follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness
Most people, women especially, spend most of their lives being someone else. They play multiple roles, mostly to please other people. Deep down they know that they should be who they are and say what they feel, because those who will object don’t matter, and those who really matter will not object. All the world is a stage and we are but players, and we play the role that seems to fit the situation we are in and pleases the people we are with.
Doing that is incredibly debilitating, causes destructive anxieties, and creates enervating stress deep within your psyche. To begin with there is always the nagging but unheeded thought; why isn’t the real me good enough for him? And, you will get so good at playing the wife, partner, girlfriend, mistress, lover….. that you will lose your true self, that you will forget who you are.
To escape from the self-imposed prison of always being someone and something that, when it comes right down to it you aren’t and never were or wanted to be, you must first of all win back your self-confidence and self awareness. Develop a fuck him, fuck them, fuck the whole world attitude of mind. Be yourself.
It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not. ~ André Gide
Some people are not going to like that. If you’ve been going to football games / baseball / ice hockey / casinos / to see horse racing and betting on it with your guy just because he likes that, and suddenly you tell him that you hate all that shit, well, he might not be happy. He will be shocked that his perfect woman suddenly has a mind of her own.
Some women have it much worse than that; their partner may encourage them to drink and use drugs, take them to very shady bars, get them into BDSM, subject them to mental and physical abuse, share them with other men….. You know something, if that’s you, then stop it now, before he kills you.
Be yourself, don’t take anything from anyone, and never let them take you alive. ~ Gerard way
It’s good to be you, and it’s hip to be square.
If you have to then get out, escape, leave, find a new home and a new life, and if you must with a much better guy. However, I would caution you most sincerely, it might be a bad idea to leave one relationship and walk right into another. What could be worse is to start a new romance while you are still in your dysfunctional relationship. That’s unless the new man you have found is a very special individual indeed, and encourages you to be you.
About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them. and some won’t like you at all. ~ Rita Mae Brown.
Some say they will do anything for a quiet life. And that you cannot change who you have become. All I know is that you should always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.
don’t find yourself drinking at a bar
alone and hoping for a date
be it good or bad
the easiest person to deceive is one’s own self
patience is not always a virtue
Who are you? Wife, partner, girl-friend, mother, daughter, homemaker, servant, doctor, nurse, lover, whore….. None of that is you, they are just descriptions, they are just roles you play, for all your world is a stage and in your life you will play a myriad roles. And none of them are you, all of them are false and but masks you wear.
From the moment we are born we start to lose our identity, we are imprinted with the thoughts, opinions, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours of those around us, particularly those of our parents, teachers, and other care-givers. We are taught the first roles we are expected to play, and none of them are truly who we are.
When was the last time you sat quietly and thought about yourself, were brutally honest with yourself, looked at your own behaviours, traits, style, beliefs, attitudes, where you are in life, and what you sacrifice of yourself to satisfy others? When did you last know who you truly are?
Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is to be himself. ~ Erich Fromm
We need to make a big effort understand ourselves better, and once we understand ourselves we will be able to improve by optimising our strengths and working on our weaknesses. We need to learn to be be ourselves, and not the actor that others want and expect us to be.
Decide who you are and who you want to be. Forget other people’s priorities, ignore their wants, needs, desires, and unrealistic expectations of you, and think about yourself for a change. Unless your world is populated by saints and angels, then everyone you know has expectations of you, and those expectations are not always in your best interest.
Particularly if you are married or in a relationship you will almost never be yourself, mostly you will be who your partner needs, wants, desires, and expects you to be. If you are in a dysfunctional and toxic relationship you will diminish and sacrifice yourself for the sake of peace, to avoid being shouted at, to avoid being mentally abused, to avoid being physically abused.
I might suggest that if you are in a dysfunctional relationship, and you don’t want to lose yourself completely, then you should find a way to get out ~ very soon.
Spend time to discover all the ways in which you play different roles to satisfy the expectations of others, and then decide to chuck all of that stuff in the trash. Decide to be yourself, even if you don’t yet know who that is.
Some say that you can get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. And that if they make a wish then things will be safe in the morning. All I know is that the most liberating decision of my life was to be myself.
meeting the expectations of others leaves our true self tied up in knots
and one man in his time plays many parts
The most profound truths sometimes come in a very simple message, and the message I had at the exact time of the Full Wolf Moon last evening was; Be Yourself. And the strange thing is I know exactly what that means to me.
I have had a lot of practice at being half a hundred other people, of wearing a mask, of fitting-in, playing the role I was expected to play ~ but I can’t ever remember being myself. It’s always been too dangerous.
However, from this time on I will no longer be the Man people expect me to be, I will no longer play the role I am expected to play. This is a new road, towards a new horizon, walked by a man different to the man I was before, and the man I was before was never me.
For the past few days I have been struggling with who I used to be, and the knowledge that I both wanted and needed to be a different man living a different life. But I didn’t know what, why, when, how, nor where, nor who. I had the need, the desire, I wanted to be both different and better, but I didn’t have a direction, nor did I have a plan. For some reason I knew things were going to change soon.
Then yesterday I learned that there was going to be a Wolf Moon, and that it was going to mean things to me ~ I wrote about that.
Last evening I darkened the garret save for some appropriately scented candles, put on some atmospheric music, and sat myself down to wait, my mind open, my heart and brain in harmony. And at just about 19:21 hrs, the exact time of the full moon, I received the strongest possible message, and I knew it was right and I knew exactly what it meant.
Do you know there is a vocal refrain in the opening track from the Enya album The Memory of Trees? Do you know what that repeated refrain is? It’s Be Yourself.
I heard that and I understood.
I will not be the man in the mirror anymore. I will not be a different guy with different people in different situations. I will no longer be a people-pleaser, nor will I be a macho-man, nor devil-may-care, or the life and soul of the party, or a boyfriend, good citizen….. All of the dozens of roles we play day by day, and all of the different acts we put on, will be left behind. For playing all of those roles was making me very sick, because I believed them and they were all false. From now on I shall be myself, and only myself.
Some say they have lost their sense of identity. And that their career has taken over their lives. All I know is I will stand alone and I will be myself.
today there is a new horizon