They’ve all come to look for America…..
Four intensive days attending a self-awareness retreat. Because that’s what it was, self-awareness from the internal structure of human cells to the unconscious vibrations we put out into The Field that surrounds us all. Most of all it was about getting in touch with my inner voice, the subconscious programs that run 95% of my life.
Turns out that most of my life was being run by all the crap I soaked up like a sponge before I was seven years old, and that left me prey to the greatest terror of all young children ~ the fear of abandonment. Even the youngest child instinctively knows that if his or her primary care givers abandon them, then they will surely die. That fear has been ruling my life for all of my life.
And, WTF, I am a uniquely capable and able grown man, who is more than equipped to look after himself in just about any set of circumstances, up to and including being shipwrecked on a desert island ~ and I won’t need a basketball to talk to.
The one thing that always unconsciously terrified me was the ending of a relationship with a woman ~ due to this whole fear of abandonment thing that was ruling my subconscious mind.
But, I know that now, and I also know how to change the programs that were ruling, and will continue to rule most of my life. (You can Never get away from the fact that about 95% of what you do, think, and say comes from your subconscious.)
I have found the real me , I know the real me, and I have changed 2 big things about me. I am no longer a bad carbon copy of my parents, (especially my dad), and I now longer fear abandonment.
The real me, the true me, is now a very cool and very capable guy 100% of the time.
Some say we can Never get away from our upbringing. And, that we can never really change our innermost thoughts, feelings, attitudes, hopes, and fears. All I know is that if you are prepared to work hard enough to find the fulcrum, then you can move your whole world.
don’t just go through the motions
Live a Cool Life instead
A calm mind and good health are life’s greatest blessings.
As a matter of fact, I have recently been shown that I cannot have good health if I do not have a calm mind, and that stress is the root cause of many, (if not most), illnesses. But, not all stress is bad – for example the stress we put our bodies under when we exercise is good for us. It’s bad stress from work, money worries, relationship problems and the like that we need to avoid, because this distresses us in body, mind, and spirit. Scientists and doctors know that severe distress can cause physical illnesses up to and including cancer.
There are a number of fairly simple tools we can use to help us cope with distress, help us feel better, help keep us fitter in body, mind, and spirit – ultimately live a longer, healthier, and happier life. For me, these tools include;
- Good Nutrition. A balanced diet of organic natural foods, without overeating or crash dieting, or using ‘fashionable’ diet regimes.
- Taking the right Supplements, especially vitamin B12, vitamin C, vitamin E, Folate, and Zinc.
- Fresh air and exercise, walking 10,000 plus steps a day and using weights.
- Rest and good sleep, which for most of us equates to 7 hours of quality sleep per night.
- Meditation and Relaxation, reading motivational books, listening to empowering speakers.
- Avoiding too much TV, social media, or computer gaming – especially late at night.
It’s also important to keep mentally active doing calming things which are not related at all to work or anything else which distresses you. Perhaps, try reading the classics out aloud.
In addition, in the past I’ve drank too much booze, and that distresses the body terribly, but then so does smoking and taking any drugs whatsoever. So, if you are a drinker, smoker, or addict, then you have to lose those bad habits, or die earlier and in poorer health than you should.
If you want a longer, healthier, and better life, then make some common-sense changes to what you do, and avoid creating distress of your body, mind, and spirit.
Some say that having a purpose in life helps to keep you younger and healthier. And, that having a programme of physical, mental, and spiritual health is an essential part of enjoying a good life. All I know is that I’d rather live longer and healthier than die younger and in poor health.
enjoy the dawn and the sunset of the day
At the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month…..
the guns fell silent.
blast, fuse, impact
shell, stink, smoke, spin
force, guncotton explodes
nitric acid and cellulose
primer, spark, trigger, target
sight, refraction, glass, light
trench, revetment, mud
bronze, steel, iron, wood
England and Germany
the Great War
The moon looks down upon us all with her kindly lovelight
Artemis, Cerridwen, Diana, Isis, Luna, Seline,
the brightest full moon should be enough
She keeps me safe in her celestial love
soft and white as some heavenly dove
yet unimaginably distant so far above
ordinary man with pain undreamed of
be comforted because you are loved
the brightest moonrise
Chaos breeds life energies – Order brings habit
from my hotel room’s patio
Day one of the From Chaos to Coherence retreat was gratifyingly far more intense and content-rich than even my best expectations. Admittedly, with two speakers operating consecutively, there wasn’t quite the strongest thread running through the dozens of topics explored – and I wonder how many of the delegates managed to keep up. I’m not certain that all of the mature women there, (and the attendees were by far mostly women), are totally alongside the counterintuitive concepts of quantum mechanics. Although I’m damn certain everyone there was fully congruent with spooky connections, and that reality is an illusion.
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. – Einstein
For me, the most powerful message imparted can be summed up in the phrase: The interconnectedness of all things.
Ergo, if you change one thing in your life, the ripple effect will mean that everything in your life will change in some way – eventually. And that if you take a drug, prescription or otherwise, then every organ and cell in your body will be affected, not just the organs the drug is supposedly targeted towards.
Some say that without movement, change, and chaos there is only stagnation and death. And, that the better we know ourselves the less we fear change. All I know is that I feel self-empowered, and self-confident today.
The Enchanted Land
The Apache called this the Enchanted Land.
Dawn in New Mexico, the mountains silhouetted against a colouring sky, and this dawn perhaps brings a new hope.
a dawn for quiet contemplation
The cool thing about smaller aircraft transportation is that it’s never boring
Today I am flying from John Wayne airport in Orange County CA, to Albuquerque in New Mexico. Then picking up a rental for the drive to the luxurious Hyatt Regency Tamaya Resort and Spa in Santa Ana Pueblo NM.
I think the aircraft is going to be a small ‘puddle jumper’….. as long as I get an inside seat I don’t mind.
In New Mexico I shall be at a retreat with the interesting headline From Chaos to Coherence – The Power To Thrive In Life Extremes, and by the cringe do I go to EXTREMES!
Hopefully I’m going to experience something deeply spiritual.
The resort hotel looks interesting.
in the curves of her form a hero found his wanton goddess
a lover’s eternal choices
of feminine enchantments
exploiting sexual differences
intellectual harmony balances
emotions desired disharmonies
wants needs desires dreams lusts
pleasures’ ecstasies turned into dust
Remember the 5th of November, Treason and Gunpowder Plot
Today England, London, remembers the 1605 Catholic Plot by Guy Fawkes and his cronies to blow up the Houses of Parliament while King James the First, the Lord’s, and Members of Parliament were all in there. The plot failed and Guy Fawkes was sentenced to death by being hung, drawn, and quartered. Luckily for Fawkes he either fell, or was pushed, from the scaffold before his sentence could be carried out.
England still celebrates Guy Fawkes death to this very day. The English are obsessive when it comes to remembering things.
I Remember….. I am blessed / cursed with a near ‘eidetic memory’ – I hardly ever forget anything, except names which I seem to forget on purpose This says a lot about my psyche and the Borderline Personality Disorder that goes along with it.
On the upside, this makes me very effective, efficient, organised….. The penalties are that I remember every hurt, betrayal, and negative emotion as though these bad things were happening right now. I become angry, jealous, paranoid, and almost suicidal over things that happened days, weeks, years ago. This leads me into doing really stupidly bad things just to assuage the hurt.
Nobody can be happy living the way I was living. It’s hard enough just to go on existing if you are living the way I was.
I tried to teach myself to forget. That did not work.
Instead I taught myself how to accept and understand. Accept that shit happens, and understand that past trauma cannot actually hurt me in the here and now.
How did I teach myself to let go of the past? Through a lot of hard work, patience, and self-love. I took care of my health and fitness in body, mind, and spirit. And finally I learned to be open, honest, and forgiving of myself and others.
I will write more of my journey from the hellish rock-bottom I managed to reach, to the sunlit meadow by the sea that I live in today.
Some say that we should never forgive and never forget. And that revenge is a dish best served cold. All I know is that nobody likes an obnoxious, misanthropic, angry jerk.
Mr. Hyde is a dangerous place to be
Life is too short to waste and too long to endure.
Being on vacation gives one time to ponder deep thoughts, and right now I need to focus on the small steps I can take to improve my life. Because, despite what you might think, not everything in my garden is sunshine and flowers. Sometimes the flowers wilt, and often the sky is grey.
I’m pretty certain I know who I truly am and what I want, up to and including defining and fulfilling my life purpose, but how do I make it all happen in ways that are congruent with me and acceptable to the important others in my life?
It would seem to be about courage, having faith in myself, and really taking positive actions – however difficult the warrior’s path may seem that’s the way I need to go. It’s time to get more clarity and investigate the important commitments in this present period in my journey.
I need to stop acting emotionally, because my emotions are seldom under control. Instead I should act intellectually because I have, and can use, all the accumulated information / knowledge to get exactly what I want, need, and desire. That’s not always going to be a comfortable process.
But, you know what? I am much happier, and work better when I am well outside of my comfort zone. For example I should have gone parasailing in Turkey, instead of just taking pictures of it.
I will do this next year