I get jealous, I get mad, I get curious ~ that’s only because I care
jealousy is always, always, ultimately destructive
Yesterday I posted some stuff about Retroactive Jealousy, which seems to be the most disturbing, counter-intuitive, difficult to comprehend, painful psychological condition anyone could suffer from. Jealousy drove me to drink and thoughts of suicide. But, how to get over this life-destroying problem, just how does one recover from jealousy over your partner’s past?
Retroactive Jealousy is a serious mental disorder, which means that your jealousy is not really part of you, it’s your mental illness driving you into painfully insane thoughts and actions. Your jealousy may not be you, it might be obsessions and compulsions which arise from a medical disease, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.
Do not make the mistake of waiting passively for the jealousy, and the insane urges to do something crazy to just go away. By something crazy I mean getting drunk a lot, stalking your partner’s social media, spying on your partner, committing suicide….. If you suffer from retroactive jealousy the worst thing you can do is nothing ~ the most important thing is to do something, see a psychiatrist, talk to your sponsor in whatever 12 step group you attend, watch some appropriate podcasts on YouTube, read a useful book ~ Brain Lock might be helpful, as might The Road Less Travelled. DO NOT ever talk with your partner about this ~ that is the very worst thing you can do, it’s like an alcoholic taking just one more drink, there is no relief to be found there.
Talking with your partner about their past, the past that you suffer crazy jealousies about, is just another way of harming yourself ~ and in any event your partner will probably lie, deny, and minimise what they did in their past. There is no truth and no recovery to be found in talking things over with your partner.
To recover from retroactive jealousy you have to put in some very hard work. And the first step is to admit that you have a real and life-destroying problem. And then you have to consider Desire, Wants, Needs, and Love.
Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
The accepted prerequisite for anyone to suffer from Retroactive Jealousy is that they must both love and need their partner, or at least firmly believe that they both love and need their partner. There can be no retroactive jealousy unless you first deeply care about someone. Ergo, one sure cure for this horrible condition is to stop needing and loving him or her. Face it, why would you love someone who has done things which hurt you so deeply, perhaps things that disgust you? That really is counter intuitive, so to stop hurting, just stop loving.
Another way to cure retroactive jealousy is to just walk away ~ leave your partner, never look back, and then completely forget them. Mark the time you spent with him or her as the biggest mistake of your life, and move on.
Or, put yourself into months and years of really painful therapy.
How am I recovering from Retroactive Jealousy? I’ve stopped needing. The truly self-aware and self-reliant man has no neediness.
Some say that real men don’t suffer from jealousy. And that being jealous only shows up your own inadequacies. All I know is that the insanity of being jealous of the past almost killed me.
falling in love with a centerfold is maybe not the best idea a guy could ever have
And God created the Heavens and the Earth.
Some say that God created the cosmos in six days, and that the Earth is 6,000 years old.
Science tells us that the Earth is 4.5 billion years old, and that the mile wide crater near Winslow Arizona was made by a meteor 50,000 years ago.
Standing on the edge of the crater there is no sense of scale, but it’s huge.
What nobody will tell you is that standing on the edge of the crater in June, you will get eaten alive by midge and mosquito alike. Go very early in the morning, in colder weather, but go. If just to know that all the religious fundamentalists are wrong.
If a meteor had to strike anywhere, AZ is as good a place as any, as AZ is mostly empty space.
California is a nice place to live, if you happen to be a hippie.
Orange County in Southern California is a very beautiful place to spend early summer ~ the great weather, fabulous beaches, and fascinating countryside….. But any Englishman thinking of coming here for the very first time needs to know that SoCal is as different from the Shires as Wensleydale cheese is from the muck known as American cheese.
George Bernard Shaw once said that England and America are two countries separated by a common language. This is manifestly true. Californians do not know how to speak or understand English, even if Spanish is not their first language. Certainly no Californian will ever understand English humour, irony, sarcasm, or know what real honesty is about. Also Californians have a language of their own; WTF does ‘Jonesing’ mean?
There is popular movement that calls on us all to walk 10,000 steps a day. Californians do not walk anywhere, unless they are a penniless bum. A Californian will drive to the gym and then spend some time on the treadmill while listening to mindless music.
And, Californians are among the very worst drivers I have ever come across, possibly barring the French. The two real downsides are #1 all Americans think they are good drivers, #2 in California the standard of driving worsens by age, sex, and ethnicity, (not how you’d think).
Californians even drive to and from what they are pleased to call a pub. I’ve been in several pubs / sports bars here, and to any decent Englishman they are universally appalling. Do Not think you will get a decent pint of beer here, they serve dross such as pineapple flavoured beer. Americans are also pleased to sit at the bar and watch sports TV all night. Do Not eat the food in any American pub / sports bar.
Some Californian food is fabulous, you can get a wonderful steak and salad here. On the other hand sushi is popular here, and so is serving nasty cheese with everything. Do not try ‘Mexican’ food, it’s greasy muck with jalapeno.
Some say that California is the Golden State. And that saying ‘have a nice day’ isn’t actually an insult. All I know is that bikers, drop-outs, hippies, stoners, and surf bums do well here.
The beach bars are cool in California,
and some serve good food,
A firm sense of right and wrong isn’t fashionable these days.
It seems that unless I always agree with what others think, say, and do ~ then I’m wrong, bad, reactionary, and backward. Worse than that, if I happen to think that what other people have done isn’t necessarily ethical or sensible, then somehow I’m attacking them. I’m not, I just disagree.
Look at what the majority of people are saying and doing, and do the exact opposite, and you’ll probably never go wrong for as long as you live. ~ Earl Nightingale.
Thinking and doing the opposite of what the majority is doing or has done isn’t about being different for the sake of being different. There are lots of times that agreeing with everyone else is the right thing to do. There are lots of times when the well-trodden path is the right one for me to take.
The challenge for me is to know when to take the road less travelled.
Thinking, saying, and doing the opposite of what others would have me do is quite likely to make me feel uncomfortable. It’s scary, lonely, and exposes me to the harshest criticisms. It’s never easy to be seen to be going against the grain, and ignoring the attitudes and advice of my friends, family, and wider society. But, I’m used to being uncomfortable and the odd one out.
I feel no need to justify my ethics, attitudes, and actions ~ no matter the slings and arrows of discontent thrown against me.
Doing the exact opposite of the norm, or refusing to change who and what I am, does not always achieve the results, goals, and dreams I want. But, I have discovered that just repeating what others do, or agreeing with what others think, doesn’t always work either.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein.
There are some people it would be much easier to always agree with. It would probably make me much happier just to agree with them and go along with what they like.
It isn’t going to happen.
Some say that it’s good to be liberated and do whatever you like regardless of the consequences. And, that if you don’t agree with the latest and most fashionable opinion, then you’re wrong and reactionary. All I know is that I have the strongest possible self-awareness and self-discipline, and I’m happy with that.
sometimes, a real man needs to take the road less travelled
Happy Easter to Everyone
As it’s Good Friday, and according to tradition, I’m having fish for dinner.
It is not the length of life that matters, but the depth of life.
What would you do if you knew that you only had one month to live? Or just one day ~ until noon?
Some say that they would finally say goodbye to all of their friends and family, put their affairs in order, and quietly sit down and wait for the grim reaper to call.
Others say they would tick off as many things on their bucket list as they could. They forget that wherever they go they take their whole life along with them.
And then there are those facing certain death who retreat into denial with religion and a bottle of booze.
Not that I believe that I am anywhere near the end of days, but I’ve had to seriously accept that my time on this planet is numbered, and the count-down started the day I was conceived.
I get the feeling that I don’t belong here, that everything good is so hard to hear, they’re just not listening. I’ve walked so far along the warrior’s path that sometimes I aim too high. I get the feeling that I am among the lucky few who has been able to accept that winter comes eventually.
So, with the assumption that I have 28 Days to Live, how does that change what’s left of my life?
- Money is worthless.
- Possessions are useless.
- Unhappiness is pointless.
- Stale relationships don’t matter at all.
- Negativity and judgementalism are a waste of time.
Only people, places, and things I do that bring me immediate happiness, contentment, and serenity deserve any place in what’s left of my life. Making other people happy may give me vicarious satisfaction, but that matters not one jot. Nothing lasts forever, people change their minds, and today is just another day. Living life to the fullest, seizing the day, means that I will only be around those who can fill my life with a kaleidoscope of colour.
My castle is in the clouds, and if others don’t want to go there then they can fuck off and have a nice day without me.
Some men say that she holds their heart in their hands. And, that if they can’t have her their life can never be complete. All I know is that it will be all right without her, I will be as strong as I can be.
a man with 28 days to live should perhaps find a woman who has fabulous legs
Goddess, if there is a Goddess, please listen to my prayer.
Please help me to cleanse my body, mind, emotions, and spirit of the poisons that have infected and tortured me.
Please help me to cleanse myself of all that is no longer necessary in my life. Help me towards a new beginning.
Help me to make good decisions, especially concerning what should happen when I am not around.
In the wilderness, one’s spirit grows closer to your Goddess
The Ten Commandments are not supposed to be suggestions.
However, there are a few things in the Ten Commandments that give me a problem, not least all that God stuff. For example; Thou shalt have no other Gods but me. Well, I don’t have a God at all, my personal deity and higher power is a Goddess, which kind of means that I’m continually breaking the First Commandment.
And again, I have a slight problem with the Sixth Commandment; Thou shalt not commit adultery. I guess most of the adults on the planet have broken this commandment, in one way or another, at one time or another, and I can’t get much worked up about that.
Nonetheless, every good man should have rules that he lives by, or he will eventually become a macho jerk, bully, coward, crook, wastrel, thug, and probably much worse. Not only that, if a few good men don’t have rules they live by, then the whole world will soon descend into chaos.
Remember, the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
My personal rules are;
- Do no harm.
- Do not lie.
- Do not steal.
- Do not judge.
- Do not be lazy.
If you liked, you could junk all five of my personal rules, and just live by the one rule that’s best for you;
Get your shit together.
Some say that the Ten Commandments are divinely revealed law. And that if God had wanted us to live in today’s broken society they would have been Ten Suggestions. All I know is that you are going to piss off a lot of people when you start doing what’s best for you.
a portrayal of my personal Goddess
there’s a lot to be said for having a very Hot personal Goddess of love incarnate
Remember your dreams and desires, and fight for them, no matter what.
Following on from my post on The Myth of Sin, it is obvious to me that the established religions, especially the Catholic Church, fear strong, independent, liberated, sexual women. The clergy also fear real, mature women ~ else why would they so often get into serious trouble for homosexual relationships, underage sex, and sexually assaulting choirboys.
If the church and a majority of fearful men had their way, women would have remained uneducated, oppressed, repressed, undignified, deprived of their freedom, robbed of their independent thoughts, and be allowed to speak only on sufferance. I firmly believe this is because the church is afraid of the power of women, and a majority of pathetic men are just afraid of women in every way imaginable.
Men know than women are more centered, more serene, more patient, more emotional than they can ever be. They know that women are more resistant to disease, she will live longer, she is more resilient than any man. Because of all this, and because of her beauty, she can fulfill a man’s life immensely. A woman can complete a man’s life like a lock completes a key. And this makes weak men afraid because deep down they know that a woman is more than they are. A strong mature woman will choose the most beautiful but the most dangerous path of emotions, sentiments, moods ~ a man, any man, will tend to choose the straight line path to his wants, needs, and desires. Men tend to choose the shortcuts in Life.
Even the arts have been dominated by men, which is criminal because the strong right brains of women allow them to be far more artistic and creative than the linear Yes / No brain of a man. Had they not been repressed, how many female DaVinci, Michelangelo, or Shakespeare might there have been? Through the ages the artistic establishment, just like the church, the business world….. have all prevented women from achieving their true potential.
The life of women has been corrupted by fearful men telling them things that are not true, making women a slave to men, reducing women to second-class citizens in society. Weak men try to make women absolutely inferior, vulnerable, and dependent ~ and perhaps only begin to treat a woman well when they want sex from her.
Today I am fortunate. I am no longer afraid of women, and I see them as more than my equal, but different from me. Any women can be as intelligent as me, but her intelligence is different from mine, and I welcome that. I no feel no need to manipulate women and change them into something that is not a real, mature, capable, independent woman at all.
the type of women who makes weak men afraid and lustful
Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside.
There is no such thing as a sin, outside of what organised religions would have us believe, since a sin is defined as an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law. And who decides what constitutes a transgression against divine law? ~ Organised religions of course. Come to that, who decides what divine law is anyway? ~ Organised religions of course. And, just what’s so wrong with the forbidden fruit? It’s only an apple martini.
Sin is an absence of God. Nothing more, nothing less. ~ Simon Mawer
In any event, if the religions are to be believed, all of us are sinners.
Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to cast a stone. ~ Jesus Christ
Except that in Buddhism there is no concept of sin at all.
So, if all of us Christians are sinners, and sin is merely an offence against what the church thinks is right and wrong, what use is the concept of sin, when that self-same church is mired in decades of sexual misconduct and child abuse? It seems that we cannot actually sin against other people, or ourselves, we can only sin against God.
Perhaps we should approach the idea of sin and wrong-doing from the other direction, and consider that each of us should have a strong code of ethics and morals, because these relate to what we personally believe is right and acceptable, as opposed to what is wrong and unacceptable. Just what is moral conduct, and what is immoral, base, wicked, and evil?
Humanists, psychologists, and most people with an ounce of intelligence, know that our basic notions of right and wrong come from deep within our subconscious mind, and that human morality is not only a learned behaviour. Human morality is to a large extent instinctive and stems from the idea of reciprocity. So a man to a woman; ‘I wouldn’t like it, and I’d get jealous if you cheated on me, so I won’t cheat on you…..’ Hence the 6th Commandment; Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.
There seem to be some basic notions of right and wrong, moral and immoral, which are common to almost everyone ~ however these notions of right and wrong are not immutable. Right and wrong, moral and immoral, are not set in stone.
Thou Shalt Not Kill ~ unless you are a soldier fighting what you believe is a just war.
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery ~ that’s unless you are a swinger in an open relationship and your partner is cool sharing you with others.
It seems that there is no such thing as original sin, or sin at all, there is only a set of moral, ethical, value judgements. Which have nothing whatsoever to do with God.
Some say that sin is too stupid to see beyond itself. And that counting other people’s sins doesn’t make you a saint. All I know is I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
this may be immoral
carnal and sinful
or perhaps not