Tag Archives: Casual Sex

I now know Exactly why I’m a lunatic

Knowing that you’ll push everyone away is tough to deal with.

Some people suffer.  Some people are in constant mental, psychological, and spiritual pain.  Those people may find themselves doing crazy and impulsive things, drinking too much, using drugs, getting into inappropriate and dysfunctional sexual relationships, pushing away everyone that truly cares for them, isolating themselves…..  Those people may be suffering from a serious mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder ~ they may need professional help.  They may act like a lunatic.

People with even mild Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD),  do very strange things; they test the people who care for them by doing things which are really socially unacceptable ~ for example constantly being late, flirting inappropriately, expecting and needing gifts lavished upon them.  They have extreme reactions to the thought of being abandoned and / or rejected.

People with BPD have a propensity to enter into dysfunctional and unstable romantic and sexual relationships / have casual sex / cheat / commit adultery with monotonous regularity.  They tell themselves their sexuality is normal.  They are impulsive and have intense, highly changeable moods.  Paranoia, anger, ennui, and emptiness all come easily to those who have even the mildest touch of BPD in their psyche.

They tell themselves that they like being alone in their comfort zone

Suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder is difficult, but the situation isn’t hopeless.  Recovery is possible, growth is certain, becoming a better person is the eventual reward for all that suffering.  I should know, I have been at the very Gates of Hell because for most of my life I suffered from undiagnosed and untreated BPD.

But now I know.  I know what caused me to push people away from me all my life; it’s a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder.  If you don’t get close to people they can’t hurt you, and if you push someone away hard enough that they leave you, well that just means you were right about them all along…..

Knowing Exactly what’s wrong with you is very liberating.  Knowing Exactly why you have suffered and are still suffering is even more liberating.  And, I know Exactly why I developed Borderline Personality Disorder.

When I was about four-and-a-half years old, the woman who loved me most, the woman who cared for me, got sick and died.  She was my nana, my maternal grandmother.  And nobody told me that she’d died, my parents didn’t explain, there was a wall of silence, and I thought she’d abandoned me because I wasn’t good enough.

That one event blighted my whole life ~ until now.

Some say that it’s good to be mean to the one who loves you, because if they stay with you it proves that they love you.  And, that if they leave you it proves that you were right to be mean to them all along.  All I know is that only the mentally ill can like being alone and lonely.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

You can get so that everything seems normal

even crazy, vicious, evil mood swings

even turning into a Mr. Hyde

the quality of virtue is strained

In the end she will destroy everything, including herself. 

sex

anger

paranoia

zero answers

excepting voices

of inner clairvoyance

poisonous darker choices

noisome joyless evil sacrifices

a dysfunctional friendship loveless

he is a lover, not a warrior, nor a sinner

go?  leaving her behind, giving it all away?

sex, anger, voices, poisonous choices, paranoia

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

she can fully explore her sexuality

in the end he can just walk away

The Lady Loves

Sex without real love is as pointless as love without great sex.

~

sex,

lovers,

sensuality,

hot sexiness,

the lady adores,

his cool advances,

he takes every chance,

she loves a sexual dance,

she entrances with a glance,

amorous excitement, romance,

is this true friendship, love or sex?

real dominatrix or submissive enough?

does she like very hard, passionate, rough?

or a slow sensual romantic gentle caring love?

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

or maybe she likes meaningless casual animal sex

Sex, Love, and Heartache

Wherever I go, I always find that special person who is so wrong for me.

In the world’s largest financial centres, I spent most of my career making a hell of a lot of money by exploiting my knowledge of people and what makes them tick.  In London, Paris, New York, and Chicago I learned to read people, and know what they really want, need, and desire.  My skill was in matching the things I could do with what my clients thought they wanted.  And, for a long while, I was the acknowledged world expert in my field of esoteric banking.  But, really, my success was all due to the way I could use my interpersonal skills.

If I am so skilled at the art of interpersonal relationships, how come I can get it so wrong with women?  Some of the time I am forceful, passionate, prideful, self-indulgent, sensual, lustful, and too warm towards women who possess grace, beauty, and charm.  If I am very attracted to a woman I can be far too liberal with my affection, compassion, time, love, and money.  I tend to do a little too much by way of extravagances, and luxuries.  Maybe I send flowers too often.  And, as you would expect, sometimes these women take everything I can give without the slightest show of gratitude, appreciation, or affection in return.

A fool and his money are soon parted, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart.  ~  Thomas Tusser

Obviously I am not doing the right things, in the right way, at the right time, with the right person.  There isn’t the right balance, or sense of equilibrium.  And there’s the rub ~ we don’t choose who we fall in love with.

Something tells me that self-confidence, strength, and passion are a heady mixture which is not always under my control ~ I often let my emotions run away with me, and this can only lead to loneliness and heartache.

My past has been marred by decisions I made that have left me feeling disappointed and bitter.  It’s important for me to remember that I am accountable for my decisions.  What I need to do is reflect on those past choices in a frank and healthy way, without looking at the past through rose-coloured glasses, or sugar coating the choices I made in error.  I have made many bad choices, which then turned out very differently from the way I had hoped.

At times this has caused me much pain, worry, wasted time, and wasted money.  Perhaps I fool myself that I always tried to do my best, and that I always had good intentions at heart ~ but I don’t think so.  I did my best with the cards Life dealt me, but somehow things always took unexpected turns.

There may have been doubts in my heart which I ignored.  I was careless, and not always honest with myself.  I have often acted impulsively, with utter disregard for the consequences.  I have had the feeling of being utterly out of my depth, and I usually pressed on regardless.

Some say that we can only learn by our own mistakes.  And, that we don’t fail by falling down, we fail by  staying down.  All I know is that I’ve made some bloody painful mistakes.

If there’s nothing much about sex in the paragraphs I’ve written above ~ that’s because usually there hasn’t been any.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Exactly the sort of woman I should have never been involved with.  Great legs do not necessarily a nice person make.

 

lusts wants needs desires

When I am true to myself, I am strong beyond measure.

the application of will

continues to tempt me still

uninhibited too dangerous thrill

urges wants desires needs emotional

uninhibited casual sexual relationships fill

my life with seductress midnight encounters

hazardous erotic carnal liaisons midnight hours

rash instant gratification sensual lustful animal urges

I know that I should have become a better man than that

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the path to freedom from suffering

is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit

Disturbed Dreaming

Dreams shed light into places our waking self fears to go.

Very, very rarely I can remember a dream when I wake in the morning.  Vivid, meaningful dreams that are as long and detailed as a real-life event played out like a powerful TV drama.  The memory of these dreams does not fade, the memories of dreams like these stays with me as long and as strong as any real-life memories.

Usually these dreams are enlightening, they teach me something important, they bring clarity to an area of my life that has been mired in confusion.  Sometimes these vivid dreams are disturbing.

A couple of nights ago I dreamed of betrayal.  In this dream my friend played, seduced, and then had sex with a handsome house guest while I was sleeping.  Very strange.  I do not believe I have ever before had a dream that was even remotely like that version of sexual betrayal.  It was not the most pleasant dream I have ever had.

The dream got worse than that.  My reaction to my friend playing and then having sex with a handsome house guest was violent.  In my dream I threw her down a flight of stairs.  And, that kind of violence can kill people.

I have thought hard about what this all might mean.

One thing it means is that in my dream I tapped into a place, into thoughts and feelings, that my wakeful and conscious mind would fear to tread.  Or perhaps I wouldn’t ever go to that dark place because I didn’t even know it existed.

I think the second thing it means is that part of me must believe that my friend used to be the kind of woman who would have sex with just about anyone.  That is very hurtful and disturbing.  I am hopeful that this dream was me getting rid of those negative thoughts once and for all.

But, the most terrible thing is that, deep down in my psyche, I may have a propensity towards extreme violence.  I hope not.

I am glad my dream took me to places in my mind that I would not otherwise venture toward.  I am not glad about what I found there.

But, there is another thought.  Dreams such as the one I described may have been sent to me by a Goddess I believe in.  If that’s the case the dark Goddess Isis sent me that dream.  She is trying to teach me something.  Perhaps deep down I am attracted to sexually available and promiscuous women ~ I’m not certain that’s the case, but the thought and meanings are interesting.

It would be good if the lesson was more obvious, and less disturbing.

What I do know is that there is no end to love.

Perhaps that is the whole point.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

where ever you are

and whoever you are

I hope that your year

is ending well.

 

 

Sponsored by:  http://www.amazon.com/shops/salinevalleyenterprises

 

 

cheap sex

Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere with anyone.

night is falling

witch moon rising

she visits bars prowling

drinking, posing, hot flirting

touching, stroking, deep kissing

allowing anything, wanting everything

there is no friendship, affection, romancing

satisfying her promiscuous lust by just fucking

men half her age

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

 

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sex, lies, and deception

Ladies sometimes behave badly and lie about it afterwards.

Commonplace denial of truths

conspiracy theories masking fictions

black smoke rising as manifest realities

unbearable burden tattered preoccupations

endlessly survived, displacements deprivations

endure prolonged lies fact togetherness separations

careless cheap deceit deception falsehood treachery lies

Commonplace denial of truths and love’s long-lost affections

Commonplace denial of lies

~

Sponsored by:  http://www.amazon.com/shops/salinevalleyenterprises

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

click on the book for insight

 

Madonna and Whore

smoking-slut

~

the strongest personality

powerful sexual originality

mirrored and contradictory

within protagonist dichotomy

enchantress seductive virginity

libidinous promiscuous sexuality

lax wanton erotic elegant sensuality

bad unprincipled frustrating negativity

she’s a bitch, a slut, a harlot, a pro, a Lady

~

smoking-whorejack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Smoking-Cigarette-holder

she’s a tramp

~

Tramp: a sexually promiscuous woman, a hooker, whore, or prostitute.

The damn thing is, bad women are just really easy and so very cute.

Date them once, have them, and then the order of the boot.

~

~

I guess all men have dated a tramp, at least once.  If we’re lucky, only once.

Personally, I’ve never even had first date sex.

Please listen responsibly.

~

Smoking-Cigarette-holder

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

liebster-12

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