Monochrome Monday ~ Hot Guys
he was so out of her league they hadn’t invented his league yet
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
what it is to be young, fit, and attractive
although older women don’t like that sort of thing
Coping With Retroactive Jealousy
the jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves
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Retroactive Jealousy is being jealous of your partner’s sexual past. Sufferers of this sickening disorder can be jealous of things their partner did long before you even met them ~ maybe jealous of things their partner did years ago. It’s completely insane. It’s a monster which will grow and grow if you feed it, and it will utterly destroy relationships. Jealousy of any kind is incredibly destructive, retroactive jealousy even more so.
Jealousy ~ that sickening combination of possessiveness, suspicion, rage, and humiliation ~ can overtake your mind and threaten your very core. ~ Helen Fisher.
Generally, sufferers of retroactive jealousy also suffer from some serious underlying mental health problem such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Bipolar Disorder. Mostly it’s men who suffer from this insane kind of dysfunctional jealousy.
Now it may be that their are things in your partner’s sexual past that you just can’t live with ~ in which case you should just walk away. However, if you believe that you want to keep seeing your partner, there are some basic tools you can use to cope with your problem;
- Acknowledge that this is your problem, and not your partner’s. You need to deal with it on your own.
- Stop obsessively talking with your partner about their past. Do not stalk them by looking at their social media.
- Get clear about your own morals, ethics, and values. What are you fearful of, and what don’t you understand?
- Realise that it’s a new world out there, and some of the things which may have been totally unacceptable twenty years ago are commonplace now.
- Accept that nobody is perfect, and don’t be a hypocrite.
- Don’t be utterly judgemental and avoid black and white thinking.
- Realise that you are never, ever, going to be totally happy about your girlfriend’s past, but get yourself into a place where you can live with it.
- Do not compare yourself with your partner’s past lovers.
- Don’t go out and get drunk in the mistaken belief that will make you feel better.
The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare. Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires. ~ Dorothy Corkille Briggs
Some say that being jealous of your partner’s sexual past is just being hypocritical. And that if you love someone you should be accepting and understanding of their sexual past. All I know is that jealousy is a deceptive, tricky, and pernicious emotion ~ it’s all an ego game.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
don’t throw away a good relationship
over things that happened in the past
a Kiss From a Witch
a kiss from a witch in the moonlight
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I loved a witch
and I kissed her
she kissed me back
who is the fool now?
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
money buys even a witch
The Middle of the Night
a guy always decides to dump her in the middle of the night
I had worse dreams than this.
Maybe it’s not all over. Maybe I’ll forget her one day. Maybe I’ll die trying to forget her.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
she smokes, drinks
and dates younger men
how cool is that?
Without a Woman
without a woman and alone again, naturally
Maybe some relationships were just never meant to be.
Well, my latest and last certainly ended in a total fuck-up.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
it was good while it lasted
some cool road trips
Inner Demons Revealed
our souls are consumed by demons lurking in the darkest shadows
Most of us have inner demons; dark memories and disturbing elements of our psyche that come to disturb us when we least expect them. These inner demons may be awakened by the smallest trigger; a word, a phrase, people, places, things…. Some of us may have a dangerous streak which haunts us when the moon is high and the night is quiet and still. Some of us may even welcome these inner demons and the changes they make to how we think, what we say, how we feel, how we act and react to the world around us.
Some like that other people feel as though they are always walking on eggshells around them ~ and some even enjoy the control the darker side of their psyche can have over those closest to them. Those very disturbed people oft may practice psychological domination, emotional blackmail, emotional incest, gaslighting, stalking, mental abuse, or even physical abuse. These people are especially dangerous to those closest to them as they are usually Jekyll and Hyde characters ~ kind and charming one moment, then turning instantly into a monster.
There are some behaviours and character traits those with dark, deep, and destructive inner demons are very likely to display to an extreme; alcohol abuse, amnesia, anger, cruelty, drug abuse, gambling, generosity, impulsiveness, jealousy, judging, manipulative, mood swings, narcissism, neediness, perfectionism, promiscuity, porn addiction, sexual deviancy, splitting, and having a very high level of intelligence.
Trust me, I know. From time to time I have known all of those psychological traits. BPD can do that to you.
No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness. ~ Aristotle
The tragedy of it is that; not only do those with deep inner demons themselves suffer, all of those around them suffer too. From time to time, everything I have listed above has been described as a disease or illness when in its extreme forms ~ the thing is, these things are also called family diseases.
Ergo, there are two sides to the pain and suffering caused by inner demons; they will harm you, and everyone around you. For the sufferer; they first have to recognise, accept, and admit that they are sick, then they have to truly want to get better, and then they have to be prepared to go to any lengths to get well. If you are close to someone who displays their inner demons, and hurts you because of them ~ well then maybe the very best thing you can do is just walk away. If the person who has been tormenting and torturing you is genuinely trying to get well, and has stopped hurting you and others, then just perhaps you could stick around and try to help them.
I know that I cannot defeat my inner demons by running from them, nor can I defeat the darkness in my soul by hiding it away. In order to defeat the werewolf within I must first bring it into the light.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
inner demons shy away from the light of day
Monochrome Monday ~ Bondage
I will give you all that you are afraid to ask for
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
it takes either a boy scout
or a sailor to be really good with knots
hopefully these weren’t tied by a boy scout
Inebriated Woman
there’s a reason some women do that sometimes
I really didn’t think
she was always drinking
just usually very drunk
and high on skunk
and I shrank back
from ever thinking
about who she fucked
when she’d been drinking
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
strong drink gets weak women into trouble
Monochrome Monday ~ Hot Women
a self-confident man is never afraid of an incredibly hot woman
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
all women wear a mask
but usually not there
Retroactive Jealousy
The past is not the past, it is never done and gone.
male sexual jealousy is a dragon that will devour your very soul
I only just learned of a condition called Retroactive Jealousy, but it seems as though I’ve suffered from this horrible character defect for much of my life. Now I know that this is a quite common condition that’s also known as retrospective jealousy and retrograde jealousy.
Retroactive Jealousy is having extremely painful thoughts and morbid curiosity over your partner’s / loved one’s past relationships and / or sexual history ~ especially if they went through a very promiscuous phase involving multiple sexual partners or were deeply in love with another or others.
Retroactive Jealousy can lead you to do crazy things; stalk your partner’s social media, check through all their old photographs, post very negative and attacking things about them on your own social media, hire a private detective, park outside their house night after night….. All jealousy is utterly insane and crazy.
It seems that jealousy commonly arises not only about events and thoughts that happen in the present, but also about the past ~ even the past long before we met our current partner.
Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive. ~ Havelock Ellis
Both men and women can suffer terribly from retroactive jealousy, but from very different causes. Men get jealous over their perception of their partner’s sexual history, whereas women get jealous about the other women they believe their partner has been in love with in the past. And, retroactive jealousy only happens in the presence of love. If you are just having a one-night-stand, casual sex, regular sex hookups, or a meaningless fling, then retroactive jealousy will not raise its ugly head. It is only when you begin to really love someone that you might suffer from terrible jealousies about their past.
This is utterly counter-intuitive, because we are conditioned to believe that true love is unconditional, and that we should accept, understand, and cherish our loved one, no matter what. Sadly, this is not how real life works. The past will always affect our deepest emotions, and more often than not things that our partner has done in the past will tear us apart.
It would be impossible to estimate how much time and energy we invest in trying to fix, change and deny our emotions ~ especially the ones that shake us at our very core, like hurt, jealousy, loneliness, shame, rage, and grief. ~ Debbie Ford.
Retroactive Jealousy need not plague you forever, as long as you are prepared to change, as long as you are prepared to put in the hard work ~ but that needs to be the topic of another post.
Some say that you should accept your partner’s past, no matter what it is. And that a competent and self-confident person should be incapable of jealousy in everything. All I know is that there are only two choices about retroactive jealousy; #1 fully accept and understand your partner’s past, #2 walk away and don’t look back.
Always remember that your jealousy is your problem not your partners ~ so deal with it.
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jack collier
jackcollier7@talktalk.net
if your partner has things like this in her past most men will suffer retroactive jealousy
