making a rock stack is a kind of environmental graffiti
those are gigantic, natural ‘rock stacks’
There are those environmentalists who urge people not to build rock stacks because it’s meaningless environmental graffiti, and disturbs the natural world. And there are those other environmentalists who would like us all to reduce our carbon footprint by stopping flying cattle-class to take our two-week annual vacation in the sun, as all the while they take a dozen trips a month on private jets to speak at meaningless green conferences. There are also those beggar-my-neighbour lunatics who would like to have building a little rock stack made illegal.
Man has been making piles of stones since the dawn of time, usually making big heaps of stones called cairns to mark a footpath ~ in the days when losing your way was a deadly mistake. No doubt some Neolithic nutters were against that too. Mind you I think it’s a damn shame that man cut down most of the ancient woodland here in England.
Unless you’re digging up stones with a lot of critters underneath, then the environmental impact of making a rock stack is effectively zilch. Anyone can easily unmake it at any time. But then ‘environmentally friendly’ ‘people are never really live-and let live types.
Some say that people should be banned from all the ‘unspoilt’ places on the planet. And don’t do as I do, do as I say. All I know is that the world would be a better place if most of the ‘environmentally friendly ‘ people packed their bags and left.
probably someone wanted to ban building Stonehenge, that’s a rock stack
he who moves a mountain carries away the small stones first
photoshopped, but still cool
I don’t need therapy, I just need a boat trip
On a vacation in Turkey, on the Turquoise Coast, it’s de rigueur to take a boat trip, perhaps out to some of the island’s that carelessly rise from the pretty blue-green waters. As it goes, today I am enjoying my second little-ship cruise around the tranquil Mediterranean.
This bit of coastline is sometimes called the Turkish Riviera, which is a misnomer, because it’s rugged, pretty, and charming in exactly the same way the French Riviera isn’t
Unless you are both antisocial and a very poor sailor these shortish boat trips are to be recommended as an interestingly different way to spend a day relaxing in the Mediterranean sunshine. And getting around by boat is far, far more uplifting than visiting exactly the same places on a charabanc trip.
On top of which eating, drinking, dancing, and sunbathing are all actively encouraged on these excursion boats.
There was a little bit of a lop on the peaceful sea today, which made for an interesting ride and some white spray coming up at the bows of our boat.
Sun, sea, but no sex please,
I’m an English Gentleman
those who love must learn to sail in storms
Sailing can become all-consuming passion for the sea and the wind.
I can sail a yacht as well as most
ghosting by the Mediterranean coast
yet the sea and the wind are never at rest
and no mere sailor can ever best the storms
please listen very responsibly to this music post
sailing a yacht is reasonably easy in good weather
hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die,
life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
This track was introduced to me by a cool lady who follows this blog. And, here’s the thing, the very first time I played this, it moved me man.
My life is exactly here.
Sometimes music is more than just sounds.
I was hoping for a weirder video track though but.
Please don’t get dragged down by responsibilities and expectations.
wants, needs, desires, dreams, and wishes
don’t ever let them go
Mania and depression all at once means;
the will to die and the motivation to make it happen.
sometimes we entrap ourselves
Agitated depression and borderline personality disorder are an extremely dangerous and confusing set of mixed mental / emotional / spiritual states. Those of us who are unfortunate enough to suffer from a personality disorder, or serious character defect, often become confused because we sometimes seem to have two or more totally different and opposite problems at one in the same time. Believe me, I’ve been there more than once.
Have you ever felt really tired, but keyed-up and tense at the same time? You want to go to sleep but you’re full of energy and can’t relax? Or, you feel really melancholy, depressed, and sad, but at the same time you are very hurt and angry and want to strike out against whoever it is that’s hurt you. These contradictory conditions are a sign of something called Comorbitity, where one or more medical / mental / emotional / spiritual conditions are co-occurring with a primary problem.
Perhaps the most common instances of comorbitity are between people diagnosed with a mental illness who also abuse booze, drugs, and prescription medication. Addicts and alcoholics are often also mentally ill.
Anger, rage, and fury alongside sadness, melancholia, and depression at one in the same time don’t actually make a lot of sense. Anger is a very active emotion requiring a hell of a lot of mental and emotional energy, (and taken to extremes a lot of physical energy), whereas sadness and depression are passive emotions which sap energy and leave the sufferer incapable of doing very much at all.
More typical would be a period of extreme anger, followed by remorse, guilt, and sadness. Not the two things going on at once. But, especially in men, anger and depression often go hand in hand.
However, anyone who has been diagnosed with a personality disorder will be aware of just how chancy that diagnosis was, and may well have been misdiagnosed by several doctors / psychiatrists / psychologists / therapists before their correct diagnosis, and hence correct treatment was discovered, (found by accident). A hell of a lot of people who have Borderline Personality Disorder will at first have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
In fact there are 9 or 10 distinct personality disorders, and very often a sufferer will have symptoms or traits of more than one of these disorders, at one in the same time. As if it’s not bad enough suffering from just one of these life-destroying mental illnesses.
So if you’re confused about your illness, or the way your loved one / partner / friend behaves, don’t worry. Instead put in the hard work and learn about what’s exactly going on ~ start with the internet, then talk with your doctors.
Some say that all alcoholics and addicts are just plain crazy. And that they just never know how their partner is going to be from one minute to the next. All I know is they’re both right.
we all have demons inside us,
sometimes more than just one.
I get jealous, I get mad, I get curious ~ that’s only because I care
jealousy is always, always, ultimately destructive
Yesterday I posted some stuff about Retroactive Jealousy, which seems to be the most disturbing, counter-intuitive, difficult to comprehend, painful psychological condition anyone could suffer from. Jealousy drove me to drink and thoughts of suicide. But, how to get over this life-destroying problem, just how does one recover from jealousy over your partner’s past?
Retroactive Jealousy is a serious mental disorder, which means that your jealousy is not really part of you, it’s your mental illness driving you into painfully insane thoughts and actions. Your jealousy may not be you, it might be obsessions and compulsions which arise from a medical disease, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.
Do not make the mistake of waiting passively for the jealousy, and the insane urges to do something crazy to just go away. By something crazy I mean getting drunk a lot, stalking your partner’s social media, spying on your partner, committing suicide….. If you suffer from retroactive jealousy the worst thing you can do is nothing ~ the most important thing is to do something, see a psychiatrist, talk to your sponsor in whatever 12 step group you attend, watch some appropriate podcasts on YouTube, read a useful book ~ Brain Lock might be helpful, as might The Road Less Travelled. DO NOT ever talk with your partner about this ~ that is the very worst thing you can do, it’s like an alcoholic taking just one more drink, there is no relief to be found there.
Talking with your partner about their past, the past that you suffer crazy jealousies about, is just another way of harming yourself ~ and in any event your partner will probably lie, deny, and minimise what they did in their past. There is no truth and no recovery to be found in talking things over with your partner.
To recover from retroactive jealousy you have to put in some very hard work. And the first step is to admit that you have a real and life-destroying problem. And then you have to consider Desire, Wants, Needs, and Love.
Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
The accepted prerequisite for anyone to suffer from Retroactive Jealousy is that they must both love and need their partner, or at least firmly believe that they both love and need their partner. There can be no retroactive jealousy unless you first deeply care about someone. Ergo, one sure cure for this horrible condition is to stop needing and loving him or her. Face it, why would you love someone who has done things which hurt you so deeply, perhaps things that disgust you? That really is counter intuitive, so to stop hurting, just stop loving.
Another way to cure retroactive jealousy is to just walk away ~ leave your partner, never look back, and then completely forget them. Mark the time you spent with him or her as the biggest mistake of your life, and move on.
Or, put yourself into months and years of really painful therapy.
How am I recovering from Retroactive Jealousy? I’ve stopped needing. The truly self-aware and self-reliant man has no neediness.
Some say that real men don’t suffer from jealousy. And that being jealous only shows up your own inadequacies. All I know is that the insanity of being jealous of the past almost killed me.
falling in love with a centerfold is maybe not the best idea a guy could ever have
let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday
on a poster
on a dingy wall
in the room where
the meetings were held
were these spiritual words
no ill will, hostility, bitterness
no matter how ugly the jealousy
dissatisfaction, rancour, antagonism
there is no justification for resentments
not here, not with one you loved, not ever
in a bar hunted by singles
drinking and smoking alone
is no panacea for resentments
it’s cool to be confident and happy being just who you are
building a very cool car is part of living a great life
I tell people that I’m a very cool guy, living a really great life ~ and some of that is actually true. I am old enough and wealthy enough that I have no need to work for a living, and having a reasonable amount of money I can pretty much do what I want, go where I want, buy whatever I like…..
But, there was a fly in my soup. For as long as I remember I had a terrible feeling that I didn’t fit in, that I didn’t belong, that everyone was out to get me. I was always afraid, angry, envious, jealous, paranoid, suicidal, and often the worse for drink. Each and every day I struggled to keep it all together, and sometimes the chaotic shit that was going on inside my mind would spill over and I would become a really nasty, destructive, resentful jerk. That was always followed by deep remorse, regret, apologies, and promises never to do that again ~ until the next time.
I didn’t learn that the only way to deal with negative and unhealthy beliefs and emotions is to allow yourself to feel them, let them pass through you, and then let them go and move on. For no reason I can find, a few days ago I learned the lesson that I don’t need to react to negative, destructive, fearful, paranoid, resentful, jealous feelings and beliefs. I made one small change ~ no matter how bad I feel, on the outside I will always seem to be a very cool guy, living a really great life.
As they say in 12-step meetings; I will fake it to make it, I will act as if I am totally cool, that I’ve got my shit together, that I am utterly self-aware, self-confident, self-controlled, and self-disciplined. And you know what? The more I act like that, the truer and more real it becomes.
It turns out that I am a very cool guy, living a really great life.
In a few days I’m taking a vacation in Turkey, before that I’m going to do a couple of pretty outrageous things that I wouldn’t even have dreamed of doing just a few short days ago. Later this year I’ll be taking a trip over the Christmas Holidays, and I’ve already got some great things in mind for next year. How cool is all that?
Some say that we can never escape our past. And that we will never be good enough, that we could always have done better, that we will never be able to hold onto a relationship, that we will always be a drunken jerk. All I know is that the only person I need to compare myself with is the guy I was yesterday.
Sedona, AZ, one of the really great places I’ve been to this year