Category Archives: Spirituality

Why Stop Stacking Rocks?

making a rock stack is a kind of environmental graffiti

those are gigantic, natural ‘rock stacks’

There are those environmentalists who urge people not to build rock stacks because it’s meaningless environmental graffiti,  and disturbs the natural world.  And there are those other environmentalists who would like us all to reduce our carbon footprint by stopping flying cattle-class to take our two-week annual vacation in the sun, as all the while they take a dozen trips a month on private jets to speak at meaningless green conferences.  There are also those beggar-my-neighbour lunatics who would like to have building a little rock stack made illegal.

Man has been making piles of stones since the dawn of time, usually making big heaps of stones called cairns to mark a footpath ~ in the days when losing your way was a deadly mistake.  No doubt some Neolithic nutters were against that too.  Mind you I think it’s a damn shame that man cut down most of the ancient woodland here in England.

Unless you’re digging up stones with a lot of critters underneath, then the environmental impact of making a rock stack is effectively zilch.  Anyone can easily unmake it at any time.  But then ‘environmentally friendly’ ‘people are never really live-and let live types.

Some say that people should be banned from all the ‘unspoilt’ places on the planet.  And don’t do as I do, do as I say.  All I know is that the world would be a better place if most of the ‘environmentally friendly ‘ people packed their bags and left.

~

 

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

probably someone wanted to ban building Stonehenge, that’s a rock stack

Scenes on Sunday ~ Rock Stacks

he who moves a mountain carries away the small stones first

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

photoshopped, but still cool

 

Boat Trip

I don’t need therapy, I just need a boat trip

On a vacation in Turkey, on the Turquoise Coast, it’s de rigueur to take a boat trip, perhaps out to some of the island’s that carelessly rise from the pretty blue-green waters.  As it goes, today I am enjoying my second little-ship cruise around the tranquil Mediterranean.

This bit of coastline is sometimes called the Turkish Riviera, which is a misnomer, because it’s rugged, pretty, and charming in exactly the same way the French Riviera isn’t

Unless you are both antisocial and a very poor sailor these shortish boat trips are to be recommended as an interestingly different way to spend a day relaxing in the Mediterranean sunshine.  And getting around by boat is far, far more uplifting than visiting exactly the same places on a charabanc trip.

On top of which eating, drinking, dancing, and sunbathing are all actively encouraged on these excursion boats.

There was a little bit of a lop on the peaceful sea today, which made for an interesting ride and some white spray coming up at the bows of our boat.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Sun, sea, but no sex please,

I’m an English Gentleman

Songs on Saturday ~ Sailing

those who love must learn to sail in storms

Sailing can become all-consuming passion for the sea and the wind.

~

I can sail a yacht as well as most

ghosting by the Mediterranean coast

yet the sea and the wind are never at rest

and no mere sailor can ever best the storms

please listen very responsibly to this music post

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sailing a yacht is reasonably easy in good weather

 

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Creed

hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die,
life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

This track was introduced to me by a cool lady who follows this blog.  And, here’s the thing, the very first time I played this, it moved me man.

My life is exactly here.

Sometimes music is more than just sounds.

I was hoping for a weirder video track though but.

Please don’t get dragged down by responsibilities and expectations.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

wants, needs, desires, dreams, and wishes

don’t ever let them go

Angry Sadness

Mania and depression all at once means;
the will to die and the motivation to make it happen.

sometimes we entrap ourselves

Agitated depression and borderline personality disorder are an extremely dangerous and confusing set of mixed mental / emotional / spiritual states.  Those of us who are unfortunate enough to suffer from a personality disorder, or serious character defect, often become confused because we sometimes seem to have two or more totally different and opposite problems at one in the same time.  Believe me, I’ve been there more than once.

Have you ever felt really tired, but keyed-up and tense at the same time?  You want to go to sleep but you’re full of energy and can’t relax?  Or, you feel really melancholy, depressed, and sad, but at the same time you are very hurt and angry and want to strike out against whoever it is that’s hurt you.  These contradictory conditions are a sign of something called Comorbitity, where one or more medical / mental / emotional / spiritual conditions are co-occurring with a primary problem.

Perhaps the most common instances of comorbitity are between people diagnosed with a mental illness who also abuse booze, drugs, and prescription medication.  Addicts and alcoholics are often also mentally ill.

Anger, rage, and fury alongside sadness, melancholia, and depression at one in the same time don’t actually make a lot of sense.  Anger is a very active emotion requiring a hell of a lot of mental and emotional energy, (and taken to extremes a lot of physical energy), whereas sadness and depression are passive emotions which sap energy and leave the sufferer incapable of doing very much at all.

More typical would be a period of extreme anger, followed by remorse, guilt, and sadness.  Not the two things going on at once.  But, especially in men, anger and depression often go hand in hand.

However, anyone who has been diagnosed with a personality disorder will be aware of just how chancy that diagnosis was, and may well have been misdiagnosed by several doctors / psychiatrists / psychologists / therapists before their correct diagnosis, and hence correct treatment was discovered, (found by accident).  A hell of a lot of people who have Borderline Personality Disorder will at first have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

In fact there are 9 or 10 distinct personality disorders, and very often a sufferer will have symptoms or traits of more than one of these disorders, at one in the same time.  As if it’s not bad enough suffering from just one of these life-destroying mental illnesses.

So if you’re confused about your illness, or the way your loved one / partner / friend behaves, don’t worry.  Instead put in the hard work and learn about what’s exactly going on ~ start with the internet, then talk with your doctors.

Some say that all alcoholics and addicts are just plain crazy.  And that they just never know how their partner is going to be from one minute to the next.  All I know is they’re both right.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

we all have demons inside us,

sometimes more than just one.

Personality Disorders

You must suffer me to go my own dark way.

50 Shades of Grey is full of people with serious personality disorders

In psychiatry a personality disorder is defined as; a deeply ingrained pattern of behaviour of a specified kind that deviates from the norms of generally accepted behaviour, typically apparent by the time of adolescence, and causing long-term difficulties in personal relationships and / or functioning in society.

Those unfortunate enough to suffer from a personality disorder have a serious mental illness, which often varies in severity over time, and struggle to live anything like a normal life.

There are about 10 different major types of personality disorder;

  1. Paranoid.  People with this have extreme paranoia which is not based in reality.
  2. Schizoid.  This is not schizophrenia. This prevents people from having close relationships with others.
  3. Schizotypal. This is not schizophrenia nor is it schizoid personality disorder.  People with this tend to have strange and eccentric beliefs, such as in UFOs and a Flat Earth.  Normal people have difficulty relating to people with schizotypal personality disorder.
  4. Antisocial.  People with this utterly disregard the rights and feelings of others.  Antisocial Personality Disorder encompasses sociopaths and psychopaths.
  5. Narcissistic.  This is similar to antisocial personality disorder, again these people disregard the feelings and rights of others, but this is also accompanied by total arrogance and a feeling of importance.
  6. Histrionic.  These people excessively seek out attention, are the life and soul of the party, they need to feel validated.
  7. Borderline.  This is similar to paranoid personality disorder, but people with BPD also have extreme and rapid mood swings and a morbid fear of abandonment.  People with BPD engage in risky behaviour.
  8. Avoidant.  These people do not take risks, suffer from agorophobia, extreme social inhibition…..
  9. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  People with this personality disorder have to be control of their environment, are obsessively clean and tidy, and engage in strange and repetitive actions.
  10. Dependent Personality Disorder.  This causes separation anxiety, and an inability to take action on their own, without the advice of others.

Anyone suffering from any of the above personality disorders will have difficulty coping in the real world, struggle to have and maintain healthy relationships with others, and can suffer from the symptoms and traits of serious mental, emotional, and psychological illnesses; depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, promiscuity, gaslighting, compulsive gambling, criminality, suicidal tendencies, extreme anger and violence, detachment from reality…..

Those with a serious personality disorder may also appear charming, successful, and high-functioning.  However, if others feel that they are always walking on eggshells around you, then it’s a sure sign that you have one or more of the above personality disorders.

If you have a personality disorder you need immediate and long-term medical help ~ or you may cause serious harm to yourself and / or others.  In extreme cases those with serious symptoms of their personality disorder may cause death.  But, good luck in getting a proper diagnosis or any suitable treatment.

Some of the personality disorders listed above do not respond to medication, and are only amenable to talking treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I have suffered from borderline personality disorder for a long, long time, and I am only now beginning to have some decent recovery from the destructive symptoms of this illness.

Some say that you’re just plain crazy.  And that you’re one strange dude.  All I know is that if you have a personality disorder, it’s not your fault.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

those with a personality disorder are very much Jekyll and Hyde characters.

Recovering from Retroactive Jealousy

I get jealous, I get mad, I get curious ~ that’s only because I care

jealousy is always, always, ultimately destructive

Yesterday I posted some stuff about Retroactive Jealousy, which seems to be the most disturbing, counter-intuitive, difficult to comprehend, painful psychological condition anyone could suffer from.  Jealousy drove me to drink and thoughts of suicide.  But, how to get over this life-destroying problem, just how does one recover from jealousy over your partner’s past?

Retroactive Jealousy is a serious mental disorder, which means that your jealousy is not really part of you, it’s your mental illness driving you into painfully insane thoughts and actions.  Your jealousy may not be you, it might be obsessions and compulsions which arise from a medical disease, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Do not make the mistake of waiting passively for the jealousy, and the insane urges to do something crazy to just go away.  By something crazy I mean getting drunk a lot, stalking your partner’s social media, spying on your partner, committing suicide…..  If you suffer from retroactive jealousy the worst thing you can do is nothing ~ the most important thing is to do something, see a psychiatrist, talk to your sponsor in whatever 12 step group you attend, watch some appropriate podcasts on YouTube, read a useful book ~ Brain Lock might be helpful, as might The Road Less Travelled.  DO NOT ever talk with your partner about this ~ that is the very worst thing you can do, it’s like an alcoholic taking just one more drink, there is no relief to be found there.

Talking with your partner about their past, the past that you suffer crazy jealousies about, is just another way of harming yourself ~ and in any event your partner will probably lie, deny, and minimise what they did in their past.  There is no truth and no recovery to be found in talking things over with your partner.

To recover from retroactive jealousy you have to put in some very hard work.  And the first step is to admit that you have a real and life-destroying problem.  And then you have to consider Desire, Wants, Needs, and Love.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.  ~  Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The accepted prerequisite for anyone to suffer from Retroactive Jealousy is that they must both love and need their partner, or at least firmly believe that they both love and need their partner.  There can be no retroactive jealousy unless you first deeply care about someone.  Ergo, one sure cure for this horrible condition is to stop needing and loving him or her.  Face it, why would you love someone who has done things which hurt you so deeply, perhaps things that disgust you?  That really is counter intuitive, so to stop hurting, just stop loving.

Another way to cure retroactive jealousy is to just walk away ~ leave your partner, never look back, and then completely forget them.  Mark the time you spent with him or her as the biggest mistake of your life, and move on.

Or, put yourself into months and years of really painful therapy.

How am I recovering from Retroactive Jealousy?  I’ve stopped needing.  The truly self-aware and self-reliant man has no neediness.

Some say that real men don’t suffer from jealousy.  And that being jealous only shows up your own inadequacies.  All I know is that the insanity of being jealous of the past almost killed me.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

falling in love with a centerfold is maybe not the best idea a guy could ever have

 

No Resentments Here

let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday

~

animus

on a poster

on a dingy wall

in the room where

the meetings were held

were these spiritual words

no ill will, hostility, bitterness

no matter how ugly the jealousy

dissatisfaction, rancour, antagonism

there is no justification for resentments

not here, not with one you loved, not ever

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

in a bar hunted by singles

drinking and smoking alone

is no panacea for resentments

 

 

Living a Really Great Life

it’s cool to be confident and happy being just who you are

building a very cool car is part of living a great life

I tell people that I’m a very cool guy, living a really great life ~ and some of that is actually true.  I am old enough and wealthy enough that I have no need to work for a living, and having a reasonable amount of money I can pretty much do what I want, go where I want, buy whatever I like…..

But, there was a fly in my soup.  For as long as I remember I had a terrible feeling that I didn’t fit in, that I didn’t belong, that everyone was out to get me.  I was always afraid, angry, envious, jealous, paranoid, suicidal, and often the worse for drink.  Each and every day I struggled to keep it all together, and sometimes the chaotic shit that was going on inside my mind would spill over and I would become a really nasty, destructive, resentful jerk.  That was always followed by deep remorse, regret, apologies, and promises never to do that again ~ until the next time.

I didn’t learn that the only way to deal with negative and unhealthy beliefs and emotions is to allow yourself to feel them, let them pass through you, and then let them go and move on.  For no reason I can find, a few days ago I learned the lesson that I don’t need to react to negative, destructive, fearful, paranoid, resentful, jealous feelings and beliefs.  I made one small change ~ no matter how bad I feel, on the outside I will always seem to be a very cool guy, living a really great life.

As they say in 12-step meetings; I will fake it to make it, I will act as if I am totally cool, that I’ve got my shit together, that I am utterly self-aware, self-confident, self-controlled, and self-disciplined.  And you know what?  The more I act like that, the truer and more real it becomes.

It turns out that I am a very cool guy, living a really great life.

In a few days I’m taking a vacation in Turkey, before that I’m going to do a couple of pretty outrageous things that I wouldn’t even have dreamed of doing just a few short days ago.  Later this year I’ll be taking a trip over the Christmas Holidays, and I’ve already got some great things in mind for next year.  How cool is all that?

Some say that we can never escape our past.  And that we will never be good enough, that we could always have done better, that we will never be able to hold onto a relationship, that we will always be a drunken jerk.  All I know is that the only person I need to compare myself with is the guy I was yesterday.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Sedona, AZ, one of the really great places I’ve been to this year

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