Tag Archives: Alcoholic

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Beer

he’s only ever been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror

You know what?  It turns out that beer is very bad for you.  Too much beer will make you bloated, fat, and stupid.  More beer than that will kill you.

How much is too much?  If you are who I think you are, then one beer is one too many for you.

Please drink responsibly.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

a gentleman never drinks straight from the bottle or can

and real ladies don’t drink beer

Negative Emotions and Alcoholism

Lost WeekendI have had a problem with drink for many years.  I can stay away from booze for long periods, but eventually I will go back to self-medicating with alcohol.

How to stop this binge drinking has puzzled me, and long seemed an insoluble problem.  However, after my last relapse a couple of things have become somewhat clearer.  It is now plain to me that my going back to boozing has always followed some crisis of negative emotions.

These negative emotions include irrational feelings of;

Anger, anxiety, bitterness, conceit, depression, disgust, envy, fear, frustration, grief, hatred, jealousy, perfectionism, possessiveness, resentment, righteousness, ruthlessness, sadness, self-hatred, self-pity, shame, unhappiness, and being untrusting.

Usually what I feel is an amalgam of several, or all of these emotions, at one in the same time.  Basically I feel angry, anxious and miserable.  From some research I have come to believe that the onset of these negative emotions may be the result of attention seeking and drama addiction on my part.  For goodness sake, attention seeking is something that one is supposed to grow out of!  Maybe when I was younger I discovered that displaying powerful negative emotions were a certain way to get attention?

Brains wired to equate lack if attention as dangerous, naturally respond to it as a threat….  Psychology Today

However, there is one piece of good news.  Excessive attention seeking is not considered a character defect, it is usually the result of childhood neglect, (in relative terms).

I suspect the reason compulsive over-eaters, alcoholics and substance abusers are more prone to excess attention seeing and drama addiction is because those populations are more likely to have endured developmental trauma. ~ Billi Gordon Ph.D  Psychology Today

There are undoubtedly better strategies for dealing with negative emotions than getting drunk.  There are also probably strategies for dealing with an excessive need for attention and drama

Spirituality, meditation, self-control are not strangers to me, so why do I sometimes lose these good things and wallow in anger, depression, jealousy and drink?

What I need to do is find these new coping strategies because drinking is doing me no good at all.  My last two, (or was it three), day binge caused a complete memory loss  ~  I cannot remember several important events that took place during my latest ‘slip’ as Alcoholics Anonymous call going back to drinking again.  As these important life events mostly involved my losing my temper, they are something to be avoided.  In the past three months I have also badly hurt myself, twice, while intoxicated.

Psychologists say that there is no actual cure for what may be wrong in my brain. The doctors say the rewiring is permanent, short of invasive surgery, but they also say I can manage my condition.  In order to do that am resolved to accept what I am, and love what I have more than what I don’t have.  I shall look for the good things in my life and try to accept these negative emotions for what they really are, a dangerous chimera which I can fight with the right strategies.

Life presents itself in constantly changing ways, but you’re able to accept the challenges, rather than recoil, throw up your hands, and go on a binge.  Carnie Wilson.

I have realised that I am not my pain.  I know I may never beat my problems, but I can ameliorate their dangerous effects.  Perhaps instead of binge drinking, I need to do something spiritual, like watching the sunrise over the sea.  Perhaps instead of losing my temper I should focus on the good friends I have, and how supportive they have been.  All I know is that I will give these new strategies my very best shot, and hope to do better in future.

~

P1040220jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

 

sobriety scorned

P1020430

~

sober

Stay away from booze

Or you will certainly lose

Before you can even choose

Elephants or pink kangaroos

Retching and drunken blood spews

all over your bed and on the bathroom floor

in Technicolor

 you idiotic

foolish

drunk

~

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Pitiless Pain’s Anguish

The Road Ahead

Night

deafening words silently weep

shameful secrets long unspoken

childhood horrors yours to keep

pitiless parental terror choking

tears keep you from sleep

childhood innocence broken

vicious loveless degradation

humiliation, another beating

secrets buried soul-deep

so what are you longing for?

desolation, depression, suffering

jerk, scum, bastard, cunt, creep

Parent

~

Black_beachwords and pictures by jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Empty Promises

Isolation

Black_beach

Unfulfilled idle emptiness

Promises with no meaning

Blank empty nothingness

Resolutions with no intent

Wandering in purposeless

depression and futility

Everything is meaningless

hostile or indifferent

Aimless social interactions

with anonymous jealousies unspoken

Remembered empty promises

to change, this time, or else

 

alcohol-problem

words and seascape by jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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