sexual desire is real, genuine, and powerful
you may desire her
but you can’t miss what you’ve never had
although all she desired was casual sex
she decided that she may as well fall in love
man is a creation of desire, not a creation of need
sexual desire and fucking are just biology in action
desire can be bitter, sweet, savoury, salty, and sassy
but never tasteless and boring
desire is a hunger in men, but just an appetite in women
there is but a small distance between the desire to fuck and the need to hurt
the best moments in her life are the desires she can’t ever share with her husband
toxic and malignant relationships are dangerous
doesn’t happen as often as some might desire
Why do so many good people find themselves in a toxic relationship? Is it because we expect people to live up to our own standards? If that’s true then a lot of us are going to be very disappointed a lot of the time. It’s worse than that, some women put themselves in danger by dating / having a relationship with / marrying abusive men. What some women never seem to learn is that men don’t change, what he’s like when you first meet him is what he is always going to be like.
The warning signs that people are not who they say they are include;
- being unreliable, frequently turning up late or not showing up at all
- being evasive about themselves, what they do, where they live, what kind of family they have
- being evasive about their past
- lying, and especially lying by omission
- never being the first to pick up the check in a restaurant or bar
- having a regular bar where they know all the other patrons, talking to everyone in a bar except you
- drinking too much, turning up stoned, being far too interested in sports
- being broke, owing money, trying to borrow money from you
- liking much older / younger friends and potential / actual sexual partners
- being too rough when you have sex, being too interested in porn, being more than just a little kinky, wanting to share you with someone else
The thing is, even if your date / partner / spouse is displaying some or all of these warning signs many men and women close their eyes to these negatives and only see their paramour through rose tinted spectacles. Or worse, some people are very aware of their date’s faults but go on seeing them anyway, with the unrealistic expectation that they will change, if only they are given a chance. Remember that a leopard never changes its spots.
If your gut is telling you that your date’s affection and protestations of love are false, then 99.9% of the time your gut is right, and you are being used and manipulated, Some toxic people will only pretend to love you as much as they can use you, and their fake love will end when the benefits stop.
The biggest signs that you have totally unrealistic expectations of your date / partner / spouse are that they stop being interested in sex with you, and instead get interested in sex with everyone and anyone else. If someone cheats on you then they don’t give a shit about you.
Some say that inside every bad person there is a good person trying to get out. And that if we just give someone a chance they will change for the better. All I know is that all of our expectations of another person are most likely unrealistic.
if your partner becomes amorous at parties, then it’s time for you to walk away
if you don’t feed your dog
don’t be surprised if he’s scrabbling through the trash
younger man with an older women
Forget Maslow’s hierarchy of needs because in this day and age shelter, warmth, water, and food are available to every person living in a western civilisation. What most men want most, what drives almost every man, is the desire for sex, money, and power. Love is something else, and anyone actually searching for love probably has unrealistic expectations of life.
For the average man, the triumvirate of sex, money, and power almost always begins with money. Not that many women want to date / have a fling with / sleep with an average guy who is also flat broke. And, if you’re flat broke it might also mean that you don’t dress well, can’t really afford to hang out in upscale bars, and your car is a junker. Not many women want to have sex in a wreck of a car. So the average guy is caught in a Catch-22 situation, what he really wants to do is hang out in bars and find an inebriated woman to have casual sex with, but before he can do that he needs some significant folding stuff. More than that, power flows from money like water flows downstream, and many women find power an aphrodisiac.
There are but a few ways to get money. One could try gambling, but all gamblers end up dead broke. Stealing it in one way or another is very dangerous ~ all thieves come to a bad end, eventually. More unlikely ways of acquiring a bank-roll are inheriting it, marrying it, becoming a drug dealer, and winning the lottery. Do not hold your breath. The most reliable way to get cash is to work for it ~ that means being very successful in your chosen career, and that means working hard, putting in the hours, and that will keep you out of the bars where you hope to meet an easy lay. The upside to being very successful in your chosen career is that you will also become powerful.
Sex, Money, and Power form a stable equilateral triangle. The average man can’t get a lot of one without also acquiring an abundance of the other two. Or, for the extremely unethical bastard, you could find a plain older woman who happens to have money, marry her, and then entertain yourself by cheating on her, gaslighting her, and stealing from her.
Personally, I happen to know a very cool American woman I can’t meet because of a raft of insurmountable obstacles. But that’s Life for you, and 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.
Of course, 90% of the above also applies to women, (maybe 90%, I’m not a woman so I can’t be certain).
Some say that commitment to just one person is am unachievable dream. And that relationships shouldn’t have rules. All I know is that some people are utterly honest, open, and ethical ~ but most aren’t
a woman sitting at the bar
and drinking alone
is only there for one reason
Seascapes and Serenity Lost
You can probably learn more about me by reading some of my poetry anthology than you could ever learn from anything I ever posted on here ~ and I have promulgated some gritty and very personal stuff.
Anyhow, my anthology is now available on Amazon, in several important countries, including the US, UK, and points east. (For some good reasons, for the next few days the print copy is ‘author only’)
The words and pictures are all my own work, and there are a lot of photographs interleaved with the poetry.
I am also deeply indebted to Jan Olandese, who edited the whole thing.
the shining sea
talks with me
mystery, sexuality, eroticism, elegance, and the line of beauty
OK maybe one of the most non pc music videos ever. But do I care? Does any man who likes long legs care? Probably not. And Man, I Feel Like A woman takes on a whole other meaning when a cool guy says it.
Shirt and hat could become my favourite look on my favourite girl.
Do ordained women really wear that?
maybe mature is better
keep your face to the sun and you will never walk in shadow
Sheryl Crow may not be to everyone’s taste. Hell we don’t even have her type of music here in England. But I like this, especially as I’m going to Cancun to meet a priest. Spirituality or sex?
I do like a VW microbus.
With rakes and shovels and implements of destruction in the back.
Calling at Alice’s Restaurant.
Please listen and be relaxed.
she had going to the wrong place,
with the wrong, man down to an art
the trouble with real life vacations is there’s no background music
women in bikinis pose, and sometimes that posing is an invitation
or so some men would like to believe
‘I promise you I’ll make the sun shine every day…..’ he said
after that it rained a lot
it’s unlucky to go back to work the day after you’ve been off
never throw a message in a bottle into the sea
you could get arrested for littering
it’s good to be bad on vacation
my favourite place to vacation
is anyplace by the ocean
decide which bridges to cross and which to burn
flashing your breasts in a restaurant is sexy, brave, and irreversible
Some decisions are just about irrevocable. When the Roman Legions marched into hostile territory their commanders burned all the bridges behind them ~ to stop the legionnaires from retreating. Aircraft flying across an ocean will eventually get to a place where they haven’t got enough fuel to go back, the point of no return ~ they can only press on to their destination. In relationships we say and do things which we can’t ever take back ~ cheating for example, or saying; ‘it’s over…..’ Make a decision like that and there is no going back. Or like the Roman Legions we have to build a new bridge to try to rekindle a broken romance.
More often than not I’ve seen that final decisions and final words come in the heat of the moment, when emotions are running high, and those are the kind of things that we regret later. On a long sales trip a man may cheat on his partner, have a one-night-stand with some woman who’s name he can barely remember, and regret it afterwards. But you can’t undo that kind of thing, we haven’t yet figured out a way to turn back time. All that guy has left is to decide if he is going to confess to his wife / partner, or risk lying by omission and being found out. If he confesses he has burned that bridge behind him and can only wait to see what she says and does.
We cannot unmake decisions, we cannot unsay words, and we cannot not do something we have already done.
Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. ~ Keri Russell
For example, it may seem a small decision to regularly hang out in bars, but eventually people who regularly hang out in bars have sex with some stranger they’ve just met in a bar. Decisions are like avalanches, one small lump of snow sliding down a hill creates a landslide that ends up burying a town at the bottom of the mountain. And yet we make small decisions every minute of our lives, and most of them are final and irrevocable. We get to a point of no return and just can’t ever go back.
Most of the time relationships run on automatic pilot. There are unspoken rules, ethics, morality, honesty, openness, trust, affection, friendship, and love. When we decide to do something that breaks those rules then we have burned our bridges behind us, and it’s up to another whether or not we will ever be allowed to rebuild those bridges.
pulling up your skirt to show your thighs to a room is a point of no return
I guess we’ve had our ups and downs
If a man is very lucky, then maybe just once in his life he will meet someone who is just perfect for him. And from that day on he might sing in the shower, and he may even sing something like this;
Does this remind you of Fantasy Island?
I guess they couldn’t get a Grumman for this video.
Please listen with a smile.
I’m so happy to be stuck with you…..