Tag Archives: Friendship

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Thank You

friends are the greatest treasure any man could wish for

It seems that I have contracted this horrible virus, and right now I feel like shit.  But, with the help and support of my friends I know I will be better soon.

This song is for them.

Thank you.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

true friends, now and forever

Love Songs ~ Out Of The Blue

I HAVE JUST BEEN TOLD THAT THIS SONG IS UNAVAILABLE IN THE USA
(THAT SUCKS)
a friend knows the songs you keep in your heart

A bolt out of the blue, the flash of lightning inspiration that strikes without warning.

~

Another album I bought knowing nothing about the singer, or what her music sounded like.  Some things are truly serendipitous, they come at you out of the blue. 

Synchronicity ~ I have walked on that beach.

Please listen with love in your heart.

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

every gift from a real friend is a wish for your true happiness

Choose Your Friends Wisely

the company you keep dictates the choices that you make

perhaps this man is not a true friend to her

Most of us have all sorts of friends, and in our past we have had all other sorts of friends, depending on how you define a friend.  There are twitter and facebook ‘friends,’ those who regularly follow our blog, and some of them may become long distance friends we email, chat with, phone…..  Then there are members of our church, neighbours, coworkers, golf / tennis / walking / sports buddies, other members of whatever groups we have joined, drinking buddies, fuck-buddies, and lovers.  There are also people we, (more or less), have to closely relate with; parents, other family members, husbands / wives, partners, and children ~ we may or not count any of these as our friend.

And then there are false friends, fake friends, enemies disguised as friends.  Just because someone hangs out with you, drinks with you, laughs with you, and has sex with you doesn’t mean they are your friend.  People pretend well, everybody lies by omission, people use you for their own ends, and some people will be nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back.  Some people are very good at being fake.

Real friends will bring out the best in you, fake friends will take your very best and use it for their own ends.  An evil fake friend will take everything you have and use it to satisfy their own perverted desires.

I firmly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason, but some of these reasons are to teach us a hard lesson, and if we don’t learn and live by those lessons, then we will go on becoming ‘friends’ with toxic people who will teach us those hard lessons over and over again.  When you fail a test, life will make you retake it, as many times as you need to learn, accept, and understand those hard lessons.

Be ready and willing to lose, reject, and walk away from toxic friends and dysfunctional relationships. Watch out for people who are;

  • mean, unkind, and abusive to you
  • belittle you, are jealous of you, will not accept the real you
  • are selfish, narcissistic, uncaring of your needs
  • have values, opinions, habits and behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable.
  • get drunk, use drugs, abuse prescription medication, gamble, cheat, steal, engage in promiscuity with people they pick up in bars

Walk away from those people and all of their friends.  Don’t ever try to explain or justify anything, just run far, run fast, and never once look back.

Most of all, remain true to yourself.

Some say that your friends can make or break you.  And that some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family.  All I know is that when you have a true and genuine friend, you don’t deal with the fakes anymore.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

nobody you meet in a bar will ever be a true friend to you

Survival from Illness

hospital is brief moments of fear interspersing long periods of boredom and pain

It’s my fourth day in hospital with kidney problems.

I see an oncologist tomorrow, I think it’s just routine.  It’s also very scary

But, if I get though all this with my health intact, it will be a supreme and liberating experience for me; annulling routine expectations, providing new contexts and challenges, widening my horizons and opportunities.  I believe that this scary episode is testing my abilities, nourishing my honesty, individuality, stoicism, irony, humour, fortitude, humility, and the complexity of my character.  I hope I come out of this a much better person.

Above all this is a reminder of the shortness of our lives, and that I should make the most of what is left of mine.

Instead of being scared, stressed, and depressed, I should try to look on the bright side of things with humour and humility.

~

Jack Collier

jjackcollier7@talktalk.net

This picture helps me feel calm and peaceful

In Pain ~ In Hospital

hospital life sucks

In a hospital bed, in an 8 person ward, and I can’t even get out bed to go to the bathroom.

I’m having my blood taken every 4 hours, and my blood pressure tested  ~ bp is 108 / 83, and my heart rate is 115, at 05:00 this morning.

Let me tell you a catheter is not fun.

Not as bad as the pain in my right kidney.  Latest guess is it’s an infection, so I’m now on antibiotics  But I know that stress and depression on its own can make you physically Ill.

Today I had my first bed bath, which was a little embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as having a catheter inserted into my penis by a lady doctor and a nurse.

Thank you all for your kind wishes.  Lucky they have Wi-Fi in this hospital.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

This picture makes me feel happier

Remembering Old Friends

if you remember people, then they will remember you

don’t just be one of the crowd

This is the time of year that most of us think back and remember old friends we haven’t seen for years, or even family members we hardly ever meet.  I’m reminded of that with every Christmas card I write, and by each one I receive.  Every year I am glad that I keep a Christmas card list, with up to date names and addresses, and that I take the trouble to send a card to everyone on the list.  And like many people nowadays I add a few lines about what my year has been like.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.  ~  Dale Carnigie

There are some places I can go where I am almost certain to be recognised by someone I haven’t seen in years ~ and then I have to dredge through the corridors of my mind to put a name to the face.  I’s actually surprising and delightful when someone you haven’t met for a long time shows that they remember you ~ and it’s cool to be able to show the same courtesy.

It may seem insignificant but, if you remember people, they will remember you and that’s essential if you want to be successful in Life and Love.  Some may find this easy, if they have the kind of photographic memory that can recall faces, names, places, and events ~ but we can all do this too with just a little work.  Back in the day I used to keep a notebook; names and a few personal details of the interesting people I met.  If you’re a guy it’s doubly essential that you remember the women you meet.

The most important thing is to listen ~ stop talking, let other people talk for a change, and really listen.  That doesn’t mean saying nothing, a real man’s role in a conversation is to ask questions and encourage the other person, (or people), to share things about themselves.  Look for things that truly matter to them.  You will learn so much more about people if you try this, and when I was a deliberately good listener I learned a hell of a lot about myself too.

But, FFS, don’t make notes where others can see you writing stuff down.  That will get you into trouble ~ you may even get your face slapped.  I did.

If your notebook is to have any point, then you have to do something with it, preferably at the end of every day.  These days the best thing to do would be to create some kind of a database or computerised directory, even if it’s just simple stuff like partner’s name, children’s names, birthdays, where they work, what they’re vitally interested in…..  Back in the day I had a card index.  These days I have a Christmas card list.

Some say that it’s pointless remembering people because you may never meet them again.  And that listening to other people talk is incredibly boring.  All I know is that I used to be the best there ever was, because I remembered people.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

if you want to be successful in Love

the at least get her name right

Storms and Friendships

a friend in need is a friend indeed

the light at the eye of the storm

When your life turns to dross, when you are there at the eye of the storm and you don’t know which way to turn, that’s when you find out who your true friends are.  When you are at your lowest ebb, and you’ve hit rock bottom, a true friend will seek you out and give you whatever help they can, even if it’s the toughest kind of love.

In my life I’ve been lucky enough, or worthy enough, to have found a couple of friends like that.  One kept me alive when I had pleurisy, double pneumonia, and five broken ribs ~ and like some very stubborn and stupid men I refused to go into hospital, then this true friend nursed me through my illness.  The other has always been there for me through my bad times, when the insanity of Borderline Personality Disorder had me drunk and attacking her verbally and in writing she stuck around for me.

I have also been fortunate to meet some people here, on wordpress, whom I consider true friends.

Anyone can be a friend when times are good, and I had plenty of ‘friends’ when I was the life and soul of the party, making more money than I could spend.  But that sort of friend soon disappears when the money tap is turned off, when depression hits, when times are bad ~ and I include an ex in that list of ‘friends’.  Maybe I wasn’t always good to my ex, but I did the best I could, and it turned out she couldn’t be a true friend when I was in dire straits.

True friendship, like true love, is perhaps not unconditional, but close to it.  I know this much is true; nothing in life is unconditional, if someone treats you bad you are not going to be their friend for long.  However, a true friendship is not a bargain nor a contract.  A true friend does not put conditions on their friendship.  Sadly most relationships are bargains, even if unspoken bargains ~ ‘I’ll do this for you, if you do that for me…..’  I’ll be your friend if you get sober for me…..  I’ll be your friend if you shower me with expensive gifts…..

As it goes, marriages are contracts.  The whole content of a church wedding is to lay out the terms of the marriage contract.  No wonder not many husbands and wives are true friends.

Some say that a friend is someone who will forgive your worst mistakes.  And that a friend doesn’t walk out when the going gets tough.  All I know is that anything is possible if you have a true friend to support you.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

when there is only one set of footsteps in the snow, that’s when your friend carried you

Love’s Lost Friendship

whatever you want from me only love and friendship can give

~

I learned that I can still cry

sorrow is the other face of joy

to grieve silently is to be human

lost and broken and yet I’m a man

now all this friend can say is goodbye

you were the only love I’ve ever known

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

dawn in New Mexico

a better time to say farewell

Friendship and Truth

a single rose can be my garden ~ a single friend, my world

Many believe that just because they spend a lot of time with someone, then they are friends.  Or if they are lovers, then they must also be friends.  Or if they just like being with someone, then they must be friends.  Perhaps, and perhaps real and true friendship means much more than that.

Generally, two people are drawn together for some very simple and constantly repeating reasons.  And the most common of these is that they are co-workers.  It’s difficult to spend 8 hours a day with someone without wanting them to be your friend.  There are also some good reasons to be friends with your co-workers; like it gives you someone to go to lunch with.  On the other hand, I’ve worked very closely with people I hated ~ just couldn’t stand them, and outside of working together saw and spoke to them as little as possible.

Common interests also bring people together, for example liking the same sport, pastime, or hobby.  I became friendly with some people I went to a group with, but whether we were real friends is another matter.  I also became friends with some guys I played golf with, but outside of a liking golf we had few other things in common, (except we came from the same socio-economic background).

Common interests include some things that will never create true friendships; ‘drinking buddies’, drugs, gambling, casual sex, stealing….. generally things that people do after dark.

Shared values also bring people together, and here the list is long and strange.  We can include; truth and honesty, thrift and generosity, the church, religion, human rights, charitable causes, politics, green issues, animal protection, belief in a flat Earth, belief in UFOs, belief in extra-terrestrial civilisations, belief in past lives…..  The thing is, if people share the same values they also tend to create groups to support their values and special interests.  But, shared values are not enough to create a true friendship, they just bring people together.

Conversely, if two people have very divergent values they can never become true friends.

Of course, one reason people might say they are friends is if they are having sex.  Fucking someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re friends ~ probably people who just have sex are not real friends.  Some marriages might have good sex in them without the partners being true friends.

As far as I’m concerned, before yesterday I was never a true and honest friend with anyone, ever.  I suffer from a serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, and unless and until you are recovering from that you cannot ever be a real friend to anyone ~ there is just to much boiling shit going on in your mind.  Today I know I am recovering from my illness, and today I hope I have 3 friends.  Three is a good number.

Some say that honest people never hear the truth.  And that very honest people are very impolite.  All I know is that real friendship is based on honesty, openness, and trust.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

today there is a garden in my life

Know What You Don’t Want

A wise man doesn’t try to get what he doesn’t want.

Many people don’t know what they want out of life, and many of them struggle to find a way to discover their true needs, want, desires, and dreams.  Even if you know what you most need, want, desire, and dream of having ~ well, whatever it is might be very difficult, or almost impossible to acquire.  This applies especially to friendship, love, sexual desire…..  in fact anything that relies upon another person doing what you want is always going to be an almost impossible dream.  You have no control whatsoever over what another person thinks, feels, likes, dislikes, loves, or hates.

Your most important “want” should be the one you can control.  ~  Shannon L. Alder.

You cannot make her / him love you, desire you, or even like you.

It follows therefore, that in our journey through life, at some point we should work out what we truly, honestly, realistically need, want, desire, or dream of having.

And this is where most of us come unstuck.  We have no idea what it is that we want ~ other than our life goes on pretty much as it has always gone on, without us having to think about it too much, or wandering too far outside of our own comfort zones.

We Just Do Not Know What We Really Want.

However, all of us, or almost all of us, know what we don’t like about our life.  Almost all of us know exactly what we hate about our lives.  Most of us know exactly who and what we want to walk away from, and after that never, ever, keep in touch.

Some of us can tell exactly when there’s an elephant in the room ~ we know when there are important issues that are not being discussed with our significant other, and instead all we ever seem to talk about is meaningless trivia.

Many of us know that our wants, needs, desires, and important dreams are not being fulfilled.  We know that we are frustrated and unfulfilled.

Therefore, as a first step to knowing what you really want, write down what you know you don’t want.  Write down what you don’t like about your life.  Write down what you hate about your life.

Be honest.  Be brutally honest with yourself.

Do not censor yourself ~ just write down what comes into your head.

Don’t over-think things, just write, whatever it is and however bad it seems.

You will have to force yourself to confront the real and damaging issues in your most private life, instead of just focusing on fluffy easy minor annoyances.

Most likely you will not complete your list of dislikes and hates in one short attempt.  Keep your list safe, and add to it whenever you think of something else that disturbs your quest for a fulfilling inner peace.

And, most importantly, DO NOT let anyone else see this list of the things and people you hate and what you hate about them.

For example, your partner / wife / husband may not be happy to know that you think she / he is as sexually responsive as a wooden plank.  You know what, if I had a significant other / partner / wife like that, then I’d hate that too.  (Trust me, I’d hate it, I’ve been there.)

Most likely, if you’re brutally honest with yourself,  sex will feature heavily on your list of things that aren’t going right for you.  After that, probably your job, your home life, your friends, health, fitness, enjoyment…..

My current list of things I don’t like / hate about my life has 34 things on it, and I’m telling nobody what they are.

But now I have a good idea of what I don’t want, I can start to get what I do want, by any means necessary.  (As long as the means I use are legal, honest, and ethical, I will do whatever it takes to get what I truly need, want, desire, and dream about.)

When you know what you want, and you want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.  ~  Jim Rohn

Some say that success is getting what you want.  And that happiness is getting what you need.  All I know is that I’m damn certain what I don’t want in my life.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

I would like to go back to California again

 

 

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