love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies
Everybody lies. Everybody lies all the time. Everybody lies to oil the wheels of business, friendship, politics, relationships, and society in general. If everyone told the brutal truth all the time then this world would be filled with aggression, discord, mistrust, and violence ~ and that’s just about the state of the world anyway. In most relationships, if both partners were absolutely truthful all of the time, then most relationships would last for about a New York second.
Most lies in most relationships are lies of omission, it’s sometimes impolite to tell our partner the complete truth. Many would not say that their partner’s brother disgusts them, or that they go to the bar on the way home from work because coming home is the last thing they want to do at the end of a busy day. Hardly anyone would say that they had sex with someone they picked up in that bar, and they don’t even know his / her name. The first of those lies of omission is perhaps acceptable, for a while. The last of those lies is immoral and unethical.
Sometimes lies are created by we what we believe are good manners. We might say that our wife / husband looks nice, when in fact they look like a slut / skank / bum. If you think about it that kind of a lie is actually very cruel. Another unthinking lie is when we tell someone that we love them, and in reality we don’t much care for them at all, we only talk about love to get what we want from them ~ usually either money or sex.
Lies are perhaps the least of the unethical, ill-mannered, and immoral things that people do. Begin with things such as alcoholism, casual sex, drug abuse, gambling, gaslighting, promiscuity, road-rage, stalking, stealing….. All of those hurt someone, not least the person doing those immoral and unethical things. You may think that being an alcoholic or a drug user, or promiscuous, or whatever is an illness and the unfortunate is not to blame. Let me tell you that this is untrue, no matter what alcoholics anonymous, narcotics anonymous, or whatever anonymous may say.
And I know, because I have been there. Everyone has an ethical and moral duty to be the best version of themselves they can possibly be, and if you drink, take drugs, fuck around you are debasing yourself and need to find help and treatment. Nobody is ever going to think you are smart or clever for doing those things. And afterwards, you will lie about it for the rest of your miserable dishonest life.
If you want to be a better person, then the place to begin is with good manners. Respect yourself, respect others, and respect the world around you. And, if you don’t know what having good manners really means, then maybe it’s time to learn.
Some say that they wouldn’t trust their partner out of their sight for a second. And that they are sick of being ignored / talked over / abused. All I know is that if I can turn my life around, anyone can.
picking up young guys for sex is pushing morality a bit
you create your own life through your thoughts, words, and deeds
at the dawn your lies will haunt you
There is an axiom; ‘everybody lies’, and perhaps it’s true. Perforce we are forced to lie because of the circumstances we find ourselves in, or perhaps lying has become a habit with us, or it might be that there are some things we just do not want to explain because it will be far too complicated. We may be completely honest in the things we say, and yet still be a liar because we lie by omission. We may be having an affair, a fling, or be in trouble, and we just don’t ever talk about it, and that too is lying.
The thing about lying and liars is that they will always get caught out, the axiom; ‘oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive’ is true.. When we lie, however we lie, we are building a house of cards, and we always need to add another couple of cards at the top. One small lie will, more often than not, grow like topsy into a vast work of fiction that calls for a brilliant memory to keep our true story different from the false back-story we have built. And there is always someone with a better memory than you.
A liar’s worst enemy is someone with a good memory. ~ Dodinsky.
The truly honest, honourable, and brave person isn’t afraid to talk about anything and everything.
‘The time has come,’ the walrus said, ‘to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships ~ and sealing wax ~ of cabbages and kings.’ ~ Lewis Carroll
There are things in an English Gentleman’s life that it’s considered impolite to discuss; politics, religion, money….. and women. Yet in recent times I have had deep discussions about the first three of those topics. I wouldn’t ever talk of women in particular, but I am more than happy to discuss women in general ~ as if I knew anything at all of women. When we lie, and when we refuse to talk deeply, honestly, and openly about anything and everything, we diminish ourselves, we reduce the richness of our lives, and we can never consider anyone a true friend.
However sometimes we lie for what seems like a good reason; we lie because we just don’t want to give some people an opportunity to judge and criticise us, we lie because the truth is just too complicated, we lie to avoid hurting someone we otherwise care for, and we lie for the sake of our own safety.
Truth is dangerous….. But if a truth cannot be spoken, it must at least be known. Even if you dare not speak the truth to others, never lie to yourself. ~ Frances Hardinge.
Some say that they never tell a lie. And some should never tell a lie. All I know is that I could be the very best, the most believable of all liars, but I choose not to be.
the eyes are the windows to the soul
and a lie may deceive from the lips
but the truth is always in the eyes
there is a magic in truth, and honesty, and openness
eclipsing the truth
Everything I write on this blog, at least everything I have written recently is the brutal truth. I don’t hold anything back, to the best of my ability I tell you exactly what is in my heart. The post I wrote yesterday, Why I’m Still Alive, is a case in point. I could have dressed that story up, made myself look a little better, perhaps garnered more sympathy from you. But, why would I do that? If I am going to write anything at all about myself it has to be true, and not just part of the truth, but the entire truth. There are some caveats; I am not an Ernest Hemingway nor a Philip Roth, and the format I’m writing in is a blog, and a blog post needs to be fairly short and pithy. But over and above all that, this is me, and everything I write is coloured and edited by that simple fact.
Also, but only to a certain extent, I choose what to write about. Some of my posts I just know I have to write, and they flow onto the screen without any conscious thought, those posts arise fully formed from my deepest subconscious mind. Ergo, they have to be true, because I’m not even certain that the subconscious knows how to lie.
Why write this painful stuff at all?
Because it’s therapeutic, because I like to know what you think about me and the things I have revealed to you, because if I didn’t write this stuff it would go around and around in my mind like a rat on a wheel. It’s cathartic to write the brutal truth. If I lied, or told less than the truth, then you would know, and most likely you would respect me less. However, how easy it is for people to believe the lie.
How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and how hard it is to undo that work again. ~ Mark Twain
Most liars can’t remember all the lies they’ve told, and if they’re lying by omission what they have said and what they haven’t said. It’s easy to for me to remember the truth, but if I ever lied I’d have to keep referring back to old posts.
A liar should have a good memory. And a liar’s worst enemy is someone else with a good memory. ~ Quintilian
Some say that everybody lies all the time. And that a little white lie never hurt anyone. All I know is that all lies are toxic and destructive, especially lies of omission. Trust me, I will always tell you the absolute truth.
thou shalt not bear false witness
it takes strength and courage to admit the whole truth
You may be aware that in the last few days I have undergone something of a transformation, and it seems the man I have become has a dedication to truth, honesty, and openness. That is not necessarily a completely good thing. Already I have found that there are innumerable situations where complete honesty wouldn’t be appropriate. If someone is promulgating a web of lies about who and what they really are, it seems to me that it’s better if I ignore all that, keep quiet, and allow them to live their life of sad, dishonest, illusions, and delusions.
Hell, for all of my life I lived as versions of me that were only mostly true. That was not my fault, maternal neglect can have a negative effect on your whole life.
If someone wants to hide what they did in their past, and never mention the reprehensible things they have done to give the impression that they are someone and something that they are not and never have been, then maybe it’s better that I ignore that too. After all, if someone is mostly hiding their past, then it means they don’t want others to know about it, including me.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped and packaged boxes full of fucking shit.
In general, if someone is hiding their past it either means they are ashamed of it, or scared of your reaction if they tell you about it. Hiding or denying your past doesn’t work, because sometime, somewhere, someday, somehow you will come up against someone who knows all about you. And the chances are they will tell your new and innocent friend just exactly who and what you used to be ~ either by accident or on purpose.
There are lots of reasons people hide or deny their past, or even who they really are right now; alcoholism, criminality, unpaid debts, drug taking, promiscuity, prostitution, sexual deviance, marriage, children….. But, all of these things are matters of public record, and you can hide none of the above for very long.
I will throw out one piece of advice, don’t lie to me unless you’re absolutely certain I will never find the truth. And even in the days of my crazy alter-egos of myself, I always found the truth.
Mean and toxic people don’t bother me. Mean and toxic people who disguise themselves as nice and honest people bother me a lot. ~ Cindy Cummings Johnson
Some say that everybody lies. And that if someone is hiding their past, then they must have a damn good reason. All I know is that liars need a very good memory, and most people have very poor memories.
every time you tell another lie you handcuff yourself just a little tighter
trusting her is my decision, proving me right is her choice
Everybody lies ~ that’s one of life’s great truths. So, why would I ever want or need to place my trust in another person? I can put things more bluntly; I suffer from a serious mental health problem called Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), which makes it extremely difficult for me to ever trust anyone, particularly someone that I care for. It’s common for someone with BPD to find it very difficult to trust, even though I may have a deep need for validation from other people. That means I will lash out when I think someone has betrayed me, is betraying me, or might desert me.
Anyone with any personality disorder, especially with BPD, will have a history of very rocky relationships, especially romantic relationships. Borderline Personality Disorder causes constant and extreme mood swings and changes in emotional states, from doting and affectionate one minute, to abusive and pushing your partner away within just a few hours. If you either suffer from that horrible personality disorder, or if you are close to someone who does, you will find that trust comes very hard.
And, why should we trust at all? Why should we ever give another the chance to betray and hurt us? Why should we risk being lied to and deceived?
Things come apart so easily when they have only been held together with lies. ~ Dorothy Allison.
All those with a personality disorder are compulsive liars and deceivers, and most of their relationships end in chaotic and traumatic breakups. This is true until they begin to recover. In recovering from a personality disorder the ‘former sufferer’ will become desperate to create and build trust in all of their relationships ~ and this takes a lot of time.
There are some things that I know I can do;
- Keep to my word and follow through with my actions.
- Learn how to communicate truthfully, openly, and effectively.
- Stop speaking and acting impulsively.
- If I’m wrong, or I’ve made a mistake, then admit it.
- Stop lying and deceiving ~ always be honest with myself and everyone else.
- Do what I believe is right ~ not what is easy or might get me what I want.
- Stop taking people for granted.
Those things kind of look and sound easy ~ they’re not. Earning trust and learning how to trust is one of the most difficult things someone recovering from a personality disorder or an addiction can ever do. But, if life is going to be worth living it’s something I know I have to give of my very best.
Some say deceive me once then shame on you. And, deceive me twice then shame on me. All I know is that you can’t build a good life based on a tissue of lies.
never trust a woman in a mask
A real woman will be honest no matter how painful the truth is
you can see it in her eyes
learn the dark surprise
there’s a deep disguise
but if you’re really wise
you won’t ever despise
her, just accept the prize
the love her lie implies
men need to believe a woman’s lies