If an Englishman were to get run down by a truck, he would apologise to the truck. ~ Jackie Mason
Every Englishman is convinced of a couple of things; that to be born an Englishman is to have won first prize in life, and that it is better to be an English Gentleman than to be a Good Guy from any other country on Earth.
Hollywood actresses want to be admired by Americans, courted by an Italian, have an affair with a Frenchman, but be married to an Englishman. So what makes Englishmen so admired?
- Englishmen are the most charming and best mannered people on Earth, bar none.
- Englishmen are very open to new, eccentric, and weird ideas.
- Englishmen will dress however they please ~ no matter what. The best dressed men on the planet are Italians who are trying to look English, and the English when they’re trying to look Italian.
- Mostly we are very ‘happy go lucky’ and ‘easy going’ in a well-mannered sort of a way, anyway no other men on Earth have any manners at all.
- We treasure freedom of speech above all things, our prime minister can be subjected to some terrible diatribes in the House of Commons. We reserve the right to be extremely rude about everyone except our own Queen.
- The English treat Sundays just like every other day of the week, except we don’t go to work. Our stores are open almost 24/7/365.
- Our sense of fair play and concern for the underdog.
- The Englishman’s sense of humour, which mostly does not translate across the Atlantic. Especially nobody but the English understands irony, rhetoric, or sarcasm.
- Mature Englishmen are the best drivers in the world, bar none. We are frequently horrified by the standards of driving in every other country we visit ~ where they mostly drive on the wrong side of the road anyway.
- And there have been some truly great Englishmen; The Beatles, Brunel, Byron, Churchill, Cook, Coleridge, Darwin, Elgar, Elizabeth I, Elton John, Fleming, Henry V, Nelson, Newton, Kipling, The Rolling Stones, Shakespeare, Sturgeon, Wellington, Whittle, Wodehouse….. And Bond, James Bond
And #11 Mature Englishmen have the very best accent, which is also utterly impossible for a non-Englishman to imitate.
Some say that an Englishman’s way of speaking absolutely identifies him. And that most Englishmen are very conservative and terribly old-fashioned. All I know is that I’m proud to be English.
the Union Flag contains the English cross of St George, the cross of St. Patrick of Ireland, and St. Andrew’s Saltire of Scotland.
Manners Maketh the Man, (and Woman).
With Christmas festivities in full swing, some of us are going to have to go out and about to meet a lot of people we don’t normally mix with. This is not always a pleasure. Not everyone we meet is civilised and well mannered. There are some real animals out there.
A mature Englishman is allowed to have an opinion of what constitutes civilised behaviour, and what marks people out as heading in the general direction of the low IQ knuckle-draggers and sleazy slatterns. I will admit to having some pet hates, and that my opinions and tastes are a trifle old-fashioned, preppy, conventional, proper, and, well, English. However, some of the douchebags out there could do with some good, old-fashioned, English manners.
Among the things that I really hate to see and be near are;
- People walking along the street, or in the mall, who aren’t looking where they’re going, usually because they’re engrossed in their smart phone / cell. These idiots are a danger to themselves and others. These same people probably browse social media while they’re driving.
- ‘Friends’ sitting together and looking at their smart-phone / cell / tablet rather than engaging in some intelligent and lively conversation. That’s just about as ill-mannered as it gets.
- People who smoke without asking if it’s OK with everyone else present. Thank you, I don’t want your disgusting and unhealthy habit in my personal space.
- Smokers who throw their cigarette butts onto the street / out of the car window / into a potted plant / into their coffee cup.
- People who drop litter in the street when there is a litter-bin, (trash can), just feet / yards away. How stupid and lazy is that?
- Dog owners who don’t clean up the disgusting mess their pooch makes. Oh, and dog owners who assume that everyone will just love their nasty animal. As it goes, I’m a cat person anyway.
- Parents who don’t control their screaming, badly behaved children in stores / restaurants / on public transport / in airports….
- Opinionated people who not only assume that you are remotely interested in their political views, but that you also agree with them. Three things a polite Englishman will never willingly discuss; politics, money, and women.
- Slobs who drink beer straight out of the bottle. Have you any idea where beer bottles are stored and how many cockroaches / mice / rats have scuttled across those bottles? For goodness sake, have some style and get a glass.
- People who eat with their mouth open while they are walking along the street / around the mall / waiting in queues. That is gross.
- And then there are those people who will tell all and sundry about their unpleasant medical problem. To be honest, I don’t want to know about flatulence, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, or any other issue that anyone has with their body. Please keep these things between you and your doctor.
The type of scuzzy people who do some or all of the ill-mannered things above have one thing in common above all else, (apart from the fact that they are irredeemably common). These people care nothing for anyone else’s finer feelings, and very little for themselves.
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. ~ Fred Astaire
Good manners cost nothing. I firmly believe that before you can truly respect yourself you have to respect others too. If you want to be a slob, skank, slut… then please do it in the privacy of your own home, rather than inflicting yourself upon decent people.
these opinions are mine and mine alone
A Classic Rolls Royce ~ always posh
In my global travels I have met many different people from many different cultures, and although most have spoken good English, it’s almost never been English / English. An educated Englishman’s vocabulary contains hundreds of words and phrases which baffle Australians, Americans, New Zealanders, Canadians… Perhaps it’s time the rest of the world remembered that the language is English.
So, partly at the request of my friend from Orange County, California, USA, I thought I’d try to explain the meaning and etymology of some of these English / English words and idioms. Starting today with the word posh.
Posh is an adjective. It’s a complement, unless it’s used ironically. To describe someone or something as posh means that they, (he, she, it), are aristocratic, upper-crust, high-class, elegant, stylish, luxurious, gentlemanly, regal… In other words, the cream of the crop. Being rich doesn’t mean that you’re also posh ~ Donald Trump is not posh. Whereas, a classic Jaguar is posh. (Logic doesn’t enter into it.)
Etymologists can look away now. Posh comes from the acronym P.O.S.H. ~ Port Out Starboard Home, which was chalked on the sides of the luggage of upper crust people travelling, by sea, from England to India in the Heyday of the Empire.
In the days before air conditioning it could become unbearably hot aboard ship during certain parts of this voyage; down through the Mediterranean, Red Sea, Gulf of Aden, Arabian Sea. You wanted a cabin on the shady side of the ship, the Northern side. Going out this was the port side, coming back to England this was the starboard side. Hence; Port Out, Starboard Home ~ POSH.
Posh is a slightly old-fashioned word ~ if you hear an Englishman using it today, then he’s probably well-educated, well-read, well-spoken, well-bred… in fact quite posh. The opposite of posh is pleb, which is an insult I’ll explain another time.
A classic Rolls Royce is very posh indeed.
(while an Englishman will use words with many origins, Romani is not one of them)