when love is not tinged with madness, it is not love
This song could well be the story of my life, given that the roles were reversed. But these days I’m a very cool guy, living a really great life. I am already a winner.
Please listen without identifying too much.
even lunatics fall in love
casual sex is the consolation you get when you can’t have love
‘Darling, may I ask you a question?’
‘Of course, ask me anything…..’
‘Have you ever been really in love?’
‘Like, in love, who with?’
‘Me, for a start…..’
‘Not really, not ever…..’
He took away the keys to her German sports car right after that.
She poisoned his designer coffee.
never trust a woman who smokes in the bedroom
it’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone
we are distant islands
cast into a tropic sea
lonely barren deserts
there is no us nor we
the miserable mistakes
as we tried to be free
they haunt memories
past’s pathetic debris
there is no loneliness like a failed marriage
it’s a dog eat dog world, and she’s just a kitten
The world can be a dog eat dog, the devil take the hindmost kind of a place. The world I lived in for most of my career was like that ~ the top dogs in International Finance take few prisoners and think little of the people they step on to get to where they want to be. So much of life is like that these days. There is little honour and less trust among cheats, liars, and thieves.
We cannot even say that the dogs and rats, those who lie, cheat, and steal have some kind of character defect or mental illness ~ not unless you say that all politicians, bankers, businessmen, lawyers, millionaires, and billionaires have some kind of mental illness or character defect. The top dogs in this world knowingly set out to do anything and everything it takes to get what they want. And what the leaders of the pack want is money, power, influence, adulation, women, sex, and disciples ~ they want instant gratification.
Along they way this kind of man will do some despicable things in the name of competition and success ~ Judas and Brutus were not the first nor the last men to turn betrayal to a fine art. Usurping and betraying your king is an almost sure-fire way to success ~ although that kind of sweet success often turns to bitter ashes.
When you strike at a king, you must kill him. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
There’s the rub, when you betray someone, when you cheat, lie, and steal you must succeed at the first attempt, or else beware of the consequences. There is nothing more dangerous than a wounded beast. And in our day to day lives there is nothing more dangerous than a wronged wife / husband / partner / friend….. Revenge may well be a dish that’s best served cold but if he’s a dog or she’s a bitch then their revenge may well be violent and instant, taken in the heat of the moment.
Weak people seek revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore. ~ Einstein
The real top dogs in this world only ever seek revenge if it will give them some advantage other than destroying whomsoever betrayed them. But a romantic / sexual partner who believes that they have been wronged will almost always try to destroy their ex. If you don’t think that’s true then just ask anyone who has ever been stalked for weeks / months / years.
If you want to be a top dog, if you want the women, money, power, adulation, and instant gratification then all you need is to be adaptable, intelligent, educated, skilled, well-read, immoral, and unethical ~ depraved, evil, and wicked helps too. But WTF, I managed it without resorting to most of the negative stuff, but that almost killed me. A top dog is always a killer ~ metaphorically at least.
Some say dog eat dog, rat eat rat, and that the crocodiles always come out on top. All I know is that success does not always come to him who waits.
the Gods strike while the iron is hot
a calm sea never made a skilful sailor
if you survive a toxic relationship you will be stronger for it
Most relationships are deals, they arise out necessity, they arise out of wants, needs, and desires. In these relationships, be they business related, friendships, sexual, or romantic, each person has needs, demands, requests, and expectations. They want what they want and they want to give just enough in return to keep the relationship alive ~ if not always healthy. These relationships are usually one-sided with one person giving much more than they receive in return. They are about what you can get, and not at all about what you can give. Some call these transactional relationships ~ and that’s buying and selling.
Most self-help and self-development books, podcasts, and seminars are all about how to win in a one-sided transactional relationship.
In a relationship, no amount of extra effort on your part can make up for the lack of effort on theirs. ~ John Mark Green.
No wonder so many ‘romantic’ relationships and marriages end on the rocks.
In the average transactional relationship there are conditions around everything ~ it’s all an ‘I’ll do this if you do that…..’ And the weight of each thing that each party brings to the relationship is carefully weighed and measured.
The very sad thing is that many people don’t know any better, because they themselves are the result of this kind of dysfunctional deal making relationship. The chances are that their parents did exactly the same kind of things that they are doing now.
Each of us has a set of hard-wired programs in our subconscious mind, and these programs dictate how we think, feel, react, and act in any given situation. Mostly these programs are created within us before we are seven years of age, and guess who inculcates most of this stuff into our innocent subconsciousness ~ our parents.
People who come from dysfunctional families are destined for a dysfunctional life. ~ Bo Bennet.
The tendency towards living in a dysfunctional / transactional / toxic relationship is a family illness, in the same way that a tendency towards alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, promiscuity, and violence are family illnesses. And you know what? All of the above go together and can be often be found in one or both parties in most toxic relationships.
The other side of the coin to a dysfunctional / transactional / toxic relationship can only come about through both parties giving unconditional affection, acceptance, friendship, support, respect, understanding and love to themselves and each other. And, my friends, that is very rare indeed. Some call this a transformational relationship, and if you are lucky enough to be in that kind of situation then you have indeed found your soul-mate.
Some say that they wouldn’t trust their lying partner out of their sight for an instant. And that their husband / wife is a controlling asshole. All I know is that a healthy relationship is based on unconditional trust.
happiness comes in waves
it’s hard to feel good about yourself when your heart is breaking
if you want to see me smile
tell me that you love me
even if you have to lie
tell me that you care
even if it isn’t true
please want me
as I want you
I don’t want a lover anymore
I just need a friend in you
let me go, set me free
alcohol and a highly sexual woman is a dangerous mix
these are the reasons she drinks
these are the reasons she smokes
she’s says she doesn’t do drugs
but I know that she really does
this is the reason she gambles
and is always up on her luck
these are the reasons she fucks
so many young men and boys
treats them like so many toys
I’ve dated many young witches
God! why did I fall for this one?
a broomstick, no bra and no panties
the company you keep dictates the choices that you make
perhaps this man is not a true friend to her
Most of us have all sorts of friends, and in our past we have had all other sorts of friends, depending on how you define a friend. There are twitter and facebook ‘friends,’ those who regularly follow our blog, and some of them may become long distance friends we email, chat with, phone….. Then there are members of our church, neighbours, coworkers, golf / tennis / walking / sports buddies, other members of whatever groups we have joined, drinking buddies, fuck-buddies, and lovers. There are also people we, (more or less), have to closely relate with; parents, other family members, husbands / wives, partners, and children ~ we may or not count any of these as our friend.
And then there are false friends, fake friends, enemies disguised as friends. Just because someone hangs out with you, drinks with you, laughs with you, and has sex with you doesn’t mean they are your friend. People pretend well, everybody lies by omission, people use you for their own ends, and some people will be nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back. Some people are very good at being fake.
Real friends will bring out the best in you, fake friends will take your very best and use it for their own ends. An evil fake friend will take everything you have and use it to satisfy their own perverted desires.
I firmly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason, but some of these reasons are to teach us a hard lesson, and if we don’t learn and live by those lessons, then we will go on becoming ‘friends’ with toxic people who will teach us those hard lessons over and over again. When you fail a test, life will make you retake it, as many times as you need to learn, accept, and understand those hard lessons.
Be ready and willing to lose, reject, and walk away from toxic friends and dysfunctional relationships. Watch out for people who are;
- mean, unkind, and abusive to you
- belittle you, are jealous of you, will not accept the real you
- are selfish, narcissistic, uncaring of your needs
- have values, opinions, habits and behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable.
- get drunk, use drugs, abuse prescription medication, gamble, cheat, steal, engage in promiscuity with people they pick up in bars
Walk away from those people and all of their friends. Don’t ever try to explain or justify anything, just run far, run fast, and never once look back.
Most of all, remain true to yourself.
Some say that your friends can make or break you. And that some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family. All I know is that when you have a true and genuine friend, you don’t deal with the fakes anymore.
nobody you meet in a bar will ever be a true friend to you
and then the rain clouds came crashing into my life
well past midnight again
in a bar dismal and alone
looking out on hard rain
I’m feeling like hell in here
sadness, sorrow, and pain
she was ever the only one
can’t be scared of the dark
it’s pulling my heart apart
losing a girl you love hurts
let it rain on me, let it rain
some people enjoy the rain
others merely get wet
follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness
Most people, women especially, spend most of their lives being someone else. They play multiple roles, mostly to please other people. Deep down they know that they should be who they are and say what they feel, because those who will object don’t matter, and those who really matter will not object. All the world is a stage and we are but players, and we play the role that seems to fit the situation we are in and pleases the people we are with.
Doing that is incredibly debilitating, causes destructive anxieties, and creates enervating stress deep within your psyche. To begin with there is always the nagging but unheeded thought; why isn’t the real me good enough for him? And, you will get so good at playing the wife, partner, girlfriend, mistress, lover….. that you will lose your true self, that you will forget who you are.
To escape from the self-imposed prison of always being someone and something that, when it comes right down to it you aren’t and never were or wanted to be, you must first of all win back your self-confidence and self awareness. Develop a fuck him, fuck them, fuck the whole world attitude of mind. Be yourself.
It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not. ~ André Gide
Some people are not going to like that. If you’ve been going to football games / baseball / ice hockey / casinos / to see horse racing and betting on it with your guy just because he likes that, and suddenly you tell him that you hate all that shit, well, he might not be happy. He will be shocked that his perfect woman suddenly has a mind of her own.
Some women have it much worse than that; their partner may encourage them to drink and use drugs, take them to very shady bars, get them into BDSM, subject them to mental and physical abuse, share them with other men….. You know something, if that’s you, then stop it now, before he kills you.
Be yourself, don’t take anything from anyone, and never let them take you alive. ~ Gerard way
It’s good to be you, and it’s hip to be square.
If you have to then get out, escape, leave, find a new home and a new life, and if you must with a much better guy. However, I would caution you most sincerely, it might be a bad idea to leave one relationship and walk right into another. What could be worse is to start a new romance while you are still in your dysfunctional relationship. That’s unless the new man you have found is a very special individual indeed, and encourages you to be you.
About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them. and some won’t like you at all. ~ Rita Mae Brown.
Some say they will do anything for a quiet life. And that you cannot change who you have become. All I know is that you should always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.
don’t find yourself drinking at a bar
alone and hoping for a date
be it good or bad