Category Archives: Mental Health

Coronavirus Personal Abyss

suffering from the coronavirus is akin to drowning in despair

~

Like thousands of others who have been or are still very ill I have not had a proper test for the coronavirus, just a differential diagnosis that says I’ve had / have this manky thing.  Personally, I know that I am now recovering from COVID-19, and let me tell you it’s no fun.  The virus beat me down physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and it’s doing it’s worst to make my recovery as difficult as possible.

Waking up in the morning, very early, I feel pretty good and busy myself doing ‘normal life’ things ~ some fresh air and a walk is healthy for me.  But by mid-morning I start to feel weary, and by evening I’m back to feeling fucking dreadful again.  I go from having supernatural powers to running into a brick wall ~ very fast.  Recovery from the coronavirus seems to be a two steps forward and one or two steps backwards kind of thing.

Not only do I need to save the world by staying in and watching TV, I need to save myself by resting and mostly trying to watch TV, listen to music, or read something light.

Trust me, if you have been ill, then you are going to need a lot of rest, for quite a while.

Stay safe, and look after yourself.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

recovery also means rest

The Perils of Lockdown

trust me on this one ~ lockdown isn’t much fun

I got sick from the coronavirus before a nation-wide lockdown was imposed on the entire United Kingdom.  So, this is Day 10 of my being completely isolated in the garret, and I’m slightly miffed about it all.  Being a sick hermit, not going out, seeing nobody at all, with nobody allowed into my place, isn’t as much fun as you might think.

The upside is that there is utter, complete, peace and quiet ~ whenever you want it.

The downsides include:

  • It’s no fun for a guy to be sick without anyone to complain to.
  • There’s no nurse to make the bed, bring drinks, and sort out the proper medication.
  • Unless you’re at death’s door you can’t get medical treatment anyway.
  • Watching endless reruns on TV is stultifying.
  • Eating the worst diet you can imagine, out of cans.
  • Snacking all day and half the night.
  • A complete lack of physical exercise.
  • Not shaving, washing, or changing out of the sweats you were wearing a week ago.
  • Loneliness, utter boredom, anxiety, depression, paranoia.

And, if I was still drinking, I’d probably be drinking 24 / 7.

If there is anyway on this Earth you can avoid being incarcerated alone during a lockdown, just go for it.

~

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I haven’t got one of these,

It would be nicer.

morning has broken

faith, hope, and charity ~ and the greatest of these is hope

~

dawn heralds a new day

the sea whispers

words of hope

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the long night of fear will end

Songs on Sunday ~ 2002

meditation is not black magic, meditation is a relationship with yourself

For this Sunday some meditative music for you.  I have just discovered the band 2002, and they play some very cool tunes.  Try and breathe peacefully.

Meditation is sometimes difficult for me, but walking by the sea takes me to a very special place within my spirit.

Please listen responsibly.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

everyone needs love

So, I Might Die Soon

to the enlightened mind death is but the next great adventure

There is much worry and anxiety surrounding the medical emergency that has the coronavirus at the root cause of it all.  My opinion is that there is more worry and anxiety than this nasty little bug deserves.  Thus far in the UK about 27,500 people have been tested, at the last count 460 people tested positive, of whom an unfortunate 8 have died.

To put this in perspective the population of the United Kingdom is about 66,870,000 souls, and as a percentage of that 460 is so nearly nothing as to make no difference.  Italy, which seems to be the worst affected European country has a population of 60,480,000 , of which 12,000 have tested positive for the virus and 827 have died, (at the last count).  Again this is a minuscule portion of the total population.

Statistically, and by all the laws of probability, the chances of my dying from the coronavirus would appear to be somewhere between slim and none at all.  Particulary if the various governments and health authorities pull their collective fingers out and do something effective about containing / controlling / curing this illness.  In any event, by all the laws of chance I should be dead already.

Men die for these main reasons;

  1. Heart Diseases
  2. Cancer
  3. Accidents and Unintentional Injuries
  4. Stroke
  5. Lung Diseases
  6. Diabetes
  7. Influenza and Pneumonia, (and add the coronavirus in here)
  8. Suicide
  9. Kidney and Liver Diseases
  10. Alzheimer’s Disease and other forms of Dementia

The story isn’t as simple as that.  Many of these deaths are more or less self inflicted.  Men do lots of bad and stupid things which will lead to an early death.  For example; boozing, drug abuse, eating an unhealthy diet, being filthy dirty and unclean, gambling, obesity, smoking, unsafe sex, and leading a life of crime and violence.  It may well say on the death certificate that some guy died of liver failure, but it probably will not say that said liver failure was brought on by drinking a pint or so of vodka a day, every single day.

I have good reasons to want to live longer and be fitter later in life, accordingly I don’t do any of the bad and stupid things in the list above; (although I have been known to drink far, far too much booze on occasion, I am now utterly sober).

Similarly, your chances of not catching, or catching and surviving the coronavirus will be much better if you don’t do any of the bad and stupid things from the list above.  To survive an illness, first be fit and healthy.  I have always been reasonably fit and I survived double pneumonia, pleurisy, and breaking 5 of my ribs along the way.

Some say that we could all stay at home and not see another soul until the coronavirus scare blows over.  And that only one in 5 people who catch this thing will need medical care.  All I know is that even if I catch this thing the chances are I will only get a mild illness.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the Tarot Death Card doesn’t really mean what a lot of people think it means

 

breaking hearts

it’s hard to feel good about yourself when your heart is breaking

~

if you want to see me smile

tell me that you love me

even if you have to lie

tell me that you care

even if it isn’t true

please want me

as I want you

desire me

please

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I don’t want a lover anymore

I just need a friend in you

let me go, set me free

My Life’s Plan

at dawn, at the morning of the day, all things become clear

Conscious thinking is what we do when we don’t know what to do.  When you don’t really know how to drive a car, you have to think about it.  When you can drive your subconscious mind takes over and leaves your consciousness free to do other things ~ like try to work out WTF you’re lost.  For 95% of the time your subconscious mind is running your life.

Yesterday, while I was out taking my meditative walk, my subconscious mind came up with an idea ~ a plan for living the rest of my life.  Except it wasn’t just an idea, it was the whole plan, almost fully formed.

Take up one idea.  Make that one idea your life ~ think of it, dream of it, live on that idea.  Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone.  This is the way to success, that is the way great spiritual giants are produced.  ~  Swami Vivekananda

This plan is simple, complete, integrated, mindful, and self-contained.  There are only 5 parts and each one is important to the whole;

  1. Live a Healthy Life.  It is health that is the real wealth, and not pieces of gold and silver.  Gandi.  For most of my years my lifestyle was unhealthy: too much work, too  much stress, too much booze, not enough sleep, not enough exercise, and no spirituality whatsoever.  Now I have an eating plan in a Paleo Diet, I walk 10,000 steps a day and do a little yoga, have a good sleep routine, and I am sober.
  2. Travel Far and Wide.  The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.  Saint Augustine. I have travelled the world, but mostly I have done it with my eyes and heart closed, and mostly I have travelled alone.
  3. Enjoy Time with my Friends.   ‘Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.  Charles Lamb.  For most of my years I pushed people away, now I hope I can welcome new friends into my life.  And what better way to travel the world than with a special friend.
  4. Words and Pictures.  Write what should not be forgotten.  Isabel Allende.  I do not need to work but I need to be creative.  Reading, writing, photography ~ hell I may even learn to paint ~ people, places, things, ideas, beliefs…..
  5. Spirituality.  A healthy mind in a healthy body ~ Juvenal.  And this is the crux of the whole plan.  I lived in a straight-line, goal-oriented, competitive existence, and I was wealthy in money, miserable, sick, and suicidally depressed.  I cannot learn spirituality, I need to live it.

I believe in this plan, that it will work for me.  Thinking about it, my plan doesn’t work without integrating all of these 5 elements, but I don’t need to add a number 6.  Even Love is encompassed and runs through the whole of it

Some say that no plan survives contact with reality.  And that they could live happily if only…..  All I know is that tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

evening, a time of rest and reflection

 

in fear of your love

if a witch loves you ~ be very, very afraid

~

at dawn’s first window

I’m just a stones throw

from the cold blue sea

last night in her scream

told me she loved me

that it wasn’t a dream

it’s not what it seems

witch passions ecstasy

so lucky so lucky me

please set me free

a man in mortal fear

in fear of your love

please set me free

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

in the midnight moonlight

a witch’s ecstasy will kill you

 

 

Spiritual Survival Skills

this moment is all there is

we were born with wings, why crawl through life?

We all live within ourselves.  All of our interactions with people, places, and things are shaped by our innermost beliefs ~ our internal programming held deep down in our subconsciousness.  We don’t experience reality, we know the Cosmos only after it’s been filtered through our own preconceptions.  This is both a good and a bad thing.  On the downside, perhaps we can never truly understand how another person understands reality.  Yet if we look at this whole subconscious filter in a good light, it means that we can fundamentally change our entire universe by changing our internal filters.

We can give true meaning to others, (especially the other sex), we can understand different beliefs, we can accept, value, and give meaning to all people, places, creatures, situations, things, and moments in time.

The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.  ~  Carl Jung

Perhaps this is what is known as being mindful; paying the fullest attention to the present moment, and doing it intentionally and non-judgementally.  Nobody, and certainly no real male, can naturally be mindful nor naturally spiritual.  Men think in straight lines and are entirely goal-oriented.  The above-average man might set aside, say, 30 minutes a day to develop the skills to be mindful, spiritual, empathetic, accepting, and understanding.  The rest of the day he will be just as competitive and goal-oriented as his peers.  Trying to be mindful and spiritual is not the path to mindfulness and spirituality.

Spirituality is a brave search for the truth about existence, fearlessly peering into the mysterious nature of Life.  ~  Elizabeth Lesser.

For anyone, a man especially, to be mindful, empathetic, and spiritual, you have to learn to live in mindfulness, empathy, and spirituality.  That’s not a ‘how to be spiritual,’ it’s a ‘how to live in spirituality’. You don’t learn this stuff in 30 minutes a day, you learn this stuff by living a spiritual, emotional, mindful, accepting, understanding life every minute of the day, seven days a week, every week of the year.

The cynical, especially the average cynical, goal-oriented, male who thinks in straight lines is going to ask; ‘So WTF is in it for me?’  If you are in emotional pain, if you are drinking too much, taking drugs of any kind, gambling, are depressed, suicidal, suffering from a personality disorder, suffering from abuse such as Gaslighting, then living a spiritual and mindful life will not only help you to cope, it will help you to recover.

And, being a spiritual, emotive, mindful, accepting, and understanding person will naturally attract other good people to you.  Women especially like strong men with these qualities: and trust me, only a truly strong man can have these qualities.

Some say that spirituality and mindfulness is for Buddhist monks.  And that all this emotional stuff gets in the way of getting ahead in life.  All I know is that if you want to be truly happy in life, then maybe develop some spiritual and emotional strategies to become grounded and take steps to move forward.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

perhaps Marmaduke is meditating

Choose Your Friends Wisely

the company you keep dictates the choices that you make

perhaps this man is not a true friend to her

Most of us have all sorts of friends, and in our past we have had all other sorts of friends, depending on how you define a friend.  There are twitter and facebook ‘friends,’ those who regularly follow our blog, and some of them may become long distance friends we email, chat with, phone…..  Then there are members of our church, neighbours, coworkers, golf / tennis / walking / sports buddies, other members of whatever groups we have joined, drinking buddies, fuck-buddies, and lovers.  There are also people we, (more or less), have to closely relate with; parents, other family members, husbands / wives, partners, and children ~ we may or not count any of these as our friend.

And then there are false friends, fake friends, enemies disguised as friends.  Just because someone hangs out with you, drinks with you, laughs with you, and has sex with you doesn’t mean they are your friend.  People pretend well, everybody lies by omission, people use you for their own ends, and some people will be nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back.  Some people are very good at being fake.

Real friends will bring out the best in you, fake friends will take your very best and use it for their own ends.  An evil fake friend will take everything you have and use it to satisfy their own perverted desires.

I firmly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a reason, but some of these reasons are to teach us a hard lesson, and if we don’t learn and live by those lessons, then we will go on becoming ‘friends’ with toxic people who will teach us those hard lessons over and over again.  When you fail a test, life will make you retake it, as many times as you need to learn, accept, and understand those hard lessons.

Be ready and willing to lose, reject, and walk away from toxic friends and dysfunctional relationships. Watch out for people who are;

  • mean, unkind, and abusive to you
  • belittle you, are jealous of you, will not accept the real you
  • are selfish, narcissistic, uncaring of your needs
  • have values, opinions, habits and behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable.
  • get drunk, use drugs, abuse prescription medication, gamble, cheat, steal, engage in promiscuity with people they pick up in bars

Walk away from those people and all of their friends.  Don’t ever try to explain or justify anything, just run far, run fast, and never once look back.

Most of all, remain true to yourself.

Some say that your friends can make or break you.  And that some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family.  All I know is that when you have a true and genuine friend, you don’t deal with the fakes anymore.

~

jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

nobody you meet in a bar will ever be a true friend to you

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