I am sorry I’m going away, you can accompany me some other day.
Marmaduke isn’t coming to the USA with me tomorrow. This time he has to stay home and look after the garret. At least having my friend taking care of things while I’m on vacation means I don’t have to worry about the place. Anyway, Marmy likes being on sentry-duty.
He’s a bit sad about not coming along. Marmy likes the wide open spaces in America.
Sadly, there just isn’t enough room for him this time around.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living on the edge of a fault-line.
If you live in an earthquake zone, somewhere on the ring of fire, then sooner or later where you live is going to experience a big one. One thing that you should bear in mind if you suffer a serious earthquake ~ there will be dangerous aftershocks. And nobody can predict when or where an earthquake will strike.
To have the best chance of surviving an earthquake, you should;
- Have a plan, write it down, keep it safe.
- Be somewhere else at the time.
- Always keep a half-tank of gas in your car ~ you may need to get out of town in a hurry.
- Keep an earthquake survival kit in the trunk of your car.
- Have some basic tools in the trunk of your car, including a hatchet, fire extinguisher, and high powered flashlight. These should be in the trunk of your car anyway, along with a space blanket and first-aid kit.
- Keep your hiking boots and 2 pairs of clean socks in the trunk of your car.
- Have plenty of bottled water at home, and always keep some in your car.
- Stay away from buildings, when it’s safe to get outside, find an open space to be even safer from the aftershocks.
- Stay away from windows, street lights, utility cables, and overpasses.
- If you are indoors, do not use an elevator. Stand in a doorway, the door-frame might just protect you. At worst get under a table. Do not try to leave the building until the quake stops.
- If you are indoors, stay away from anything tall, such as cupboards, wardrobes, and filing cabinets. Get away from anything hanging from the ceiling or walls.
The snag is, if you follow this advice the trunk of your car is always going to be full of survival equipment, making it untidy and not much use for collecting groceries from the supermarket. Also, real survival would mean you buying a 4X4 off road vehicle, like a Land Rover or Jeep instead / as well as whatever car you drive now. And you would keep a tent and other camping things in your 4X4.
And not much of the above matters one jot if your car is in a garage, which collapses on it during a big earthquake.
Anyway, survival is a state of mind. Staying alive during and after a disaster is more about psychology and physiology than it is about having a ton of survival gear. Perhaps the best thing to do is go in an appropriate course at a survival school instead of a beach vacation next year.
Land Rover, the best 4X4 by far
One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. ~ Virginia Woolf
After my depressing piece about how practicing veganism is most likely very bad for you, something more upbeat about food.
I’m more the Artful Dodger type than any wimpy snowflake like Oliver.
Note the use of the English word ‘cadge‘ at the beginning of the song.
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. ~ Albert Einstein
A vegan diet is one that excludes any food that comes from an animal, fish, or whatever. This includes eggs, dairy, meat, fish, fowl, and even things like snails and honey. A vegan diet is exclusively plant-based; vegetables, fruit, grains, soy, legumes, nuts, and seeds. Vegan diets usually usually exclude any canned or processed foods. Vegan diets are extreme.
There are far more vegan women than men. In the UK 63% of people who say they are vegan are women. Anyhow, in the UK veganism is not exactly part of the mainstream dietary culture, there are only some 542,000 self-identified vegans here, which is 1% of the population ~ and I don’t necessarily believe there’s a half-million vegans in Great Britain. I once dated a vegan, and she cheated all the time.
Dr. Richard Twine, a senior lecturer in social sciences, interviewed a shed-load of vegans and found that 73% were women and only 27% were male.
In America, that world epicentre for weird cults, fads, and fringe movements, only 3% of the population identify as vegan. Amazing, as more than half of Americans believe that alien abduction, alien visitation, and UFOs are real. Aliens probably exist.
Proper scientific studies show that true veganism can be very bad for your health, especially if you consume unhealthy plant-based food such as fruit juices, refined grains, wheat, fries, and a lot of fatty, high-calorie stuff like avocado. The recommended daily serving is just 1/3 of a medium sized avocado.
My vegan diet brought on early menopause. ~ Virpi Mikkonen
A vegan or vegetarian who consumes no animal products can be just as unhealthy as a slob who dines on nothing but burgers and beer.
Some health problems caused by a vegan diet include; leaky gut, hormone disruption, (including oestrogen and thyroid hormones), anemia, low omega-3 leading to anxiety and depression, lack of vitamin B12, (which can lead to irreversable memory loss and impaired cognitive function), lack of zinc, (which is especially vital for pregnant women), too much carbohydrate, (which leads to fatty liver, diabetes, and obesity), and eating disorders.
Personally, I don’t care so much if someone wants to be vegan or vegetarian, but I do object when they preach to me about my own omnivorous diet.
Some say they don’t eat meat because eating animal products is unethical. And that being vegan reduces their carbon footprint. All I know is that I really like a good steak.
onglet steak, a butcher’s best kept secret.
Beaches, Surf, Sun, and Fabulous Food, make a great vacation!
This Friday I head off for the USA on an extended vacation ~ two of the most important things for me to take on vacation are a great book, and some cool recorded music. I have the book; Isaac Asimov’s Extraterrestrial Civilizations, and this is one of my favourite holiday songs.
Some say the West Indies are all about Cricket, Rum, and Sun. And that Bridgetown is full of older American women. All I know is that you don’t go there in July, August, or September.
Marijuana is popular in the Windies,
and in California.
All slang is a metaphor, and all metaphor is poetry. ~ G.K. Chesterton
Most Americans will never have heard or used some of the words I grew up with. Although the words I most hear used around here these days are fuck and fucking. Catch-all expressions for the chronically stupid and uneducated. So; sprinkle some of these colloquialisms into your lexicon.
- Arse ~ backside, a stupid ineffectual idiot
- Aye ~ yes
- Bairn ~ very young child
- Baccy ~ tobacco
- Bait ~ packed lunch
- Beck ~ stream
- Bog ~ toilet
- Brasso ~ an adjective for very bad beer, metal polish
- Cack ~ shit
- Cadge ~ borrow and beg
- Canny ~ pretty damn good, also clever and prudent
- Clarts ~ runny mud
- Class ~ beautiful
- Divvent ~ don’t
- Doon ~ down
- Dyke ~ ditch, unattractive lesbian
- Fettle ~ fix
- Geordie ~ Native of Newcastle upon Tyne
- Gob ~ mouth
- Gormless ~ stupidly lacking in ability and initiative
- Gully ~ big sharp knife
- Haporth ~ next to nothing, almost worthless, contraction of half-penny-worth
- Hoy ~ throw
- Knackered ~ tired, weary, broken
- Lug ~ ear
- Lum ~ chimney
- Marra ~ very good friend
- Minging ~ disgustingly smelly
- Mortal ~ very drunk, also ‘mortalious’.
- Nebby ~ nosy and intrusively curious
- Netty ~ an earth closet toilet, any toilet
- Nick ~ steal
- Nowt ~ nothing
- Numpty ~ ineffectual idiot
- Pallatic ~ very drunk
- Scran ~ food
- Sneck ~ hasp or catch
- Spelk ~ splinter
- Stotting ~ bouncing, as in ‘the rain is stotting down’
- Telt ~ told
- Tyke ~ a Yorkshireman or small boy
- Wazzock ~ annoyingly stupid ineffectual idiot
- Wanker ~ arrogant and contemptible ineffectual idiot, a chronic masterbator
- Wor ~ our, or my
- Yakker ~ manual worker
Some say that all slang is bad. And if the Queen doesn’t use a word, then neither should I. All I know is that I like to surprise and baffle Americans with my very English vocabulary.
it’s only the Union Jack when it’s flown on the jackstaff of a warship
A man’s self-worth is defined by the results he can achieve.
Real Men Slay Dragons
Today, practical men are great at solving problems involving faulty electrics, leaking faucets, broken-down cars, busted appliances….. Real men are crap at listening when all a woman wants is to talk about her feelings, or how her day was. Masculine men are basically problem-solving machines.
To understand why a man always gives advice and solutions, when all a woman wants is for him to listen, you need to know how the male brain works. And for a start, unlike women, men have dick-all connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.
A woman’s brain is organised for communication and empathy. A woman’s brain is structured to talk, and the main purpose of her talking is to talk and share feelings. For the most part she is not looking for solutions, advice, or answers, which is what the male brain is organised to provide.
Men evolved as mostly solitary hunters, and their main contribution to the survival of the human race was the ability to hit a moving target so that everyone could eat meat. Prehistoric Man needed the ability to accurately throw a rock, club, or spear, either at edible targets or enemies who wanted to steal their food or who threatened their tribe.
As a result, men evolved a target-hitting and spacial awareness area in the brain, which uses up the part of the brain that forms the speech and communications centre in women. Talking, listening, empathy, and emotions uses up odd bits of the male brain that aren’t used for much else ~ men don’t have a speech centre. Women don’t have a spacial awareness, target-hitting, and throwing centre in their brain, which is why most women have a useless sense of direction and can’t read maps.
Early man turned into result-oriented creatures who measure their own success strictly by outcomes, accomplishments, and their ability to come up with solutions to problems. A real man feels that he is the one person most capable of solving his own problems, and does not see any need to discuss them with anyone else. Men will only ask another persons opinion about a problem if he is looking for expert advice; say from a doctor. Unsolicited advice from a woman is not welcomed by any masculine guy.
Some women say that men have countless annoying traits. And that a woman wants to be listened to, not fixed. All I know is that real men don’t want to worry about toilet seats.
put a real man on an idyllic desert island, and the first thing he’ll think about is how to get off it.
Most women love an intelligent man with a great sense of humour.
Real English Men treat all women like Ladies,
even when they’re quite obviously not
Booze, the cause of, and the answer to, all of life’s problems.
Some people believe that the most reliable way to have fun is to drink to excess. They believe that to go into a bar, or to go to a party, and not drink at least a half-dozen beers or a whole bottle of wine is incomprehensible. And for some, wine, beer, and spirits are all the same, the key is the alcohol. All booze is to be consumed until they feel that buzz, feel like they’re having fun, slurring their words, and knock over a glass.
Go into some bars, particularly airport bars, or any bar in the USA, and you will see women sitting at the bar, usually among a group of men, laughing at risque jokes, watching sports TV, their faces shiny from too much booze. As predatory as any younger man, of which there will be a lot around any woman. If anyone’s drinking Long Island Iced Tea, then they really want to get shit-faced.
No pub is without its regulars, who all have their regular spot, and usual ‘friends’who will comment if they miss a session or two.
In airports, railway stations, shopping malls, and strange towns, real drinkers will either know where there is a good bar or make it their priority to find one. Real boozers will think nothing of striking up an intimate conversation with whomsoever they may find sitting at the bar, and possibly proceed to tell them stuff they wouldn’t ever tell their partner or closest friends. Sometimes they have no idea where they are when they wake up, maybe in the morning.
Older people tend to do their drinking at home, sitting in their favourite chair, maybe watching something asinine on Netflix, steadily knocking back their preferred tipple until they realise they should go to bed, or they make stupid ‘phone calls, or post sexual stuff online, or just fall asleep / pass out in their chair.
You can always tell a boozer. They will be overweight with a lot of unsightly belly-fat, they will turn up at work late in the clothes they wore yesterday, their hands may shake in the mornings, probably they are smokers / gamblers / sexually promiscuous, their trash will always be full of empty bottles, and their car will often be found outside their regular pub / bar.
Some women say that they like beer, bikers, and rock music. And that there’s nothing in their past that they regret. All I know is that it’s best to avoid that sort of female.
A real English pub,
where you will never find a nice girl sitting at the bar.
Booze is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
I’m English, but I’ve spent time in bars in most of the major cities in Europe and the United States. You know that you’re spreading it a little widely when you walk into a bar in say ~ New York, just off Madison Avenue, and the barman knows immediately that you drink a stirred vodka martini, or several.
I’ve spent far too much time in bars exactly like the one in this song, except there was usually a slightly inebriated woman sitting at the bar trying to get picked up for casual sex. Sad really. And the piano man was never as good as Billy Joel.
I don’t pick up women in bars,
and I don’t have casual sex.