Marmaduke and I Wish You Very Merry Christmas
one with lots of love to share
a Christmas Rose for you
An Island in the sun takes a man away from his cares and woes.
Next time I need a cool girl to take on a long bike ride around the island.
It is better to give than to receive ~ the hell it is…..
so, I went on some cool trips…..
Something is telling me that there is no mileage in being a caring guy. What good does it do me to care about other people’s feelings, to worry if they are upset, and to give a damn if they are happy, or not?
I know that some people go through life not giving a thought about the feelings, or wellbeing of others, and all in all it doesn’t seem to do those uncaring folks any harm whatsoever. As a matter of fact uncaring people tend to be richer and get more of what they want than do guys who actually give a fuck ~ such as me.
Uncaring people don’t devote their energies making sure that others are OK, instead they spend their time and energy getting what they want, and the devil take the consequences. Uncaring guys don’t buy their female friends cool and expensive gifts, or pay to take them on vacation, or always pick up the tab in bars and restaurants. Instead uncaring guys just fuck lots of women like animals.
So, somewhere, somehow, I’m doing something wrong. I care about other people a lot, and what does that get me, not a lot.
Some say that a leopard can’t change their spots. And, that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. All I know is that I’m going to stop giving if I get bugger all in return.
Cool hotels? A waste of money.
For all the good you have done, for God’s sake Go!
There is political and economic chaos in the United Kingdom today after our Prime Minister, Theresa May, came to the Houses of Parliament and humiliatingly postponed a crucial vote on the exit of this country from the European Union. Mrs. May made lots of lame excuses as to the reason she suddenly put off this key vote, but the real reason is that she knew she was going to lose, very badly.
This postponement of a vote by a Prime Minister is almost unprecedented. It shows an appalling lack of courage, commitment, and belief on the part of the now lame-duck Mrs May. It shows this Prime Minister as a disorganised, shallow charlatan, unworthy of her great office.
If one really believes in something then one fights one’s corner to your last breath. You don’t cut and run leaving utter confusion and disarray in your wake. In the House of Commons, members of parliament laughed at this pathetic woman who showed a shambolic and cowardly side to her nature, who obviously doesn’t even know the meaning of the word courage.
Courage is the determination to do something that really frightens you. Courage is going the extra mile, telling the whole truth, and if you have to, then admitting defeat and walking away.
All good men have courage. It’s a shame that some self-serving women don’t even recognise the concept of true and honest bravery. Those women, like Mrs. May, should just be forgotten and left to rot in the dust.
Some say that a hero can only die once, but a coward dies many times. And that if you hvre never been afraid, then you cannot ever be truly brave. All I know is that brave men and women are few and far between.
If you do what you always did, then you’ll get what you always got.
As I don’t need to earn a living these days, some may say that my whole life is just one long vacation. Actually it doesn’t quite work like that ~ when I’m at home in the garret my time seems to be filled with lots of ordinary and everyday stuff. Whereas, now I’m here holidaying on Lanzerote I seem to have much more time to just sit in the sunshine and let my thoughts drift where they will.
It seems that I needed to resolve some issues, to reject the things that have blocked me in the past; the people, the choices, the mistakes, the material possessions I thought were so important….. It seems that I need to move away from the material world towards spiritual and emotional growth, and that I need to place less importance on relationships that do not, and perhaps never will, provide what I need and desire.
I need to awaken the strength within me, the spiritual self, the masculinity, ready to fight back against all the negative influences, the misleading promises, the illusions and delusions about what real happiness looks like for me.
There are some dreams and personal ambitions I want to fulfil, particularly in terms of interpersonal relationships, and particularly sexually. I need to fully assert myself to reconnect with my own internal courage, fortitude, and drive.
This vacation has allowed me to see that I need to progress, for the physical desires I have allowed to be unfilled to really come to fruition, that it’s time to leave behind negative people and influences, even if those people have been very close to me in the past.
It’s time I told people exactly what is on my mind, and it’s time for me to take charge and stop shying away from speaking the truth of my innermost wants, needs, desires, and dreams.
Some say that you can get 80% of what you want for just 20% of the efforts you’ve been putting into a relationship. And that if you give some people an inch they will take a mile. All I know is that if people don’t like the truth they can live their lives without my help.
Lanzerote is pretty nice
Lanzerote, a modern sub-tropical Atlantis set in a silver sea.
Unsurprisingly I like Lanzerote, and I also like the big hotel I’m staying at, despite it being a typical tourist haunt. I’m here courtesy of a solo traveller company, and there are 3 other like-minded people here with me. That’s cool because there are people I can talk with, yet I’m not actually on vacation with them.
The picture is taken from my private balcony, and in the early part of the afternoon I have the time to sit up there in the sunshine and indulge in some deep thought.
My identity and place in the world are clear to me now.
Friendship, sexuality, and love are about acceptance and openness, through and through.
I am aware of my feminine subconscious, but my sexual identity and consciousness are strictly masculine.
Political correctness is not particularly important to me, I can live my life at the edge.
I can live my life at the edge
To be holistic is to live in the matrix interconnectedness of all things
A good friend of mine recently went to see the J B Priestley play An Inspector Calls, which amazingly I haven’t seen, and if asked I would have guessed was written by Agatha Christie. (At grammar school we had an unending diet of Shakespeare.)
It seems that my friend has this thought after the play;
Every word we speak or write, every action we take or choose not to take has a ripple effect. Goes out from us into the world around us. Creates an impact. Most of us are immune to that awareness. None of us should be.
I firmly believe this is as close as it gets to an ultimate truth.
Every action has a reaction. To truly know, you cannot just study or understand one part ~ you have to study and understand the whole thing. We are all connected, these connections stretch like an incredibly interwoven and complicated tapestry. There are no such things as side effects, there are just effects. Matrix; the physical, cultural, social, or political environment in which something develops.
Quantum Physicists have an understanding that two things can be interconnected over any distance by what Einstein called spooky connections, although now the preferred term is quantum entanglement.
When one begins to look at these phenomena with an open mind, one begins to understand how everything in the Cosmos is interconnected to every other thing in the Cosmos. More deeply one begins to gain a deeper knowledge of interpersonal relationships; why some work, and why some go so badly wrong. It is actually impossible for someone to effectively lie to someone else, unless the person being lied to wants to believe the lie. The interconnectedness of all things means that we are always aware of the deeper truth in any situation, ignorance is a choice. To choose to believe the lies of the one you care for will destroy you.
The interconnectedness of all things is also the basis of true spirituality ~ we are each one with the entire Cosmos. Begin to accept and understand that and you begin to accept and understand a deeper and more rewarding Life.
infinity; the interconnectedness of all things
We are what we repeatedly do.
If you are at rock bottom, deep in the slough of despond and fighting off depression, then sometimes you can see no way out. Everything seems hopeless and pointless, and you may feel helpless and aimless. There may come a time when you don’t even want to get out of bed ~ unless it’s go and get your next drink or other drug of your choice. Sometimes, late at night I’ve seen disheveled individuals shopping for booze, obviously wearing a coat over whatever they last went to bed in.
When it’s that bad, may I suggest a way to get yourself back onto this planet with the ordinary people? Try to develop some useful rituals and habits that will stick with you for the rest of your life. Perhaps in order of bringing you back to normality, do these things every single day;
- Get yourself out of bed at the same ‘reasonable’ time every day. Say, eight in the morning.
- Go to the bathroom, have a wash, and if you’re a guy get a shave. If you’re a woman, do something with your hair. Do this every morning.
- Every single
fuckingdamn day, find some clean clothes and get dressed. If you went to bed dressed, get changed.
- In the kitchen, drink a pint of water. Try some tea, coffee, and something to eat too.
- Take out the obvious trash, and then walk to the nearest store. Do Not Drive. While you’re there buy food and fruit or vegetable juice. Do Not Buy Booze or Medications.
- After lunch take a couple of hours to nap on the sofa or in the chair. Make it an unbreakable ritual to take an afternoon nap. If you can meditate, make it an unbreakable ritual to try to meditate during that time.
- After your nap telephone someone to tell them you’re alive and doing better. It might be a while since they spoke to you when you were sober, so they’ll be pleasantly surprised. If you don’t know anyone phone AA, or NA, or the Samaritans, but for Gods’ sakes talk to someone.
- Always go for an afternoon stroll. Don’t go into a bar, or the store, or any of your usual haunts. Walk in the park, or by the sea, somewhere peaceful.
- Read something difficult, useful, inspirational, helpful ~ if you have nothing to read, find a big book, or a Bible, or a discarded newspaper, or join the
- Eat an evening meal, every single
fuckingdamn day. Eat a meal even if you feel like throwing up ~ you need the calories and other nutrients, or you will die. Drink a pint of water with your meal
- If you have been to a 12-step meeting before, go back. Attend regularly. If you haven’t been to a 12 step meeting find one that suits your particular problem. If you can’t find something that matches your current form of self-harm, go to AA. If you can’t get there, phone them, and they will send someone to get you.
- Go to bed at the same time every day. Say ten o’clock. Drink a pint of water and then get changed before you go to bed, even if that means sleeping nude. Go to the bathroom before you go to bed, wash, clean your teeth, examine yourself for injuries that might need treatment tomorrow.
If you have never been where I’ve been, where some still are, the above 12 rituals and habits might seem bleeding obvious. But, if the last thing you drank was booze, and the last thing you ate were pills, then those 12 habits might just keep you alive, sane, and on the road to recovery.
you may think you look as cool as this when you go to your bar
Any mature and educated Englishman will recognise these images.
Dixon of Dock Green
At Christmas, love the giver more than the gift.
The First of December is the beginning of my personal Christmas Season ~ others may begin their own Christmas earlier, or if they follow older traditions will not begin to celebrate Yule until December 21st. The end of Yuletide is January 1st, and here in England the traditional end of Christmas is 12th Night, which falls on January 5th.
Anyone with the spirit of Christmas / Yule in their heart will have their own seasonal traditions, one of mine is that my Christmas playlist comes into force today ~ my computerised music system really only plays festive songs between now and 12th night.
This is one of my favourite festive tunes ~ it reminds me that not everyone looks forward to Christmas.
Please listen with joy and compassion in your heart.
snow in the high desert,