Giving up Booze

alcohol is the world’s most addictive and most dangerous drug

Alcohol kills more people each year than all the other drugs combined ~ world-wide some three-million people a year will die from alcohol related causes.  Cocaine, heroin, marijuana, meth, prescription drugs, tobacco…. all added together don’t kill as many people as booze.  One third of all traffic fatalities involve alcohol.  Booze will cause alcoholic poisoning, malnutrition, strokes, heart attacks, diabetes, cancers, a fatal coma, liver failure, pancreatitis, pneumonia,  multiple organ failure, fatal accidents, suicides…..  And when you end up in the emergency room the doctors and nurses will treat you like shit.

Yet drinking booze is socially acceptable, in fact if you don’t drink most people will think you are rather strange.  And, if you used to be a boozer, and stop, and then go out with your old circle of friends, they will pressure you to take a drink and indulge all of your other addictions.  And these are supposed to be your friends?

If you drink, then over time your drinking will get worse and worse until it kills you.  Before the booze kills you, you will know physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering.

Of all those people who try to stop drinking, only 2.5% will make it to 90 days sober.  Of that 2.5%, only 2.5% will make it to 2 years, that’s 2.5 people out of every 1,000 who will be sober 2 years after they made the decision to stop drinking.  Be one of the 0.25% who succeed.  You have a better chance of success if you get help.

Those who tell themselves that they want to control their drinking, or stop all together, may try some futile and self-destructive strategies;

  • lying to themselves about how much they are drinking ~ denial is dangerous
  • switching from spirits to wine to beer, drinking only organic booze
  • limiting the number of drinks they have ~ that never, ever works
  • resigning their job and moving from where they are to somewhere different ~ this is called doing a geographical
  • religion, counselling, hypnosis, psychotherapy, doctors, taking anti-drinking medication ~ I have seen people on antibuse drink a hell of a lot in a session
  • drinking in different bars where nobody knows them
  • switching to a different addiction; smoking, gambling, unsafe casual sex, using other drugs, stealing, impulsive spending ~ although the chances are that real boozers were doing all those things at the same time they were drinking
  • joining a gym, sports club, walking club, doing yoga, meditation classes…..

None of the above really works because most boozers are liars and cheats.  You will drink again if you don’t do something radically different.  Take a long hard look at yourself and accept that nobody and nothing is responsible for your drinking except you, and what’s going on with you.  And if you are brutally honest with yourself, then you will probably be confused because you have no idea why you drink.  The brutal honesty is good ~ stay with that

Don’t worry about the confusion for now ~ for now, just stay away from that next first drink.  Next, stay away from everywhere you used to drink, and all those toxic false friends you used to drink with. Give up on all your other addictions.  Now find yourself some support; Alcoholics Anonymous, counselling, hypnosis, psychotherapy, doctors, the church, sober friends, YouTube…..

And over the next 90 days find out the truth of why you drink, and deal with that.  In my case I was drinking because I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and now I am dealing with that.

Some say that you are just a worthless alcoholic, and will never think that you are anything else.  And some say that they never want to see you again.  All I know is that everyone has the angel of recovery inside them.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

single malt scotch was my drug of choice

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Beer

he’s only ever been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror

You know what?  It turns out that beer is very bad for you.  Too much beer will make you bloated, fat, and stupid.  More beer than that will kill you.

How much is too much?  If you are who I think you are, then one beer is one too many for you.

Please drink responsibly.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

a gentleman never drinks straight from the bottle or can

and real ladies don’t drink beer

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

even when I feel nothing, I feel it totally and intensely

Beautiful Nothingness

Personality disorders are a type of mental health problem where attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours cause longstanding difficulties in your life.  Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), is a serious mental illness characterised by extreme emotional instability, rapid and violent mood swings, and a terrible fear of abandonment.

There is no shortage of deception, abandonment, and betrayal out there.  The world is full of lying, uncaring, unstable people.  We may give our hearts, time, and spend our money to and for those who do not care for us as much as we would like them to, our expectations are not met, and this causes us much pain.  For those who have Borderline Personality Disorder any failure to meet their expectations creates immense suffering because it magnifies their extreme behavioral traits.

Sufferers of Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD), can exhibit 9 extreme behavioral traits or symptoms;

  1. Chronic and morbid fear of abandonment.  You would do anything to stop people from leaving you, yet you will make it happen.
  2. Intense, chaotic, and unstable interpersonal relationships; from intimate, to family members, to coworkers….. People around suffers of BPD often feel as though they are on an extreme rollercoaster.
  3. Unstable or no self-image, or sense of self.  Who am I?  Why am I here?
  4. Damaging impulsivity, self-destructive behaviour, behaving without thinking, taking risks; such as reckless driving, drink driving, problem drinking, casual sex, gambling, impulsive spending.
  5. Melancholia and depression leading towards self harm, thoughts of suicide, threats of suicide, attempted suicide. Sometimes the attempted suicide works and people die.
  6. Inappropriate, rapid, intense, and extreme mood swings; anxiety and depression, anger, euphoria…..
  7. A feeling of emptiness, pointlessness, ennui.
  8. Intense, immediate, inappropriate explosive anger that is difficult to control, followed by almost immediate remorse.  People walk on eggshells around someone with BPD.
  9. Severe paranoia, suspicion, disassociation, feeling spaced-out, out of body experiences.

to be diagnosed with BPD you suffer from 5 or more of the nasty things listed above.

People who have BPD do not handle stress or unexpected events well ~ the extreme behavioural traits listed above will get worse if the sufferer is under external or internal stress, or if something unexpected happens, or if they are told something they don’t expect.

I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, and from time to time I have exhibited all 9 of the traits listed above.  Like most people with BPD I cope very badly with stress and the unexpected.  I am also very prone to what is called Splitting, which is black and white thinking, complete focus; which means that people, places, and things are either all good, or all bad ~ but this judgement can change very rapidly.

Some say that I am too sensitive, that I feel too much.  And, that I always seem to destroy everything.  All I know is that I’m so happy that I can’t stop crying.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sometimes pain is good

the thorns are as beautiful as the rose

Monochrome Monday ~ Sexuality

seduction, sensuality, passion, mutuality, monochromatic erotica

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

expressing an ideal

the human form unreal

in monochromatic erotica

Spirituality on Sunday

to walk the warriors path is to continually step out into the unknown

For years my life was based on self-belief, selfishness, and instant gratification.  I was a one-dimensional man, and deep down I was always afraid.  I went to church but I had no belief, I was married but there was no love, I was successful but all that gave me was money.

When we as human beings are disconnected from our true selves we place ourselves in a perilous position.  Our sense of identity becomes lost and we are prey to evils from within and without ~ anger, arrogance, envy, fear, greed, jealousy, lust, paranoia…..  There is no inner peace and little joy in our lives.  We act without thought for others, and we react to real or perceived attacks and slights with anger and extreme verbal or written or even physical aggression.  There is no real love in our lives, either for ourselves or for other people.

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.  ~  the Buddha

Without spirituality, without a belief in a power outside of ourselves, outside of that which we can explain through modern science, we do not live, we just exist.  This leads to serious physical, mental, and emotional problems and illnesses.  Alcoholism, explosive anger, drug addiction, gambling, infidelity, inappropriate casual sex, lust, resentments, narcissism, self-doubt, paranoia, fear, cowardice…..  It is not by chance that the second step of 12-step recovery programs is; Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Accepting that there is a Power greater than ourselves is the beginning of spirituality, the beginning of a real connection with our true selves.  Spirituality means evolving our consciousness, and at each level of evolution we react to the Cosmos in different ways.  Most people are driven by what is happening in the world outside them, some shape their lives to live in the world they choose, and a very few change themselves by looking at the world inside themselves.  Extraordinary people learn to reshape themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally ~ learning inner peace, true happiness, and how to love themselves and others.

There are three principles to reaching inner peace, knowing our true selves, and spirituality;

  • associate with like-minded people, people who strengthen us. avoid toxic people and toxic relationships
  • put aside time every day to make and strengthen the connection with our true selves. rest, meditate, harmonise your heart and brain
  • transform our character; turn arrogance into humility, hate into love, paranoia into trust

Some say that there is no God, no Higher Power, nothing greater than man and science.  And that Spirituality ranks alongside Magic, Sorcery, and the belief in a Flat Earth for stupidity.  All I know is that a Power greater than myself restored me to sanity.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

My own mind was a prison

 

Scenes on Sunday ~ Cold Beaches

not all beaches bask under a Californian summer sun

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

this is what it’s like in sunny California

what a smashing lifeguard

Life Goes On

No matter what happens, life goes on, until the day you die

a murder of crows is a sign of good news

Most of us experience torment, pain, failure, disaster, and tragedy.  Most of us learn that love is blind and that love can be cruel.  Some may suffer from serious debilitating illnesses.  Others may have mental, spiritual, and psychological problems.  More than a few will battle an addiction for most of their lives.  Some may have hit rock bottom and struggle with shame and fear.  For many there will be no relief or comfort until it’s over, and a tragic few some may hasten the end through taking their own lives.

You may have experienced such moments yourself or observed those around you going through the slough of despond.  You, or a member of your family, or a loved one, or a friend, may have struggled for years to find a way to make it through each and every single fucking day.  It is in times like those that achieving goals, making plans, realising dreams, can seem a million light years away.  Instead time is spent coping with shock, pain, grief, sadness, depression, frustration, fear, tears, fighting not to take that next drink, or snort that next line of coke.  Emotions are raw and painful, feelings are negative in the extreme, and the mind can run away like an out of control dynamo.  Nothing means anythng, and nothing makes any sense.

In three words I an sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.  ~  Robert Frost

But, life goes on.  Most of us, given time, maybe given the right support at the right time, most of us are able to return to our dreams and goals, to our plans and schemes, and continue along the warriors path to one form of success or another.

For most of us the pain, grief, and sadness we have experienced will mean that we return to the warriors path stronger than we were before ~ wiser, kinder, more supportive, more accepting, and more understanding.  The struggle changes us, and it may be true that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.  Our priorities, our wants, needs, and desires will have changed as we fought our inner demons or struggled with the shit the world has thrown into our lives.  What may have seemed important to the shallow and inconsequential people we were before no longer matters to the toughened survivors we have become.  What may seem important to the ordinary folks around us matters not one jot to we who have endured hell and returned.

Some say that they just can’t go on, they can’t take it any more.  And that life has taken away everything they have ever loved, wanted, dreamed of, desired, and needed.  All I know is that when it is at its worst the important thing is to just keep putting one foot in front of another.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

find a way to make it

whatever it takes hold on to the light

Songs on Saturday ~ Dog Days Are Over

the hottest days of summer are called the dog days

I have this on 12 inches of hard black vinyl.

This track sounds unbelievably good played on a proper record player ~ a fucking an extremely expensive proper record player.

Please listen responsibly.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

you can’t play 12 inches of black vinyl on an old wooden box

Reinventing Yourself

Reinventing yourself is an essential process if you want to flourish

I came to a point in my life where I knew that I had to change, it was time to make a fresh start.  As we mature, as we learn and gain greater wisdom, it is inevitable that our goals, dreams plans, and expectations change.  And for some of us, struggling with difficult emotional, mental, and psychological problems, we know that we need to let go of that which doesn’t work any more, never really worked, and was never going to work as far as our personal life and relationships are concerned.

It’s first of all about letting go of expectations, resentments, and hard-wired negative emotions.  It’s about exploring and educating ourselves in new ways of living, it’s about finding ways to cope with those hard-wired negative emotions, it’s about discovering new ways of being, doing, thinking, and feeling.

Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself….. and reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.  ~  Charles Bukowski

However, I kid you not, unless you are reinventing yourself as an even worse version of the person you are today, (and I have seen many do that), then making a fundamental change to who and what you are, is fucking very difficult.

You can become a new, different, and better person very easily using your conscious mind ~ but know this, your conscious mind is only in control of your actions for about 5% of the time, the other 95% of the time your subconscious mind is in charge.  And you can’t talk to your subconscious and tell it that you’ve changed because there is nobody in there.  Your subconscious is made up of a set of programs that just run in response to stimuli and rewriting those programs is next to impossible.

One proven way to do it is called Habituation or Act As If.  It’s like learning to drive a car, you practice and you practice until a new set of ‘driving programs’ is stored in your subconscious.  So if you want to stop drinking, smoking, taking drugs, gambling, having endless casual sexual relationships, being a jerk, being a thief…..  then you need to practice and practice not doing those negative things and instead be a better person until those new and better programs are stored in your subconscious.  It will take a year or two.

The snag is that your family, ‘friends’, coworkers, partners in crime, et al., will sabotage you at every turn.  If you’re trying to stop drinking / smoking / taking drugs and you go out with your old circle of friends they will encourage you to drink / smoke / use ~ and the chances are you will give in.  They will continue to label you as alcoholic, addict, slut, jerk, thief, chain-smoker….. in casual conversation and when describing you ~ and that is how they will always think of you.  And none of that is helpful.

The lesson is, if you are reinventing yourself you have to leave behind your old life ~ including all those unsupportive family members, false friends, and toxic relationships because they will do their utmost to drag you down into the past.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

your false friends would like to see you stay there in the gutter with a bottle

Dishonest Disguise

A real woman will be honest no matter how painful the truth is

~

everybody lies

you can see it in her eyes

learn the dark surprise

there’s a deep disguise

but if you’re really wise

you won’t ever despise

her, just accept the prize

the love her lie implies

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

men need to believe a woman’s lies

 

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