What I seek is under a spell so only the worthy can find it.
There is a button inside my psyche, its marked Self-Destruct ~ do not press
I press buttons just to find out what they do, it’s part of who I am. Sometimes the little things I do create a huge and unholy mess on the scale of the Titanic disaster. Sometimes I need someone to save me from myself.
There are some things I’m searching for, and failure to make progress in any one of these quests can lead me to pressing the Self-Destruct button ~ usually with painfully disastrous results. The snag is, the things I’m searching for aren’t easy to find. But then, nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and sometimes I’m not even certain what it is I am seeking…
A deeper, enhanced, more emotional, more meaningfully spiritual, enlightened reality ~ connected not just to my id, but to my entire body, mind, and soul.
Relationships that are mutually supportive and in harmony, and not always on the verge of self-destruction. A strong, trusting, loving, liberated, intimate relationship with someone I really care for and who cares for me in return.
Freedom from my black or white, yes / no thinking. In relationships I have a strong tendency to want it all, or nothing at all. My ethics, morals, and mores are painfully strict and old-fashioned.
Self without cognitive dissonance, anger, insecurity, intolerance, jealousy, or fear of abandonment. A self that is enlightened, accepting of all, and understanding of all.
Truth that is not brutal, and is neither self-serving, nor hiding behind lies of omission and half-truths.
A healthy mind in a healthy body. Continually seeking to improve my physical, mental, psychological, and spiritual fitness.
Patience, acceptance, tolerance, understanding, and a willingness to compromise ~ all of which I have little if any at all.
When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things. ~ Robert M. Pirsig
I do too much, give me an acorn and before you know where you are you will be up to your ass in oak trees. I fight the alligators instead of remembering that I’m supposed to be draining the swamp. My dress sense is preppy, rather than relaxed, or trendy, or fashionable. I tend to give solutions, rather than just quietly listening to the problem. My desires, emotions, and passions run very strong and very deep.
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. This lenten season I am giving up the right to be a typical self-indulgent male, which includes dealing with some, or all, of the above ~ especially impatience.
Please Do Not Press This Button Again
with thanks to my Goddess
moderation, moral courage, self-denial, self-discipline
Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent and comes 46 days before Easter. Since Easter itself is a movable feast, Ash Wednesday can happen on any Wednesday from February 4th to March 10th. Ash Wednesday is really a Pagan festival, having only been adopted by the Christian Church in 325 AD by Constantine the Great. (Although almost all Christians will deny it, most, if not all Christian Festivals are built on the back of festivals from other and older religions, civilisations, and cultures.)
Lent and Easter is a long festival of Spring ~ in fact the modern English words Lent and Lenten derive from the Old English word Lencten, which means Spring. As it happens, even the English word Easter derives from the Goddess Oestar / Ostara / Éostre, the Pagan Goddess of Spring, (one of them).
Which begs a couple of questions. Firstly, when does spring begin? Conventionally, in the Northern Hemisphere, in England in particular, Spring starts at the vernal equinox, or on the night of March 20th / 21st. Stonehenge and similar ancient monuments were set up to predict and confirm these astronomical events. And secondly, what does Lent have to do with Spring? And I believe the answer to that is in ancient times the end of winter, coming up to Springtime at the vernal equinox, was a time of hunger, starvation, and hard work preparing the land for spring planting. Ergo, in ancient times people would fast during what is modern Lent, not out of choice, but of absolute necessity.
The deeper one goes into the rituals, superstitions, and deities of these old cultures the more connected to the seasons everything seems to be. Persephone, the beautiful Greek Goddess of Spring, (Roman Proserpina), was also the Goddess of Death and the Underworld. That makes perfect sense because the end of winter, when the food was running out and the weather was bad, would be when the old, young, and infirm were very likely to die.
So, Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, the time leading up to Spring, makes perfect sense when looked at from the point of view of our ancestors. It’s not really time for a festival, carnival, or feasting ~ it’s more a time of self-denial and self-discipline.
It all makes sense in terms of the Four Noble Truths of the Buddha too. The end of winter is a time of pain and suffering. Indulging our wants, desires, and lusts just makes everything worse. The road to freedom from suffering is through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit. The way to get through those hard days at the end of winter would have been through self-discipline in body, mind, and spirit.
So starting today, what am I giving up for the 46 days of Lent? It’s going to be something difficult. Starting today I will not take impulsive and negative actions when I have negative thoughts and feelings like; anger, jealousy, insecurity, anxiety, or fears of abandonment ~ all those old symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. I know that I will have those negative feelings, I just won’t let them get to me.
Maybe I should have decided to give up chocolate instead ~ I’ve already given up booze.
Maybe I’ll just lock myself in the garret for Lent.