endings and beginnings, birth and rebirth, change and transformation
It’s been a while since I touched the tarot, and yet today I was moved to take out the deck and draw a card ~ my card for today. I was expecting something from the minor arcana. Completely at random, from 78 cards I drew Death.
The Death card heralds the ending of one phase of life to make way for a new one. It represents major change and transformation. The Death card can release me from people, places, things, thoughts, and beliefs that are no longer useful in my life, but which I have been hanging on to because I feared change, I feared the unknown. Another symbol which goes alongside the Death card is The Phoenix.
Given everything that’s happened to me already in 2020, and in years past, I’m now more than ready to be honest, open, sincere, and caring of myself and others. I am looking forward to taking a new path towards a new distant horizon.
I have been given the opportunity for major growth and learning. I intend to grasp that opportunity with both hands, and all of my heart and soul.
Dawn, the end of night, a new beginning
and one man in his time plays many parts
The most profound truths sometimes come in a very simple message, and the message I had at the exact time of the Full Wolf Moon last evening was; Be Yourself. And the strange thing is I know exactly what that means to me.
I have had a lot of practice at being half a hundred other people, of wearing a mask, of fitting-in, playing the role I was expected to play ~ but I can’t ever remember being myself. It’s always been too dangerous.
However, from this time on I will no longer be the Man people expect me to be, I will no longer play the role I am expected to play. This is a new road, towards a new horizon, walked by a man different to the man I was before, and the man I was before was never me.
For the past few days I have been struggling with who I used to be, and the knowledge that I both wanted and needed to be a different man living a different life. But I didn’t know what, why, when, how, nor where, nor who. I had the need, the desire, I wanted to be both different and better, but I didn’t have a direction, nor did I have a plan. For some reason I knew things were going to change soon.
Then yesterday I learned that there was going to be a Wolf Moon, and that it was going to mean things to me ~ I wrote about that.
Last evening I darkened the garret save for some appropriately scented candles, put on some atmospheric music, and sat myself down to wait, my mind open, my heart and brain in harmony. And at just about 19:21 hrs, the exact time of the full moon, I received the strongest possible message, and I knew it was right and I knew exactly what it meant.
Do you know there is a vocal refrain in the opening track from the Enya album The Memory of Trees? Do you know what that repeated refrain is? It’s Be Yourself.
I heard that and I understood.
I will not be the man in the mirror anymore. I will not be a different guy with different people in different situations. I will no longer be a people-pleaser, nor will I be a macho-man, nor devil-may-care, or the life and soul of the party, or a boyfriend, good citizen….. All of the dozens of roles we play day by day, and all of the different acts we put on, will be left behind. For playing all of those roles was making me very sick, because I believed them and they were all false. From now on I shall be myself, and only myself.
Some say they have lost their sense of identity. And that their career has taken over their lives. All I know is I will stand alone and I will be myself.
today there is a new horizon
to love and to be loved is the ultimate,
but to love without being loved back is the truth.
If I said I had met both the Clintons, and that I liked him but didn’t like her, might either suggest that I lacked taste, or that I once moved in some exalted circles. Well, maybe I did both. I got used to turning left when got on the aircraft, having hotel receptionists know who I was without asking, and having bartenders mix my drink without me having to say it was a vodka martini. Fuck! just how pretentious was that?
The trappings of success are seductive, money makes life much easier than it is for the less well off, and it seems that successful men attract better looking women than do the average office drone. And, take it from me, when it comes to looking good most of what I had was clothes and charisma.
The circles I worked in, attracting top dollar, were filled with very attractive, well-dressed good looking women and men who could have had a career in Hollywood. And there was I, a product of the post-war depression that gripped England. Low calorie, vitamin deficient, crap medical care, and non existent dentistry. We were a nation of short, maladjusted, angry, troglodyte, geniuses.
Among a nation of pretty brilliant, if mal-adjusted guys, I was in the upper quartile, at the far end of the bell-curve. And that’s a hard place to live your life. In England, at the time, being the top scholar in a grammar school just got you beaten up. Ergo the smarter guys hid their lights under a bushel.
Then the worst thing imaginable happened. Valerie Nelson, the prettiest, nicest, most attractive girl in my year had an obvious crush on me. Valerie came from money, she was always suntanned in a town where the sun was always hidden behind the dirty cloud from the coke works. She holidayed in Kenya, whereas I spent a week in Whitby. She had a manicure and I bit my nails.
I’d like to say that the story had a happy ending.
I was her Quasimodo and she was my Esmeralda. There was a sexual incident. That was the first time I knew I could be dangerously violent.
It broke her heart when I walked away.
I may get over her one day. I may spend the rest of my life trying.
Paris is Burning
only the moon and stars know
where you got those pretty blue eyes
I know a woman who has the the blue eyes of an angel, I wish that I understood her, but maybe that isn’t for mortal man.
Once I wrote a poem entitled a witch with angel eyes.
Please listen responsibly
never look into her eyes at midnight
else you are doomed to love her
the world is full of magical women,
patiently waiting for a our senses to grow sharper
I know a very wonderful, very magical woman. Sadly she lives thousands of miles away from here. Ah well, either love or magic can conquer all.
Please listen responsibly.
real feminine magic is as old-fashioned and special as the British policeman used to be
also called Beaver Moon, the November full moon shone yesterday
The November 12th / 13th full moon is a dream moon, and has the power to bring your intimate relationships into sharper focus. Opposing forces such as work versus home, or what you want versus what you really need, or the state of your romantic affairs, will be shown in any dream you can remember. If your dreams give any insight, then understanding and communicating your feelings with clarity and sensitivity will become possible through strong intuition ~ if you have courage and fortitude.
This is a time of incredible emotional opportunities, but also a time when struggles in relationships might lead into wrong and misunderstood conversations, and thus the ending of things with a once-loved one. A lot of tenderness, hard work, and patience will be needed to overcome conflicts, differences of opinion, and pointless arguments. If handled correctly and logically, with self-discipline and diplomacy, the turmoil will just blow over and you will receive the rewards you deserve for your hard work and efforts.
If you believe at all in the effects of the full moon on your affairs, and if you can interpret your own dreams, then you may also believe in other mystical and spiritual practices such as astrology, numerology, and the tarot. Well, in astrology the key signs for this full moon are that it’s in Scorpio and the opposing sign is Taurus. In numerology this full moon falls just after 11:11. And as for the tarot, you would need to have a personal reading.
For me, this is a time to make some important choices as far as intimate relationships are concerned, but before I can resolve anything, I first of all need to deal with some conflicts, negative emotions, and ghosts from the past. These echoes of the past are not just mine, but are also carried by some others I am close to. But the past can only hurt you if you let it. To make things work I know that I will have to do whatever it takes, without reservation, and without allowing my chaotic, dark, uncontrollable, negative emotions to get in the way.
Some say that spirituality, mysticism, and religion are all just bunkum. And that unless you can see and touch something it doesn’t exist. All I know is that there are powers greater than me in this cosmos.
don’t let this full moon trap you in the prison of your own negative emotions.
in her dreams were the spirits of all those she had wronged
there are ghosts in the mist
demons haunt the darkness
pale memories of loves lost
the pain of a broken heart
as the night drives us apart
friends once tenderly kissed
then dismissed as we parted
warm love became ice frost
stone demons haunt the mist
nightmares of a dark love incarnate
you were kissed one night by a witch in the woods
A wise man will never kiss a witch in the pale moonlight on All Hallows Eve.
Please listen responsibly.
and she wore a tree on her back
never kiss a witch in the moonlight
on all Hallows eve
don’t promise a witch
on a long lover’s kiss
in the bright moonlight
else you will be hers
forever and always
only a lunatic should kiss a witch
have you come to sing pumpkin carols?
Here in ye Merrie Olde England we eschew Halloween as the pagan / catholic / foreign festival it is. Instead we celebrate Guy Fawkes Night on November 5th. However, these recipes are great for any cooler night when you’re having guests around, and you’re looking for something that evokes a darkly festive air. Something healthy, tasty, and easy to prepare?
All of the dishes I’m featuring this week are healthy as well as tasty and great looking, and if you want to make the most of a healthy eating recipe then try to buy the freshest organic ingredients that you can find.
And OK, this is a shorter post because I’m not at all happy with some Halloween excesses,
First up this week, and the first time I’ve featured this site; from poach me quick we have sticky and smokey chipotle and maple-baked chicken on the bone. Try not to get any of the messy stuff on your fingers onto your Halloween Costume.
Sticky and Smokey Chipotle Maple-Baked Chicken on the Bone
If you’re looking for something sweeter to have with tea, coffee, or a harder drink, then there’s this seasonally perfect pumpkin white chocolate bundt cake from Heather Christo. I bet Charlie Brown would love this at Halloween. Heather’s recipes are very healthy indeed.
Pumpkin White Chocolate Bundt Cake
And, from Ali Gimmie some Oven there’s candied walnuts, which I like the look of and she says are so irresistibly delicious. OK walnuts are one of those things we should eat to stave off the horrible ageing problems ~ so make these.
Now for something very American, from Good Housekeeping; acorn squash with brown rice and turkey sausage. Allegedly acorn squash is one of those superfoods, and makes the serving dish for this great-looking recipe.
Acorn Squash with Brown Rice and Turkey Sausage
Turns out that one can treat acorn squash in pretty much the same way as one would treat a potato, although I suspect that the squash is better for a bloke than a spud would be. So, as an opposite to the good old jacket potato, how about this baked acorn squash with butter and brown sugar, from Elise Bauer at Simply Recipes. God! That would be so good with ice cream ~ or am I being silly?
Baked Acorn Squash with Butter and Brown Sugar
I’m enthused about acorn squash, especially as it seems you can use the gourd as a serving vessel ~ what a brilliant way to save on the washing-up. It looks like a pretty good thing for vegetarians and vegans too. So for our collection this week, from Country Living we have 30 best acorn squash recipes for a healthy addition to you fall dinners. One of the great looking recipes is the acorn squash soup with turmeric from Seasonal Cravings. Who doesn’t like a warming soup on a cold night?
Acorn Squash Soup with Turmeric
perfect for a Halloween cocktail
ginger is a ‘new’ superfood