions, and if we can’t find the evidence and answers to back up our assumptions, then we just create negative answers in our own mind.

My own personal doubts are created because I have an almost perfect memory, so anything anyone says to me stays in my mind, and I can build cloud castles of negative answers based on a single phrase said in passing.

Some say that if we don’t want to know the answer then we shouldn’t ask the question.  And that every answer creates more, and more difficult questions.  All I know is that we only ask questions when we think we already know the answers.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

booze is never the answer

but it will make you forget the question

Monochrome Monday ~ Guys

It astounds me that women like soft pornography ~  M. Scott Peck

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

there is nothing like a cute ass

to encourage casual sex

Dawn Ends It All

cry, learn, forgive, watch the dawn, move on

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watching the dawn

I can’t take any more

she took me for the fool

now the dreams have gone

just can’t take any more

I’m watching the dawn

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the end of the misery in the night

Why Does Love Make Us Stupid?

Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.  ~  Freud

Love’s Long Lonely Road to Nowhere

We are never so vulnerable as when we believe that we are in love.  We never suffer so much torment and pain as when we believe that we love someone.   We are never as confused and uncertain as when our love seems to be unrequited.  And, for many of us, we never do so much stupid and irrational stuff as when we are in love ~ or when we believe that we are in love, (which isn’t quite the same thing as true love at all).

Sigmund Freud built a whole series of complex psychoanalitical theories around the whole gamut of interpersonal relationships, from the Oedipus and Electra complexes to the idea of us all having an Id, Ego, and Superego.  If you wish you could try to make sense of your feelings by reading lots of Freud and his modern counterparts such as M. Scott Peck, but I wouldn’t bother.  The more you know the less sense it’s going to make.

Chances are that much of what Freud says is right, and also that some of it is utterly wrong.  However, I firmly believe that when Freud says that our interpersonal actions and reactions come from our subconscious mind he is absolutely correct.  And, especially so when our emotions and hormones are in control, such as when lust, desire, and love are in the frame.  That is when we are likely to think, feel, believe, and do some very stupid and irrational stuff ~ and when we are most likely to think, feel, believe, and do things that are completely opposite to anything that might make sense in the real world.

This is all down to the primitive defence mechanisms inherent in our body, mind, emotions, feelings…..  These defence mechanism include denial, repression, sublimation, and projection, and taken together these defence mechanisms make us believe things that either aren’t true, or never happened, or don’t matter anyway.  We unconsciously lie to ourselves, and that makes us lie to others, and that makes us often do the complete opposite of anything that makes sense.

How many times have I desired, cared for, loved someone…… and instead of cherishing them have done everything I could to push that person away from me?  And, how many times have you done that too?  If you have even the slightest tough of Borderline Personality Disorder, then the answer is; all the time.

Some say that they are in love, when it’s actually lust and desire.  And that love and hate are but two sides of the same coin.  All I know is that you can’t love anyone unless you first love yourself.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

booze, drugs, cigarettes, and casual sex never solve anything

the angry goodbye

Some arguments are the angry end of a relationship.

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All Right!  All Right!

you’re bloody well right,

you know there’s no point,

so Goodbye and Goodnight.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

loneliness is a long angry road to nowhere

Arguing, Informing, Rowing

Arguing isn’t communication, it’s just hot noise.

Violence is an argument lost.

Most arguments are nothing like a reasoned debate, because usually arguments come about when two people in a relationship have completely opposing and irreconcilable views.  Most arguments become heated at some point and degenerate into a flaming row ~ or turn utterly cold and vicious.  Seldom does an argument tell anyone anything that they didn’t already know ~ usually arguments are circular and rehash familiar disagreements.  And, no argument ever changes anyone’s mind about anything at all.  In fact, arguments tend to reinforce existing views as new reasons are found for the status-quo.

Be calm in arguing for fierceness makes error a fault and truth discourtesy.  ~  George Herbert

Think of this; you and your partner have opposing views, you disagree, and you argue.  In that case we mostly pretend to listen and be open-minded, instead what we really do is try to find weaknesses in his / her position so we can disprove his / her argument. Or, if they’ve just put a dent in your reasoning, you are frantically thinking of some new counterpoint.  Open-mindedness and reasonableness doesn’t come into it.

Denial and self-delusion also form a big part of most arguments.  Even when we are totally and utterly wrong we are unlikely to admit it, even to ourselves.  However, most arguments are not a clear matter or right and wrong ~ black and white is often more like multifarious shades of grey.  Mostly there is some right and some wrong on both sides.

A truly calm and informative discussion of opposing views should, in theory, lead to a compromise.  BUT, more often than not a compromise is just a situation that pleases neither side.  Compromises often leave both sides unhappy, which will lead to future arguments over much the same ground.

Worse than a compromise is to resolve an argument by one side imposing a resolution on the other.  The ‘stronger’ imposing their will upon the ‘weaker’, the richer imposing their will upon the poorer, the adult imposing their will upon the child.  These false resolutions are usually unjust, which will undoubtedly create resentments, which will undoubtedly lead to more and bitterer arguments in the future.

The imposition of the Treaty of Versailles on Germany after the 1914 – 18 war inevitably resulted in WWII.  World War is the ultimate of hot arguments.

Some say that they are honest, honourable, and open-minded.  And, that you should always agree with them, because they are always right.  All I know is that you may be right, but I don’t agree.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

a short Lee-Enfield convinces most people

 

Long-Distance Friendship

There is no time or distance between true friends.

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truth, honesty, openness,

caring, loving, kindliness,

passion, wisdom, desires,

yet there is still distance…..

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

the road between us is long

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