Category Archives: Mental Health

Self~Discipline

not all in your life will be a beautiful sunrise

A few years ago I was having a really bad time; alcoholism, anger, anxiety and depression…..  I felt as though I hadn’t a friend in the world, and the truth was that I hadn’t.  I was suffering from insomnia, taking midnight walks, drinking all hours…..  Things were bad.  There didn’t seem to be any way out…..

Something prompted me to go to my bookshelf, and at random I read the first sentences of the first book that came to hand.

Life is difficult.  This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.  It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.  Once we truly know that life is difficult ~ once we truly understand and accept it ~ Then life is no longer difficult.  Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.  ~  The Road Less Travelled

From time to time some things have been bad since then, and Life hasn’t always gone the way I would have liked.  But the whispers in the night have never been as dark as they were back then.  I’ve stopped drinking, I have a very few very good friends.  My footsteps are leading me to good places now.

It took a lot to drag me away from the slough of ultimate despond and pain, but that small passage in a book has helped me ~ it’s been with me ever since that black night.

May you find your own small light in the darkness.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

choose your own guiding light

 

Tunes on Tuesday ~ Lifted

first, find the peace within yourself

Not that anyone would believe it, but The Lighthouse Family are an English band, from Newcastle upon Tyne.  That’s not why I chose this song, it’s because I feel the need to be lifted from the slough of despond I’ve been suffering.

I believe that I’ve driven that road, just out of Death Valley, California.

Probably in a Mustang Convertible.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

sometimes, only a Mustang convertible will do

I’m Ready

I get knocked down and wrecked, I get up again

~

time to get off my knees

things are never as bad as they seem

I’m ready to live my dreams

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the wreck at the end of the road?

or the start of a new journey?

How To Do Anything

first of all stop being a willing victim

if that’s you then perhaps you need to change

The first step in my total makeover plan New Age ~ New Me is giving up alcohol; or to say it a better way Living a Sober Life.  If you misuse and abuse any substance; alcohol, drugs, prescription medication, over the counter medication, sugar, tobacco….. then your life revolves around that and it’s almost impossible to do anything else that matters a damn.  And trust me, if you drink, smoke, or take drugs ~ then whatever you think or believe you are an addict.  The same goes if you gamble, are promiscuous, steal, cheat, lie…..  you are an addict and a victim of your own need for instant gratification.

If you ever want to be better, to become self-aware, self-controlled, self-disciplined, empowered, and truly happy, then first of all you have to give up your addictions.  No that’s not true, first of all you truly have to admit to yourself that you have a problem.  Only when you really believe that you need to give up hanging around in bars, or drinking a bottle of wine at home every night, or smoking a pack of cigarettes a day can you begin to become a better version of yourself.

And giving up isn’t easy.  For years I was a binge-drinker ~ every time I got upset, unhappy, or dissatisfied I would retreat into a bottle of booze to make myself feel better.  It never worked.  And yet I haven’t touched a drop since Christmas last year.

Here’s how did I did that;

  1. I came to believe that booze was ruining my life.
  2. I made a decision to stop drinking alcohol.
  3. I stopped buying and drinking booze.

It was an instant decision followed by instant action; and I believe that it has to be that way.  There has been no help, no 12 step group, no counselors, no complicated programs, no tricks, no searching the internet to find an easy way to be sober, no anything ~ just me and some self-discipline.  It’s easy; decide to stop whatever destructive behaviour gives you instant gratification, and then stop.

Except we know that it isn’t easy at all ~ it’s fucking hard.

But what would I rather become?  A drooling incontinent who lives just for the next drink?  Or a self-aware Renaissance Man who lives a very full and rewarding life?

So, every hour of every day I stay away from that first drink.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

the things you think you like the most

are the things that will ruin your life

and then kill you

Having a Better Memory

drinking alcohol is very bad for your brain

beer still gets you drunk, but it also makes you fat

For a lot of people alcohol becomes a crutch to allow them to handle the feelings, situations, and people they encounter in daily life.  Lots of people I know use booze to become more outgoing, manage stress, combat depression, relax, and as an aid to sleep.  However, alcohol isn’t a cure for shyness, stress, depression, anxiety, nor insomnia ~ except in the very short term, and if you only drink in moderation.

Taken in larger quantities, and over longer periods, alcohol does exactly the opposite of the things that you drank for in the first place.  Add to that some worse effects of too much drink; recklessness, loss of morality and ethics, severe anxiety and depression, complete emotional immaturity, using other drugs, promiscuity, criminality ~ and one can see that drinking a lot for very long is a bad idea.

If you drink too much, for even one evening, the alcohol will affect your memory.  Memory loss is a sure and certain effect of too much booze.  You might not remember the night before at all, or only vaguely remember bits of it, and you might not believe it when your friends tell you what you did.  Your brain will even invent false memories just to let you fill in the blanks.

Drinking to excess over long periods means the memory loss becomes permanent, along with nastier things like wet brain and dementia.  Luckily most people die from alcohol related causes long before they lose their mind.  Even better, if you stop drinking the memory loss and cognitive dysfunction will slowly reverse itself as the fog of booze clears and new brain cells grow to replace the ones killed off by alcohol.

I stopped drinking just after Christmas 2020.  Now, instead of being a high-functioning binge-drinker I am becoming a Modern Renaissance Man with a near eidetic memory.

Which would I rather be; a drooling incontinent drunk, or a very cool guy, living a really great life to the fullest?

Alcohol has left the building.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

people do things under the influence

that they would never do sober

Emotional Blackmail

most women are very good at emotional blackmail
but a better woman would never go that low

solitary sulking in a bar is also sexual and emotional blackmail

I would aver that any man who has been in a dysfunctional relationship has experienced emotional blackmail at first hand ~ so that’s 100% of mature men.  And if a man is strong enough, or insensitive enough not to give in to being emotionally blackmailed, women will deploy the nuclear option and start crying.  All women can cry on purpose as a way of manipulating a man’s emotions.  Conversely, where and when I was brought up in England real men never cry.

Crying in babies has a real function in that it stimulates loving and protective feelings in adults.  Most of the time an adult woman crying is deliberate emotional blackmail ~ and it works on boyfriends, lovers, partners, and husbands.  Only women and gay men use tears to manipulate others.  Generally women are experts in emotional blackmail, generally real men aren’t.  Generally, the most common emotional blackmailers are family members, close friends, and lovers.

Emotional blackmail is one of the great pastimes of family life.  ~  Mason Cooley

Men are far more often the victims of emotional and sexual blackmail than the villains.  It seems that men will use a well-planned direct approach to get what they want, whereas women prefer blackmail because it avoids direct confrontation.  At its worst emotional blackmail is where a woman who is close to you subtly threatens to punish you, or implies that you will suffer if you don’t comply with their wishes.  That woman will know your most intimate secrets and vulnerabilities.  She will use this personal knowledge to get you to obey her.  Whatever strengths and weaknesses a man has, an unscrupulous woman will use them against him.

A man must never, ever yield to emotional or sexual blackmail, or it will become a lifetime curse.  You can refuse to give in to threats, you can negotiate, and a strong man can just assert himself, but you must always honestly believe that you are in the right.

Some say that emotional blackmailers are childish bullies and should be treated accordingly.  And that women will use the withdrawal of sex as a tool in blackmail.  All I know is that you can’t go on fighting an emotional blackmailer, you can either train them to be better, or walk away.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

this woman is an expert blackmailer

What Women Want ~ Safety

for most woman, fear is a part of their life

~

some say that safety is the single biggest motivator for a woman to be in a long-term relationship with a man

~

women often perceive themselves to be powerless against men

~

trustworthiness is what women really want from a man

~

most men minimise or dismiss a woman’s emotions

~

most women do not see the world as a safe place

~

some women say that men need to commit themselves

to being reliable steadfast and trustworthy

or sex is out of the question

~

for most normal woman to be aroused

they must first feel safe

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalknet

many women are afraid of their partner doing this to them, or worse

Random Jottings ~ Isolation

enforced isolation is painful beyond human endurance

~

it’s important to have quiet time, but out there it’s far too quiet

~

solitude tempers the strong, isolation and loneliness destroys everyone

~

there are differences between being alone and being lonely

~

isolation is the dream of the already defeated

~

love and sex cannot exist in isolation

unless you are a narcissist

~

lockdown was invented by a sadist

~

solitude empowers, isolation kills

~

man is not a social animal

man is the social animal

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

a long, lonely road to nowhere, Utah

Being Apart

absence makes the heart grow fonder

jealousy is also destructive

It’s Day 346 of a very strict lockdown here in England, and for me that means that I haven’t been able to see my dearest friend for over a year.  I had plans to meet with her, and that hasn’t worked out.  I know that there are millions of people kept apart because of the coronavirus travel restrictions ~ so I’m not alone in suffering unhappy frustration.  Thanks to the miracle of the internet it’s possible to keep in touch with friends and loved ones, but even a video conversation is no substitute for the real thing.  There is nothing like the touch of a human hand.

I don’t know about other people, but I find that long-distance conversations tend to drift into unsatisfactory banal and emotionless platitudes.  It’s hard to say what one really feels, (fuck it’s hard to know what oneself really feels), when you can’t look into another person’s eyes and read their body language close to.  It occurs to me that things could have been worse, but degrees of unhappiness still equal despondency however one measures it.

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.  ~  Thomas Fuller

There is no easy way to say this, but I believe that only very special friendships and love can survive long periods of being apart.  I do not believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I believe that absence just creates a longing that only being together can satisfy.  And, that when two friends and lovers can finally be together after a long time apart, they will be lucky if their relationship survives much beyond the meeting.

What has occurred while they have been apart may only serve to twist the knife.

I do hope your separation from your friends and loved ones will make your hearts grow fonder.  I hope, dream and pray that I can survive being apart from my friends, and that it will not result in bitterness and some personal heartbreak.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

one day there will be air travel again

no one knows when that might be

 

 

Random Jottings ~ Argument Winners

being right will not necessarily win any arguments

~

I don’t care what God said…..

~

you might be right, but I don’t agree

~

I don’t pretend to know everything

but I know I’m a lot smarter than you

~

she was making one mistake in her argument

she assumed that I gave a shit what she thought

~

why do stupid people think that shouting will win an argument?

~

ridicule and humiliation might win arguments

but they don’t win friends

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

it’s damn near impossible for any man

to win an argument with a sexy woman

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