Tag Archives: failed relationship

Scenes on Sunday ~ Women with a Past

a woman with a past is still someone’s future






jack collier


the past was not always pleasant

sometimes it’s best forgotten

if you don’t know me by now

misunderstandings and rejections

Following on from this morning’s post Rejection in Relationships, I thought I’d let you listen to this song by Simply Red.  It says a lot about what it feels like to be rejected inside a relationship / marriage.  It hurts, a lot.

If you find yourself listening to this kind of song

then I’m guessing you’re not happy

and it’s time to move on


jack collier



sometimes, it’s time to walk away

Rejection in Relationships

a healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down

misery is never acceptable

Who here has never been dumped?  I have, more than once, and it hurts.  However, I firmly believe that what hurts worse than being rejected and dumped is being rejected by your spouse or partner while the relationship goes on between you.  You are still mostly living together, but that’s the most you can say of it.  You may even be having sex, but it’s lacking in intimacy and is nothing more than satisfying some animal lust.  Bad sex is worse than no sex at all, and in a toxic relationship sex is all about power.

Everything in the world is about sex except sex.  Sex is about power.  ~  Oscar Wilde

Some signs of being rejected inside a relationship are that you avoid being together, you hardly ever talk and when you do there is no real communication, communication descends into arguments, recriminations, and raised voices, you don’t trust your partner at all, one of you drinks far too much, and the chances are that you are being cheated on.  Anyhow, if your partner is rejecting you then you already know.  Being rejected can hurt for a while, being rejected inside a relationship makes you miserable forever, or until you find the courage to walk out.

If you don’t trust your partner / spouse, if you don’t let them anywhere near your money, if you go to counseling alone or to a 12 step group, if you are being mentally, psychologically or physically abused, if you feel like a doormat, if you are always walking on eggshells ~ then it’s time to have an escape plan.  The thing is that, anyone who can subject someone they profess to care for to the misery of rejection is themselves a deeply damaged person.  In psychology Anti-Social has some very specific meanings, it describes someone who has no conscience, no empathy, no sense of right and wrong, no guilt.  Anti-Social people are promiscuous, often abuse alcohol and drugs, they cheat and steal, are narcissistic, and often they will break the law; things like petty theft or driving under the influence.  Someone who will reject their partner or spouse is deeply Anti-Social.

And beware because simple rejection can escalate into Gaslighting, a form of extreme psychological abuse.  If you suffer from anxiety, depression, question your own sanity ~ then you are being gaslighted.  If that is you, and you sometimes fear for your own safety, or even your own life, then it’s not time to walk away, it’s time to run.


jack collier



feeling like a prisoner is never acceptable


goodbye is the hardest word


please forgive me when things don’t always go right

and that I didn’t say; ‘I love you’ as much as I might

I apologise that I stay awake just to hear you breathing

and that sometimes I get weary late at night

please forgive me that I couldn’t make it to forever

only to a pacific sunset’s last fading light


jack collier



men can’t always make it perfect

no matter how hard they try

Dangerous Liars

some say that women make the best liars

and that a woman will lie about anything

just to stay in practice


some say men lie the most

but women tell the biggest lies


women lie about their feelings

while most men speak the truth very easily


women love the lie that saves their pride

but never an unflattering truth


secrets and lies kill relationships

no matter how careful you are, you will get caught


women lie the most when they lie to themselves about a man


everybody lies, but mature women lie more than most


jack collier


some women can make a man fall in love with their lies


Taking A Break

everyone needs a break sometimes

I’ve decided to take a break from posting on here.

Maybe I’ll be back someday.

My email address is there for anyone who really wants to connect with me

jack collier      jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Emotional Blackmail

most women are very good at emotional blackmail
but a better woman would never go that low

solitary sulking in a bar is also sexual and emotional blackmail

I would aver that any man who has been in a dysfunctional relationship has experienced emotional blackmail at first hand ~ so that’s 100% of mature men.  And if a man is strong enough, or insensitive enough not to give in to being emotionally blackmailed, women will deploy the nuclear option and start crying.  All women can cry on purpose as a way of manipulating a man’s emotions.  Conversely, where and when I was brought up in England real men never cry.

Crying in babies has a real function in that it stimulates loving and protective feelings in adults.  Most of the time an adult woman crying is deliberate emotional blackmail ~ and it works on boyfriends, lovers, partners, and husbands.  Only women and gay men use tears to manipulate others.  Generally women are experts in emotional blackmail, generally real men aren’t.  Generally, the most common emotional blackmailers are family members, close friends, and lovers.

Emotional blackmail is one of the great pastimes of family life.  ~  Mason Cooley

Men are far more often the victims of emotional and sexual blackmail than the villains.  It seems that men will use a well-planned direct approach to get what they want, whereas women prefer blackmail because it avoids direct confrontation.  At its worst emotional blackmail is where a woman who is close to you subtly threatens to punish you, or implies that you will suffer if you don’t comply with their wishes.  That woman will know your most intimate secrets and vulnerabilities.  She will use this personal knowledge to get you to obey her.  Whatever strengths and weaknesses a man has, an unscrupulous woman will use them against him.

A man must never, ever yield to emotional or sexual blackmail, or it will become a lifetime curse.  You can refuse to give in to threats, you can negotiate, and a strong man can just assert himself, but you must always honestly believe that you are in the right.

Some say that emotional blackmailers are childish bullies and should be treated accordingly.  And that women will use the withdrawal of sex as a tool in blackmail.  All I know is that you can’t go on fighting an emotional blackmailer, you can either train them to be better, or walk away.


jack collier


this woman is an expert blackmailer

Not Meeting Expectations

unrealistic expectations can destroy relationships

sometimes, walking out is the best thing you can do

You can waste a whole lifetime trying to be who and what is expected of you, trying to become who you are expected to be.  Mostly what other people want you to be isn’t what you truly want at all.  Worse is when you try to be who you think other people want you to be, because then you’re just making a rod for your own back.  And it all begins at a very early age, when your parents, siblings, teachers, et al shape you to meet what they want, instead of nurturing the inner you, allowing you to develop naturally.

There is also the ‘Pretty Woman’ ‘Pygmalion’ syndrome when the more powerful partner in a relationship changes the weaker to become some ideal man or woman.  Just occasionally the ‘Pretty Woman’ thing is justifiable because whoever is being changed truly wants that.  I have been there, once.

However, most of the time it’s all far more mundane and prosaic than that.  For example your date might expect that you always pick up the check, or drive because they intend to get drunk.  Your partner might expect you to always take out the trash, pay all the bills, always put petrol in the car, and have dinner ready whenever they get home.  The commonest expectation from friends / family / partners is that you are always there when they want you to be, always go along with what they want to do, and never argue about it.  Some people do not expect you to have a mind of your own.

You can get the feeling that you’re just killing time between doing whatever other people want you to do.  It gets very bad when you accept that always going along with what other people want is perfectly normal.  If you always strive to meet other people’s expectations then you don’t have a life of your own.

Be aware that not everyone is as ethical, honest, reasonable nor as sensible as you are.  Some will have expectations of you that go beyond what’s normal and decent.  This could range from you always being the one responsible for your aged and ill parent, to you being expected to take part in something other than loving and caring sex.

Some say that we should always go along with the majority.  And that there’s something wrong if we want to do things differently from our family and friends.  All I know is that other people’s expectations are theirs, and not mine.


jack collier


I don’t have to like the kind of car you expect me to like.

Driving Rhyme

promiscuity is about sex, not about relationships


I drove day and night

to get to her

neither sane nor right

I wrecked the car

for what, just a cheat


jack collier


cheating on a good man is like

throwing away a diamond

and picking up a brick


if you learn self-control, you can master anything

waste in a wasteland

It’s Lent, which is all about abstinence and self-control.   There doesn’t seem to be much self-discipline, self-control, or mastering difficult challenges about in the world today.  Rather there seems to be a lot of neglect, waste, and self-indulgence.  It’s waste of human life in a wasteland.

Addictions such as alcoholism, gambling, smoking, drug-taking, eating disorders, infidelity, and inappropriate casual sex seem to be rife ~ even among our senior politicians and bureaucrats, who are supposed to set an example to we ‘ordinary people in the street’, suffering the miseries of lockdown.  I myself have had a drinking problem, but I am pleased to say that I haven’t touched a drop since Christmas.  (There are none so self-righteous as a reformed addict.)

I am happy to tell you that I have learned self-discipline, self-control, and how to master difficult challenges.  It wasn’t easy, but I am getting there.

All we have to learn is how to say ‘No’, especially to ourselves.


jack collier


hanging around in bars is not an indication of self-control


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