Unrealistic Expectations

toxic and malignant relationships are dangerous

doesn’t happen as often as some might desire

Why do so many good people find themselves in a toxic relationship?  Is it because we expect people to live up to our own standards?  If that’s true then a lot of us are going to be very disappointed a lot of the time.  It’s worse than that, some women put themselves in danger by dating / having a relationship with / marrying abusive men.  What some women never seem to learn is that men don’t change, what he’s like when you first meet him is what he is always going to be like.

The warning signs that people are not who they say they are include;

  • being unreliable, frequently turning up late or not showing up at all
  • being evasive about themselves, what they do, where they live, what kind of family they have
  • being evasive about their past
  • lying, and especially lying by omission
  • never being the first to pick up the check in a restaurant or bar
  • having a regular bar where they know all the other patrons, talking to everyone in a bar except you
  • drinking too much, turning up stoned, being far too interested in sports
  • being broke, owing money, trying to borrow money from you
  • liking much older / younger friends and potential / actual sexual partners
  • being too rough when you have sex, being too interested in porn, being more than just a little kinky, wanting to share you with someone else

The thing is, even if your date / partner / spouse is displaying some or all of these warning signs many men and women close their eyes to these negatives and only see their paramour through rose tinted spectacles.  Or worse, some people are very aware of their date’s faults but go on seeing them anyway, with the unrealistic expectation that they will change, if only they are given a chance.  Remember that a leopard never changes its spots.

If your gut is telling you that your date’s affection and protestations of love are false, then 99.9% of the time your gut is right, and you are being used and manipulated,  Some toxic people will only pretend to love you as much as they can use you,  and their fake love will end when the benefits stop.

The biggest signs that you have totally unrealistic expectations of your date / partner / spouse are that they stop being interested in sex with you, and instead get interested in sex with everyone and anyone else.  If someone cheats on you then they don’t give a shit about you.

Some say that inside every bad person there is a good person trying to get out.  And that if we just give someone a chance they will change for the better.  All I know is that all of our expectations of another person are most likely unrealistic.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

if your partner becomes amorous at parties, then it’s time for you to walk away

Sex, Money, and Power

if you don’t feed your dog
don’t be surprised if he’s scrabbling through the trash

younger man with an older women

Forget Maslow’s hierarchy of needs because in this day and age shelter, warmth, water, and food are available to every person living in a western civilisation.  What most men want most, what drives almost every man, is the desire for sex, money, and power.  Love is something else, and anyone actually searching for love probably has unrealistic expectations of life.

For the average man, the triumvirate of sex, money, and power almost always begins with money.  Not that many women want to date / have a fling with / sleep with an average guy who is also flat broke.  And, if you’re flat broke it might also mean that you don’t dress well, can’t really afford to hang out in upscale bars, and your car is a junker.  Not many women want to have sex in a wreck of a car.  So the average guy is caught in a Catch-22 situation, what he really wants to do is hang out in bars and find an inebriated woman to have casual sex with, but before he can do that he needs some significant folding stuff.  More than that, power flows from money like water flows downstream, and many women find power an aphrodisiac.

There are but a few ways to get money.  One could try gambling, but all gamblers end up dead broke.  Stealing it in one way or another is very dangerous ~ all thieves come to a bad end, eventually.  More unlikely ways of acquiring a bank-roll are inheriting it, marrying it, becoming a drug dealer, and winning the lottery.  Do not hold your breath.  The most reliable way to get cash is to work for it ~ that means being very successful in your chosen career, and that means working hard, putting in the hours, and that will keep you out of the bars where you hope to meet an easy lay.   The upside to being very successful in your chosen career is that you will also become powerful.

Sex, Money, and Power form a stable equilateral triangle.  The average man can’t get a lot of one without also acquiring an abundance of the other two.  Or, for the extremely unethical bastard, you could find a plain older woman who happens to have money, marry her, and then entertain yourself by cheating on her, gaslighting her, and stealing from her.

Personally, I happen to know a very cool American woman I can’t meet because of a raft of insurmountable obstacles.  But that’s Life for you, and 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Of course, 90% of the above also applies to women, (maybe 90%, I’m not a woman so I can’t be certain).

Some say that commitment to just one person is am unachievable dream.  And that  relationships shouldn’t have rules.  All I know is that some people are utterly honest, open, and ethical ~ but most aren’t

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

a woman sitting at the bar

and drinking alone

is only there for one reason

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Hollywood Nights

nobody is perfect, but driving a Mustang is a start

Not everyone likes the Ford Mustang, and to be honest most of them drive like a barge.  But, when I get to California I like to rent a Mustang convertible, just for the look of it.  Believe it or not I actually like Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band.

And believe it or not I’ve never been to Hollywood.

Maybe my next trip, if I can find a cool girl to ride shotgun.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the last Mustang I drove

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Doing It All For My Baby

love is the genesis of genius

OK, so I have a friend.  Even a reclusive writer, deep in solitary lockdown, is allowed to have a friend.  Especially if she’s very special, attractive, and sexy.  All writers need a muse, and maybe poets feel the need for a muse more than most.  Anyway, this Huey Lewis And The News tune is for her.  She likes ghosts, ghouls, and graveyards.

I like the video, even if it is too long.

Please try to keep moving your feet to the beat.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

it’s not every woman who has had a poetry anthology written for them

Monochrome Monday ~ Movie Stars

how many coffins have you got?

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

one day Hilts will make it over the wire into Switzerland

 

Monochrome Monday ~ Aircraft

abandoned areoplanes have haunting pasts

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk

never try to land a heavy aircraft on a black beach

Scenes on Sunday ~ Cool Cars

some cars are cool and some women are cool
but a cool woman in a cool car is hot

Lightweight Land Rover

Jaguar V12 E-type

Jensen Interceptor

Caterham 7

Austin-Healey Sprite MkII

Reliant Scimitar GTE

 

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Lotus Elan Plus 2

Scenes on Sunday ~ Mustang

great things never come out of comfort zones

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

long straight roads out there

Songs on Saturday ~ Writing’s On The Wall

the first draft is just me telling myself the story

Except the writing isn’t on the wall, or anywhere else for that matter.  Now the poetry anthology Seascapes and Serenity Lost is finished and published on Amazon, I feel the need for a new project, a new book, perhaps a collection of short stories.  Maybe I have a title Dreams of Desire, but no idea what the content is going to be.  Or how about a Bond spoof ~ maybe not.

From the James Bond movie Spectre.

You can do the pose if you wish.

Different music for me.

~

jack collier      ~     jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Tunes on Tuesday ~ I’m So Excited

dance is the joy of movement and the heart of life

When you’re in lockdown exercising at home is about your only choice when it comes to staying fit and healthy.  Try following along to this video ~ see if you can get past a couple of minutes……

I like these fun dance videos, they make me smile and encourage me to exercise.

Look out for Dr. Frankenstein and the Monster.

Please listen joyously.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk,net

 

some would say that Ginger was the better dancer

 

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