Category Archives: Sex

Crazy People Here

Pouring wine onto yourself means you might be crazy.

There are a lot of crazy and insane people in this world, and I should know because I used to be one of them.  Strictly speaking crazy means you’re wild and possibly aggressive, while insane means you have an abnormal view of the world.  Both mean that you can’t interact normally with other people, and that any relationship you’re in is likely to lurch from one crisis to another.

Symptoms of being crazy and insane include extremes of; being intense and passionate, being unstable, doing stupid and dangerous things on an impulse, self-harm, excessive consumption of booze, taking drugs, smoking marijuana, engaging in cheap and meaningless sex, nudity at inappropriate times, mood swings, explosive bad temper, insomnia, extremes of jealousy, panic, paranoia, schizophrenia, feelings of worthlessness, depression, euphoria, and quite a few more personality disorders and character defects.

Most crazy and insane people have most of the above problems some of the time, and most of us have self-diagnosed and tried to cure ourselves with much more of the same things that drove us crazy in the first place.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~  Albert Einstein

Or we try to cure ourselves by switching from one crazy and insane set of behaviours to another~ say from depression and melancholia to copious quantities of  booze and indulging in unsafe meaningless cheap sex.

I wouldn’t recommend alcohol, sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.  Hunter S. Thompson

How do we know if we’re crazy and insane, or as ‘normal’ as the rest of the crazy people out there?

One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.  ~  Tim Burton

Some say that if you have to ask yourself the question, ‘Am I going crazy‘ then you probably are insane and crazy.  And, that if anyone else says that you’re crazy, then most likely you are.  Of course, you can find Am I Insane?, Personality Disorder Tests, and Just How Insane Am I? tests online.  Or, find your own online insanity / craziness tests.  Your results might surprise you ~ a lot.

The last time I took one of these on-line tests, to see if I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, I came out at the extreme bad end of the scale.

Alternatively you could just look for these attitudes, feelings, and behaviours in yourself;

  • Delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, jealousy, anger
  • Mania, depression, thoughts of suicide
  • Memory loss, personality changes and mood swings, time and place distortions and disorientation
  • Talking to yourself, talking to your pets and plants, giving unwanted and unsolicited advice, believing in angels, demons, extraterrestrial abduction, ghosts, gods and goddesses, past lives, and witches.

If you suffer from / truly believe in any of the above, it may mean that while you are doing the best you can, and are thinking deeply and seriously about yourself and your issues, you’re not thinking clearly, and you may be a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly.  One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.  ~  Nikola Tesla

Another sign of utterly crazy insanity is being addicted to anything; Alcohol, Anger, Coffee, Cough Medicine, Drugs, Food, Gambling, Jealousy, Laziness, Masturbation, Pornography, Prescription Drugs, Sex, Shopping, Smoking, Social Media, Technology, Trivia, or Work.  (Trust me, people can and do get addicted to just about anything.)

Perhaps the easiest things to check to see if you really are an addict is to see if you’re suffering from; alcoholism, drug addiction, or sexual addiction.  Alcoholics Anonymous have a very, very good self test that will let you know if you’ve slipped from being a social drinker to an insane boozer.  There are similar self tests for drug addiction and sexual addiction.

However, the chances are that if you find yourself ever taking one of these tests, then you are already crazy, insane, and slightly weird.  That doesn’t mean you are bad and stupid, it means that you’re unwell.

I’ll take weird and crazy over stupid any day.  ~  Joss Whedon

Of course, another sign of being crazy, deranged, insane, peculiar, strange, unstable, unusual, or weird, is doing things in secret and lying about what you’ve done afterwards.  And, lying includes lying by omission, refusing to say anything at all, and only telling part of the truth.

The problem with slightly crazy people is they do crazy things ~ and you will know this to your cost if you’ve ever dated a bunny-boiler, stalker, self-confessed witch… or any of the other strange people out there.

So if you’ve been a little bit crazy recently, acting like a sack of cats in a thunderstorm, how do you recover?

  1. Fully and honestly accept that you haven’t been doing so well lately.
  2. Figure out / try and remember just what the hell you’ve been doing that’s so bad you’re reluctant to even admit it to yourself.
  3. Go and see your doctor and honestly tell them what’s been going on.
  4. Take whatever medication your doctor advises.
  5. Stop self-medicating with booze, drugs, sex, or whatever.
  6. See a professional counsellor / therapist for whatever flavour of crazy insane you’ve been.
  7. Get plenty of fresh air, exercise, and sleep.
  8. Have a good diet, eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.
  9. Try soothing and calming stuff; meditation, restful music, reading uplifting books, talking long walks in the forest or by the sea, yoga
  10. Apologise to everyone you have harmed, unless doing so will only make things worse.
  11. Make a solemn promise to yourself to be a ‘better’ person.
  12. Just get through each day without being a totally evil crazy insane wazzock, just one day at a time.

In my case I was completely crazy and insane due to a chronic lack of critical vitamins and minerals in my blood, (potassium and thiamine) ~ because I wasn’t eating properly.  The symptoms of a lack of potassium, and a lack of thiamine are quite severe~ literally you go crazy insane, and possibly die.

The upside is that within a couple of days of taking prescribed, very strong, vitamin and mineral supplements I made a miraculous recovery.  Today I feel very well indeed, in body, mind and spirit.

So however bad you may feel;

nil desperandum ~ carpe diem ~ noli illegitimi carborundum

and that’s crazy.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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What do women really want?

Women don’t like mind games.  Most women like romance.

I’m just a guy, you know?  Ergo I don’t actually understand the woman I care for, and sometimes I don’t really know what she wants from me.  However, in an effort to be a ‘better’ guy I’ve been exploring the internet, and I believe these are the behaviours a woman would like me to bring to a relationship.

You know what?  I worked out #1 all by my self.

  1. Do not be a jerk.  (From time to time I have been a 21 carat jerk.)
  2. Give her respect.  Respect her opinions, career, interests, friends, family, needs, dreams, and desires.  Respect her body, her mind, and her soul.  Accept and understand who and what she truly is.
  3. Give her time and space.  She’s an independent lady, so don’t be clingy and dependent.  She is not responsible for your happiness, you are.  Don’t pressure her into doing things she’s not ready for.  But, when she needs you, be generous with your own time; always be there for her.
  4. Be confident and capable ~ take charge when you need to.  She needs to know that you can always be relied on to take the lead when necessary.
  5. Always help her to feel safe.  Don’t ever be threatening, and if she’s worried about someone or something, or scared of something or someone ~ then help her to deal with it!
  6. Respect her privacy.  Don’t ever intrude where she wants to be private, and never, ever, comment on what she posts on social media.
  7. Follow through with your plans and ideas.  Women like to know that if a guy says he is going to do something, he will actually do it.
  8. Be completely honest, unless complete honesty is hurtful.  Women don’t like liars, and once you have lost a woman’s trust it’s hard to get it back again.
  9. When it’s appropriate be romantic.  And, what is truly romantic changes from time to time, and from woman to woman.  To be romantic; You need to get to know her.
  10. Be polite, well-mannered, and well-spoken.  Very good manners take a little effort ~ but I’m lucky here, I’m a true English Gentleman, and good manners come naturally to me.  And never, ever get drunk when she’s around.
  11. Self-deprecating humour.  Don’t make jokes at her expense, but it’s OK to poke fun at yourself.  She will probably like gentle humour, and dislike you trying to be funny by being vicious and nasty about other people.
  12. If she ever feels the need to apologise, accept her apology with grace.  Especially never, ever, mention the things she’s apologised for ever again.
  13. A Man should never be late.  She may have no sense of time, she may always be late for everything, but you should always be there on time~ always.  If you’ve promised to call at eight o’clock, then you should call her at exactly eight.
  14. Be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy.  Women don’t seem to appreciate unreliability, a good guy needs to be the same good guy every minute of every day.
  15. Listen to her.  When she wants to talk, listen patiently with acceptance and understanding.  Don’t give her solutions she hasn’t asked for, just listen to her.
  16. Respond to her texts and emails in a timely manner.  She may take forever to reply to you, but if you get a message from her, then respond as soon as is humanly possible.
  17. Always be clean, tidy, and well-groomed.  You and your place should always be pretty immaculate, especially the bathroom.  And, if you are ever invited to her place, treat it with the utmost respect.  Clean your shoes, get a manicure, get a haircut, have some great pictures in your place….
  18. Be faithful in word and deed.  Don’t screw around, don’t date other women, don’t constantly flirt with other women, don’t check out other women, don’t ‘like’ other women’s pictures on social media, and do not constantly jerk off to porn.
  19. Be complementary.  Tell her she looks pretty, her hair’s nice, tell her you like her. and if it’s appropriate tell her that you love her.
  20. Do things just for her.  Clean her car, make sure she’s always got petrol, (gas), in the tank, fix things for her, send her flowers and perfume, but bear in mind point #9, and be romantic in the right way and when it’s appropriate.
  21. Sex.  Do not try too go to far and too fast.  If anything, follow her lead, and remember point #10 , and always be polite and well-mannered.  And, if and when you sleep with her, remember that her pleasure is important.  You may need sex, but perhaps what she really wants is love.

Writing this stuff, it all makes perfect sense, and I don’t believe I’ve got anything badly wrong in this list.  But, Ladies, if I have, then please feel free to tell me about it.

And, writing this stuff I realise that I do most of these good things most of the time, and some of them all of the time.  Sadly, that isn’t good enough.  Point #14 behoves me to be consistent, reliable, and trustworthy ~ I need to do all of the above all of the time.

That’s a tall order, but if she is worth it, and you really care, then she’s worth all of it all of the time.

In future, I shall make every effort to follow my advice from this list.  I am going to do this stuff.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

pictures by Jack Vettriano

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sex, lies, and deception

Ladies sometimes behave badly and lie about it afterwards.

Commonplace denial of truths

conspiracy theories masking fictions

black smoke rising as manifest realities

unbearable burden tattered preoccupations

endlessly survived, displacements deprivations

endure prolonged lies fact togetherness separations

careless cheap deceit deception falsehood treachery lies

Commonplace denial of truths and love’s long-lost affections

Commonplace denial of lies

~

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

click on the book for insight

 

Fillmore Utah and Jet Lag

Not the smallest place I went to in the USA; Fillmore has a population of 2,253.  It also boasts the worst restaurant I’ve ever been to.

Fillmore also has the best stars, or was that Rock Springs, or Riverton?  Worst Hotel in the world in Riverton, (or so the girl riding shotgun said, when she made us move).

Or that could have been any town in Utah.

Very religious people in Fillmore, and most of Utah.

Me, I don’t don’t really do religion.

And, I hate Las Vegas.

No sex there either.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Scenes on Sunday ~ Marmaduke USA

It’s Very Nice To Go Traveling.

But it’s so much nicer to travel home.

Carrying a teddy bear from England to the West Coast of the USA isn’t quite as easy as you would think, what with curious Homeland Security sniffer dogs and all….

On the other hand, I know Marmaduke did better than me when it came to exploring the romance and attractiveness of California Girls.  Although that wouldn’t be so difficult. I can be so very stuffy, preppy-style, repressed even, some of the time.

On the other hand, poor Marmaduke struggled a bit in the desert ~ what with his fur coat and everything.

~

~

~

~

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

all these shots taken with a Panasonic Lumix

Jack Says Yes

Saying; ‘Yes’ often leads to interesting opportunities.

The answer ‘Yes’ isn’t always what you want to hear.  Sometimes ‘Yes’ is bad news.

Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment…  Surrender to what is.  Say ‘yes’ to life ~ and see how life starts suddenly to start working for you rather than against you.  ~  Eckhart Tolle.

Air Travel, is it Bad For Your Health?  ~  Yes.  Air travel is a slog, you get stressed, you get tired, you get dehydrated, you catch every germ on the aircraft, you can get deep-vein thrombosis, and you’re exposed to invisible cosmic rays.

Bread, is it Bad For You?  ~  Yes.  Wheat, especially modern American wheat is nothing more or less than a poison. It’s loaded with gluten, spikes your blood sugar, is full of something nasty called phytic acid, causes brain diseases, and wheat is addictive.  In addition, modern American wheat is always drenched with Roundup, and that weedkiller really is a poison.

Chocolate, is it Good For You?  ~  Yes, providing it’s rich dark chocolate.  Cocoa has many powerful health benefits, so you need to eat a good quality chocolate loaded with cocoa.  Not only that, dark chocolate tastes great, and eating it cures a broken heart.

Man-made global warming, is it a load of bullshit?  ~  Yes.  The whole man-made global warming agenda has been exposed as nothing more than a massive fraud.  Not only that, all the trillions of dollars Obama wanted to spend to combat global warming could only have ever lowered the Earth’s temperature by 0.057  degrees Fahrenheit, (one five-hundredth of a degree).

Money, does it Make You Happy?  ~ Yes, and No.  Money might not make you happy, but it’s far better being rich and miserable than being a miserable street bum ~ (trust me, I’ve tried both).  Having a wadge of spending money also gives you more opportunities to enjoy life.  For example, in a week or so I’m flying to the USA to witness a total eclipse of the sun, I couldn’t do that if I was broke.

Nuclear Power, is it Dangerous?  ~  Yes ~ Very, Very Dangerous.  Three Mile Island, Chernobyl, Fukushima.  Numerous incidents at Windscale, including a hushed up fire in 1957.  Add to that nuclear generated electricity is bloody expensive, the guaranteed price for electricity from Hinkley Point is 3 times the price of coal-fired electricity generation.  (The UK Government doesn’t want people to know that.)

Politicians, are they all Backstabbing Bastards?  ~  Yes.  All politicians are also lying, philandering bastards.  I hate politicians.  But then I also hate contractors, cyclists, and top bankers.

Red Wine, is it Good For You?  ~  Yes.  There is solid scientific proof that one or two glasses of the falling-down-water, three or four times a week, is beneficial, especially in warding off the worst effects of type 2 diabetes.  However, a good robust red wine is much better for you that a cheap white wine, and even that is far better for you than a couple of shots of tequila.  Getting buzzed every night of the week means you’re an alcoholic.

Sex, is hot, energetic sex good for you?  ~  Yes.  Good Sex is fun, makes you feel better, cements relationships, and regular good sex improves your physical, mental, and spiritual health.  Casual sex is bad, dangerous, and doesn’t make you Marilyn Monroe, it just proves that you’re easy.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

why not have red wine delivered?

Coffee Is Good For You

Three cups of coffee a day could extend your life.

Coffee is one of the worlds most commonly consumed drinks, with something like 2.25 billion cups drunk around the world every day.  Coffee contains lots of complex chemical compounds including; caffeine, diterpenes,and antioxidants.

Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as sin.  ~ Talleyrand

It seems coffee is healthy and good for you.  New research, published in peer-reviewed scientific journals,  shows that the antioxidant plant compounds in coffee are highly beneficial in reducing liver disease and liver cancers, help prevent type 2 diabetes, reduce the risk of circulatory problems, ward off Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s diseases, lowers the risk of multiple sclerosis, and helps to fight diseases of the digestive tract.  As all of those diseases can kill you, drinking moderate amounts of coffee may even prevent you from suffering an early death.

There are lots of good reasons to drink coffee.  Including the fact that coffee may also be good for your sex drive, (particularly a woman’s sex drive).  Drinking coffee increases the plasma levels of the protein sex hormone-binding globulin that controls testosterone and oestrogen.  That may well be why coffee reduces depression and suicide risk.  Who knew that coffee was a female aphrodisiac?

It isn’t the caffeine that does you good, because people who drink decaffeinated coffee accrue most / some of the same benefits.  However, it seems obvious that proper strong fresh-made ground coffee with all the caffeine in it will give you the most benefits.  A typical cup of coffee has more antioxidants than a glass of grape, blackberry, blueberry, and / or orange juices.  A typical American gets more antioxidants from coffee than from anything else.  What you get from a cup of coffee is; improved liver function, reduced inflammation in the body, better glucose control, and coffee also boosts the immune system.

If you are a regular drinker of the falling down water, if you really like your booze, if you sometimes drink a little too much, if you are a practicing alcoholic ~ then you should really drink fresh coffee on a regular basis.  Just one cup of real coffee a day can reduce your chances of suffering cirrhosis of the liver by 20%.  Coffee will also help prevent you from getting fatty liver disease, whether you’re a boozer or not.

Cigarettes and coffee:  an alcoholic’s best friends!  ~  Gerard Way.

Don’t think you can get the same benefits from other caffeinated drinks that you can get from coffee, because you can’t.  For example, coffee generally makes people feel happier, whereas Coca Cola will give you a caffeine high, but Coke will also make you feel depressed.  Especially any diet caffeinated drink will make you feel really depressed.  In general soda is bad for you, and diet sodas are bad for you in spades.  So your very strong Cuba Libre is doing you no good at all.

The way you prepare your coffee has a big impact on how much benefit you get from all the good complex chemicals present in coffee beans.  For example, if you use a regular coffee maker, and you also use filter papers, then you’re missing out on a lot of the good diterpenes because they are absorbed by the paper.  In general the less there is between the ground coffee and your cup the better.  Possibly a cafetiere / French press using a good dark roast will make you the most beneficial cup of coffee, whereas a cheap instant decaffeinated is probably next to useless in terms of health benefits and taste.

Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.  ~  David Lynch

These findings are based European study led by Imperial College, London, and the UN International Agency for Research on Cancer ~ which looked at half-a-million people over the age of 35.  They found that people who drink three cups of coffee a day live longer than non-coffee drinkers.  There is also an US study led by the University of Southern California ~ which looked at 186,000 people.

We cannot say that drinking coffee will prolong your life, but we see an association.  ~ Veronica W. Setiawan, USC

In conclusion, real coffee is good for you, pod coffee is pretty bad, cheap instant coffee is nasty and probably causes cancer, and Coca Cola is very nasty.  Drinking coffee is cool, often sociable, and a nice woman is more likely to have an afternoon cup of coffee with a guy than she is to agree to meet him in a pub.

Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.  ~  Lara Flynn Boyle

Statistically, women who drink a lot of coffee are also likely to be drinkers of booze and cigarette smokers ~ strange but true.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

 

buy a French press

demons I can’t face down

Our very souls may be consumed by shadows.

We each have a complex relationship with ourselves.  If we have ever really suffered through something like; alcoholism, drug addiction, addiction to gambling, sex addiction, too many of the wrong prescription drugs, parental abuse, an abusive relationship, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, serious problems with our diet, mental health problems, failed relationships, job loss, loss of our home…  (or more likely a mixture of all of these problems and more), then we also have a complex relationship with the whole world and everyone in it.

At times we can find ourselves in a very bad place where every voice is critical, malevolent, and negative ~ even our own inner voice.  Our inner voice creates inner demons;  anger, depression, fear of rejection, rejection of others, jealousy, judgementalism, self-doubt, self-hatred, worthlessness…

All the dark, malevolent Passions of the Soul are roused and exerted; its mild and amiable affections are suppressed; and with them virtuous Principles are laid prostrate.  ~  Charles Inglis

Unless you have been there you can have no idea how bad the pain and anguish these inner demons can create.  One will do almost anything to escape the crippling pain; including going back to our addictions, making big geographical moves, shutting down and numbing ourselves, isolating ourselves, psychotherapy, strong prescription drugs, attending 12 step groups, spirituality, retreating further into mental illness, suicide…

It is not just our inner demons.  If we are in that bad place then we are also surrounded by demons.  Everyone we know, everyone we meet, adds to these outer demons with their misplaced concerned advice, criticisms, and rejection.  Many people do not want us to get well, they measure themselves against our struggle and feel superior, they add their negative demons to our own.  When I was at my last rock-bottom I became aware that almost everyone I knew, everyone I met, was feeding off my pain.  Few understand, few want to understand, and fewer still truly want to help.

Some especially gifted, intelligent, and sensitive people believe that there is a third layer of demons, in addition to our inner demons, and the tormenting demons gifted to us by almost everyone we know.   Most spiritual and religious people also believe that there are more demons than the physiological and psychological.  These special people believe in genuine demons, in the spiritual realm, and that some of us may be victims of these demons.  In my mind’s eye I am very aware that in the shadows surrounding my soul lurk the powers of darkness seeking to torment and torture me.

Demons manifest themselves in people in different ways.  For instance, out of nowhere, somebody can become very angry for no reason.  That’s not just an emotion.  That’s a demon.  ~  Stephen Baldwin.

None of the details really matter.  What I do know is that if you have truly suffered, and if you are suffering now, then you are the victim of demons who will feed off your pain, and want nothing more than to destroy you and everything and everyone you care for.

It is our demons that make us believe that our partner is sleeping with other men, that giving into our addiction will solve our problems, and that suicide is painless.

Many of us have tried over the years to face down our inner demons.  Some succeed, many fail.  Many fail because they don’t realise that the main causes of their misery are inner demons which seem to have an intelligence and will of their own.  Many more fail because they never realise that they are also surrounded by malevolent evil demons emanating  from the subconscious psyche of everyone they know.  And, some fail because they are the victims of true demonic possession.

Demons are not your superiors, demons are not even your equals.  All demons have is the ability to make you cause yourself pain and suffering.  Demons can only torment and torture you if you let them, but most of us allow demons to torture us because we are not even aware that they are there.

Negative thinking patterns can be immensely deceptive and persuasive, and change is rarely easy.  ~  David D. Burns.

Recovery begins with admitting that you have a problem.

I cannot yet face down my demons, but I know they are there, trying to make me torture myself so that they can feed off my pain. (Even your inner demons feed off the pain you cause yourself.)

Now, when I feel myself going down a negative path to my own personal hell, I can tell myself that it’s just my personal demons trying to destroy me, and that I should ignore their oppressive persecution.  That helps me.  A psychological bully can only bully you if you let them.  Your demons have no physical power over you.  Ignore them and your demons will go away.  Eventually I shall be able to face down my demons and tell them to fuck off ~ and that will be a good day.

Demons are to be pitied.  They have nothing but your pain and suffering.  If you do not allow your demons to make you cause yourself pain and suffering, then those demons will eventually die and vanish into nothing.

You can and will get well if you do not allow your demons to torment and torture you.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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no good deed goes unpunished

The Parable of the Good Samaritan.

These days I seldom dream.  Last night I had a vivid dream reminding me of a moment in my past.

There was a roadside casualty, a girl in the gutter. Obviously I stopped my car, got out to give assistance, and while I was putting the girl in the recovery position someone drove off in my car.  Then the girl got up and ran off, and a guy does not chase a woman late at night.  All of which was a bummer because I was then stranded on the wrong side of London, late at night, no wallet and no cell.  (We call them mobile phones, and my wallet was in my jacket in the damn car.)  Just getting back to my place took until mid-morning, and then all the phone calls cancelling cards, contacting my insurance company, telling the office I wouldn’t be in….  And that was a great car, which I never saw again.

That wasn’t the first, or the last time, my being a ‘Good Samaritan’ caused me much grief, pain, and suffering.

From trying to help a drunken woman in the street, to giving my bank details to a charity worker, (bogus), to rescuing a woman who was being hassled by a drunk in a bar, to driving an acquaintance home late at night, to helping out a coworker solve a tricky problem, to not having first date sex with an inebriated woman…  Well, the list of ‘nice’ things I’ve done which then caused me much grief goes on, and on, and on.

Too often in my life I have tried to do the right thing, to be the good guy, the man in the white suit ~ and what has it ever got me?  Trouble.

Even in close relationships I’ve found, to my cost, that being a genuinely kind, caring, and considerate guy, leads to trouble in the end.  Women can and will walk all over a nice guy.

It seems that many people see a good guy as a soft touch, someone that can be trampled underfoot, someone of no real account.  A geek, a jerk, a loser.

Well, maybe that’s their loss.

I can retain my ethics and morality, but my dream tells me that I also need to exercise harsh judgement in the people I am prepared to be kind to.  There is no more universally nice Jack Collier.

What ever became of the Good Samaritan anyway?

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Yoga for Men

Yoga is a type of meditation ~ and done properly it’s difficult.

Calling this post Yoga for Men isn’t as sexist or as misogynistic as you may think.  When I was a much younger chap, far more cynical, and much less worldly-wise, I used to think yoga was a bit ‘strange’.  In my mind yoga was something that girls did, and perhaps men who were a bit metrosexual.  Now that I’ve grown up a bit I realise that yoga can be a strenuous and difficult workout ~ the kind of workout that hurts while you’re doing it and makes you ache afterwards.

It turns out that there are lots of reasons why more men should regularly practice yoga.  Some say that yoga strengthens your immune system and relieves stress.  And, that regular yoga improves muscle tone, flexibility, agility, posture, stamina, and core strength.  All I know is that regular yoga exercises and nurtures my body, mind, and spirit.  Some also say that yoga will give you a better sex life.

Just in case you don’t know, yoga involves holding postures, and holding some of these postures for any length of time can be damn difficult.  Even the few, (simple), postures I use require a great deal of strength, balance, and concentration.  Because holding these postures take a lot of strength and stamina, your muscles become more toned and develop greater power and endurance.

Yoga also helps with proper breathing, better posture, better balance, better concentration, better digestion, and increased mindfulness and serenity.   Regular and difficult yoga improves the way you look, stand, walk, and talk.  I have been told, by a very close friend, that regular yoga also greatly improves one’s sex life, and increases the pleasure you can give to your partner.  Also, some yoga poses work as great sex positions and increase the intensity of the female orgasm.  Allegedly, it’s possible for women to have an orgasm just from doing yoga.  Who knew?

So, these are the yoga positions I use regularly, and if I have the names wrong… well I’m not a yoga instructor.

The Tree.  This classical, impressive, and elegant position promotes strength and balance in your feet, ankles, legs, and core.  Like all yoga positions I’ve tried it also aids concentration, calms your breathing, and improves your grasp of mindfulness.  Don’t worry too much if at first you keep losing your balance, what’s probably happening is that you’ve lost your mental focus.  The tree pose puts all your weight on one leg at a time, but the balance, poise, and elegance has to come from the whole body.

~

Downward Facing Dog.  Allegedly, this is one of those yoga poses that’s also a great sexual position ~ I can see that.  This position throws a lot of weight on the upper body, wrists, arms, shoulders, and chest.  It stretches the whole of the back of your legs and  body ~ your spine, arms, shoulders, ankles, calves, and hamstrings.  For me, unless I’m doing it wrong, it also strengthens my knees.

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The Bridge.  This position is especially designed to strengthen your pelvic floor, (and backside), which is good for all kinds of reasons, up to and including sex.  The bridge position builds strength in your core and lower body ~ personally I can really feel this in my lower abdomen.  This is another of those yoga positions which is also a fabulous sexual position ~ or so I’m told.  When I do this, I keep my back straight and my belly flat ~ I have no idea if that’s a good idea or not.

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The Plank.  I find this pose tremendously difficult, not because I don’t know how to do it, but because it calls for a tremendous amount of strength.  Done properly the entirety of one’s body weight is brought into play to build core body strength, exercise the arms and shoulders, and increase one’s fortitude.  There are three basic variations of the plank, and the easiest is to rest on your knees rather than stretch out your whole body and rest on your toes.  The second easiest is to support your upper body on your forearms, while the hardest of all is to be in a push-up position with all one’s weight on your toes and hands.  Right now, I can hold this position for one minute only ~ which is a bit pathetic really.

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The Warrior.  This should be so easy, trust me, it isn’t.  The warrior pose stretches and strengthens the legs and core muscles of the body.  For me it also works the arms and shoulders.  More than that, this is the one position that should be so easy that I want to do it properly and elegantly.  Where that gets difficult is the whole being straight, having one’s belly and backside tight, steadiness and ease thing.  The lady in the picture looks a bit wimpy because her right arm is dropping.

Right now I only use these five positions, and the list above is in the order I do this stuff.  I hold each position for as long as I can, and that varies from 5 minutes per position, to less than a minute, depending on the pose and how I’m feeling that day.  And, again depending on how I’m feeling, I’ll probably run through all five positions a couple or maybe even three times.

However, there are stacks more great yoga positions, and if you really want to learn about yoga, then I should strongly suggest that you take a proper class, there will be one near you.  There are even a bunch of good online yoga classes.  (I took one actual class at my local gym, once, and never went back ~ but that’s just me).  Who knows, you may find yourself alongside some fit, supple, young women.  Who will probably make you feel totally inadequate.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

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