Tag Archives: California

must I always be alone?

the basic nature of a man is constructive, faithful, and trustworthy

If you have been following this blog, you will know that, over the past few years, circumstances, and my own stubborn nature, converged with my incipient depression to create a weird and unsustainable view of life for me.  Not only that, I was also suffering from vicious, undiagnosed, and untreated Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), and that blessed me with paranoia and a morbid fear of abandonment.

Add those things together and what happened was that I became an agoraphobic, anti-social, celibate, friendless, psychotic recluse.

My door stayed locked, I seldom left my apartment, I avoided meeting people, the telephone remained unanswered, and I deleted unread any emails I received.  Quite honestly, I may as well have been dead as to live that kind of non-life.

It took years, and I do mean years, for me to begin to break out of my self-made prison.

My escape started because I like to write, I wasn’t writing anything, and so I went to a writers’ group, met a few people, and even spoke to them without my being stabbed, attacked, denigrated…..  And then I started to write this blog ~ and trust me to begin with it was terrible.  Yet, an amazingly articulate woman in California found something that she liked in the way I wrote.  And, as things happen, we became long-distance, online friends.

Those of you who have been in a long-distance relationship will know that it’s fraught with problems, and my friendship with this cool Californian woman is probably no better or worse than most relationships that started on-line.  As you would expect from a guy with Borderline Personality Disorder in their background, I became obsessed with her, had unrealistic expectations, and did stupidly impulsive things.  I was not constructive, reliable, nor trustworthy.  None of that was helpful.

My good fortune is that I spent some time with a therapist, my doctor, and a psychiatrist.  The general consensus of their opinion was that I had been suffering from BPD, but I was mostly recovered ~ at the time that was all news to me, (I even had to look up what the hell Borderline Personality Disorder was).

But, if I was mostly recovered I could start to live my life the way I wanted, and not the way a serious mental illness was telling me to exist.

Ergo, I am on a journey of self-awareness, self-discovery, self-development, and self-improvement.  Now I mostly say and do what I think is right, and those that don’t like it can just feck off and have a nice day, and please don’t keep in touch.  That new and more assertively honest attitude of mine has ruffled a few feathers ~ but I’m never going back to being that agoraphobic, anti-social, celibate, friendless, obsessive, psychotic recluse.

Maybe I need to find some new friends, and maybe I’ll be alone again for a while.

Some say that a friend in need is a friend indeed.  And that you should choose your friends wisely.  All I know is that I’d rather be alone than have fair-weather friends.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

at least I have a friend in Marmaduke

and he’s always ready for anything

Monochrome Monday ~ Big Bear

The goal of life is to make your heart beat as one with the Cosmos.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Big Bear is a cool place to spend a long weekend

in the summer

no way I’m going up there at this time of year

I hate snow

Scenes on Sunday ~ California Beaches

If you like sand dunes and salty air, dream of me and I’ll be there.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

I wish they could all be California Girls Beaches

 

If you can’t be happy in California, you can’t be happy anywhere

Adventures New

Embrace the daring adventure your life was supposed to be.

I like the sea and great beaches, particularly in the warm, blue Mediterranean.

Having recently returned from having a great time on the Mediterranean Island of Crete, (which has the longest history and the oldest civilisation in Europe), I decided it was time to look for a new adventure.

So, I’ve found a trip which involves an intensive ‘Wisdom Retreat’ with the catchy tag-line of From Chaos to Coherence ~ The Power To Thrive In Life Extremes.  This retreat is to be lead by the New Age author Gregg Braden, and takes place in the Hyatt Regency Tamaya Resort and Spa, in New Mexico.

The hotel looks great, and the circular pool looks fabulous.

I’ve never been to New Mexico, especially not to a place that’s a 5,280 foot high desert valley.  The pre-reading for this retreat includes lots of stuff about how to be comfortable and survive while I’m out in the desert…..  It all sounds adventurous, educational, and fun.

And, I wanted to see my friend in California again ~ better known as ‘The Girl Riding Shotgun.

Ergo, I’m flying out to Orange County to spend a few days on the Californian beaches, and then flying to Albuqureque, and driving to the Hyatt where the retreat is being held.

It might have been fun to take the 800 mile road trip from California to New Mexico, but this time that was just not going to work.  So, I’ll get to experience all the delights of American short-haul flying, probably in a puddle-jumper.

This trip is not for a while yet, and I am really looking forward t it.  I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.

The trip after this one to New Mexico?  Back to Turkey I think.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

After New Mexico ~ maybe Turkey again

 

Scenes on Sunday ~ Beaches

A beach is not just a stretch of empty sand.

One of the things I like about Orange County are the fabulous beaches.  I like the women too ~ of course.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

there’s a kitten I would like to take there

Scenes on Sunday ~ Piers

So, just how big is a pier?  Well, mostly it sticks out half-a-mile.

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Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Trust me, the various types of pier are interesting and fun.

Encinitas Pebble Garden

Some things are just such novel and cool ideas.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Marmaduke was so disappointed not to see this magical little garden ~ so perfect for a teddy bear

Self-Healing & Self-Development

Hay House World Summit.

Following my recent return from a vacation in California, it was obvious to me and my friends that there was an empty darkness in my soul.

I made a half-hearted attempt to escape from this by drinking ~ and as usual that didn’t work.  Trying to escape into booze and / or drugs never works, not for anyone.  Booze is usually a bad idea, and taking drugs is always a very bad idea.  Both booze and drugs create more problems than they solve, up to and including dying from alcoholism and drug addiction.

What I really need is help to find a new way of living, new values, a new psychology of friendship and love.  I need to find a way towards real spiritual growth.  I need to accept the pain of confronting and solving my problems, and I know that I cannot do that through my own sheer willpower, self-control, and self-discipline.

My first impulse was to go and see my doctor, confess my problems, and ask for help.  But, you know what, most doctors are very bad at dealing with psychological and spiritual problems, together with the booze that has gone along with mine.

A very close friend then pointed me towards the Hay House World Summit, which is a 16-day journey to self-discovery, health, and success.  In 2018 this runs from May 5th to May 20th ~ the timing is ideal for me, and it’s free.

I’ve registered for this and I’m very much looking forward to exploring the 100 lessons and 15 videos.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

From time to time I will let you know how this is working out for me.

Scenes on Sunday ~ California

Southern California is the Land of Crazy Colourful Dreams

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

I like California,

and I very much like my friend in California

Scenes on Sunday ~ Orange County

When you are tired of California you are tired of Life.

Orange County in Southern California is one of my favourite places in the world ~ say right up there alongside Tuscany in Northern Italy.  I’m visiting SoCal next week, but here are some pictures from my last trip there.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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