If you do what you always did, then you’ll get what you always got.
As I don’t need to earn a living these days, some may say that my whole life is just one long vacation. Actually it doesn’t quite work like that ~ when I’m at home in the garret my time seems to be filled with lots of ordinary and everyday stuff. Whereas, now I’m here holidaying on Lanzerote I seem to have much more time to just sit in the sunshine and let my thoughts drift where they will.
It seems that I needed to resolve some issues, to reject the things that have blocked me in the past; the people, the choices, the mistakes, the material possessions I thought were so important….. It seems that I need to move away from the material world towards spiritual and emotional growth, and that I need to place less importance on relationships that do not, and perhaps never will, provide what I need and desire.
I need to awaken the strength within me, the spiritual self, the masculinity, ready to fight back against all the negative influences, the misleading promises, the illusions and delusions about what real happiness looks like for me.
There are some dreams and personal ambitions I want to fulfil, particularly in terms of interpersonal relationships, and particularly sexually. I need to fully assert myself to reconnect with my own internal courage, fortitude, and drive.
This vacation has allowed me to see that I need to progress, for the physical desires I have allowed to be unfilled to really come to fruition, that it’s time to leave behind negative people and influences, even if those people have been very close to me in the past.
It’s time I told people exactly what is on my mind, and it’s time for me to take charge and stop shying away from speaking the truth of my innermost wants, needs, desires, and dreams.
Some say that you can get 80% of what you want for just 20% of the efforts you’ve been putting into a relationship. And that if you give some people an inch they will take a mile. All I know is that if people don’t like the truth they can live their lives without my help.
Lanzerote is pretty nice
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.
Unless we do something nothing happens, and if nothing changes then nothing changes. I can sit here and think about what I want out of life, what I need to keep me safe and healthy, and I can dream about the women and adventures I might desire, but unless I take some positive steps I most likely will never get anything on my wish list.
For much of my life I would even come up with well thought out reasons and excuses why I couldn’t have or get what I wanted. I didn’t have enough money, there just wasn’t the time, she doesn’t like me anyway, I’m too busy working…..
The truth was that I just didn’t have the courage or the realism to even try to get what I really wanted out of life. Nor did I have the focus or psychological adaptability to change what I wanted, if what I first wanted was clearly impossible. We can’t all be a rock star, and the truth is I never wanted to be. But there are some things that I wanted from a relationship, and I didn’t have the focus to make that work, nor did I have the guts to just walk away when it was clear that my relationships weren’t giving me what I wanted, needed, and desired.
However, somewhere along the way things changed for me. I wanted to be materially and financially prosperous enough that I could stop working for a living, and instead live a great life. That has happened. I wanted to stop being a miserable, judgemental jerk, and instead be a cool and charismatic guy. That has happened too.
What I want, need, and desire, right now, is to improve my relationship with a female friend, and I’ll work on that. If the relationship doesn’t improve in the ways I need, then I now have the emotional strength to just walk away.
Some say that we each have dreams and personal ambitions we want to fulfil. And, that we will always face great opposition to seeing our dreams come true. All I know is that if I don’t try to make my dreams come true, than nobody else will make them come true for me.
drinking and smoking will kill you,
but you already knew that
Lanzerote, a modern sub-tropical Atlantis set in a silver sea.
Unsurprisingly I like Lanzerote, and I also like the big hotel I’m staying at, despite it being a typical tourist haunt. I’m here courtesy of a solo traveller company, and there are 3 other like-minded people here with me. That’s cool because there are people I can talk with, yet I’m not actually on vacation with them.
The picture is taken from my private balcony, and in the early part of the afternoon I have the time to sit up there in the sunshine and indulge in some deep thought.
My identity and place in the world are clear to me now.
Friendship, sexuality, and love are about acceptance and openness, through and through.
I am aware of my feminine subconscious, but my sexual identity and consciousness are strictly masculine.
Political correctness is not particularly important to me, I can live my life at the edge.
I can live my life at the edge
A good vacation for me includes sunshine, the sea, and good food.
This scheduled post should appear while I’m on vacation on the Spanish Island of Lanzerote. Ergo I thought I’d try to feature dishes that I would cook for myself while I’m taking a cool road trip.
Perhaps the secret of vacation food is that it should be pretty easy to make and look really good, as well as being tasty and healthy. Face it, when you’re in your trailer, camper, holiday cottage, you don’t want to spend ages making bland and colourless food that mostly comes from a can.
First this week, from Heather Christo a dish I would eat every week, and yet reminds me of so very many good times on vacation Chinese 5 spice beef and pepper stir fry. I love making myself a stir fry, and yet my dishes never look like a work of art in the same way that Heather’s always do.
Chinese 5 Spice Beef and Pepper Stir-Fry
Next, from Teighan Gerard at Half Baked Harvest, we have a dish of skillet roasted french onion chicken and potatoes, and you know what? This looks quintessentially Gallic. From everything you may hear and read you may think that many Englishmen don’t like the ‘Frogs’, and yet there are many Francophiles here. I happen to love Normandy, and this dish is exactly the kind of thing I’ve eaten there.
Skillet Roasted French Onion Chicken and Potatoes
Brought to us by Elise Bauer at Simply recipes we have ginger-soy steamed salmon with spicy maple sauce by Nick Evans. I’m pretty certain that Nick’s English, but if ever a recipe said high-end California to me, then it’s this one.
Ginger-Soy Steamed Salmon with Spicy Maple Sauce
I love Italy and Italian food, and this lasagna Bolognese recipe from Jessica Merchant promises Italian, warming, nutritious, healthy, (fairly healthy), comfort food for those colder December nights. Those of you who still imbibe, add a glass or two of Chianti and have a great evening. Keep the leftovers to take to work, lasagna works well in the microwave the following day.
When it comes to food from the Orient, I like potstickers. I like the look of these pork and kimchi potstickers by Chungah at Damn Delicious ~ enough said.
Pork and Kimchi Potstickers
Finally for this week, from an British girl in France, Amanda at Chez le Rêve Français has a cool recipe for coriader and cumin roasted root vegetables. I think this recipe would make a great accompaniment to any meat or fish you happen to have in the refrigerator. At this time of year we English love our roasted root vegetables.
Coriander and Cumin Roasted Root Vegetables
eggs are an easy vacation breakfast
Lanzerote; an island moulded by an artist.
If this scheduled post appears when I expect it to, then right now I’m at my local airport waiting to board a flight to Arrecife on Lanzarote, one of Spain’s Canary Islands. I’m leaving behind weather in England that’s in the mid forty degrees, heading for sunshine and temperatures in the mid seventies. What’s not to like?
And, it turns out that there’s an adults only beach just a short stroll from the hotel. Shame that none of the people who read my posts ever wanted to vacation with me. I will keep you all apprised.
Marmy isn’t going anywhere that has an adults only beach
Change your life today, act now without delay.
It seems to me that most people spend most of their time just piddlefucking around without having a clear idea of what it is they want to achieve, and without having any real plan to get wherever it is that they want to go in Life. I’m pretty certain this is not because they don’t have wants, needs, dreams and desires, but perhaps it’s because their wants, needs, dreams, and desires are not well thought out in their own mind.
Consciously we may have an idea of what we want out of Life, but unless our conscious plans are totally backed by subconscious conviction we may as well just be whistling in the wind.
Recently I ‘decided’ that I am a really cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life ~ and so what?
Well, to begin with it means developing and maintaining some habits and rituals that support the conviction that I’m a cool guy living a great life, such as always looking sharp with bright eyes, clear skin, and a good haircut that suits my slightly preppy English style. Getting to bed at a decent time every night, sleeping well, eating well, taking the right vitamin supplements, getting plenty of fresh air and exercise, and avoiding unnecessary stress. Every day I make certain that I read something challenging and inspirational, rest and meditate, and just take some time out for myself.
I have a ritual that each day I try to write something interesting, insightful, and perhaps controversial on this blog. And, every day I take the time to stay in contact with some people that I care for, even if it’s just by email. (I don’t use Facebook, twitter, or texts.)
And every second of every day, the conviction I have planted in my subconscious that; ‘Hey, I’m a cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life…..’ monitors my conscious thought, feelings, and actions, and every so often will let me know that I’m being a jerk.
Nobody is perfect, but now I
fucking damn well know when I’m being a jerk, and I suddenly have a choice ~ go on being a jerk, or instead act like the cool and charismatic guy I know I am. If I have to, I follow that old mantra;’fake it to make it’, and my natural exuberance spills out all over the place.
Tomorrow I’m taking another sunshine vacation, a week in the Spanish Canary Islands, and that’s because my idea of being a cool guy doesn’t involve hibernating in my garret through the English winter. Instead I’m up for some fresh air and exercise in sub-tropical sunshine.
Some say that we should avoid strong emotions and deep feelings. And, that it’s a sin to have our own personal desires and dreams. All I know is that I have a real lust for life.
show up on time for life
Be charitable and loving when winter comes howling in.
Middlesbrough Man Chris Rea is a brilliant exponent of the slide guitar ~ athough I like him best because he likes great cars, including the iconic 7.
Please listen responsibly.
don’t drive a 7 in winter
unless you’re very brave
The sins of the fathers will be visited upon the children…..
Our parents told us to be wise, look ahead, be strong, don’t look back, get a job, be cool….. That’s if we were lucky. If we were unlucky they mostly ignored us, left us to fend for ourselves while they were out doing adult things. If we were very unlucky we witnessed a dysfunctional relationship, totally filled with an utter lack of love. For some it was worse than that, with one of their parents being an abusive alcoholic while the other merely acted as an enabler. There will be blood on the lawns of those homes.
Children who had abusive parents, or were from dysfunctional families, would grow up with all kinds of mental problems; Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Depression. Alcoholism, drugs, gambling, and other addictions are also common among adults who suffer from mental health problems created in their childhood. The likelihood is that they will struggle with their own psychological and spiritual problems for all of their adult lives, mirroring the lives of their parents. They too will find themselves in dysfunctional or abusive relationships, treatment centres, rehabilitation centres. and hospitals of one kind or another for one reason or another. If they are wise they will not have children of their own.
I know this because I have suffered some of this, and I have also known many people who have suffered a less than ideal childhood and have turned out to be less than perfect adults and parents. Sadly many of the suffering people I used to know are dead; alcoholism, drug use, accidents, sundry medical problems, suicide…..
If you’re suffering from anything I’ve mentioned above, you will also know that the caring professions are mostly
fucking damn useless at helping people with mental illnesses or addictions of any kind. You may get talking therapies, and you will probably be prescribed all kinds of nasty medication, neither of which will be of much help. You may have tried 12-step recovery groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon. Not many stick around these 12-step groups for long. But there is something that helped me.
One thing often said in these 12-step groups is; ‘fake it until you make it’, or ‘fake it to make it’. In other words if what you want to be is a kind, caring, sober person, then ‘act as if’ you were that person. This technique is widely accepted in the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming. And, keep telling yourself; ‘I am a kind, caring, sober guy’. If you believe it, then you actually are that guy. Self-talk does work.
It turns out that I believe my own self-talk ~ ‘I’m a cool and charismatic guy, living a really great life’. I can be anyone and anything I want to be. I can manifest any kind of life I want, need, desire, or dream of ~ providing I don’t give in to lusts or base emotions.
There has been blood in my garden, blood helps the flowers grow.
in your race for self-destruction
stop to smell the flowers
Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. ~ Charles R. Swindoll.
I wanted to share with you something I learned on a four-day retreat in the high desert of New Mexico.
When we just react, mostly we react unconsciously, without thinking about things at all. That isn’t at all surprising because for 90% of the time our subconscious mind is running the show, meaning that our consciousness is only in charge for 10% of the time.
It’s a bit more complicated than that, because our unconscious mind never forgets anything. Therefore, when we just react, our subconscious is using behaviours that we learned before we were about seven years of age. All the negative stuff we learned from our parents, older siblings, teachers, and other adults is deep down in there, and it will come out when we least want it too.
When you feel threatened, judgemental, jealous, envious, angry….. you will probably react in ways you learned as a child. It’s not you that’s having an argument with your husband / lover / boss, it’s the 7-year-old child arguing, using negative behaviours you learned before you knew any better. It’s worse than that, because it seems that our subconscious mind has very little self-control.
Our subconsciousness / unconscious mind, which runs the show for 90% of the time, is really a pretty stupid, non-selective, totally emotional, feminine autopilot, (that’s not sexist ~ the conscious mind has mostly male characteristics and subconscious mostly female). The subconscious will accept ideas as truth, no matter how negative or destructive, and never fails to express ideas that have been impressed upon it. It’s our subconscious that will let us drink too much, use drugs, have casual sex…..
But, and here’s the good thing, our conscious, objective male mind can dominate our subconscious mind, if only we truly know what we need and desire We also have to learn to talk to our subconscious and knowingly impress feelings onto that part of our brain.
If you can meditate, then you’re half way there. If you know how to achieve heart ~ brain harmony, then you’re just about all the way there. Talk to your heart and your words and feelings will reach your subconsciousness. But, use very simple, positive and unambiguous phrases. Don’t say; ‘I want to be a really charismatic guy…..’ because your subconscious mind will accept the thought that you want to be, and do nothing about that thought / feeling. Instead say to your heart; ‘I am a really charismatic guy…..’ and suddenly you are charismatic.
I turned my whole life around by saying and believing; ‘I am a really cool guy, living a really great life…..’
Honestly, our subconscious has a very emotional and unintelligent way of controlling our lives, mostly by reacting without there being any conscious or selective thought in the process. Therefore, to have an emotionally intelligent subconscious, we must first turn to our consciousness and impress its intelligence upon our inner mind.
There are a hell of a lot of books and stuff on the internet about all this, so the thing to bear in mind is to keep things simple, because 90% of our minds is quite stupid really.
He who has not Christmas in his heart will not find it under a tree.
To be more honest, my Christmas plans have been cancelled by my tour company.
I had arranged to fly out to the Algarve in Portugal on December 19th, to spend Christmas in the sun with a group of other like-minded solo travellers. It should have been fun.
Sadly my tour company has just emailed me to say that ‘they have decided not to proceed with this group departure’. Their reason….. the minimum number of guests has not been achieved .
Disappointed? You bet I am.
They have offered me 7 alternative Christmas Holidays, all of which are more expensive, and none of them to places I want to spend Christmas ~ such as Agadir in Morocco. And, they will send me a refund for the $1300 or so I have already paid for my trip to Portugal.
So, unless I want to spend Christmas alone in my apartment again, I need to find somewhere to go at short notice.
Ah well, the spirit of Christmas still lives in my heart.
there’s always somewhere with someone