Category Archives: Mental Health

End of an Era

the casual conversational tone of a blog is what makes it so very dangerous

After several years and 2342 posts, this will be my very last blog.

It’s served its purpose, kept me sane and literate, and introduced me to several very interesting people.

However, no matter how hard I tried, from time to time I would post some quite inappropriate things, which did me no credit at all. 

Besides I detest the ‘new’ block editor.

So, thank you so very much for reading and commenting, but good morning and goodbye for good.

I hope you have enjoyed reading, as much as I have enjoyed writing.

~

Road concept – freedom

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

no more deadlines and commitments

 

Not Feeling Good

some days are worse than others, this is one of those days

Well, today isn’t going so well, it’s been lashing it down with rain, I’m suffering from insomnia, and I’d really rather not be trapped in my garret all day. On the other hand, there isn’t really anywhere to go any more, because I still can’t see my friends, travel is still very difficult, and going anywhere risks being placed in self-isolation, possibly in an expensive hotel.

I need to make the best of things, and lot let myself become depressed.

Hopefully you guys are all doing better than I am.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

the sea is angry today

 

 

Scenes on Sunday ~ Tiny Trailers

size isn’t everything
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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

It would take me about a week to build one of these things

well, maybe two

 

 

 

Steadfast in Friendship

it’s a good life for those who don’t weaken and break

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a friend in need is a friend indeed

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a steadfast friend is unchanging and faithful

behave constantly, honestly, and courageously

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a true friend is trustworthy, honest, open, and supportive

live with passion and conviction even in the face of opposition

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a sure friend is dependable, reliable, constant, and unwavering

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be like the cliff against which the waves continually break

but it stands firm and tames the fury of the waters around it

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

a steadfast friend is there for you

in good times and bad

Funereal Depression

in the midst of life I am in a mess

I am still suffering from the after-effects of attending my uncles funeral.  Something about it affected me very badly, so badly that I lost myself in alcohol for a couple of days.  I am still not certain what about that event hurt me so much, but no doubt I’ll figure it out eventually.

Hopefully, all you are well out there.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

tomorrow is a new day

Chronic Stress, Anxiety, and Depression

many of the casualties from the coronavirus will be from preventable chronic stress

the torment of chronic stress can kill you

It’s very difficult for me to write this.  I’m confused, fatigued, and fearful.  Who would know that 475 days of enforced isolation could do this to an otherwise healthy person?

For more than a year I’ve been prevented from seeing my friends, going anywhere, or enjoying myself in a normal human manner.  For more than a year I’ve angry, anxious, and distressed, and for most of the time I wouldn’t admit that to myself or to another person.

Although I knew I wasn’t ‘right’ nor ‘healthy’, I didn’t know just how bad it was until I booked a (perfectly permissible), short break in the Mediterranean sunshine of Gibraltar.  Just booking the trip filled me with apprehension, but then it got worse.  I had a severe panic attack; insomnia, nausea, confusion, sweating, headaches, and memory loss.

All of those and more physical symptoms can be attributed to chronic low-level stress and anxiety.  What I had done in merely booking a short trip to get me out of this place was to allow my mind to write a cheque my body wouldn’t cash.

I need help to recover, and I know that with some support I can get over this whole coronavirus insanity.

Of course, if I tell our National Health Service any of this I will be instructed to go into strict self-isolation for 10 days.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

it’s Catch-22

you are damned in you do

and damned if you don’t

Scenes on Sunday ~ Happier Days

long-term isolation creates severe anxiety and depression

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

long road trip though California, Nevada, and Utah

Covid Quarantine

Kafkaesque Health Care

The health service here has told me to completely isolate at home for 10 days because I have been identified as being near to someone with the coronavirus.

Because of that I will miss my trip to the Mediterranean sunshine which was due to fly out today.

There’s a good chance that I will not get the coronavirus because I have been properly vaccinated.  But I am feeling very unwell, for lots of reasons.  60% of the people here hospitalised with covid don’t have the illness at all.  It’s crazy, and now I am going crazy.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7’talktalk.net

Songs on Saturday ~ Adiemus

in bad Latin adiemus means ‘let us approach’

Just for once I was listening to my Walkman yesterday as I strolled by the sea.  This Enya song inspired me to enjoy my perambulations a little more.

The music was once used on a Delta Airlines commercial.  It seems that not all adverts are tasteless.

Serenity, Peacefulness, Inspirational.

Listen with happiness.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

reminds me of sailing

Seems I Have OCD

OCD is not about being a ‘neat freak’

that is wrong on so many levels

Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I have fairly mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  There are a few obvious signs; for example I am always clean, neat, and tidy, always doing the very best I can in every situation.  I think that everything is my fault and my problem to solve.  My music is all sorted in alphabetical order, and I know where everything is, all the time.  I also go back and check that I really have locked my door when I’ve left the garret.  I know every detail of my finances, down to the last penny and I check my bank accounts on-line every damn day.

But the real give-away is counting.  When my mind is doing nothing else I count, to no purpose whatsoever, and it’s a completely unconscious thing.

I’ve now read that there are 4 types of OCD; contamination, perfection, doubt/harm, forbidden thoughts.  Or it might be that there are 7 types of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, if you include; staring, relationship, and existential.  I think I can identify perfectionism and a little of forbidden thoughts, (but who doesn’t have weird sexual fantasies).  But none of it is ruining my life.  What almost ruined my life was judgemental angry jealousy, (retroactive angry jealousy too), and some would say that is Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I would say that it was being in a toxic relationship with the wrong woman.

So how to ‘cure’ my OCD?  Actually the only bit I want to cure is the counting thing.

Typically dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder involves drugs and therapy.  I’m NOT having either of those, except the honest, open, down to earth therapy talking with my friends gives me.  And writing this blog, of course.

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.  ~  Sun Tzu

Knowing that I have ‘a problem’ is more than half the battle.

The rest is down to me.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

some say that mental illness is like a black dog

 

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