Tag Archives: Abuse

Stress #8 ~ Not Being Yourself

follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness

Most people, women especially, spend most of their lives being someone else.  They play multiple roles, mostly to please other people.  Deep down they know that they should be who they are and say what they feel, because those who will object don’t matter, and those who really matter will not object.  All the world is a stage and we are but players, and we play the role that seems to fit the situation we are in and pleases the people we are with.

Doing that is incredibly debilitating, causes destructive anxieties, and creates enervating stress deep within your psyche.  To begin with there is always the nagging but unheeded thought; why isn’t the real me good enough for him?  And, you will get so good at playing the wife, partner, girlfriend, mistress, lover….. that you will lose your true self, that you will forget who you are.

To escape from the self-imposed prison of always being someone and something that, when it comes right down to it you aren’t and never were or wanted to be, you must first of all win back your self-confidence and self awareness.  Develop a fuck him, fuck them, fuck the whole world attitude of mind.  Be yourself.

It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not.  ~  André Gide

Some people are not going to like that.  If you’ve been going to football games / baseball / ice hockey / casinos / to see horse racing and betting on it with your guy just because he likes that, and suddenly you tell him that you hate all that shit, well, he might not be happy.  He will be shocked that his perfect woman suddenly has a mind of her own.

Some women have it much worse than that; their partner may encourage them to drink and use drugs, take them to very shady bars, get them into BDSM, subject them to mental and physical abuse, share them with other men…..  You know something, if that’s you, then stop it now, before he kills you.

Be yourself, don’t take anything from anyone, and never let them take you alive.  ~  Gerard way

It’s good to be you, and it’s hip to be square.

If you have to then get out, escape, leave, find a new home and a new life, and if you must with a much better guy.  However, I would caution you most sincerely, it might be a bad idea to leave one relationship and walk right into another.  What could be worse is to start a new romance while you are still in your dysfunctional relationship.  That’s unless the new man you have found is a very special individual indeed, and encourages you to be you.

About all you can do in life is be who you are.  Some people will love you for you.  Most will love you for what you can do for them. and some won’t like you at all.  ~  Rita Mae Brown.

Some say they will do anything for a quiet life.  And that you cannot change who you have become.  All I know is that you should always be a first rate version of yourself, and not a second rate version of someone else.


jack collier



don’t find yourself drinking at a bar

alone and hoping for a date

be it good or bad

Never Reinforce Failure

Know when to walk away ~ Know when to run

Governments, Politicians, Generals, Admirals, Businessmen, Gamblers, Alcoholics, Husbands, Wives, Lovers, Mistresses, Children, Employees, all have something in common.  Time and time again they will go on pouring lives, money, love, health, sanity, and self-respect into deals, situations, and dysfunctional relationships they should have just turned their backs on and walked away.

It’s as though somewhere deep in the human psyche there is a pathological need to keep doing the same old thing, over and over again, no matter how many times it has failed before.  Well we’ve probably all had this proverb hammered into our brains as children.

If at first you don’t succeed ~ try, try, try again.  ~  Robert the Bruce.

tormentActually, it’s much, much worse than you would ever believe.  Relatively respectable psychologists believe that the misinformation effect makes some people completely forget their failures, and just how bad they were.  This is glaringly obvious in gamblers, who never talk about how much they’ve lost, only how much they’ve won.  It’s even worse in abusive relationships, where victims totally block out the memories of the abuse, even to extent of selective amnesia and dissociative disorders.

Smarter, more self-aware, more self-confident people eventually realise that throwing good money after bad, or loving the wrong person at the wrong time, or trying the same thing over end over again, is fundamentally stupid.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  Then quit.  There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.  ~  W.C. Fields.

In the past I have been as guilty as anyone of raising the stakes on a losing card, and then when I inevitably lost, raising the stakes once again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  ~  Ablert Einstein.

Eventually, smarter people learn that no matter how hard you try, if they don’t love you for yourself alone, they will never love you for the things you try to do for them.  Women and girls especially stay in abusive relationships far longer than they should ~ gaslighting is so insidious.

There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.  ~  Shannon L. Adler.

Today I will go a long way before I ever again try harder to win when winning was always impossible.  I know how to recognise and when to get out of a dysfunctional relationship.  I have a new Rule #1 in my book.

Rule #1 Always know when and how to get out of Dodge.




Pitiless Pain’s Anguish

The Road Ahead


deafening words silently weep

shameful secrets long unspoken

childhood horrors yours to keep

pitiless parental terror choking

tears keep you from sleep

childhood innocence broken

vicious loveless degradation

humiliation, another beating

secrets buried soul-deep

so what are you longing for?

desolation, depression, suffering

jerk, scum, bastard, cunt, creep



Black_beachwords and pictures by jack collier


Terror, Loneliness, Survival


Just a small drab woman in a small drab room.

He only hit her once.  The roundhouse knocked her off the kitchen chair on which she was trying to make herself as small and unobtrusive as she possibly could.  She grabbed at something as she tumbled to the floor and that pulled the other kitchen chair toward her.  It broke as it didn’t really break her fall.

Her head was spinning and all she could see was his shoes in front of her face.  She hoped he wouldn’t kick her face with those dirty shoes.  She didn’t know what she had done to annoy him so much.

The shouting, swearing, raving had been bad, and the threats worse.  She didn’t think he would strike her, smash his hand into the side of her face, pummel her with all the power in that stocky body.  In that instant she had seen the exultant look in his eyes as he expressed his total mastery.  She did not know where she had gone wrong.

They had promised to love, honour, and cherish one another.  Then came his need for drink, gambling, soft drugs, other women.  Then came the lost apartments because he took all the money she had earned for their food and rent.  The repossessed car, the unpaid credit card bills, the times he wouldn’t come home for days on end.  The shouting and swearing were not as bad as the indifference and abandonment.

Once again she thanked whatever God there was that there were no children.  She didn’t know if she could bear it if there were children to see her total degradation before his vicious domination.

Tears ran sideways down her face and mingled with the blood from her busted lip, a small stain on the dirty carpet.

She heard the cheap screen door slam as he left, the way he’d left her so many times before, debased, humiliated, hurt.  She was glad he hadn’t wanted fast meaningless sex before he deserted her again.

He had only hit her once.  Back there, in the dark recesses of what was left of her mind, she knew that one blow was only the beginning.  The abuse would continue, he would go on using her as a whipped bitch, nothing but a degraded shadow married to a beast.  Nobody would care if he eventually killed her.

She was just a small empty woman in a small empty room.



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