Inside my heart may be breaking, my smile may be faking it, but the show must go on
Those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder may identify with this song.
Nice to know we are not the only crazy ones.
I always rent a Mustang,
that has to count for something.
out with the old, and in with the new
There is something satisfying and real about people, places, and things that properly belong in a bygone era. Somehow the old and familiar can give one a lot of pleasure just by being there.
I like classic cars, classic motorcycles, old Hollywood movies, ancient buildings, and old towns. I also prefer the classical style of dress, good manners that many think outdated and pointless, and more mature women.
In some ways this Turkish Holiday destination belongs in a bygone era; the people, the junk cars and busses, the antedeluvian attitude of the men towards women, the snail slow wi-Fi connection in this hotel, seem more 20th rather than 21st century.
Some older, classical things are worth preserving ~ misogynistic men and painfully slow internet connections should be consigned to the junk pile where they belong.
steam trains are alive,
electric locomotives are just technology
Love is a smoke made up with the fume of sighs. ~ Shakespeare
It takes a certain type of woman to accept a light when she’s only wearing black lingerie
and lots of makeup, and earrings, and probably tall heels
making a rock stack is a kind of environmental graffiti
those are gigantic, natural ‘rock stacks’
There are those environmentalists who urge people not to build rock stacks because it’s meaningless environmental graffiti, and disturbs the natural world. And there are those other environmentalists who would like us all to reduce our carbon footprint by stopping flying cattle-class to take our two-week annual vacation in the sun, as all the while they take a dozen trips a month on private jets to speak at meaningless green conferences. There are also those beggar-my-neighbour lunatics who would like to have building a little rock stack made illegal.
Man has been making piles of stones since the dawn of time, usually making big heaps of stones called cairns to mark a footpath ~ in the days when losing your way was a deadly mistake. No doubt some Neolithic nutters were against that too. Mind you I think it’s a damn shame that man cut down most of the ancient woodland here in England.
Unless you’re digging up stones with a lot of critters underneath, then the environmental impact of making a rock stack is effectively zilch. Anyone can easily unmake it at any time. But then ‘environmentally friendly’ ‘people are never really live-and let live types.
Some say that people should be banned from all the ‘unspoilt’ places on the planet. And don’t do as I do, do as I say. All I know is that the world would be a better place if most of the ‘environmentally friendly ‘ people packed their bags and left.
probably someone wanted to ban building Stonehenge, that’s a rock stack
I don’t need therapy, I just need a boat trip
On a vacation in Turkey, on the Turquoise Coast, it’s de rigueur to take a boat trip, perhaps out to some of the island’s that carelessly rise from the pretty blue-green waters. As it goes, today I am enjoying my second little-ship cruise around the tranquil Mediterranean.
This bit of coastline is sometimes called the Turkish Riviera, which is a misnomer, because it’s rugged, pretty, and charming in exactly the same way the French Riviera isn’t
Unless you are both antisocial and a very poor sailor these shortish boat trips are to be recommended as an interestingly different way to spend a day relaxing in the Mediterranean sunshine. And getting around by boat is far, far more uplifting than visiting exactly the same places on a charabanc trip.
On top of which eating, drinking, dancing, and sunbathing are all actively encouraged on these excursion boats.
There was a little bit of a lop on the peaceful sea today, which made for an interesting ride and some white spray coming up at the bows of our boat.
Sun, sea, but no sex please,
I’m an English Gentleman
relationships are like Wi-Fi, strong while actually connected
These days most people expect to be constantly connected to the whole world via their smartphone or tablet. There are some who actually have withdrawals if they are out of touch with their real friends and social media contacts for any length of time, and there are those who always have their device clamped to their ear or in front of their eyes 24/7.
This is sometimes a little difficult when on vacation, particularly in some of the more out-of-the-way locations. In the brochure, your hotel may say it has Wi-Fi, and that may be true ~ but exactly where in the hotel, and how good is the connection?
For example, the hotel I’m in now in Turkey has decent Wi-Fi, if you’re anywhere near the pool or the reception office. However, there is no connection in my room, and from my room to reception is a climb of 144 steps ~
smegging exhausting if you’re doing that climb 8 or 12 times a day.
So, I am not connected to the internet as often as usual, and I am not in contact with my friends as much as maybe I’d like.
On the other hand while I am enjoying myself on vacation do my ‘friends’ want to waste their time chatting with me, and do I want to waste good holiday time chatting with someone who has better things to do? As it happens I don’t.
In all honesty we would all be a lot better off if we left our mobile devices switched off all the time we are on our holidays.
a rental Mustang does not have Wi-Fi
water and booze should only ever meet in a glass
Here in very hot and sunny Turkey I’ve suddenly noticed how much people drink on vacation. And, maybe I’ve only noticed because I’ve been sober for a little while. Not so long ago I would have been boozing along with the best, and totally oblivious to how much others drank, or as is less likely, didn’t drink.
I am minded to think that copious quantities of alcohol, holiday uninhibitedness, skimpy clothing, heat, sun and deep water could lead to more sorts of trouble than one.
Some say that vacations are a time for fun, and never mind the consequences. And what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. All I know is that whatever you do and wherever you do it, there will be consequences afterwards. There is no such thing as a free ride.
I have pictures of people boozing,
but there are privacy issues
there’s a reason some women do that sometimes
I really didn’t think
she was always drinking
just usually very drunk
and high on skunk
and I shrank back
from ever thinking
about who she fucked
when she’d been drinking
strong drink gets weak women into trouble
hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die,
life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
This track was introduced to me by a cool lady who follows this blog. And, here’s the thing, the very first time I played this, it moved me man.
My life is exactly here.
Sometimes music is more than just sounds.
I was hoping for a weirder video track though but.
Please don’t get dragged down by responsibilities and expectations.
wants, needs, desires, dreams, and wishes
don’t ever let them go
Mania and depression all at once means;
the will to die and the motivation to make it happen.
sometimes we entrap ourselves
Agitated depression and borderline personality disorder are an extremely dangerous and confusing set of mixed mental / emotional / spiritual states. Those of us who are unfortunate enough to suffer from a personality disorder, or serious character defect, often become confused because we sometimes seem to have two or more totally different and opposite problems at one in the same time. Believe me, I’ve been there more than once.
Have you ever felt really tired, but keyed-up and tense at the same time? You want to go to sleep but you’re full of energy and can’t relax? Or, you feel really melancholy, depressed, and sad, but at the same time you are very hurt and angry and want to strike out against whoever it is that’s hurt you. These contradictory conditions are a sign of something called Comorbitity, where one or more medical / mental / emotional / spiritual conditions are co-occurring with a primary problem.
Perhaps the most common instances of comorbitity are between people diagnosed with a mental illness who also abuse booze, drugs, and prescription medication. Addicts and alcoholics are often also mentally ill.
Anger, rage, and fury alongside sadness, melancholia, and depression at one in the same time don’t actually make a lot of sense. Anger is a very active emotion requiring a hell of a lot of mental and emotional energy, (and taken to extremes a lot of physical energy), whereas sadness and depression are passive emotions which sap energy and leave the sufferer incapable of doing very much at all.
More typical would be a period of extreme anger, followed by remorse, guilt, and sadness. Not the two things going on at once. But, especially in men, anger and depression often go hand in hand.
However, anyone who has been diagnosed with a personality disorder will be aware of just how chancy that diagnosis was, and may well have been misdiagnosed by several doctors / psychiatrists / psychologists / therapists before their correct diagnosis, and hence correct treatment was discovered, (found by accident). A hell of a lot of people who have Borderline Personality Disorder will at first have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
In fact there are 9 or 10 distinct personality disorders, and very often a sufferer will have symptoms or traits of more than one of these disorders, at one in the same time. As if it’s not bad enough suffering from just one of these life-destroying mental illnesses.
So if you’re confused about your illness, or the way your loved one / partner / friend behaves, don’t worry. Instead put in the hard work and learn about what’s exactly going on ~ start with the internet, then talk with your doctors.
Some say that all alcoholics and addicts are just plain crazy. And that they just never know how their partner is going to be from one minute to the next. All I know is they’re both right.
we all have demons inside us,
sometimes more than just one.