Tag Archives: England

Ten Reasons to Love an Englishman

If an Englishman were to get run down by a truck, he would apologise to the truck.  ~  Jackie Mason

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Every Englishman is convinced of a couple of things; that to be born an Englishman is to have won first prize in life, and that it is better to be an English Gentleman than to be a Good Guy from any other country on Earth.

Hollywood actresses want to be admired by Americans, courted by an Italian, have an affair with a Frenchman, but be married to an Englishman.  So what makes Englishmen so admired?

  1. Englishmen are the most charming and best mannered people on Earth, bar none.
  2. Englishmen are very open to new, eccentric, and weird ideas.
  3. Englishmen will dress however they please ~ no matter what.  The best dressed men on the planet are Italians who are trying to look English, and the English when they’re trying to look Italian.
  4. Mostly we are very ‘happy go lucky’ and ‘easy going’ in a well-mannered sort of a way, anyway no other men on Earth have any manners at all.
  5. We treasure freedom of speech above all things, our prime minister can be subjected to some terrible diatribes in the House of Commons.  We reserve the right to be extremely rude about everyone except our own Queen.
  6. The English treat Sundays just like every other day of the week, except we don’t go to work.  Our stores are open almost 24/7/365.
  7. Our sense of fair play and concern for the underdog.
  8. The Englishman’s sense of humour, which mostly does not translate across the Atlantic.  Especially nobody but the English understands irony, rhetoric, or sarcasm.
  9. Mature Englishmen are the best drivers in the world, bar none.  We are frequently horrified by the standards of driving in every other country we visit ~ where they mostly drive on the wrong side of the road anyway.
  10. And there have been some truly great Englishmen; The Beatles, Brunel, Byron, Churchill, Cook, Coleridge, Darwin, Elgar, Elizabeth I, Elton John, Fleming, Henry V, Nelson, Newton, Kipling, The Rolling Stones, Shakespeare, Sturgeon, Wellington, Whittle, Wodehouse…..  And Bond, James Bond

And #11 Mature Englishmen have the very best accent, which is also utterly impossible for a non-Englishman to imitate.

Some say that an Englishman’s way of speaking absolutely identifies him.  And that most Englishmen are very conservative and terribly old-fashioned.  All I know is that I’m proud to be English.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

the Union Flag contains the English cross of St George, the cross of St. Patrick of Ireland, and St. Andrew’s Saltire of Scotland.

 

Monochrome Monday ~ England

Any mature and educated Englishman will recognise these images.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Dixon of Dock Green

‘evnin all

Turkey – Going Home

It’s very nice to go travelling – but it’s so much nicer to travel home.

I have had the time of my life on this short little Turkish vacation.

Sadly, today I am flying back to England.

I will miss this place and the new but temporary friends I have made here.

I will miss the strange air of synchronicity this place has.

I will miss the ability to meditate I have learned here.

I will miss the Crystal clear skies and the sunshine.

Who knows, in the strange world of the solitary traveller I may someday come across some of the friends I have made here again.

That wouldn’t be bad at all.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Cold and snow

When two English people meet their first topic of conversation is going to be the weather; ‘It’s nice out isn’t it?’  or ‘brass monkeys here today.’

Well it’s certainly brass monkeys here in England.  It’s snowing and it freezing cold, (for England), just on freezing point actually.  Some places, Alaska for example, would think that 32 degrees F is balm and nothing to get exited about.  Not here.

The news headlines this morning;

Emma batters Britain:  Families are ordered to EVACUATE as snow gives way to lethal black ice turning UK roads into ‘death traps’ while 50mph storms continue to rage across the country.

I think whoever wrote that headline wasn’t born when England had some really bad winters.

Still, this one is bad enough.  I’ve been trapped in the garret for 3 days, and my phone lines have been down until a few hours ago.  Of course that could be due to the guys digging up the street outside the garret.

What it looks like across much of England.

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Snow Day

Walking in clean, virginal snow makes me feel really special.

Where I live, in very temperate England, close to the sea, I don’t see a lot of snow.  Well, today it’s pretty cold here ~ just below freezing.  There’s been a little snow in the night, maybe 3 or 4 inches.  Snow and England are not natural soul-mates.

One snowflake in Central London and the meteorologists warn of climatological Armageddon ~ and so it was yesterday.  This particular cold-snap is being called ‘The Beast From The East’, and the weather men are saying this will be the worst cold weather in England since 1991, with ‘up to’ six inches of snow covering most of the country.

Thousands of London commuters were told they must complete their journeys by 6pm to ensure they would actually get home, and local authorities declared snow emergencies.  Hundreds of trains and dozens of flights were cancelled last evening, and allegedly the major roads are in chaos.

Social media, women’s pages in the newspapers, and posters in doctors’ surgeries are full of advice on how to cope with the cold weather.  Some of this advice sounds stupid; iced tea will warm you up more than hot chocolate, hug a hot water bottle between your thighs, stick your socks in the microwave, and think like a monk to get warm.

And, the ‘Met Office’ warns that the worst is yet to come… You’d think the English didn’t know about snow…  Have you never heard of Scot of the Antarctic?

It’s not like we’ve never had snow here before.  Back in the day, when I was nobbut a lad in short trousers, and central heating was something only the Queen had, we had some brutal winters.  Whole trains were stranded in the middle of nowhere, Royal Air Force helicopters airlifted fodder to sheep starving in the hills, and the army was called in to keep major roads open.  The wind cut like a knife, the ice was on the inside of my bedroom window, and my spit froze before it hit the ground.  (Being young boys it wasn’t just our spit we tested to see how fast it froze.)

Although the Met Boys feign surprise, it’s not like here in England we don’t get a nasty cold snap in late February or early March.  It happens most years, and it’s called the Buchan Cold Spell.  Jeez the Taiwan Weather Girls might be better at forecasting English weather than our Meteorological Office.

The weather here is just a little inclement, so I will not be going far today.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

due to the snow, today is cancelled

 

 

England’s Winter Miseries

When the English winter comes howling in.

I didn’t want to be in England over the Christmas Holidays, and I’d prefer not to be here right now either.  Next year I’m determined to spend a part of the winter in the sunshine.

Northern England in particular is a miserable place to be in winter.  Right now the temperature outside is 32 degrees Fahrenheit, it’s still dark, there’s a strong wind, and a mixture of rain and wet snow is falling.  In the next couple of days the weather here is going to get much worse with 80 mph winds and a lot of snow expected.  The sea is vicious and cold.

Drivers are being warned to stay off the roads, and only to make the most essential journeys.  Our rail service is in chaos, and there are long flight delays at our airports.  We do not handle snow very well at all, and the high winds can actually blow over trucks.  Some of our most important bridges are closed.

There is an epidemic of a particularly nasty strain of the flu, (Aussie flu H3N2), which can be fatal in itself.  Influenza can lead to several other fatal illnesses; bronchitis, pleurisy, and pneumonia.   Our health service is overwhelmed; the hospitals are full and people are being advised not to visit their own doctors except in cases of an emergency.

The thing is,  the cold, damp, and dark English winter weather makes people prone to catching nasty winter diseases; colds, flue, bronchitis pleurisy, and pneumonia.

I had this Aussi flu just after Christmas, and I was very poorly for a couple of weeks.  High temperature, hacking cough, tiredness, aches and pains, headache, insomnia, nausea, diarrhea, and an inability to eat ~ I have lost 10 lbs since Christmas.

Trust me, you don’t want to catch this Aussi flu.

Trust me, you don’t want to be in Northern England in winter either.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

walked alone on a beach

Alone as only a lonely man can be.

Crystal Beach.

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Scenes on Sunday ~ Durham, England

Durham; half church of God, half castle against the Scot.

The City of Durham was founded in 995 AD, although I guess there were people living there for centuries before the monks arrived to ‘officially’ found Durham City.  Building work on the spectacularly imposing Norman cathedral was begun in 1093 AD, but there was an earlier Anglo-Saxon cathedral on the site for about 100 years before that.

History is always written by the winners.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

get a book about Durham

 

 

 

The first picture of the cathedral is a stock photo, the tower was covered in scaffold when I was there.

In medieval times touching the door knocker gave criminals sanctuary.

I used to drink in that pub when I was a younger man. 

springtime colours

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vernal freshness efflorescence clear bright fresh light

transforms azure to cerulean and scattered enigmatic white

yet the verdant ground throws still skeletal branches coldly black

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words and pictures by jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Scenes on Sunday # 18

This Sunday morning we English moved our clocks back one hour to where they should always stay ~ Greenwich Mean Time.  This means we effectively get an hour of extra daylight in the mornings.  It’s also another sign that winter is almost upon us, the skies are changing, and the North Sea is back to its ill-tempered worst.  The Atlantic is brutal and dangerous, but at this time of year the North Sea is just a grey bitch.

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beach

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liebster-12pictures by jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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