don’t stop ’til you get enough
I’ve been suffering with a terrible cold, or maybe the flu. Totally out of it for a week. Today I wanted some music that would cheer me up
I like this song and this video.
I hope that you like it too.
I’m sorry that I’ve bee out of it.
But I’ve been very unwell.
not everyone is insane but some are depressed
I’m not howling at the moon
I thought that I was going crazy. I was struggling to get out of bed in the morning, to keep myself and the garret clean, to find any interest in anything at all. I believed that being in solitary confinement for almost a year had given me a bad case of lockdown depression ~ the whole world is grey and meaningless kind of depression. The absence of feelings that leads to substance abuse and self harm.
The doctors don’t think that’s the case. It turns out that there is something physically wrong with me. It seems that I am sick in body, but not in mind and spirit. And, somehow that’s good. A physical illness can be treated and cured more easily and more effectively than can a mental illness.
The snag is that thus far nobody has any idea what’s wrong with me. Yesterday I had another physical and another lot of blood taken for testing. Next Friday I’m going for an MRI scan. The doctors will find out what I’m suffering from, and what kind of treatment is appropriate ~ it’s just that it’s taking a little while. But at least I’m getting all the tests they think I need.
What I know so far is that I’m not suffering from anxiety and depression ~ which is good. And, after yesterday I know that my blood pressure is fine, without medication.
So, for now, I will just get on with Life as best as I can.
I need to eat healthy stuff
let nature decide on your sex-drive
not doctors and drugs
she should make my temperature rise
In the past when I heard of people who stopped taking their medication for schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, depression, or some other mental issue….. because the drugs made them feel like they; ‘weren’t themselves anymore’ ~ well I used to think they were being stupid.
For the past few days I’ve been taking a drug called Amlodipine to help lower what was my catastrophically high blood pressure, and it worked dramatically quickly ~ which is good. There have been some immediate side-effects ~ which is not so good. I’ve been drowsy, a bit confused and clumsy, my memory is crap. and I’ve got a constant headache. There’s another side effect; no interest whatsoever in sex, total lack of sex-drive, zero libido, and no chance at all of having an erection. I checked, one of the side effects of Amlodipine is to dramatically reduce the production of the male sex-hormone testosterone.
It feels like a very important part of my personality has been removed ~ I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m not me. And, not only do I feel weird, I don’t like it one little bit.
You might wonder how I know my sex-drive and lustful desires have disappeared, given that I’ve been in lockdown for months, and not had a date in all that time. The strange thing is I knew, and I know that my masculinity has disappeared along with the testosterone which used to flood my body. I’m not interested in women in any sexual way whatsoever, and strong sexual feelings have been with me since adolescence. Some other aspects of maleness have also gone; like I’ve lost my sense of direction ~ I don’t automatically know where North is anymore. Spacial awareness is out of the window, single-mindedness and black and white thinking has gone, and I’m finding it difficult to focus on one task at a time. I’m depressed, tired all the time, and irritable. Even my voice is changing.
Who knew that testosterone does much more to the male body than creating and increasing sexual desire and performance? (I’ve even checked this out by watching some internet porn, and nothing, zip, nada.)
Some women say that men are merely life-support systems for their penis. And that the way to a man’s heart isn’t food, it’s casual sex. All I know is that it’s horrible when a man’s masculinity vanishes.
a great body, fabulous ass, fantastic pose
what effect is that having?
Seascapes and Serenity Lost is available on Amazon
some doctors say the coronavirus less dangerous than measles
When the early white settlers went anywhere, then the native populations just about died out from contracting what used to be called ‘childhood diseases’. Chickenpox, Mumps, Rubella, Measles, Scarlet Fever ~ because they had never encountered these illnesses before and had no natural immunity. I had all of those bugs in my childhood, (except for scarlet fever), and while I was poorly it was never bad enough to keep me away from school. In fact, back in those dim and distant days mothers were encouraged to send infected kids to school.
There was folk knowledge that said that young kids didn’t get particularly sick from bugs that could make them very sick when they were in their mature years. So, it was thought best for children to build up natural immunity to safeguard them when they were old enough to have children of their own. Bog Row Junior Mixed and Infants, where I first went to school, must have been full of disease, dirt, and depravation ~ looking back it was, and yet we all grew up healthy.
So why is it that this coronavirus has caused such panic among people, politicians, health officials, doctors, et al? Is it because COVID-19 is particularly deadly, or incredibly infections?
Well no, the coronavirus, COVID-19 is neither particularly infectious nor especially deadly.
The scientists say that the mortality rate all those who catch COVID-19 is about 0.25%. So if you catch it you have a 1 in 400 chance of dying, but that number is meaningless because it’s the elderly, frail, diabetic, or already sick with something else who are most likely to die. That’s the same as for any illness, including pneumonia, measles, or the common or garden flu.
Contrast that with ordinary measles, (which you will not catch because you’ve either already had it as a child, or you have had the MMR vaccine). With measles, depending on how the doctors and statisticians measure it, you could have a 15% to 25% chance of dying, or as bad as 1 in 4. And, if you are sick from measles the effects can last the rest of your life due to brain damage.
And yet the world is not being put into lockdown because of a measles epidemic, despite the fact that there were 413,308 confirmed cases reported to WHO in 2019. Go figure, (as you Americans say).
Brutal as it may seem most of the supposed victims of the coronavirus were going to die anyway, because they were elderly, frail, diabetic, sick with something else, or all of those.
Something doesn’t ‘feel’ right about the responses of those in authority to the relatively mild outbreak of COVID 19.
You tell me.
does anyone trust any politician anymore
hospital isn’t for fun, especially not now
Britain’s Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, is now in intensive care after his coronavirus condition worsened. It’s only 11 days since he tested positive for the deadly disease, and no he is no longer leading the government. Mr Johnson was looking decidedly unwell the last time he was seen on TV. I know what this virus feels like, and let me tell you, one does feel very unwell if you contract this nasty disease.
Here in the UK we don’t have an official second in line of succession, so Mr Johnson has temporarily delegated his responsibilities to the Foreign Secretary, Mr Dominic Raab.
No doubt the Prime Minister has only been taken into the critical care unit at London’s St. Thomas’ Hospital as a precaution, but with this virus one never knows. We can only wish him well.
The British death toll from the coronavirus now stands at 5,372, with the number of patients officially tested as positive is 51,608. This means the mortality rate here is something over 10%.
I trust that we will all stay safe during this critical time.
Great Britain is somewhat rudderless today.
suffering from the coronavirus is akin to drowning in despair
Like thousands of others who have been or are still very ill I have not had a proper test for the coronavirus, just a differential diagnosis that says I’ve had / have this manky thing. Personally, I know that I am now recovering from COVID-19, and let me tell you it’s no fun. The virus beat me down physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and it’s doing it’s worst to make my recovery as difficult as possible.
Waking up in the morning, very early, I feel pretty good and busy myself doing ‘normal life’ things ~ some fresh air and a walk is healthy for me. But by mid-morning I start to feel weary, and by evening I’m back to feeling
fucking dreadful again. I go from having supernatural powers to running into a brick wall ~ very fast. Recovery from the coronavirus seems to be a two steps forward and one or two steps backwards kind of thing.
Not only do I need to save the world by staying in and watching TV, I need to save myself by resting and mostly trying to watch TV, listen to music, or read something light.
Trust me, if you have been ill, then you are going to need a lot of rest, for quite a while.
Stay safe, and look after yourself.
recovery also means rest
the police start enforcing draconian new powers
Just a short while ago I received a text from the UK Government saying; ‘New Rules in force now: you must stay at home. Stay at home. Protect the NHS.’
And the rules are draconian. There are police patrols out in all major UK cities breaking up any group of more than two people, and trying to get people to just go home.
There are only 4 reasons I can go outside of the garret:
- Shopping for basic necessities.
- Medical needs.
- Travelling to and from work, but only if I can’t work from home. (I don’t work anyway.)
- One form of exercise per day, (say walking the dog or going to the store).
I guess if I walk to the store, pharmacy, or my doctor, then that’s also my one piece of fresh air and exercise for the day. In any event I must stay out of the garret for as little time as possible, and stay at least 6 feet from anyone else.
A whole lot of non-essential stores are closed, by order of the government, including clothing and electronics stores. Libraries, community centres, leisure centres, hotels, campsites, trailer parks, hostels, and places of worship are also closed, initially for 3 weeks from yesterday.
Not even in wartime has England seen anything like this.
It’s no hardship for me, but for some who can’t visit their families or attend their church this may be very difficult.
Sadly, all we in Great Britain have no choice.
rule #2 applies
nobody is allowed in the garret
it’s now time to lock and bar the door
fort-up for the duration of this medical emergency
it is an older woman that makes a much younger man feel better
there is no woman
like an older woman
to care for a younger man
doctors may think they’re important,
but it’s the nurses that get you well
This has got to be the shortest Jethro Tull track ever.
The nurses in this hospital have been very good to me, especially when I couldn’t get out of bed at all.
none of my nurses look like this
hospital is brief moments of fear interspersing long periods of boredom and pain
It’s my fourth day in hospital with kidney problems.
I see an oncologist tomorrow, I think it’s just routine. It’s also very scary
But, if I get though all this with my health intact, it will be a supreme and liberating experience for me; annulling routine expectations, providing new contexts and challenges, widening my horizons and opportunities. I believe that this scary episode is testing my abilities, nourishing my honesty, individuality, stoicism, irony, humour, fortitude, humility, and the complexity of my character. I hope I come out of this a much better person.
Above all this is a reminder of the shortness of our lives, and that I should make the most of what is left of mine.
Instead of being scared, stressed, and depressed, I should try to look on the bright side of things with humour and humility.
This picture helps me feel calm and peaceful