The great task in life is to find reality.
We make most mistakes, we suffer the most, and we do the most harm when our thoughts and beliefs differ from reality. It’s when we create stories and assumptions in our own mind which are untrue that we begin on a journey of falsehoods. And, those falsehoods lead to; alcohol abuse, drugs, eating disorders, gambling, heavy smoking, self-harm, casual sex ~ just to find temporary comfort and the illusion that our falsehoods are true. When our beliefs are untrue we can suffer from anxiety and depression, together with a host of other serious mental illnesses such as; Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. The stress of having beliefs which differ from reality causes a raft of physical illnesses, including cardiovascular problems, cancers, diabetes, dementia, and early death.
Yet, there is no such thing as reality.
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. ~ Albert Einstein
It seems that in quantum physics and interpersonal relationships there is no such thing as cause and effect ~ no straight line between the past, through the present, and into the future. Even in very close relationships there are often merely shared perceptions of the world ~ and two people may both share perceptions, thoughts, and beliefs which are untrue. If alcohol, drugs, or mental illness is added into the mix then we get dangerous situations such as physical, verbal, mental abuse and co-dependency.
If your life is going down the shitter, if you are prey to addictions, if you suffer from a mental illness ~ then the chances are that your thoughts and beliefs have seriously differed from reality.
Einstein and other serious thinkers may tell us that reality is merely an illusion, BUT on a day to day basis we have to live in whatever reality surrounds us. That means seeing and accepting reality as it is, and not as we wish it to be. Reality is neutral and impersonal. Reality has no expectations and no beliefs. Reality is the true state of things. There is only one past, present, and future reality ~ it is our own perceptions and beliefs which create an infinity of different versions of the past, the present, and the possible futures.
To find true reality is both very easy and very difficult;
- be totally honest with yourself and others ~ reality is truth
- never take things personally ~ reality is impersonal
- do not make assumptions nor create expectations
Some say that reality is an illusion. And that we are all just simulations living in a matrix. All I know is that when my beliefs differed from reality I got myself into some serious trouble.
to discover your ultimate reality requires a lot of deep thought
If you don’t want the answer, then don’t ask the question.
you will never find the answer at the bottom of a glass
There are always more questions than answers, and each new answer raises more, and more difficult questions. Sometimes we don’t want to hear the answer that we get. Sometimes we shouldn’t have asked the question in the first place. And, sometimes the answer we get isn’t the truth.
Life is as simple as these three questions: What do I want? Why do I want it? And, how will I achieve it. ~ Shannon L. Adler
All of those simple questions are very difficult to answer, because either we don’t really know what we want, or if we actually get what we think we wanted, then we realise that we didn’t truly want it at all. More often than not this is the great truth of Love.
The two great questions of love are in the simple phrase; ‘She loves me ~ She loves me not…..’ As if plucking petals from a daisy could possibly answer the question of if she loves you or not. One may as well resolve one’s doubts by tossing a coin and saying; ‘heads I dump her, tails I stay with her.’ Actually, tossing a coin and asking that question does work ~ because while the coin is in the air we will decide which way we truly want the coin to fall.
Being something of a mechanic when it comes to games of chance, that tossing of a coin to get an answer doesn’t truly work for me. I can make a coin fall whichever way I like. I cheat, which isn’t truly getting an answer. My doubts about interpersonal relationships, sex, desire, and love can never be resolved by random chance.
All people have doubts, mostly everyone has the same doubts, and more often than not these doubts are troubling. Often these doubts are created in our own minds because we make assumptions based on incomplete evidence, and we take these assumptions very personally. If we stubbornly wish to be unhappy we look for evidence to prove our worst assumptions, and if we can’t find the evidence and answers to back up our assumptions, then we just create negative answers in our own mind.
My own personal doubts are created because I have an almost perfect memory, so anything anyone says to me stays in my mind, and I can build cloud castles of negative answers based on a single phrase said in passing.
Some say that if we don’t want to know the answer then we shouldn’t ask the question. And that every answer creates more, and more difficult questions. All I know is that we only ask questions when we think we already know the answers.
booze is never the answer
but it will make you forget the question
Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength. ~ Freud
Love’s Long Lonely Road to Nowhere
We are never so vulnerable as when we believe that we are in love. We never suffer so much torment and pain as when we believe that we love someone. We are never as confused and uncertain as when our love seems to be unrequited. And, for many of us, we never do so much stupid and irrational stuff as when we are in love ~ or when we believe that we are in love, (which isn’t quite the same thing as true love at all).
Sigmund Freud built a whole series of complex psychoanalitical theories around the whole gamut of interpersonal relationships, from the Oedipus and Electra complexes to the idea of us all having an Id, Ego, and Superego. If you wish you could try to make sense of your feelings by reading lots of Freud and his modern counterparts such as M. Scott Peck, but I wouldn’t bother. The more you know the less sense it’s going to make.
Chances are that much of what Freud says is right, and also that some of it is utterly wrong. However, I firmly believe that when Freud says that our interpersonal actions and reactions come from our subconscious mind he is absolutely correct. And, especially so when our emotions and hormones are in control, such as when lust, desire, and love are in the frame. That is when we are likely to think, feel, believe, and do some very stupid and irrational stuff ~ and when we are most likely to think, feel, believe, and do things that are completely opposite to anything that might make sense in the real world.
This is all down to the primitive defence mechanisms inherent in our body, mind, emotions, feelings….. These defence mechanism include denial, repression, sublimation, and projection, and taken together these defence mechanisms make us believe things that either aren’t true, or never happened, or don’t matter anyway. We unconsciously lie to ourselves, and that makes us lie to others, and that makes us often do the complete opposite of anything that makes sense.
How many times have I desired, cared for, loved someone…… and instead of cherishing them have done everything I could to push that person away from me? And, how many times have you done that too? If you have even the slightest tough of Borderline Personality Disorder, then the answer is; all the time.
Some say that they are in love, when it’s actually lust and desire. And that love and hate are but two sides of the same coin. All I know is that you can’t love anyone unless you first love yourself.
booze, drugs, cigarettes, and casual sex never solve anything
once we were lovers, but somehow things have changed
doesn’t take a genius
that it’s all in the past
and you know
it wasn’t supposed to last
but one more throw
of loaded dice wasn’t to suffice
to tell me although
I should never have even asked
if she had felt love’s glow
and the answer was always no
she was just a stimulating aphrodisiac
goddess of sexual love
Poisonous people are like rattlesnakes hiding in the shadows.
Some people are naturally duplicitous and treacherous, charming and dangerous, destructive and toxic. They are snakes who lie hissing in the grass, ready to strike at their victims without warning. And yet, these snakes fool us all the time because they are also beautiful, fascinating, interesting, and seductive.
No matter how much kindness, love, and trust we offer the snake, it’s never going to repay our cherishing support with anything but venom. Snake people are naturally toxic, and the wiser man will keep his distance, limiting his contact, trying to avoid the snake’s poison as much as possible.
If you are unlucky enough to be friends with a snake, and maybe stupid and innocent enough to fall for one, be aware that they will bite the hand that feeds them, and their bite may just about destroy you. Toxic people can ruin a beautiful day, disrupt your life, torture your emotions, do a number on your self-esteem, and take every penny you have. If you know that snake then physically, mentally, and emotionally brace yourself for the ruin to come.
Snakes have an insatiable need for attention, to have the world just the way they want it, to have you behave exactly as they wish ~ while giving you little or nothing in return. They will complain, bitch, be self-righteous and demanding. Snakes never pay for much, but expect your wallet to be open all the time. And these toxic people see nothing wrong in their own bad behaviours.
Toxic snakes will usually have innumerable skeletons in their closet, have some serious personality problems, and be prone to drinking too much, gambling, smoking, occasionally taking drugs, picking up casual sexual partners in bars, being abusive….. Generally being the kind of a person it’s unwise to get close to. And yet we do, all the time.
In dealing with a toxic snake you need to be disciplined, controlled, guarded, positive ~ and preferably somewhere else at the time.
If you recognise the snake in someone you know, or are close to, then walk away. Walk far away, and never look back.
Some say that snakes are cool and fascinating. And that toxic people are just misunderstood and not at all dangerous. All I know is a snake is always nothing but a snake.
dangerous toxic snakes can be beautiful and seductive
Arizona is arid and mostly empty.
I’ve only been in the Copper State for a few days, but it will leave some lasting impressions on my memory. And, not just the obvious ~ that it’s big, empty, and
fucking very hot.
This is a place of contrasts; from the red desert to the high pines, and from downtown anywhere Phoenix to utterly crazy, totally living in the past, Flagstaff, Arizona continually surprised me.
Red Rock Country around Sedona reminded me of John Wayne western movies, and the high pines on the road to Flagstaff reminded me of innumerable Jimmy Stewart westerns. Funny how one’s impressions of a place can be coloured by the film’s one watched as a boy.
But, mostly what I’ll remember about this place is that, on average, it’s empty. There’s a lot of space with bugger all in it except rocks and heat.
I like Arizona, but the whole world is a big place, so I don’t think I’ll ever get back here.
Some say that Arizonians know what’s best for Arizona. And, that there’s more to the Grand Canyon State than heat. All I know is that this state is extreme.
Meteor Crater has no visual references to tell your mind just how damn huge it is
follow your bliss and the cosmos will open doors where there were only walls
The view from my hotel balcony
Over the weekend, and for the next few days I will be attending a conference ~ retreat called Embracing Bliss in Sedona AZ. It’s spiritual / self-improvement, and I’m expecting great things as far as balancing my life is concerned.
Sadly this means that I won’t be online as much as usual. But normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Take care in the meantime.
Sedona is a beautiful town, and this is a cool hotel
I am sorry I’m going away, you can accompany me some other day.
Marmaduke isn’t coming to the USA with me tomorrow. This time he has to stay home and look after the garret. At least having my friend taking care of things while I’m on vacation means I don’t have to worry about the place. Anyway, Marmy likes being on sentry-duty.
He’s a bit sad about not coming along. Marmy likes the wide open spaces in America.
Sadly, there just isn’t enough room for him this time around.
You can’t cross the sea by standing and staring at the water.
Aphrodite was born nubile from the sea
Before you can learn something new, you have to end what used to be.
I have learned to love the desert.
At least half of what you know is outdated in today’s world. Most of your past experiences have created insecurities, jealousies, and resentments in your subconscious mind. It is easy to feel inhibited and illiterate with the constant pressure to learn, unlearn, and relearn ~ to accept, approve and understand. Our entire life has created us as we are, and yet who we are right now probably isn’t working so well.
Learning new things isn’t difficult for most of us ~ each of us has our own way of learning as we explore new situations, new processes, new challenges, and new relationships. The real problem begins when we have to unlearn something first. We can become so fixated on what we already know, on past experiences, that it can be hard to let go of the old to let in the new. If your old partner cheated on you, then it’s going to be difficult to trust any woman / man you date in the future.
Every day you will be challenged to unlearn what you think you know about women / men, or how you expect them to behave, or whether you can trust or not.
Unlearning is a way of making space for newer, fresher experiences, information, and knowledge. Unlearing is like deleting files on your laptop, or repainting your apartment, or dumping your partner ~ it’s stripping away the old and unwanted before you can add something better. The problem is that when something has worked in the past, we have a tendency to assume that it will keep working in the future. This is not true.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein.
The most successful people are ready to question what they know, who they know, and why they do what they do. The really successful man / woman is open to contradictions and failure ~ always ready to learn something new.
Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And that a leopard can never change its spots. All I know is that a successful man realises that the experience will always be different from his expectations.
some dogs learn new tricks