at dawn, at the morning of the day, all things become clear
Conscious thinking is what we do when we don’t know what to do. When you don’t really know how to drive a car, you have to think about it. When you can drive your subconscious mind takes over and leaves your consciousness free to do other things ~ like try to work out WTF you’re lost. For 95% of the time your subconscious mind is running your life.
Yesterday, while I was out taking my meditative walk, my subconscious mind came up with an idea ~ a plan for living the rest of my life. Except it wasn’t just an idea, it was the whole plan, almost fully formed.
Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life ~ think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is the way great spiritual giants are produced. ~ Swami Vivekananda
This plan is simple, complete, integrated, mindful, and self-contained. There are only 5 parts and each one is important to the whole;
- Live a Healthy Life. It is health that is the real wealth, and not pieces of gold and silver. Gandi. For most of my years my lifestyle was unhealthy: too much work, too much stress, too much booze, not enough sleep, not enough exercise, and no spirituality whatsoever. Now I have an eating plan in a Paleo Diet, I walk 10,000 steps a day and do a little yoga, have a good sleep routine, and I am sober.
- Travel Far and Wide. The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page. Saint Augustine. I have travelled the world, but mostly I have done it with my eyes and heart closed, and mostly I have travelled alone.
- Enjoy Time with my Friends. ‘Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected. Charles Lamb. For most of my years I pushed people away, now I hope I can welcome new friends into my life. And what better way to travel the world than with a special friend.
- Words and Pictures. Write what should not be forgotten. Isabel Allende. I do not need to work but I need to be creative. Reading, writing, photography ~ hell I may even learn to paint ~ people, places, things, ideas, beliefs…..
- Spirituality. A healthy mind in a healthy body ~ Juvenal. And this is the crux of the whole plan. I lived in a straight-line, goal-oriented, competitive existence, and I was wealthy in money, miserable, sick, and suicidally depressed. I cannot learn spirituality, I need to live it.
I believe in this plan, that it will work for me. Thinking about it, my plan doesn’t work without integrating all of these 5 elements, but I don’t need to add a number 6. Even Love is encompassed and runs through the whole of it
Some say that no plan survives contact with reality. And that they could live happily if only….. All I know is that tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.
evening, a time of rest and reflection
break my heart and my soul cries for love into the desert dust
letters lie there helplessly
in a pile inside the door
I’ve tried but I just can’t
remember who they’re for
the past fades
the future hides
and time just glides
then you say America
and that makes me smile
I haven’t seen America
for such a long long while
a soul just cries
new thoughts arise
of blue skies calm seas
But you said California
and it made me smile
if I ever see California
my blue eyes will shine
and as for love
it’s much to old
a story to believe
the Pacific listens to my crying soul
sometimes, like now, I’m spreading myself a little bit thin
alone again, naturally
The last few days have a reminder to me that; when I’m good, I’m far too good for my own good. The very cool gentleman at the core of my true persona is kind, generous, supportive, understanding, and totally taken for granted ~ especially by women. Some women seem to think that if a guy is kind, generous, supportive, and understanding, then they don’t have to try very hard to keep him hanging around at their beck and call. On the other hand some women will do almost anything to keep a real bastard in their lives.
I have no intention of turning into a real bastard, but neither am I going to live on the crumbs that some people seem to think will keep me enraptured enough to sick around.
I am reminded of the words of St. Ignatius of Loyola;
to give and not to count the cost
to fight and not to heed the wounds
to toil and not to seek for rest
to labour and not to ask for any reward
Well, I am no plaster saint, and although from time to time those words could have been an accurate description of parts of my life, I’m walking away from all that.
Some also seem to believe that a man’s friendship and love should be courtly and unconditional ~ which is not how women operate at all. In general women are hard-wired to get everything they possibly can from a man, with as little cost to themselves as they can get away with. In general a hell of a lot of women are just an inch away from being a real bitch.
I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. ~ Madonna
Love songs, love stories, romantic tales of the knights of yore, all talk about the man who will love a woman more than life, unconditionally and eternally, and then they live happily ever after together. Only in reality it doesn’t happen like that. A really good man might give his all to a woman unconditionally, only to have to watch her walk off into the sunset with some real bad boy. I have been on the losing side of that more than once.
And some women truly do give their friendship, kindness, understanding, and support, asking little in return, other than reliability, steadfastness, and courtly love.
Okay, that’s the end of today’s hurt. And, at least I have one very good and loyal female friend, although she does live about 5,000 miles away.
Some say that when a man loves a woman he should love her unconditionally. And that a man should give his all to any woman who has befriended him. All I know is that I have never made promises lightly, but whatever promises I have made are just about to get broken.
sometimes survival is all you have
love is when everyone thinks you’re crazy, but you don’t care
True love, real love, love, admiration, infatuation, insane desire ~ what we call loves comes in a rainbow kaleidoscope of colours and carries along with it every emotion known to mankind and the Gods. And some of those emotions can be powerful and hurtful; lust, jealousy, paranoia, despair, desire, depression, anger….. Love isn’t always pink clouds and faerie princesses. Sometimes love is a dark forest filled with dragons and wicked witches.
But you don’t ever choose who to love ~ love chooses you, and love is as fickle and dangerous as anything that ever came out of Pandora’s Box. You might just see her smile, or the way she speaks, or the way she walks, and then you’re lost in love, ready and willing for her to turn your heart to burned ashes and your nights to dark introspective vigils of regret.
There are some circumstances that make long-term love almost impossible, for example; she is already married, she is married and is dating other guys as well as you, she lives half a world away from you, she’s a slut who will sleep with anyone and does, she has a very active on-line sex life, she is far too young or far too old for you, she has a serious problem like alcoholism or drug addiction, her dysfunctional family has first call on her time all the time, she sees you as a bank that’s always open, she works in the sex industry, she’s a thief, she is utterly incapable of feeling real love herself….. It’s not that I have ever had a relationship that’s had those issues ~ not all of them at the same time anyway.
If you’re in a relationship with a woman who has even a couple of those relationship problems, then perhaps you’re in love with the wrong woman. And, if you’re in love with the wrong woman, then maybe sometime or other you have to find a way to make it without her. Or it could be that she has all or most of those issues, but she is still the right woman for you, and you know that you will go on loving her ~ no matter what. In that case a man is setting off on a long dark hard road that maybe will never lead to a happy ending ~ just heartaches and eventual regrets. But for the sake of all the Gods, never ask that woman to marry you ~ she might just say ‘Yes’.
Some say that true love conquers all. And that if you really love her, then you should go on loving her, no matter what. All I know is that it’s over when you say goodbye.
a fabulous ass, great legs, and an erotic manicure doesn’t necessarily mean that she is the right woman for you
sometimes I can be a complete jerk
losing yourself means accepting what others think of you
in your bad dreams
in your worst nightmares
in dark desolate loneliness
when all seems lost and hopeless
be yourself because there is no one else
in the starry, starry night
be yourself ~ there is nobody else
just like those remembered days when the dawn sang
then quite suddenly I see
if you smile, not just for me
the world is a lovelier place
those tears have disappeared
all that sadness has vanished
the old songs never did end
and we walk again by the sea
remembering the you I adored
give your Goddess all the love you can
I pushed her away, into the evening light, a million miles away
where the night ended
a happy cry said it wasn’t over
and all at once I had it all
nothing else mattered
but my tears
wait ’till you see me cry
with tears of joy over my smile