Tag Archives: Escaping Abuse

Stress #6 ~ Stalkers

stalking is a serious crime with serious consequences

Stalking is cruel and incessant torture that can have terrifying results.  The victim of a stalker can be tormented for years, left too scared to go anywhere, to leave their home, scared of the telephone ringing, unnerved by the slightest unexpected sound.  Stalking is a crime that can paralyze an otherwise normal woman with fear, paranoia, and dread.

Your stalker is probably also an alcoholic, they have a sixth sense and know when you change your routine.  Sometimes when you plan to be far away from anywhere they would expect you to be they will come home early, or call you, or when you stop to get petrol, (gas), they will be at the same gas station.

Stalkers have an obsessive over-identification with their unwilling target but also a latent envy of their talents and beauty.  If they can’t possess the object of their obsession totally, they will destroy the victim’s qualities that they can never have.  ~  Stewart Stafford.

Stalkers are cunning.  Stalking can happen to you with or without a fear of physical violence, but it will involve verbal and mental abuse.  This is not acceptable but is very difficult to prove and the authorities will be reluctant to take strong action.  Stalking can even involve you constantly receiving flowers and other gifts, and there is fuck-all chance that the authorities will take any action over that.

Stalking also leads to threatening behaviour, physical attacks, serious sexual assault, serious physical harm, and murder.

The sad thing is that reality says that you will be your stalker’s active object of obsession for anywhere from one month to forty-some years ~ probably the rest of your sad and tortured life.  So how to win?

Trust your instincts.  Your family, friends, children will pressure you to downplay your stalker’s behaviour.  Don’t, your own safety is your #1 priority, not keeping other people happy.

Call the police if you feel in immediate, clear, and present danger.

Keep a record, a stalking diary, tape all his phone calls and any verbal contact he has with you.  Save all emails, texts, letters, photos, cards, and postings on social networking sites.  In any event, if you are being stalked get off all social networking sites.

Get a restraining order from the courts ~ your stalker will undoubtedly ignore this.

Find a victims’ group, but beware, stalkers also try to attend these groups.

Murder, or having your stalker beaten up is not a good plan for you.

There is only one effective way to defeat your stalker, and that is to bug out, do the big geographical, just plan on getting out ~ but unless you really leave your old life behind your stalker will find you.

Some say that stalking is just a serious of coincidences.  And that there is a very fine line between serendipity and stalking.  All I know is that some ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, and estranged daughters need and deserve all the protection they can get.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@taltalk.net

eventually your stalker will grab you by the throat, you don’t have to let him choke you

Stress #5 ~ Getting Out

that’s why I drink ~ escaping from the real world

Some situations you can find yourself in are uncomfortable, painful, difficult, dangerous, intolerable.  It might be work, family, marriage, living with someone, romance, an affair, a stalker…..  It could be as bad as gaslighting, where you are being psychologically manipulated so much as to doubt your own sanity.  Or you could be verbally and physically abused, bullied, threatened, and deeply hurt.

I myself was once bullied at work by my director, aka the Ginger Bitch, she was a woman and I was a very senior and very successful executive.  It made going in to work at all an immensely stressful thing, it kept me awake at nights, and I started drinking far too much.  Drinking too much is only a temporary escape.  For a while I fantasized about pushing her into traffic on a very busy London road, decided that wasn’t a good plan.  So, I did the only sensible thing I could, and left that job, got myself out of there, escaped.

If you are in an intolerable situation, then the most sensible thing you can do is leave, get out, escape, leave town, change all your numbers and email addresses…..

And this is where it will get heartbreaking for you.  Leaving home is a momentous decision you will shy away from making, put off for as long as possible.  You would rather live in misery than make the irreversible decision to leave your abuser.  Before that you will try all kinds of other ways to escape; booze, drugs, an affair, promiscuity, vacations on your own with all of the aforementioned.

It’s no good, eventually for your own safety and sanity you will have to leave.  Before that you need to prepare;

  • tell nobody of your plans, not family nor friends
  • stash away a lot of cash in a place known only to you
  • if you can find a place, say a storage unit, then stash away clothes, shoes, utensils, and anything else you might need in your new life
  • get a new cell, new email id, new internet provider, new tablet
  • decide where you are going to go, not to your family nor friends because your abuser will find you there ~ a woman’s refuge in another town is good
  • leave home when your abuser is at work, at a bar, with their whore, vanish, disappear, tell no one or your abuser will find you
  • buy a different car, preferably a van, pick up your stuff, and drive, keep to all the traffic laws, drive a long way in an unexpected direction

Sadly it might be more complicated than that.  You may have kids in tow, you might be reported to the police as anything from a missing person to a kidnapper of your own children, you have no job so you might go broke fast, if you tell a relative where you are then your abuser will find you.  Tell nobody, and I mean nobody where you are; send a postcard from another state to tell people that you are safe.

Some say that escaping is easy, it’s found at the bottom of a bottle of booze.  And that things are bound to get better soon.  All I know is that escaping takes bravery, determination, and a shed load of preparation.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

just think how good freedom will feel

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