Tag Archives: Alcoholism

Spirituality on Sunday

to walk the warriors path is to continually step out into the unknown

For years my life was based on self-belief, selfishness, and instant gratification.  I was a one-dimensional man, and deep down I was always afraid.  I went to church but I had no belief, I was married but there was no love, I was successful but all that gave me was money.

When we as human beings are disconnected from our true selves we place ourselves in a perilous position.  Our sense of identity becomes lost and we are prey to evils from within and without ~ anger, arrogance, envy, fear, greed, jealousy, lust, paranoia…..  There is no inner peace and little joy in our lives.  We act without thought for others, and we react to real or perceived attacks and slights with anger and extreme verbal or written or even physical aggression.  There is no real love in our lives, either for ourselves or for other people.

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.  ~  the Buddha

Without spirituality, without a belief in a power outside of ourselves, outside of that which we can explain through modern science, we do not live, we just exist.  This leads to serious physical, mental, and emotional problems and illnesses.  Alcoholism, explosive anger, drug addiction, gambling, infidelity, inappropriate casual sex, lust, resentments, narcissism, self-doubt, paranoia, fear, cowardice…..  It is not by chance that the second step of 12-step recovery programs is; Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Accepting that there is a Power greater than ourselves is the beginning of spirituality, the beginning of a real connection with our true selves.  Spirituality means evolving our consciousness, and at each level of evolution we react to the Cosmos in different ways.  Most people are driven by what is happening in the world outside them, some shape their lives to live in the world they choose, and a very few change themselves by looking at the world inside themselves.  Extraordinary people learn to reshape themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally ~ learning inner peace, true happiness, and how to love themselves and others.

There are three principles to reaching inner peace, knowing our true selves, and spirituality;

  • associate with like-minded people, people who strengthen us. avoid toxic people and toxic relationships
  • put aside time every day to make and strengthen the connection with our true selves. rest, meditate, harmonise your heart and brain
  • transform our character; turn arrogance into humility, hate into love, paranoia into trust

Some say that there is no God, no Higher Power, nothing greater than man and science.  And that Spirituality ranks alongside Magic, Sorcery, and the belief in a Flat Earth for stupidity.  All I know is that a Power greater than myself restored me to sanity.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

My own mind was a prison

 

Reinventing Yourself

Reinventing yourself is an essential process if you want to flourish

I came to a point in my life where I knew that I had to change, it was time to make a fresh start.  As we mature, as we learn and gain greater wisdom, it is inevitable that our goals, dreams plans, and expectations change.  And for some of us, struggling with difficult emotional, mental, and psychological problems, we know that we need to let go of that which doesn’t work any more, never really worked, and was never going to work as far as our personal life and relationships are concerned.

It’s first of all about letting go of expectations, resentments, and hard-wired negative emotions.  It’s about exploring and educating ourselves in new ways of living, it’s about finding ways to cope with those hard-wired negative emotions, it’s about discovering new ways of being, doing, thinking, and feeling.

Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.  ~  Charles Bukowski

However, I kid you not, unless you are reinventing yourself as an even worse version of the person you are today, (and I have seen many do that), then making a fundamental change to who and what you are, is fucking very difficult.

You can become a new, different, and better person very easily using your conscious mind ~ but know this, your conscious mind is only in control of your actions for about 5% of the time, the other 95% of the time your subconscious mind is in charge.  And you can’t talk to your subconscious and tell it that you’ve changed because there is nobody in there.  Your subconscious is made up of a set of programs that just run in response to stimuli and rewriting those programs is next to impossible.

One proven way to do it is called Habituation or Act As If.  It’s like learning to drive a car, you practice and you practice until a new set of ‘driving programs’ is stored in your subconscious.  So if you want to stop drinking, smoking, taking drugs, gambling, having endless casual sexual relationships, being a jerk, being a thief…..  then you need to practice and practice not doing those negative things and instead be a better person until those new and better programs are stored in your subconscious.  It will take a year or two.

The snag is that your family, ‘friends’, coworkers, partners in crime, et al., will sabotage you at every turn.  If you’re trying to stop drinking / smoking / taking drugs and you go out with your old circle of friends they will encourage you to drink / smoke / use ~ and the chances are you will give in.  They will continue to label you as alcoholic, addict, slut, jerk, thief, chain-smoker….. in casual conversation and when describing you ~ and that is how they will always think of you.  And none of that is helpful.

The lesson is, if you are reinventing yourself you have to leave behind your old life ~ including all those unsupportive family members, false friends, and toxic relationships because they will do their utmost to drag you down into the past.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

your false friends would like to see you stay there in the gutter with a bottle

Drinking and Drinkers

Booze, the cause of, and the answer to, all of life’s problems.

Long Island Iced Tea

Some people believe that the most reliable way to have fun is to drink to excess.  They believe that to go into a bar, or to go to a party, and not drink at least a half-dozen beers or a whole bottle of wine is incomprehensible.  And for some, wine, beer, and spirits are all the same, the key is the alcohol.  All booze is to be consumed until they feel that buzz, feel like they’re having fun, slurring their words, and knock over a glass.

Go into some bars, particularly airport bars, or any bar in the USA, and you will see women sitting at the bar, usually among a group of men, laughing at risque jokes, watching sports TV, their faces shiny from too much booze.  As predatory as any younger man, of which there will be a lot around any woman.  If anyone’s drinking Long Island Iced Tea, then they really want to get shit-faced.

No pub is without its regulars, who all have their regular spot, and usual ‘friends’who will comment if they miss a session or two.

In airports, railway stations, shopping malls, and strange towns, real drinkers will either know where there is a good bar or make it their priority to find one.  Real boozers will think nothing of striking up an intimate conversation with whomsoever they may find sitting at the bar, and possibly proceed to tell them stuff they wouldn’t ever tell their partner or closest friends.  Sometimes they have no idea where they are when they wake up, maybe in the morning.

Older people tend to do their drinking at home, sitting in their favourite chair, maybe watching something asinine on Netflix, steadily knocking back their preferred tipple until they realise they should go to bed, or they make stupid ‘phone calls, or post sexual stuff online, or just fall asleep / pass out in their chair.

You can always tell a boozer.  They will be overweight with a lot of unsightly belly-fat, they will turn up at work late in the clothes they wore yesterday, their hands may shake in the mornings, probably they are smokers / gamblers / sexually promiscuous, their trash will always be full of empty bottles, and their car will often be found outside their regular pub / bar.

Some women say that they like beer, bikers, and rock music.  And that there’s nothing in their past that they regret.  All I know is that it’s best to avoid that sort of female.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

A real English pub,

where you will never find a nice girl sitting at the bar.

 

Songs on Saturday ~ Piano Man

Booze is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I’m English, but I’ve spent time in bars in most of the major cities in Europe and the United States.  You know that you’re spreading it a little widely when you walk into a bar in say ~ New York, just off Madison Avenue, and the barman knows immediately that you drink a stirred vodka martini, or several.

~

I’ve spent far too much time in bars exactly like the one in this song, except there was usually a slightly inebriated woman sitting at the bar trying to get picked up for casual sex.  Sad really.  And the piano man was never as good as Billy Joel.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I don’t pick up women in bars,

and I don’t have casual sex.

Trust and Friendship

a friend in need is a friend indeed

Today I am unwell in body, mind, and spirit.

I cannot eat, and I can only drink an electrolyte powder in water.

Getting up out of my chair and doing things is difficult ~ I am so unsteady.

Writing this is more than ordinarily difficult ~ English is making no sense at all.

Also I keep getting everyone’s name wrong.  that’s very bad of me.

My sincere apologies to everyone I’ve ever hurt, and everyone I’ve lied to.

I’m glad that I still have some caring friends I can trust.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

and good memories to look back upon

Gain Self-Belief

Each time we face our fears we gain confidence, self-belief, and freedom.

People have a strong tendency to sabotage themselves when things are going really well in their lives.

It doesn’t really matter how smart you are, how grounded you are, or how much money you have, one of these days you will probably get to a place where everything is cool and fine, and then you’ll fuck foul it up with drink, drugs, prescription and over the counter medication, smoking, gambling, binge eating, casual sex…..  It seems as though we have an in-built belief that we are not really worthy, or good enough, or nice enough to have all that success and all those good feelings.  We aren’t comfortable with standing out among our family, friends, and peers ~ and this belief that we don’t deserve our own success is something that we learn in early childhood, before we are seven years old.  Our parents, care-givers, and siblings are to blame for that.

Also, very early on in life, many of us learn to believe that we are unworthy of love.  We learn that we don’t deserve to be loved by others, we learn how not to love ourselves, we learn to believe that we don’t deserve to get all the good stuff that life has to offer.  We continually judge ourselves, criticise ourselves, and fall prey to negative thinking and negative beliefs.

In the extreme these negative feelings and beliefs lead to something called Borderline Personality Disorder, and that creates no end of troubles; paranoia, fear of abandonment, addiction, boozing, reckless behaviours, depression, bi-polar disorder…..

It takes real genius, strong will, self-honesty, openness, and willingness to escape from these dark negative places.

First of all we need to understand love and what it means.  The belief that stops us from fully embracing the love of others and accepting self-love is the negative expectation that it’s all going to turn to crap eventually, and whoever offers love to us is going to abandon us anyway.  Usually that means we will push others away from us, and the denial of love becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The same things happen with anything and everything else we want, need, and desire; money, health, enlightenment, friendships, personal growth, freedom to do what we really want to do…..

And all of these negative beliefs and thought patterns are imposed upon our subconscious minds in childhood, which of course means we learn to believe all this crap from our parents, the rest of our families, other care-givers, teachers, older children…..

To escape from an unsuccessful, unfulfilled, ultimately unhappy life we need to be willing to throw aside our past and instead build a future which truly reflects the unique, lovable, loving person we are.  If you talk about your past you are just reliving all the negative crap, no matter what gloss your subconscious mind tries to put on all the shit you used to do.

Most people aren’t truly willing to take that monumental leap ~ in fact I don’t know anyone who is.

Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you always got.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

you may believe all this smoking, drinking, and sitting at the bar is cool

 

Have a Dream

If you can dream, and not make dreams your master…..

The day that we stop wanting, needing, wishing, and dreaming is the day we stop walking the warrior’s path, and begin to take that long dark road towards disappointment, despair, and death.  I know some people who seem to have no dreams, and I know a few people who are living in a dark nightmare. People with no dreams often also seem to be hell-bent on self-destruction through drink, drugs, gambling, self-harm, unsafe casual sex, suicide attempts….. I can recognise those people because I used to be one of them.

Some say that being negative, depressed, filled with character defects, is a condition to be pitied and that we should try to understand without condemning or blaming.

You know what?  I don’t agree with that idea at all.  Unless Life has thrown at you some terrible calamity, like having to live in a war zone, then if you’re an addict, an alcoholic, a hopeless gambler, chain smoker, depressed, suicidal, and hell-bent on being unhappy on the road to self-destruction ~ it is mostly your own fault.

There seems to be something in the subconscious mind of most people that says; ‘if I am really suffering I will get attention and love…..’  This is understandable because when we were at our most impressionable, young and vulnerable, then if we were suffering we would most likely get extra attention and love from our parents / principal carers.  Angst and shelf-harming practices such as alcoholism are learned behaviours.

On the other side of the coin, if as a child we were always bright, happy, full of inventive play and dreams, then mostly our parents would leave us alone.  They would leave us alone except for their own horrible negativity when we told them of our dreams, and they said; ‘you can’t possibly do that…..’

Dreaming of doing bigger, better, more exciting and more adventurous things, of meeting the partner of our dreams, or dreaming of having a wonderful life, is often driven from our own subconscious mind by the things we were told as an innocent child.

I know all this because it all happened to me, up to and including until a few weeks ago, when I had one of those revelatory moments we sometimes have in life, and I realised I could dream, and make my dreams come true.

So don’t give up on your dreams.  Don’t think you are a hopeless case.  You can be who you want to be and do whatever you want to do ~ stop believing that you’re trapped, and start wishing and dreaming again.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I’m dreaming of sunshine this Christmas

Recovering From Addictions

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter if it’s alcohol or marijuana

In yesterday’s post 10 things successful people do, I said that successful people stay healthy and overcome their addictions ~ well, it’s impossible to stay healthy in the long-term if you have a drugs habit, drink too much, or smoke.  Alcoholism, drug abuse, and smoking will all kill you, especially if you are prey to all three.  Most addicts have multiple addictions.  Add gambling into the mix and you will die a horrible death, after you have lost everything you have.

There are NO exceptions to that rule.

You may think that you drink a little bit, use pot or coke just now and again, take a few too many of your prescription drugs, smoke the odd cigarette when you’re feeling stressed or happy, go to Vegas to gamble every once in a while…..  It could be you have a problem you’re not admitting to yourself, and lying about to everyone else.

Denial is not a river in Egypt.  Denial will kill you.

The very first step in overcoming an addiction is to admit that you have a problem.   The first step in all 12 step recovery groups is to honestly admit that you have a problem.  Your problem with booze, drugs, smoking, gambling, unsafe casual sex, erotica, pornography, dangerous pastimes, sugar, food….. may not be so bad ~ YET.  Let me tell you, your problem will only get worse, unless you do something about it.   And what you have to do is STOP drinking, smoking, using drugs, gambling, or whatever.

There is no such thing as controlled drinking, drug abuse, gambling…..

And, if you cannot stop, and if you still lie about it to yourself and others, then you are a true alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler, long-term chain smoker, and you’re going to lose everything you have, and die horribly.  Things may only be a little bit rocky now, but that’s ok for you, missing work once in a while isn’t so bad.  Let me tell you, it is going to get worse if you do not completely stop drinking, using, smoking, gambling…..

No matter how bad thing are now, they will get worse.

What to do?  A good start is to go and see your doctor, and tell him / her that you have a problem.  But, the chances are that, unless you have an exceptional doctor, they’re not going to be much help.  Do Not just accept more medication from your doctor ~ drugs in any form are bad for you.  Also, the chances are that if you have a propensity to addiction, then you also have an underlying psychological problem.  What you probably need is ‘talking therapy’ to deal with your underlying Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD……

Admit you have a problem, and talk to people who understand.

From bitter personal experience I can tell you that there are only two things that work when it comes to recovering from the problems of an addiction;

  1. Completely stop drinking, using, smoking, gambling, binge eating…..
  2. Talk with people who truly understand.  Ask for their help.

If you are an addict, then you will never, ever be cured, all you can do is begin to recover from your addiction.  You will never be able to go back to drinking, or whatever…..

Some say that being an addict means that you are a morally weak degenerate lunatic.  And, that all addicts are hopeless cases who will just die sooner rather than later.  All I know is that it is possible to begin to recover from Borderline Personality Disorder and Alcoholism.

(further reading;  The Big Book of AA, The Road Less Travelled, Under The Influence.)

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

addicts are not lunatics,

but they may well have a psychological problem

 

10 things successful people do

Life can take us down unexpected and difficult paths.

Through painful experience, I have learned that to be very successful in your life, there are some things we must do.  Most of them are difficult, bordering on the impossible, but all of these 10 things listed below are actually achievable.

There are two types of people who will tell that you cannot make a difference in this world; those who are afraid to try, and those who are afraid you will succeed.  ~  Ray Goforth.

I firmly believe that these are the most important of the rules we must follow in order to overcome life’s challenges, and ultimately win out:

  1. Stay Healthy.  It’s almost impossible to be successful if you’re often ill, spending time in bed, or in hospital.
  2. Overcome Addictions.  Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Gambling, Smoking….. to name perhaps the most dangerous of all possible addictions.  If you drink too much you will lose almost everything.  If you drink and gamble you will lose everything.  If you drink, gamble, smoke, and take drugs, you will lose everything, and then you’ll die ~ horribly
  3. Stay Within the Law.  If you get involved with illegal activities, including taking drugs, drink driving, illegal gambling ~ sometime or other you will have a run in with The Police.  A criminal record does your chances of living your dream life no good at all.
  4. Say Goodbye to Toxic People.  Toxic relationships will make you unhappy, corrupt your mind and soul, and prevent you from realising how much better things can be.
  5. Seek Out, and Take, Good Advice.  If you’re physically ill see a doctor, if you’re suffering mentally see a counsellor, and if you’re just struggling seek out your closest and wisest friend.  Whatever advice you’re given, really take it to heart.
  6. Do Not Waste Time or Money.  Too many people throw their money away without thought.  Almost everyone wastes their time on unimportant activities.  A fool and his money are soon parted.  Time is the most precious resource we have.
  7. Stay Romantically and Sexually Faithful.  Affairs, casual sex, multiple partners, using sex-workers, are all going to waste your time and money.  You will get into trouble, and if you’re married, you will be asked for a divorce.
  8. Keep Learning.  Nobody can know everything, but most people don’t even try to improve their mind and knowledge once they finish their formal education.  The internet and a million books are out their, and something you learn may just give you the edge you need to become successful.
  9. Focus On Things You Can Control.  God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  And, don’t let me try to change people, because that never works.
  10. Follow Your Dreams.  Dreams are the fuel for your success.  Without dreams there can never be any meaningful and lasting success in your life.

Some very smart people can ignore some of these rules, some of the time, and still be successful.  But you can’t ignore all of these rules, all of the time, and still have a hope in hell of making a success of your life.  And, never worry about failure, just make certain that you pick yourself up and start again.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Marmaduke is a success,

and he loves Bentleys and Jaguars

 

 

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Casablanca

Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman ~ As Time Goes By

~

~

In Casablanca, Rick never said; ‘Play it again Sam’, but he should have

Women can drive a man to remember, and to think

all that may make a guy so take just one more drink

and booze does no good, but his love is treacherous

he can do better, and he will always have memories

I never truly told a friend how much I loved her, and I should have.

~

jack collier                                                      jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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