Time is an illusion; Happy Hour doubly so.
There was once a time when I was very good at altering the Cosmos I lived in to match up with the way I wished it to be, rather than the way it truly was. For most of the time I could pretend that things were much better for me than they really were, but no illusion can last forever. Ergo, every once in a while stark reality crashed through the violet light of my fantasy, and each time that happened was more painful than the one before. It got so that the only ways I could find to escape the pain of reality were even more destructive than suffering the pain.
My life was mostly getting worse.
I did have good times, and the good times could last for hours, days, weeks… But even my good times were falsehoods, illusions. I would shape reality to match my own attitudes, perceptions, and preconceptions.
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ~ Albert Einstein
Maybe that’s OK for some, but not for me, not with all my psychological problems. I was shaping my reality to cope with my own defects of character, and that isn’t living, that is just a different kind of escape into just another nightmare. And every nightmare was worse than the one before, until eventually I was suffering the long dark midnight of my spirit. And midnight is not the darkest hour.
The darkest hour is just before the dawn. ~ Thomas Fuller
No matter how far I had fallen, there was still much farther I could fall, unless I chose another way.
A little while ago, and with a little help from a close friend, it became plain that I needed to find new ways of thinking, doing, and being. I had to stop running away and trying to join the circus:~ wherever I went, whatever I did, I always took myself with me.
I had to stop being Mr Know It All, and I had to find a way to stop myself from becoming Mr. Hyde.
Perhaps I have found something, a new way of being. Perhaps I have found a way to make meaningful and lasting changes in my life. It’s not going to be a one-time thing, and my future is not going to be easy, but then most of my past was fucking terrible. So, my choices are simple; freedom from pain and suffering for myself and all those around me, or walk the dark path down into hell again?
Some say that a good friend will help you to move. And, that a very good friend will help you to move a dead body. All I know is that I don’t want that body to be mine ~ not for a good while yet.
If, as Einstein says, the Cosmos is really an illusion, then it follows that happiness is a choice ~ that most people can be just as happy as they choose to be.
Today and tomorrow I choose happiness over misery.
I choose sunlight over the dark moon at midnight.
jack collier firstname.lastname@example.org
Men who fear demons see demons everywhere.
My life has been plagued by demons; or character defects, or weaknesses, or a disease, or a mental illness, or Borderline Personality Disorder ~ call it what you will but with a new understanding I know that there are demons lurking in the deep darkness of my innermost subconscious.
We all have inner demons to fight, we call these demons, fear and hatred and anger. If you do not conquer them then a life of one hundred years is a tragedy. If you do, then a life of a single day is a triumph. ~ Yip Man
My demons have attacked me, tormented and tortured me, brought me low and taken me down the long lonely Road to Hell.
My demons have not won the final battle. Yet at times I have been overwhelmed and given in to anger, depression, drink ~ and that is exactly what my demons want.
My demons are cunning shape-shifters and change from one insidious, pernicious, torturous form to another as soon as my back is turned.
My demons are very good at finding the things that can hurt me the most, cause me the most pain, and bringing those things to the forefront of my mind in an ugly distorted form designed to torment and torture me. My demons use negative thoughts of those I care for the most to hurt me the most.
My demons assume the guise of Fear of Rejection, Worthlessness, Anxiety, Depression, Jealousy, Fear of Failure, Addictions, Obsessions, and Compulsions ~ and all of those disguises are designed to cause me the maximum suffering. And my pain never seemed to lessen, or subside, or stop. The pain always got worse than the time before.
It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster. ~ Carl Jung
My demons are my shadow side from my deep subconscious, and my demons may also exist in an evil spiritual form. Yet I have embraced my shadow side, I have accepted and acknowledged the existence of my demons. If dark spiritual forces surround me, if demons lurk in the blackness of my deep subconscious, I will make those demons face the light of my awareness.
My demons now know that they cannot win, they cannot kill me. The pain only lasts if I allow it to. Now that I am aware of my demons I can accept that all the vicious negativity in my soul is only my demons trying to hurt me. My demons want me to feel the pain, my demons want me to fail, and my demons want me to descend into drunken depression ~ and I will not give my demons the pleasure of hurting me, of witnessing me hurt others, of seeing my abject failure.
Facing my demons is not easy. Facing my demons may well be the most difficult thing I have ever done. From out of nowhere my demons can make me feel mentally and emotionally exhausted, angry, jealous, afraid…
My demons want me to stop looking them in the face and telling them that they can never again cause the kind of pain and suffering I have known in the past.
My demons no longer have ultimate power over me ~ now I have some little power over them, and now I can truly begin to recover from the poison in my soul and walk the warrior’s path.
There is a warrior’s path to the end of suffering.
In my life I have been lost, often alone, and sometimes in pain. I have been down and disappointed, I have been beaten by misfortune, I’ve been so tired and despairing I could not eat or sleep, I’ve been crushed by unrequited love, I wanted things that were always out of reach, and I was so lonely I cried bitter tears. Then I found a guiding star to wish to, and that bright star led me to a good place of freedom from pain and suffering. Now I can cross broad oceans, climb tall mountains, see the far horizons.
Now I can experience true friendship and real love.
Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards, and leads us from this world to another. ~ Plato
You too can find your star to wish upon and to follow, if only you are prepared to search both the heavens and deep within yourself.
In the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy a supercomputer reveals that the ultimate answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything is 42.
The answer to the Great Question… Of Life, the Universe, and Everything… Is… Forty-Two. ~ Deep Thought
This was meant as a joke, 42 was just a random number picked out of thin air by Douglas Adams, the author of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Allegedly. However it turns out that the number forty-two has symbolism and special meanings in a whole raft of philosophies, religions, and magical convictions. Forty-two is a highly symbolic number slipped into a work of fiction, seemingly by accident, or coincidence.
However, despite what some may say, there is an answer, a simple answer to Life.
If we are to believe numerology then 42 is an Angel Number, and the energies of this number bring us an inner-wisdom to help us pursue our Life Purpose. To pursue your Life Purpose, then first you must realise that the true purpose of your life is to live and to grow ~ to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually, in health and happiness. That may be a long, long way from where you find yourself right now.
In order to get to where you want to go, you first have to know two things;
- Exactly where you are right now.
- Exactly where it is you want to get to.
You don’t need to know the road in-between, that will become only too apparent on your journey to your ultimate truth.
If you are anything like I used to be, then where you are right now could be unhealthy, unsatisfying, and depressing. There may be no real joy and happiness in your life. You may see no way out, even though you have sought relief and escape through religion, inspirational books, motivational speakers, support groups, counsellors, psychologists, doctors, medication, booze, street drugs, gambling, casual sex…
None of those escape routes will work for long, and the consequences of some methods of escape from hard reality just make things much worse. I know, before I found my own ultimate truth, my own warrior’s path, I tried just about every quick fix there is.
There are more false prophets than there are those inspired by an ultimate truth.
Taking the wrong road through self-destructive behaviour leads to one rock-bottom after another, and each new rock-bottom is worse than the one before.
There are no quick fixes in Life, and nobody can fix you but you.
The Ultimate Truth is this; Life is Difficult and Painful.
Once you are prepared to recognise that truth, once you are prepared to accept, appreciate, and understand that Life is Difficult and Painful, then you can transcend all pain and suffering. You can take your first step on the warrior’s path to freedom from desolation and misery.
The first step in any journey is always the hardest. It will mean uncertainty, leaving your comfort zone, doing things that seem unnatural, and at first it may seem just as painful as the misery you’re trying to leave behind. But, you have to know this ~ follow the warrior’s path and things will get better. Your life will become even better than you could ever have imagined it could be.
The first step is to recognise and accept that you are the cause of your own unhappiness. Whatever the proximate cause of your misery and unhappiness, be it alcoholism, gambling, an abusive relationship, or whatever is your personal purgatory, the ultimate cause of your pain is your own need for instant gratification. We must to accept that the causes of all our problems and unhappiness are our own cravings, desires, wants, lusts, needs, and our blaming of others when things don’t go the way we want them to.
Self-discipline is hard, it means not taking that next drink, not having that next cigarette, not overeating, not placing our happiness in the hands of another. Self-discipline means turning up for work on time, getting enough good quality sleep, getting enough fresh air and exercise. Self-discipline means not blaming others for our misfortunes, not spending money we don’t have, not allowing ourselves to become infatuated with someone who will never truly return our affections. Self-discipline is what will free you from pain, misery, and the teachings of false prophets.
You don’t need the hurt anymore, and you don’t need the pain in your life. I promise you that if you accept and understand that you can’t ever change what happens to you, but you can change what you do, then your shadows will turn into warm sunlight. Don’t ever allow yourself to give in to your craving for instant gratification, have the patience to appreciate, accept,and understand yourself, trust in yourself and not in others, and your life will get better. Your whole life will improve very fast, and it will be better than you have ever dreamed possible.
I am a Cat Person.
Instinctively I like cats, and I like people who like cats. As for dogs ~ a bit of a nuisance at best, a damn nuisance most of the time. And, some of the time I actively
hate dislike dogs.
One may think that’s just a matter of taste, or have something to do with my not being brought up around dogs. However, following some recent research about cats and their liking for boxes, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s far deeper and a lot more interesting than that.
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. ~ Mark Twain
I firmly believe there are Cat People, and then there are Dog People, and the two groups have very different psyche. And it turns out that all the stereotypes about cat people are true.
Cat people like to nap a lot. They are also smarter, more sensitive, and less conformist than other people. Cat people don’t believe that rules apply to them.
Cat people prefer to have a small safe place they can retreat to when they feel under stress. Cat lovers prefer solitude.
Cat people stand out from the crowd and have very distinctive personalities.
Cats and cat people are very bad when it comes to resolving conflicts, they are sensitive, neurotic, independent, and don’t obey rules. Instead of working things out they tend to run away and hide.
Like real cats, cat people are ambush hunters, liking nothing more than lying in wait for their next target.
If cats looked like frogs we’d realise what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember. ~ Terry Pratchett.
Felines and feline people like to be cozy and warm, hating to sit around in the cold, go out in the cold, sleep in a cold bed.
And it seems that cats love circles. In my case I much prefer spirals to circles, but circles are good too.
Perhaps the most important question to ask on a first date isn’t all that crap you get from people like eHarmony ~ instead just ask; ‘Do you prefer cats, or dogs?’
Time spent with a cat is never wasted. ~ Colette
I know which type of woman I’d prefer.
these views are mine and mine alone
I have had a problem with drink for many years. I can stay away from booze for long periods, but eventually I will go back to self-medicating with alcohol.
How to stop this binge drinking has puzzled me, and long seemed an insoluble problem. However, after my last relapse a couple of things have become somewhat clearer. It is now plain to me that my going back to boozing has always followed some crisis of negative emotions.
These negative emotions include irrational feelings of;
Anger, anxiety, bitterness, conceit, depression, disgust, envy, fear, frustration, grief, hatred, jealousy, perfectionism, possessiveness, resentment, righteousness, ruthlessness, sadness, self-hatred, self-pity, shame, unhappiness, and being untrusting.
Usually what I feel is an amalgam of several, or all of these emotions, at one in the same time. Basically I feel angry, anxious and miserable. From some research I have come to believe that the onset of these negative emotions may be the result of attention seeking and drama addiction on my part. For goodness sake, attention seeking is something that one is supposed to grow out of! Maybe when I was younger I discovered that displaying powerful negative emotions were a certain way to get attention?
Brains wired to equate lack if attention as dangerous, naturally respond to it as a threat…. Psychology Today
However, there is one piece of good news. Excessive attention seeking is not considered a character defect, it is usually the result of childhood neglect, (in relative terms).
I suspect the reason compulsive over-eaters, alcoholics and substance abusers are more prone to excess attention seeing and drama addiction is because those populations are more likely to have endured developmental trauma. ~ Billi Gordon Ph.D Psychology Today
There are undoubtedly better strategies for dealing with negative emotions than getting drunk. There are also probably strategies for dealing with an excessive need for attention and drama
Spirituality, meditation, self-control are not strangers to me, so why do I sometimes lose these good things and wallow in anger, depression, jealousy and drink?
What I need to do is find these new coping strategies because drinking is doing me no good at all. My last two, (or was it three), day binge caused a complete memory loss ~ I cannot remember several important events that took place during my latest ‘slip’ as Alcoholics Anonymous call going back to drinking again. As these important life events mostly involved my losing my temper, they are something to be avoided. In the past three months I have also badly hurt myself, twice, while intoxicated.
Psychologists say that there is no actual cure for what may be wrong in my brain. The doctors say the rewiring is permanent, short of invasive surgery, but they also say I can manage my condition. In order to do that am resolved to accept what I am, and love what I have more than what I don’t have. I shall look for the good things in my life and try to accept these negative emotions for what they really are, a dangerous chimera which I can fight with the right strategies.
Life presents itself in constantly changing ways, but you’re able to accept the challenges, rather than recoil, throw up your hands, and go on a binge. Carnie Wilson.
I have realised that I am not my pain. I know I may never beat my problems, but I can ameliorate their dangerous effects. Perhaps instead of binge drinking, I need to do something spiritual, like watching the sunrise over the sea. Perhaps instead of losing my temper I should focus on the good friends I have, and how supportive they have been. All I know is that I will give these new strategies my very best shot, and hope to do better in future.
NO WOMAN INSTINCTIVELY KNOWS WHERE NORTH IS
No women instinctively know which way to turn a nut to loosen it when it’s upside down. No women can instinctively throw, catch, or hit a ball with a bat. Women can learn these skills, but they will always be a learned skill. Women have no need to throw anything except crockery at their guy, and even then they will miss. Women have more important things to do than play cricket. Any woman who does play cricket would rather they were a boy anyhow.
Equality of the sexes is an artificial construct. The sexes are not equal. Women own the one thing which drives all male behaviour. Men are made to serve women. Most men will do anything to please the woman he loves. Most women could care less. Women think it’s pleasing and flattering if a man desires them, but all women will soon become irritated if a man carries that desire too far into mindless devotion. One step beyond that and she will slap a restraining order on the poor sap.
From far back beyond time, women expected men to provide for their needs. At the cost of their own lives men would go out and kill something dangerous so everyone could have meat for dinner. At the cost of ridicule and sanity, men would go out and invent the aeroplane, steam power, or the cotton gin. In return, women will offer very a very temporary illusion of love.
The only thing a woman can love is her child. Sometimes a man will fulfill the role of her child, but even if she doesn’t birth a child of her own, that dependent role played by her partner will eventually cloy and become annoying.
Women do not like men who want to kiss them. A slobbering guy all over her face and a wet tongue at the back of her throat is not something any woman wants, unless she is a practicing alcoholic. Women do not like men who want to have sex with them, for some reason almost no woman likes penetrative sex. Women do not like possessive men. Women do not like diffident men. At one level women just do not like men.
Men are a dangerous other world for women. Women do not understand men. Why would a guy want to spend a year in the garage rebuilding a sports car? Why would a guy not want to go to a party? Why would a guy want to watch all the TV channels at the same time? Why would a guy instinctively know where the sun comes up?
Why do men never want to talk?
The part of the female brain that is filled with communication skills is used in the male brain for spatial awareness. Men can only speak because they hijack odd bits of their brain that are not doing anything better at the time. Communication skills in men is one dimensional at best. Men would just as soon say nothing at all as chat about nothing at all.
What men are very good at is mechanics, hydrostatics and sound. No woman could have codified classical mechanics in the way Isaac Newton described the laws of motion and gravitation. In all honesty, no woman would give a damn. Women can sing, in fact almost all women can sing, whereas most men couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. Singing is holistic, men are not good at the holistic nature of emotion. Men who can sing are rare, their brains are atypical. What men are good at is keeping time, female drummers are as rare as hen’s teeth. Beethoven is about timing, not melody. Evelyn Glennie is an exception that proves the rule that women can’t do percussion.
Men naturally see the relationships between time and space. Men instinctively know what size a nut and bolt is, without having to check. Men can see the flight of an arrow, the trajectory of a ball, and how to get home. Most women can’t read a map.
Map reading uses skills most women don’t know exists. Orienting the map with the territory is a huge leap of faith. Believing that north on the map is the same as north on the ground is something that more than half of all women are incapable of. Knowing which way to turn a nut, upside down, in the dark, at arms-length is a faculty that no women have. Women resort to righty-tighty, lefty loosely.
Meanwhile men are baffled by interpersonal relationships, conversation, and caring.
There is no need for women to learn mechanical engineering.
There is no need for men to bother with caring skills.
Women do not need to know what a/f means, or UNF, or how far a furlong is.
It’s very noticeable that cookery books use measures like ‘a cup’. What the smeg is a cup? Women know and men don’t.
A majority of women can’t tell left from right. A majority of men are baffled when women are angry with them. No women know where North is. No men understand babies. No woman thinks it’s fun when the car breaks down.
Nuts turn counterclockwise to loosen them, unless it’s a left hand thread. Steel is straw coloured at 500 degrees fahrenheit and 1000 degrees at lowest visible red. Complete combustion is blue, whereas the hottest fire without forced ventilation is white.
No woman cares about that, unless she sublimates her femininity.
There is no right and no wrong, there are only differences.
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE ~ THEREFORE MAGIC IS POSSIBLE
Magic; The power of influencing events using mysterious forces.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Impossible; Not able to occur, exist, or be done.
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to attempt the impossible.
Science; A systematically organised body of knowledge on a particular subject.
When a distinguished scientist states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
I believe in intuitions and inspirations… (Einstein)
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. (Shakespeare)
These quotations and definitions are from unimpeachable sources. Studied closely they don’t make sense. But then, even the Bible says that nothing makes sense, (Ecclesiastes 1). Some things just do not make sense. Some things in science do not make sense. Nothing in quantum mechanics makes any sense at all. Infinity does not make sense in this universe. And, any competent practitioner of quantum electrodynamics can prove that water does not exist.
Magic is obviously impossible and nonsensical. Flight by machines heavier than air is unpractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible. (Kelvin) Any student of classical aerodynamics can prove that the bumblebee cannot fly. Then the Wright bothers flew right though the smoke screen of impossibility.
Dragons are mythical creatures. One definition of dragon is a mythical monster like a giant reptile. If you were to travel to London’s Natural History Museum you will be able to see the skeletal remains of a mythical monster like a giant reptile, right there in the entrance hall. A lot of good Christians don’t believe in dinosaurs. A lot of good Christians don’t believe in nudity and Pan either.
The point is that it is much easier to claim that something is impossible than it is to prove it. Conversely, even if I could prove that magic was not only possible, but that it existed, and that I know how some of it works, (through practical experience), most respectable scientists would simply ignore the evidence. The Boomerang Effect shows that any evidence I could possibly present will only strengthen the attitude of someone who doesn’t believe in magic ~ they will become someone who really doesn’t believe in magic.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough. (Bohr) There is a t least one perfectly respectable area of science which is basically the study of magic. Psychology is the study of the human mind and its functions, especially the functions which affect behaviours. Some say that the most practically effective branch of psychology is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, (NLP). Some others say that NLP is a discredited pseudoscience. I have hard evidence that NLP works. From personal experience I can also state that the widely accepted Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, (CBT), is so close to parts of Neuro-Linguistic Programming that you couldn’t get a cigarette paper between the two.
Why is psychology a branch of magic? Proper practical psychology embraces all aspects of the human experience, from child development to the actions of nations in conflict. Large elements of practical psychology have to be taken on trust by the end-user. Psychological therapies often work because the patient, (and the therapist), believe they are going to work. Believing you can recover is vital to recovery from mental illness. How far different is that from a voodoo witch doctor telling someone they are going to die on Tuesday, and because the victim believes they are going to die on Tuesday ~ send for the undertaker. Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. (Jung)
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming there is a basic technique for self improvement ~ Act As If. You want to stop drinking, gambling, and turn up for work looking and smelling clean. You are not going to cure your alcoholism overnight, but Act As If you were cured. Don’t drink as soon as you get out of bed, take a shower, shave, put some clean clothes on the clean body, Act As If you were a normal human being instead of a shambling alcoholic. The power of belief will carry you a long way. As well as in NLP, anyone who has been around Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) will have heard this Act As If mantra. The thing about AA is they only use stuff that works. Alcoholism is a deadly disease, they don’t dick around with fashionable slogans or do things for the sake of it.
The power of self-belief is a very basic form of magic. It is also unbelievably difficult. All magic is unbelievably difficult until the user really knows how. The application of practical magic will often require a great deal of sleep, mental preparation, meditation, subconscious thought, and massive self-belief. I firmly believe this is why cats are associated with practical magic, they have mental preparation and self-belief in bucket-loads.
One of the main principles of scientific method is Reproducibility. If Lab A can make rats drip green slime by doing B, then if it’s real science Lab C can also make rats drip green slime if they follow the same methodology. This is different from magic. In real magic, just because I can do something doesn’t mean that you can do the same thing ~ not unless I show you how, you have talent, and you work at it. There is no reproducibility in magical engineering.
One useful definition of magic is; the ability to cause an observable effect that cannot be reproduced by anyone else, but can by you. Give me a place to stand and I will move the Earth. (Archimedes)
Black holes are where God divided by zero. (Wright) Some things are probably impossible. Magic isn’t one of them, depending on how you would like to define magic. The application of magical engineering merely requires a suspension of disbelief, concentrated instruction, talent, and hard work.
I will explain how some of it works in later posts to this blog.